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 269. Terri vs. The Kat at Wrestlemania 2000 268. Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle at Wrestlemania 22 267. Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre at Wrestlemania 2 266. Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb at Wrestlemania X 265. King Kong Bundy vs. S.D. Jones at Wrestlemania 264. Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid, & Little Beaver vs. King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo , & Lord Littlebrook at Wrestlemania III 263. Terry Taylor vs. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan at Wrestlemania V 262. Bart Gunn vs. Butterbean in the Brawl-For-All Finals at Wrestlemania XV 261. Boogeyman vs. Sharmell and Booker T at Wrestlemania 22 260. Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna at Wrestlemania IX 259. The Hart Foundation vs. The Bolsheviks at Wrestlemania VI 258. Miss Wrestlemania Battle Royal at the 25th Anniversary of Wrestlemania 257. Ashley vs. Melina at Wrestlemania 23 256. Michael Cole vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler at Wrestlemania XXVII 255. Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero at Wrestlemania XXIV 254. Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley at Wrestlemania XII 253. Akebono vs. Big Show at Wrestlemania 21 252. Sable vs. Tori at Wrestlemania XV 251. The Bushwhackers vs. The Fabulous Rougeaus at Wrestlemania V 250. Bad News Brown vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan at Wrestlemania V 249. Goldust vs. Maven at Wrestlemania X-8 248. The Mountie vs. Tito Santana at Wrestlemania VII 247. Test and Albert (T&A) vs. Head Cheese (Steve Blackman and Al Snow) at Wrestlemania 2000 246. Big Show, Kane, Santino, and Kofi Kingston vs. The Corre at Wrestlemania XXVII 245. Hardcore Battle Royal at Wrestlemania 2000 244. Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo at Wrestlemania VII 243. Kitao and Tenryu vs. Demolition at Wrestlemania VII 242. Chyna vs. Ivory at Wrestlemania X-Seven 241. Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund 269. Terri vs. The Kat at Wrestlemania 2000 Setting the stage: The Attitude era was one of the worst in history for the Divas and they’re still feeling the effects of it today. Neither Kat nor Terri were wrestlers, but they were featured in the only women’s match at that year’s Mania. It was an excuse to get two women with nice bodies in their underwear on PPV. History will remember Terri and Kat as the ex-wives of Goldust and Jerry Lawler (the King actually quit the WWE because Kat got released). The match: Val Venis was the referee due to his porn star character and tried to maintain order unsuccessfully. Kat was one of the “it” girls of the moment and she nearly got naked. That was the entire point of this match…to get Kat nearly naked. Terri won… The reception: That attitude that you see from modern women’s wrestlers like Natalya and Beth Phoenix was bred on women like Terri and Kat having a match at Wrestlemania that was this bad. If the purpose of a match is to get naked, then that’s surely the underlying reason it ends up being the worst match in Wrestlemania history and it is the case in point as to why the Divas division continues to suffer. The Attitude era created the problem and the WWE hasn’t yet fixed it. Sadly, part of the problem is that naked women have brought money and attention to the women of the WWE. Calendars, posters, magazines, and DVDs of their scantily clad divas makes money and it’s been a long time since women wrestling over a title has been as proven a monetary draw. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 268. Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle at Wrestlemania 22 Setting the stage: Michelle was the Playboy cover girl heading into Mania that year and had been friends with Wilson, herself a former two-time cover girl. It turned out to be the strain on their relationship that broke it up for good. Playboy cover girls pretending to be wrestlers is another reason why the Divas division in the modern era is trying to overcome its status as a joke. I had the good fortune (eye roll) to be live in Chicago for this gem. The Second City is known for its raucous crowds. I don’t remember them being that way for this wonderful (another eye roll) piece of work. The match: This was a Playboy Pillow Fight, so they basically had a pillow fight on a bed in the middle of the ring in such a way that made you feel like you were watching a beer commercial instead of a match at the biggest show of the year. You remember the Miller Light Cat Fight Girls? This was that match that they had with Torrie and Stacy on the ramp at Mania XIX…in the ring. I can still hear the loud boos with a sprinkle of horny cheers from where I’m sitting in North Carolina. Or was that really how it went down? Was it a complete non-reaction instead? I don’t remember. Who cares? Nobody… The reception: Rightfully, it was hailed as a colossal waste of time that took several minutes away from the World title match that was given under ten-minutes. Angle-Rey-Orton was great while it lasted, but it could’ve been special had it been given the time allotted to this abomination. Keep in mind that there had already been a women’s title match on the card – one of the all-time best, in fact – so I’m not sure why the WWE thought it prudent to add a second at the expense of the World Heavyweight Championship. I don’t think anyone would’ve been too disappointed had that announced “Pillow Fight” not taken place until Raw (or not at all). CMV1 rating: ¼ * 267. Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre at Wrestlemania 2 Setting the stage: Moolah came from an era where women’s wrestling mattered and she was the most important wrestler in its WWE lineage, but she was part of the problem as of 1986. By that point, she was OLD. She was 63 years old as of the spring of 1986. The original Mania did a lot for the reputation of women’s wrestling by putting it on the map as a focus of the product, but Mania 2 set it back. Moolah was perfectly suited to be in the corner of either the heel or the babyface wrestlers of the year, but to see her wrestle was not enjoyable whatsoever. I love McIntyre’s last name, but she was nothing special and didn’t do much for the division. The match: In a bout that lasted just over a minute, McIntyre tried a cross body block, but missed it. Moolah simply made the cover. That’s about all that she could do in those days. It was kind of painful to watch, as the old-timers speak so highly of her that I wonder if fans of a different generation feel as though Moolah tarnished her legacy much like fans of today feel that Flair and Hogan still wrestling into well past their twilight years has damaged theirs. The reception: Imagine Ric Flair at the end of his WWE career, only without the athleticism. That was Moolah circa the late 80’s, but she was the women’s champion. Great ambassador by that point, but had no business wrestling. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 266. Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb at Wrestlemania X Setting the stage: By the time 1994 rolled around and Hulk Hogan was gone, guys like Earthquake were becoming obsolete. An era had been built on finding monstrous challengers for the Hulkster and selling fans on him trying to overcome the odds, but the WWE had changed and now featured smaller top stars. People no longer cared to see fat guys that looked mean because their foil was no longer the type of wrestler that was going to be readily featured (at least for awhile). Adam Bomb was the perfect representation of the cartoonish characters of the mid-90s. It was as if Vince and his higher ups were having a drunken laugh trying to forget the steroid scandal and just said, “Hey, ya know what’d be funny? A character named Adam Bomb.” Fans that grew up on today’s product must get a real kick out of some of the names that they see from the mid-90s. Adam Bomb, Mantuar, Duke the Dumpster, etc… The match: Adam Bomb came to the ring. Earthquake came to the ring. Adam Bomb tried a move. Earthquake countered the move. Earthquake sat on Adam Bomb. That was the end of Adam Bomb. The lesson learned? Natural disasters are worse than man-made disasters? The reception: It was a squash match that had a better place on WWF Superstars then Wrestlemania, especially since Quake was virtually done in the WWE anyway. Congrats to Bomb and Quake for being the first males featured on what is essentially the “Worst of Wrestlemania” countdown (for right now). CMV1 rating: ¼ * 265. King Kong Bundy vs. S.D. Jones at Wrestlemania Setting the stage: Bundy was a respected big man in the business with a massive frame that you knew would one day find itself clashing against Hogan’s Herculean physique in a title match. S.D. Jones was little more than enhancement talent. My fondest memory of Jones was the induction speech that he gave Tony Atlas at the Hall of Fame ceremony in ’06. For his sake, I’ll choose to remember him for that instead of this match. The match: Bundy squashed the Special Delivery in all of a few seconds, emphatically making a point that he’d be one of Hogan’s challengers. Back then, there weren’t many PPVs, so it made you take notice of Bundy right away. As Bundy would later prove, he was no uncoordinated hunk of lard. This 8-second match didn’t show it, but Bundy could move for a guy his size. I always enjoyed his work. If you ask me, he’s overdue for an induction into the WWE Hall of Fame. The reception: The difference between this squash and the one at Mania X was that it had legitimate purpose. Bundy was new and he was headed for Hogan. His squash was meant as a preview to the audience of what was to come. Still, it’s hard to rate a squash match as being much of anything, especially considering the time given to it (even if that lack of time is historically significant for being one of the two shortest Mania matches of all-time). CMV1 rating: ¼ * 264. Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid, & Little Beaver vs. King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo , & Lord Littlebrook at Wrestlemania III Setting the stage: By 1987, Bundy had served his purpose as the big man to threaten Hogan and make money for everyone in the process. Yet, it was all downhill from there. At Mania III, he teamed with two midget wrestlers against Hillbilly Jim and two midget wrestlers in an attraction match that meant nothing. I don’t know about you, but “midget” wrestling was never something that I enjoyed. I always felt it was silly because that’s the way that the WWE always portrayed them, up to the point that I’d been watching at that time. Max Mini is about the only one that I can remember them really getting behind and allowing him to showcase what he could do. I liked him. I didn’t so much care for the guys that they included in this match. The match: Perhaps it was the big stage that got to the little guys, but they didn’t bring much to the table in terms of skill (if they were even told by management that they could show some skill). Bundy was the lone star in the match and it just never felt important. His career flipped 180 degrees from the previous year and it was no surprise after his team lost this match that he left the WWF. The reception: Not even as an attraction was this entertaining; it was filler. The more critical version of me would’ve called this the type of match that brought down the ratings of otherwise stellar PPVs. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 263. Terry Taylor vs. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan at Wrestlemania V Setting the stage: Heenan was one of the top heels of the Hogan era and wrestled several matches after his managerial skills put him in hot water with a lot of the babyfaces of the 80’s. Terry Taylor, the Red Rooster, just happened to be one of them. It’s hard to think of that era without thinking of the Brain. He was such a brilliant character and one of the icons of the first wrestling boom, if you ask me. Jim Ross is so well respected by fans of the old NWA and especially by those of the Attitude era; that’s the way the Brain is remembered as an announcer, but there’s nobody that can hold a candle in modern WWE history, as a manager, to the Brain. It’s not even close. The match: Think of what you were hoping Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler would’ve been…that would be this. A quick little match where the Rooster got the win over Heenan in under a minute to allow the wrestlers to shine on the rest of the card and not take up their time. The reception: It was what it needed to be, but it was also very short. It was, thus, not much of a match, but it was the kind of quick bout that you were happy was over in 30-seconds. Keep in mind from here on out that I don’t give much credit to matches that are really short – not just in terms of the time from bell-to-bell, but also in the overall presentation that precedes and proceeds the actual match. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 262. Bart Gunn vs. Butterbean in the Brawl-For-All Finals at Wrestlemania XV Setting the stage: The WWE had a legitimate boxing competition, which was won by Gunn after several weeks of television committed to it, in order to set-up a boxing match against former boxing champion, Butterbean. There was always a big question mark as to whether or not this was a shoot or a work, at the time, but the internet age has squashed any notion that it was a work. What has always held me slightly back from buying into it as a shoot was that Bart won the tournament. I never envisioned Bart as a legitimate tough guy that could box. Perhaps this was most significant for it being the final Wrestlemania appearance by Gorilla Monsoon, who was a guest judge for the exhibition. The match: Butterbean got in an early punch that knocked Gunn for a loop, but didn’t knock him out. However, it didn’t take much more than a few extra seconds for Bean to blast Bart with a knockout shot that made even my knees weak through the TV. The reception: Because it was a legit boxing, it really didn’t get to be very entertaining since it lasted just a few seconds. Gunn stood no chance, but it was the most high profile match of his career. I remember wishing that Marc Mero would have won the tournament because his amateur boxing experience might’ve actually made this more entertaining. Oh well… CMV1 rating: ¼ * 261. Boogeyman vs. Sharmell and Booker T at Wrestlemania 22 Setting the stage: Boogeyman was the WWE’s attempt at…well, I’ve never figured out the motivation behind that character. It came about during a time where the WWE was still catering its product toward the teenage to mid-thirties male, so it didn’t even fit in that era. He had to have been one of my least favorite characters of all-time. Anyway, he set his sights on scaring Sharmell. Booker took offense and for some reason they made it a handicap match. If you guys that think it’s silly that I hate on people for being too negative, you should have read some of my SD reports for LOP back then, when I frequently tore the Boogeyman character to shreds on a weekly-to-biweekly basis. The match: Sharmell tried a sneak attack, but it was all a ruse as Booker took control for a short-time until the worms and the craziness (that still makes me a little angry to this day) overcame the 2-on-1 odds to send Sharmell screaming up the ramp and Book taking the loss in the middle of the ring. Booker has to be the least successful wrestler in history to have main-evented a Wrestlemania, especially speaking of his actual resume at Wrestlemania outside of that one main-event. If we were to put a minimum number of Mania bouts, then his stock for “worst” rises. Outside of that one match with Trips in ’03, he wrestled Edge (in a feud about shampoo), in a throwaway tag match, in this pathetic excuse for sport or entertainment, and a MITB ladder match. The reception: Easily one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen in my life. It takes an extremely untalented buffoon to botch two things in two-minutes. Thank you, Marty Wright…for nothing. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 260. Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna at Wrestlemania IX Setting the stage: Yokozuna won the Royal Rumble and beat Bret Hart to win the title thanks to interference from Mr. Fuji. Hogan came to the rescue, prompting Fuji to make an immediate title challenge. Bret gave his blessing (on camera), so Hulkster accepted. Thus, what is largely regarded as one of the worst decisions in the history of pro-wrestling took place. Can you imagine, though, what Bret was thinking at that moment? If you’ve read Bret’s book, then you know. I look at this way…imagine waiting for years to get the big promotion at your job and finally getting it, only for the guy who originally had it to come back and take over the job again. That guy would be a jack hole, as would your boss that made that decision. The match: Fuji tried to replicate the salt in the eyes trick that led to the Hitman’s loss, but Hogan ducked and the salt flew into Yoko’s eyes. Hogan took advantage, knocked the big man down, and gave him the leg drop to win the title. In context, this was actually a really exciting moment – if you were a kid like I was. Hart lost, which was a huge disappointment for this little Hitman fan. So, seeing Hogan come to the rescue was not such a bad thing. As you read the books and the articles about this match and get a better sense of what this really meant in the bigger picture, then it’s maddening to watch without rose-colored glasses on. The reception: It was just a strange situation all the way around. Hogan winning the title in an unadvertised match after the advertised main-event? You’ll be hard pressed to find a critic that didn’t hate that decision. I shudder to think what the wrestling media would do in the modern era should a decision like that ever come to fruition again. Can you imagine the IWC uproar that would create? By the way, credit to Bret for being able to come back after this. He was on the shit end of some of the most bizarre moments of all-time. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 259. The Hart Foundation vs. The Bolsheviks at Wrestlemania VI Setting the stage: The Foundation were a couple of afterthoughts at the time, but they’d eventually get back on track toward title contention later in 1990. The Bolsheviks were afterthoughts in the WWF, period. The Hitman and the Anvil simply needed a convincing win. The match: They came, they conquered, and they left…the Foundation won in under 20 seconds. History has not been kind to Manias like this one where several matches were shorter. Critics (like I used to be) often look solely at match quality and ignore that the lack of PPVs prior to 1995 made matches like this a necessity in getting over a talent(s) that wasn’t currently involved in a major program. Matches of this variety will never be overly popular, but they will always accomplish the goal of making the victor look strong moving forward. The reception: It was what it was and it served its purpose. There’s a difference between the squash match that is acceptable at Mania and the one that isn’t. Sheamus could have used a win like that at Mania 27 just to say he was on the card and that they cared about him, especially since he’s going to be around for a long-time (presumably). The WWE was, simply, smart back then in many ways. A tag team set to win the championships at Summerslam 5 months later not being on the Mania card would’ve been considered bad business. Look at a guy like Sheamus – being left off the Mania card this year was bad business. Let’s say he goes onto be in the World title match and the thousands of unique viewers that tuned in amongst the 1.1 million buyers last year didn’t see him on the card. Missed opportunity... CMV1 rating: ¼ * 258. Miss Wrestlemania Battle Royal at the 25th Anniversary of Wrestlemania Setting the stage: Since the Divas division has been a joke for years, full of Playboy bunnies and 2-minute nothing matches since the retirement of Trish Stratus, it seemed like it would be a nice change of pace to have a nostalgic battle royal that brought back divas from the past like Sunny and Molly Holly. The key word in the last sentence was “seemed.” Instead of allowing the crowd to get into this with the entrances – which probably would’ve garnered the loudest reaction for anything involving the ladies – they had them all come out to a rock gig. The match: The girls were played to the ring not by nostalgic entrance music, but by Kid Rock during his overly long concert. I hate it when the WWE gets it in their mind that something like a rock concert might actually help the buyrate in some kind of meaningful way. It doesn’t. All that it does do is take time away from the people that earned their spots by busting their asses 300 days per year. It’s quite desperate. Anyhow, we really didn’t get any nostalgia. Santino, obviously dressed up like a girl, acted like a ditsy bimbo and avoided contact throughout the match. He ended up winning. A guy was crowned “Miss” Wrestlemania. Well, this certainly was a “MISS.” The reception: Everything about it was just awful. The presentation was the one part that could have saved it, but the presentation was terrible. It was one of those moments where you’re overcome with pity for every woman involved. They deserved better than that; especially the ones returning for the first time in years. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 257. Ashley vs. Melina at Wrestlemania 23 Setting the stage: Ashley was on the cover of Playboy that spring, so that earned her the right (somehow) to challenge for the women’s title. Melina was the star of the division, at the time, getting credit from guys like Bret Hart as one of the best wrestlers in the WWE. I’ve never understood why, although she was a solid performer. The Hitman just had a kindergarten crush on her, I guess. The match: Working with Ashley must have given Melina nightmares, as Massarro was just terrible in the ring. Melina tried, but it didn’t work out very well. Luckily, the match was kept short and filled with things involving the Lumber Jills (the rest of the Divas division earning their paycheck by standing around the ring looking pretty). Melina won. The reception: There have been about 5 women’s matches in history at Mania that have been worth a damn. Four of them involved Trish Stratus. None of them involved Melina or Ashley. If there were such things as time machines, it would be nice to find one for Kharma (aka Awesome Kong) and send her back to 2007 with the specific purpose of beating the hell out of the entire diva roster at ringside. Or even better, we could re-create the scene from The Terminator and have Kharma mow through them all backstage. That would’ve been worlds more exciting than Melina vs. Ashley. So, too, would’ve been the WWE simply blacking out the screen for those 8-minutes. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 256. Michael Cole vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler at Wrestlemania XXVII Setting the stage: Lawler, a Hall of Famer, had never had a match at Wrestlemania. For some reason, the guy they chose to face him when they finally gave the King a Mania match was an announcer. The aggravatingly annoying Michael Cole did a great job building heat on himself, but it was more “Go away” heat than anything. It was a personal rivalry and a good one at that, but the expectation was that Lawler would go in and kick ass… The match: Lawler did not go in and kick ass. Steve Austin was the referee and Jack Swagger was Cole’s manager. There were a lot of things going on between those two guys. There was a lot of stalling. Unfortunately, there wasn’t nearly enough of Lawler just dominating and getting this over with. They actually booked Cole to win by reverse decision…there wasn’t even a piledriver. Then, they made people suffer through two more PPV matches from these guys. Awful. One of the stains of 2011. The reception: This was the antithesis of how to book a match involving a non-wrestler. It was overly long and completely unsatisfying. The WWE should be ashamed of the booking for this crap. Rumor had it soon after Mania that the agents responsible for helping put together some of the matches at Mania 27 had garnered some heat from upper management for how poorly they came across, citing this bout as an obvious example. CMV1 rating: ¼ * 255. Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero at Wrestlemania XXIV Setting the stage: The pre-show battle royal at Mania 24 was to determine the #1 contender to the ECW title for the main card. Kane ended up winning, as I think was pretty much expected. I was in the Citrus Bowl for this event and it was the greatest live event that I’ve ever been to, hands down. I enjoyed seeing Kane win the battle royal. Kane is one of those guys that I don’t overly enjoy, but that I have a lot of respect for. The match: Chavo hit the ring. Kane’s music played and he came in through the crowd. Chavo turned around, got chokeslammed, and that was about it. It became one of the two shortest matches in Wrestlemania history. The reception: The general feeling was that it was a good moment for Kane. He’s had so many bad ones that it was a nice gesture to allow him a memorable, title-winning victory (as the ECW title was still a fairly coveted prize at that point). This was pretty fun to see live. Anything that involved fire in that outdoor environment just looked so bad ass in the dark. Somewhere on Twitter, Chavo is complaining…which is a shame because he was a serviceable performer in the WWE; he just overstayed his welcome and wasn’t a personality that could sustain a long-term career in the top company. In hindsight, he might’ve been better served to have bolted after his run alongside Edge. CMV1 rating – ½ * 254. Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley at Wrestlemania XII Setting the stage: The Warrior had a couple of comeback attempts after he failed to capitalize on the momentum he built in the early 90’s. This was one of them and Hunter was the victim put in his path. You have to hand it to Hunter for taking it in stride and not allowing it to define his career. Lesser men might not have been able to persevere. I remember being really excited about the Warrior’s return. I’d mark for his return if he came back tomorrow. I was a little disappointed that he apparently turned down the offer to headline the WWE Hall of Fame class in 2010. It would have been a wildly entertaining ordeal to see his induction speech. Maybe one day… The match: Warrior ran to the ring as he always did, hit the ropes as he always did, mowed through his opponent like he often did, no selling Hunter’s offense and his finishing move, before dominating with his usual big moves and getting the win as he often did. The reception: It would depend on if you’re a Triple H hater or lover as to your opinion of the match. No critic has ever rated it well, but some people look at it fondly because Warrior did to Trips what Trips often has been accused of doing to others…he buried him. At various stages of my fandom, I’ve enjoyed seeing Trips get squashed. Trips isn’t bothering me right now, though, so it’s a match that’s back to being “ho-hum.” CMV1 rating: ½ * 253. Akebono vs. Big Show at Wrestlemania 21 Setting the stage: The WWE did a tour of Japan in early 2005 and wanted to capitalize on the business momentum, so they booked Akebono – the grand sumo champion in Japan – to come over and face the World’s Largest Athlete in a Sumo Match at Wrestlemania. It was a good move, as they did well in the foreign market with the buyrate. I’m sure that Show was hoping for a bigger role that year since he was coming off two titles shots in the PPVs that preceded it, but I have always admired Show for taking it in stride that he has only had a few big Mania bouts amidst a whole lot of filler matches. It’s sometimes hard to believe that of his 11 Mania matches, only four have really been headliners. The match: It was a little long, but it was an interesting attraction match that they did well in hyping in the weeks prior to its occurrence. Show and Akebono each had massive size – it’s not often we see a guy as large as Show standing on the other side of the ring - and it was interesting to see how the whole thing would play out. Unfortunately, we’ll never be able to erase the memory of those two guys in their little thong sumo gear from our minds, will we? The reception: Most critics rated it poorly and rightfully so, but I have always defended it for its attraction status. It was definitely about 2-minute too long, though. CMV1 rating: ½ * 252. Sable vs. Tori at Wrestlemania XV Setting the stage: We have Sable to thank for actually putting the bimbos in the ring to try and wrestle. She actually could do it adequately against the right opponents, but the WWE didn’t seem to realize that not every woman was like her. Tori was her challenger during a time where Sable was rocking Playboy covers to begin that trend and elevating herself to one of the most popular divas of all-time. In fact, she and Sunny made the term diva replace woman/lady wrestler, but she brought it in the ring as well as the photos. The match: Sable dominated the match and won with the Sable Bomb. Her in-ring skills in those years were underrated. She could do things in a basic way and didn’t try to overdo it. The divas of today could learn something from that. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Kelly. Stop screaming in there! It’s annoying! Maybe people would like you better and accept that you’re not a bad wrestler if you didn’t make all those annoying noises! (CMV1 note – that last part was written several months ago, before she finally stopped shrieking. Thank God!) The reception: Tori just wasn’t the right opponent for Sable, who needed a far better talent to make her adequate skills shine on TV. However, that really was not the point to this. It was just to get Sable out there for all the men to see and women to try to be. CMV1 rating: ½ * 251. The Bushwhackers vs. The Fabulous Rougeaus at Wrestlemania V Setting the stage: Luke and Butch, the Bushwhackers, were an outrageous tag team that you had to see to believe. They came over from the NWA, a place where they’d received a lot of praise. I never saw them in the NWA, but their WWF work was just ridiculous. When you go back and look at Dave Meltzer’s star ratings from the past and you see them (as the Sheepherders) having 3 and 4 star matches, it’s almost mind-boggling that it could be the same team that goofed around in the WWF. I think the best match that the Bushwhackers had in the WWF was the one that they had on that episode of Family Matters against Carl Winslow and Steve Urkel. The Rougeaus were a great tag team that feuded with most of the great teams of that era on the house show circuit. The match: Do yourself a favor and watch this match on Youtube. You could certainly see that the Bushwhackers had some skill, but it was hidden by a ridiculous gimmick that was engaging but so over-the-top that it was hard to watch more than once. Think of Cryme Tyme in their early days…they were an entertaining tag team, but their act got old quick. The reception: No one is ever going to mistake this as a good match. It was hard to ever mistake something that the Bushwhackers did as “good.” Entertaining? Sure…but good? Not in my book. They had their fans, though. CMV1 rating: ½ * 250. Bad News Brown vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan at Wrestlemania V Setting the stage: Ah, Bad News…what a guy. Brown was a guy that came into the WWF hoping to become a championship caliber talent and occasionally getting pushed like one, but he just wasn’t that good and that’s why he never made it. Combine that with his classic bad attitude and it’s no surprise that he left the WWF. Hacksaw was one of the many mini-feuds of Brown’s career. The match: Brown was a brawler. I’ve often wondered if the promotions that he worked for carried over a running joke that he shouldn’t ever be told that wrestling was a work. He didn’t grapple like a pro, but rather brawled like a drunk idiot in a bar fight. Duggan was a smasher who could be carried by superior talent, but Brown wasn’t superior talent (despite probably thinking that he was). They weren’t given much time to work with and this was epitome of the old time Mania mid-card match…short and to the point. This bout ended a double disqualification. The reception: Here’s the thing about the first 9 years of Wrestlemanias…there were always short matches because that’s how they did things back then. If you weren’t a headliner, then you’re match wasn’t going to get much time. They also had a massive roster, so they tried to get as many members as possible onto the card. Thus, there were a lot of bad matches. CMV1 rating: ½ * 249. Goldust vs. Maven at Wrestlemania X-8 Setting the stage: Maven was the first Tough Enough winner and they mistakenly pushed him to the main roster far before he was ready and far before anyone really cared. To their credit, they did a good job of making him relevant, as you may recall that he eliminated the Undertaker from the ’02 Royal Rumble. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the goods to sustain that early push. Goldust, meanwhile, was making a comeback; though, this was kind of a bump in the road for him. This was actually just the first of several Hardcore title matches on the card. The match(s): Maven and Goldust had a short garbage brawl before Spike Dudley ran out and won the title. Hurricane won it next. Then, Mighty Molly (Holly) beat her heroic partner, followed by Christian stealing it away before Maven won the title back and hightailed it out of the Sky Dome. The 24/7 rule at its finest, where the Hardcore strap could change hands at any time. The reception: The 24/7 rule was created to make the Hardcore division more interesting, but it always made it more irritating to me. Mania X-8 was a very good show, but the Hardcore title was one of its low points. Still, there was a certain amount of entertainment that it brought to the table…I’ll give it that. It just was not my cup of tea. I thought the Hardcore title was best served by guys like Raven, RVD, Jeff Hardy, and others who could excel when weapons were involved. The 24/7 rule just made the division a joke and likely hastened its retirement later in 2002. CMV1 rating: ½ * 248. The Mountie vs. Tito Santana at Wrestlemania VII Setting the stage: Jacque Rougeau was a successful tag team member (of the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers) for years before becoming the Mountie. He’d go on to become an Intercontinental Champion before going back to the tag division and winning the titles (as part of the Quebecers). Santana, a former IC and Tag Champion in his own right, had become little more than enhancement talent by 1991. I always thought he overstayed his welcome. I’d rather remember Tito for the big rubber action figure of his likeness from the late 80s than his last few years. The match: This was little more than a squash match as the WWF moved into a cartoonish character driven company full of color but often lacking in substance. The Mountie was one of those types of characters where they said, “Hey, let’s take a thing and make it into a gimmick.” Santana was a holdover from an era coming to an end. The reception: Santana was the right kind of guy to get squashed. He was talented and sold well. There is a fine line between giving back to the profession by sticking around to put over others (and making a little bit more money) and staying around for too long past your prime value and chipping away at your legacy. I think Tito may have crossed it. Mountie did his thing and won the IC title by the end of 1991 and went onto a solid, marginally successful run. CMV1 rating: ½ * 247. Test and Albert (T&A) vs. Head Cheese (Steve Blackman and Al Snow) at Wrestlemania 2000 Setting the stage: Trish Stratus began her career as a well-endowed manager and one of her first projects was the duo of Test and Albert. They were an alright team. Blackman and Snow were on a constant quest to find the right gimmick and team name. They became Head Cheese and Snow brought on a mascot named Chester McCheeserton. Yes, it was as bad as it sounded, but at least some effort was being put into creating tag teams. The match: Pardon me for not remembering anything about it other than Trish – easily one of the hottest blondes to ever grace the WWE with her presence. I remember being in high school and a friend of mine told me that he’d found a rather risqué video of Trish en coitus. I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t her, but it was kind of fun assuming that it was. It was like watching “Girls Gone Wild.” T&A, indeed… The reception: Here’s the thing about the Attitude era. The WWF had so many things going right that they often got sloppy and tried a lot of stupid things, too. Head Cheese was one of those stupid ideas. It was their early attempt at comedy and it was really bad. Luckily for fans, I think the WWE has moved past the point where we’ll have to endure things like Head Cheese getting any air time on Mania. It was a “Sunday Night Heat” gimmick, but Mania has evolved to the point where the most of the crap from Mania will come from the ladies. CMV1 rating: ½ * 246. Big Show, Kane, Santino, and Kofi Kingston vs. The Corre at Wrestlemania XXVII Setting the stage: Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, and Heath Slater brought the massive Ezekiel Jackson into the fold for their Smackdown reboot of the Nexus that dominated Raw in 2010. Show and Kane were big targets and the Corre made an example of them. Santino was a tag team title contender, so he was a target, as well. Kofi just needed something to do. The match: There’s just not much that you can say about matches that are as short as this one. Eight guys got less than two-minutes to work with and we got what we got. It reminded me a lot of the early days of Mania where matches like these were so commonplace. That seems to be a trend we’re starting to see again. The reception: It was nice to see Barrett and Co. make their Mania debuts, as it will serve them later in their careers to have gotten that experience in front of 70,000 people. Santino was thrown a bone, as well, for the first time. He has given several years of good service and been over for a long time without having gotten a Mania match before 2011. It will be interesting to see where all these men go from here, as that may have been the only appearance at Mania that we ever see from Santino and certainly Gabriel, Slater, and Jackson. Wade is a bit of a question mark, as he could ascend all the way to the top or quickly fall out of favor (and out of the company, altogether). CMV1 rating: ½ * 245. Hardcore Battle Royal at Wrestlemania 2000 Setting the stage: Mania 2000 was the only event in WWE history that featured not even one singles match. Crash Holly was Hardcore champion at the time and was the focal point in getting the 24/7 rule over with the audience. He basically said that he was exhausted from being on-guard all the time, so the battle royal was the result of an open challenge that would get Holly into Mania as champion without having to worry about the 24/7 rule in the days prior (which was intelligent). The match: The title changed hands multiple times. Tazz, Viscera, Funaki, Rodney (of the Mean Street Posse), Joey Abs (of the Mean Street Posse), Thrasher (of the Headbangers), and Pete Gas (of the Mean Street Posse) all won the title. Tazz then won the title back before dropping it to Crash. Just before the clock was about to expire, Hardcore Holly smashed a jar of jelly beans across his head and beat him to win the title and the match. It was just a wild mess of the Hardcore title at its worst. The reception: It depends on your tastes, I suppose, but the Hardcore title’s 24/7 rule was one of the division’s ultimate downfalls, as mentioned previously for those of you just catching up. Nevertheless, I remember this being one of the last Hardcore title matches that I ever legitimately looked forward to. Every subsequent title match that I had any kind of anticipation for was more a reflection on the talent involved than the gimmick and its title. CMV1 rating: ½ * 244. Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo at Wrestlemania VII Setting the stage: Kerry Von Erich was a former NWA Champion that came to the WWF with a bad drug habit that unfortunately limited his upward mobility. The fact that he had limited ring skills was not a problem that he couldn’t have overcome, but the drugs that ultimately led to his death were certainly going to hinder him professionally. Dino Bravo was a nothing talent. He was always described as sloppy and often dangerous; everything that I ever saw him do in that ring backed up what I’ve read over the years. The match: The Texas Tornado had already reached his peak in the WWF by Mania VII, having won the IC title from Mr. Perfect at the previous year’s Summerslam (and then losing it soon after). Bravo was fed to him to keep the remaining shred of momentum he had going in case he overcame the drugs and got another chance. He never received another chance. The reception: Von Erich was one of wrestling history’s most unfortunate stories. He and his tragic family just couldn’t catch a break and had a lot of self-inflicted wounds. At his best, the Tornado could have been placed on a similar path as the Ultimate Warrior. Despite limited skill, he always found a connection with the audience. He was a guy that you wanted to beat the odds. He was likeable and could’ve been much more than he was. CMV1 rating: ½ * 243. Kitao and Tenryu vs. Demolition at Wrestlemania VII Setting the stage: Demolition was one of the most successful tag teams in WWF history, but as 1991 rolled around they were moving down the ladder in a hurry. The team of Kitao and Tenryu were by no means a major tag team, so Demolition facing them at Mania 7 was sort of their last hurrah. When you reflect back, it’s always sad to see the end of an era. Smash went onto become the Repo Man soon after, getting a tad more time in the spotlight during the gimmicky era. The match: At just under five-minutes in length, this was not treated as much of an attraction on the card. Mania 7 set a standard of what not to do, booking fourteen matches – the most in Mania history without a title tournament involved. It oversaturated the card with too many matches getting too little time to shine and that’s why you’ve never seen it happen again, in my opinion. Quality has become the norm over quantity, but Mania 7 seemed to be the place that they learned that best. The reception: It was not a match designed to garner much of a reaction from the crowds or the critics. Demolition faded away soon after and nothing ever became of the Kitao/Tenryu connection. I believe it’s about time that we see Demolition get into the Hall of Fame. They were dynamic and could play either the babyface or heel roles well enough to lead the stacked division of that era. CMV1 rating: ½ * 242. Chyna vs. Ivory at Wrestlemania X-Seven Setting the stage: Love her or hate her, Chyna needs to be given credit where credit is due for being a popular superstar that crossed gender boundaries (totally did not mean for that come across the way that it did, but I’m leaving it since such jokes were so prominent in her early career). She grappled with the guys and won the IC title and then she went down to the women’s division and won the title there. The biggest storyline of her women’s division days was against Ivory, who had a hand in breaking her neck. It was a damn good storyline that had a lot heat. The match: After years of taking it to the guys, it was no surprise that this was booked as a glorified squash match. Ivory was a tough cookie, but she was no realistic match for the much larger Chyna. The 9th Wonder of the World did well to show some weakness, favoring her neck and showing her in-ring knowledge, but the match still ended quickly with Chyna winning the title. The reception: Certainly nothing to write home about or put on a pedestal for women’s matches moving forward, but they did a nice job telling their story and not stinking the joint out. Their issue was time, but the story of the match didn’t warrant much time, making it a difficult match to rate. Chyna was an example of the WWE striking while the iron was hot on something that unexpectedly got over. If she ever gets her act together and the stench of her last decade wears off, she’ll be fondly remembered as a female that contributed a lot to the business during her tenure. CMV1 rating: ½ * 241. Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund Setting the stage: It was the Wrestlemania debut for two guys who had storied careers in the business. Scott Hall was just getting going as Ramon and needed a convincing win to further establish him after he lost to Bret Hart the ’93 Royal Rumble. Backlund was making a comeback and would go on to win the WWF title one more time some 20 months later, but here he was used as enhancement talent. The match: The WWE could, perhaps, learn something from the formula used in this match, putting a young superstar with a lot of upside against a veteran with a lot of credibility due to his past. I know it might be considered the tarnishing of a lot of legacies, but these old timers need pay checks and their fondest memories will live on, so why not put a guy like Wade Barrett against a former champion like Kevin Nash, who is under contract, and allow him a fairly convincing win on the grand stage? As long as it is a one-off type of a deal, I think it would work just fine. The reception: Had it been given more time, there was a safe amount of certainty that this match would have been much better. Given how short its duration, though, no one could rate it higher than a star. When you put this match into historical context, this was actually something worth seeing – even though it wasn’t treated as such at that time. CMV1 rating: ½ *
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