Posted in: Mr. Tito
Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE Royal Rumble Review with Match Ratings and Show Grade
By Mr. Tito
Jan 25, 2015 - 11:00:00 PM

Follow Mr. Tito on Twitter.com: @titowrestling

Welcome to Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE Royal Rumble 2015 Review. This column was produced during the Rumble event and posted immediately after the event. Why do I do this? Because I like you as readers... Well, actually, it's more of a time saver because I have to work tomorrow morning. WWE Network almost had me... The threat of snow almost made me pay $9.99 for one month, but thankfully, the roads weren't that bad to make it to my buddy's event to watch the show on his WWE Network. Thus, the "Boycott for WWE to Improve" continues.

I caught 2 episodes of Lucha Underground and I have to say that I was very impressed... The beauty of that promotion is that they appear to be all about in-ring competition which I suspect New Japan Pro Wrestling is as well. My main criticism of WWE is that they disregard the athletic competition of their promotion and focus more on drama. WWE has continued to use Vince Russo's playbook of opening 20 minute interviews, authority figures, backstage segments where nobody notices cameras are around, and completely shitting on midcard titles.

Where WWE is losing me is for this simple fact... It's become less about a staged athletic competition and just a bad soap opera ripoff. Why have Title Belts when you completely ignore them? The main reason why I still enjoy the Royal Rumble Pay Per View is that it actually resembles an athletic event. No matter how bad the surrounding WWE is, the Rumble match is always fun. The "sense of urgency" that the Rumble has to earn the Wrestlemania #1 contendership spot writes itself but the slow build for each Rumble entrant is fantastic.

All I've ever asked the WWE for is to resemble a legitimate sport. It's almost as if the WWE has matches just to act as filler around the latest authority figure angle they are running.

Anyway, onto the show...

Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE Royal Rumble 2015 Review

Adam Rose/Cesaro/Tyson Kidd vs. New Day
I was devouring pizza and writing the above intro for much of this match, but I did enjoy this match. To my surprise, the WWE let Cesaro look strong in this match. Some nice spots hit between Kidd, Cesaro, Big E, and Kofi... Cesaro was CRAZY OVER with the Philly crowd which tells me that tonight could get very interesting, especially in the rumble.
WINNER: Rose/Cesaro/Kidd
Tito's Rating: ***

Pre-game show was OK, I guess...

New Age Outlaws vs. Ascension
New Age Outlaws are that one team who can actually wrestle the exact same way as they did 15 years ago... They can cut promos the same way, too. The Ascension looks like a bad mix between the Road Warriors and Powers of Pain. Just before they locked up, WWE Network froze for about 5 seconds... D'oh! New Age Outlaws were pretty over as faces with the crowd clapping for them and changing "You Still Got It" while the Ascension prompted silence when they were on offense. Lots of chinlocks here for the Ascension. Hot tag Billy Gunn, who is in tremendous shape right now. Ascension sneaks in a tag, knocks Road Dogg off the canvas, and hits a variation of the Total Elimination finisher to pin Gunn.
WINNERS: The Ascension
Tito's Rating: *1/4

WWE Network just needs to hire Stone Cold Steve Austin and have a weekly podcast that mirrors that of the Dan Patrick Show. Hell, why not have it daily? Completely unscripted and allowed to be critical of the WWE.

Backstage, Triple H and Stephanie are talking and HHH is pissed about Sting. Paul Heyman interrupts and says that he's able to solved problems. Heyman offers Brock Lesnar to "solve the Sting" problem. Hey, I would be cool with that...

WWE Tag Titles: The Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. the Usos(c)
Philly fans are playing up the love of the Mizdow. "We Want Mizdow" chants to start the show. Even on the apron and waiting for a tag, Damien Sandow is still playing up the stuntman stuff. Hilarious spot where Damien even sold the top rope nutshot and even jumping off the top rope to imitate Miz falling from the ropes. "Mizdow is Awesome" chants break out. Fans want a tag but the Miz refuses. Poor Usos are the babyface team but the Philly fans want Mizdow! On the outside, Miz pushes Mizdow in the way of a flying Uso. Seems like Miz didn't do much to catch the other Uso flying on the outside. Uh oh... More "Mizdow" chants. Mizdow sneaks into the match and cleans house on the Usos, hits the Skull Crusher but 2 count only. Usos regain the edge and eventually take advantage of the ballhogging Miz to destroy him with sunset flip off the top rope and bodysplash. Place would have erupted if Mizdow got in...
WINNERS: Usos
Tito's Rating: **3/4

Backstage, Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble are playing the new WWE Immortals game on their tablets when Seth Rollins wants them to focus.

Bella Twins vs. Natalya/Paige
The Twins were looking great in green tonight. I can't help myself... I love the Bella Twins theme song... Weird hairspray going on with Natalya tonight. Back and forth early on but then Paige/Natalya hit a nice double suplex. Paige lays on Brie Bella in a strange way. To quote the Bob & Tom show: "there's nothing nothing eating out, though the next day my breath still smelled like trout!". Seems like Nikki has improved as an in-ring wrestler and I'd argue has become the better Bella Twin. Rip on John Cena what you will, but I'd argue him as a better influence on a Bella than Daniel Bryan. Not just about working a match but how you look doing it... Awesome move with the Bellas hooking Natalya's leg and rolling in order to slam Natalya. No idea what that move was called. Very nice. Nice power shown by Natalya to pick up Nikki for the Electric Chair Drop! Bellas win with some heel antics when Brie pulled Paige off the apron and it was enough to distract Natalya to take a forearm to the face to lose.
WINNERS: Bella Twins
Tito's Rating: **1/2

Multiple promos by wrestlers regarding their Rumble performance tonight... Like Fandango has any chance to win this match tonight. Oh well, this match can be used as a nice stepping stone. It's not often that you get to work with some of the top wrestlers but the Rumble match presents the opportunity.

WWE Title Match: Brock Lesnar(c) vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
LOL @ the Philly crowd working "John Cena Sucks" into Cena's theme song. Very nice. Seth Rollins out second. Good to see the WWE Champion coming out last. Brock Lesnar looks scary! Frozen WWE Network during the intros... Argh! Lesnar is very dominant to start, even mauling Noble and Mercury. OUCH, Seth Rollins took a bad German suplex that could have hurt his left shoulder (and head). "ECW" chants break out briefly. Lesnar slapped on his armbar, Cena started to lift him, and then Seth Rollins jumped on both from the top rope. Looks like Rollins kneed Lesnar on the back of his head on that... Uh oh, Seth. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Lesnar and Rollins pushed Cena out of the way to attempt a pin. 1 count only, yikes... On the outside and J&J Security are STILL selling the Lesnar moves. Now that's funny. Love how Seth Rollins has the "Buff Blockbuster" move. Holy shit! Lesnar caught Rollins in mid-air and nailed the F5! Amazing! 3 freakin' Attitude Adjustments hit and Brock Lesnar kicked out! Curb Stomp hit by Rollins on Lesnar but Cena made the save. This match is great! Brock Lesnar can't dominate fully because he has 2 guys coming at him. Cena rammed Lesnar into the barrier and then gets tossed into deadly steel steps. Lesnar ends up flat on the announcer table and Seth Rollins nailed him with an elbow off the top rope. Nice reversal of the Attitude Adjustment by Rollins but then gets destroyed by a Cena powerbomb. Unless I am mistaken about Triple Threat rules, but shouldn't the referee countout Brock Lesnar on the outside? Seth Rollins hit a nice powerbomb on Cena into the corner, 2 count only. My question was answered when J&J Security attacked Cena with this being a No-DQ match (I guess no countouts, too). EMTs are out to service Brock Lesnar. Holy cow! Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment on both Noble and Mercury! Rollins repeatedly counters the Attitude Adjustment and hits the Curb Stomp. 2 count only! Rollins hit a flipping top rope move but immediately was destroyed by a German Suplex. Yeah, no EMTs for Lesnar and he destroyed Cena/Rollins and finished Seth Rollins with an F5 to win the match. HOT DAMN WHAT A FREAKIN' MATCH!
WINNER: Brock Lesnar
Tito's Rating: *****

Can you top that, wrestling industry? And I completely eat my words on the addition of Seth Rollins to this match. He added much needed spice to this match and an explosion of offense. Chaos everywhere and nothing but thrills. That is going to be TOUGH to top for 2015 MATCH OF THE YEAR.

Brock Lesnar is on the WWE Fast Lane Pay Per View advertisement... Hmmmm....

And after that gem of a match, we still have the Rumble match!

2015 RUMBLE MATCH
The Miz is the #1 entrant while R-Truth was #2. I like the guy, but damn, I almost forgot that R-Truth still had a WWE job. Truth is on the mic and eating up time here to start the Rumble. Thanks... #3 is a shock, as Bubba Ray Dudley makes his return to the WWE! Philly fans are going bonkers! With R-Truth, Bubba hits the WHAT'S UP Drop on Miz! Then, Bubba tells Truth to "get the tables". Miz interrupts that but takes a 3D. Bubba removes Miz and then takes care of R-Truth. Nice. Hopefully, WWE respects Bubba's TNA work. Luke Harper at #4 and it's him and Bubba Ray Dudley. Harper and Dudley are brawling and Harper hit a nasty superkick. #5 is Bray Wyatt and Harper/Wyatt are working together to work on Bubba. "D'Von" chants are heavy in Philly now. Out goes Bubba to end those chants. Looks like Bray and Harper are working together. Curtis Axel at #6 but Erick Rowan attacks Axel to steal his spot. We thought we had a Wyatt family reunion but it ended up being just Harper/Wyatt vs. Rowan. As Rowan and Harper were brawling, Bray Wyatt eliminated BOTH! Boogeyman is #7. What the hell?!? Where's Santino and Jim Cornette when you need them? This Rumble is getting crazy! Clothesline and Bray Wyatt tosses Boogeyman in short order. Sin Cara at #8. Wasting time... Some flashy moves by Sin Cara, but the finisher was hit and Bray eliminated him quickly. Bray Wyatt grabs the microphone and declares that "this is Bray Wyatt's year" and then sings "he's got the whole world in his hands". #9 is Zack Ryder and he's getting some offense, but them over the ropes he goes. JBL delivers the line of the night with "Sin Cara is Spanish for you're eliminated!". #10 is Daniel Bryan and the crowd explodes.

Bryan dominates Wyatt with many kicks, standing or off the ropes. Nice Frankensteiner off the top, too. Fandango at #11 and after some brawling, he takes an airplane spin by Bryan. #12 was Tyson Kidd. Bryan, Fandango, and Kidd attack each other at full speed in an endurance match. #13 was Stardust (Cody Rhodes) as there is lots of speed in that ring right now. Fandango and Stardust do their best HBK impersonations by avoiding elimination. Bryan suplexes Kidd over the ropes to eliminate him and then attacks Wyatt through the ropes on the outside. Diamond Dallas Page (DDP) was #14 and DDP reverses a powerslam from Stardust to hit the Diamond Cutter. Fandango wants to hit the top rope legdrop but DDP hits the ropes and nails a Diamond Cutter on Fandango from the top. Bray Wyatt attacks DDP and eventually takes a Diamond Cutter on Wyatt! Rusev is out next #15 and DDP is about to get whooped! Diamond Cutter reversed and Rusev delivers a kick. DDP eliminated and Fandango too by Rusev. Rusev and Wyatt talk collusion while Bryan dropkicks both. However, Bryan cannot overcome them as attempting to fight off both, Wyatt eliminates Daniel Bryan. Damn.... Wyatt owns Daniel Bryan. #16 is Goldust and the fans are booing heavily about Daniel Bryan's elimination. Stardust tries to eliminate Goldust but fails. And now the Rhodes brothers rumble. LOUD "Daniel Bryan" chants erupt as we'll see the real potential of Philly fans shitting HARD on tonight's winner. #17 is Kofi Kingston to deliver a weird spot for the match. #18 is Adam Rose and the Rosebuds saved Kofi from elimination by crowd surfing him. Nice. Rusev throws out Adam Rose and then disposes of Kofi. Got his big spot in and then gets eliminated. #19 is Roman Reigns and Philly fans are booing him HARD. LOUD BOOS! Goldust and then Stardust eliminated by Reigns quickly. Big E at #20 as we have some HOSSES in the ring now with Big E, Rusev, Reigns, and Wyatt. Philly fans are still pissed!

Awesome belly-to-belly hit by Big E on Rusev, but then Rusev destroyed Big E in the corner. Mizdow is #21 and Philly fans are happy! But wait, the Miz orders him to the back and Miz takes spot. However, Miz gets shoved off the apron. Mizdow enters and the fans are happy again. However, Rusev tosses him. Mizdow then imitates a pissed off Miz on the outside and the crowd continues their boos. #22 is Jack Swagger and he goes immediately after Rusev like a true American but is overwhelmed by the collusion of Wyatt/Rusev. Ryback is #23 and he goes after Rusev first. Ryback cleans house and gets cheered when he clotheslines Roman Reigns. "CM Punk" chants break out. This could get interesting... Kane is out at #24 and goes after Ryback to sell the firing angle. Dean Ambrose is #25 and WWE might salvage the fans by making Dean win. "Let's Go Ambrose" chants are loud! Titus O'Neil is next at #26 but both former Shield members Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose eliminated him quickly. What a waste. #27 is Bad News Barrett and he's punching everybody. Lots of bodies in the ring right now. Cesaro is up next at #28 and it's European Uppercuts for everyone! Rusev, after some fighting on the ropes, eliminates Big E. #29 is the Big Show and everybody immediately gangs up on him. Big Show and Kane tossed Ryback over the top rope after delivering a few chokeslams. Jack Swagger too, gone. Dolph Ziggler at #30 and he's attacking Big Show/Kane and eliminates Wade Barrett.

Giant Swing by Cesaro on Ziggler and Ziggler is almost eliminated. Ziggler overcomes Cesaro and kicks him off the apron. Ziggler tries to go off the top rope but takes a KO punch by Big Show. Kane/Big Show toss Ziggler. Now, it's Bray Wyatt over the top by Kane/Big Show. Final 4 = Big Show, Kane, Roman Reigns, and Dean Ambrose. Shield vs. Authority... Philly fans are upset and are booing throughout. Big Show/Kane toss out Dean Ambrose. Oh boy... Big Show, Kane, and Roman Reigns and we get LOUD "BULLSHIT" chants. Michael Cole says "WWE fans are not happy with the elimination of Dean Ambrose" as a cover. I believe that I heard a "we want refunds" chant break out. OUCH. Kane and Big Show star attacking each other and Roman Reigns eliminates both to LOUD BOOS. Do you fucking hear that WWE? Go ahead and do Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns to then ensure financial disaster of your company. To save face, the Rock comes out to attack Kane/Big Show. Apparently, Rusev didn't get eliminated and after Rock cleared the ring, Reigns then tossed Rusev. What a joke. They even had Brock Lesnar looking on backstage and Triple H/Stephanie come out afterward to attempt to save Reigns. IT'S NOT WORKING.
WINNER: Roman Reigns
Tito's Rating: ***

At the Royal Rumble Fallout on WWE Network, John Cena was being interviewed and Rusev confronted him. There's your Wrestlemania set-up.

LAST WORD: The Triple Threat Match was AMAZING. But you'll never get that kind of epic performance out of Roman Reigns. That's the problem. WWE tried to make Reigns win the Rumble and then use the Rock to help him with the fans. Nothing but BOOS. This will get blamed on the Philly fans but I guarantee this reaction is everywhere. WWE pissed away Dean Ambrose and Daniel Bryan while pushing a guy who will look horrible against Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania 31. Disaster coming and if we get Roman Reigns defeating Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania 31. Seth Rollins needs to save that match, too, and hopefully walk out of Wrestlemania 31 as WWE Champion.

I'll go B+ for the grade just because the Triple Threat Match was AMAZING. The Rumble Match was weak and had a horrible outcome. Roman Reigns is NOT ready to take the big stage and he'll FAIL just like Jack Swagger, Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, and the Miz who were pushed to the World Title too early.

SO JUST CHILL... 'TIL THE NEXT EPISODE!

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