Recently, someone asked me why I haven’t done an AEW-themed column in a while. The answer is two-fold, but simple nonetheless.
One, it’s the biggest time of year for WWE, and this is when they give people a lot to talk about, so I’m naturally moving in that direction for my weekly column topics.
Two, there’s just a lot going on with the AEW storylines that I don’t particularly care for at the moment. Everything involving the feud between Jon Moxley and Adam Copeland has been dreadful. If Chris Jericho is even remotely attached to something, I don’t care. I’m too old to give one iota of a fuck about anything that has to do with whatever a Big Boom AJ, Big Justice, or a Rizzler is. The list goes on and on.
I still watch all of the AEW shows on a weekly basis, but there just hasn’t been something taking place recently that captured my attention enough to devote an entire column to. That’s all it is, really.
However, as I’ve stated numerous times in the past… AEW is a company that thrives on pay-per-view. Even if you’re not a fan of the storylines that get you from pay-per-view to pay-per-view, the big shows themselves always deliver with high-quality wrestling. That’s what I’m expecting again tonight.
There are nine matches on the main card, with six overall titles on the line. I won’t waste any more time. Let the Revolution begin!
“Hangman” Adam Page vs MJF
It wouldn’t be an AEW pay-per-view without an all-time bad spray tan job for MJF. He is at least a dozen different shades of orange and brown. How does nobody fucking say anything to him before he walks to the ring? He looks completely ridiculous. His spray tan, acne, and hairline are all awful. Either go out there pasty as fuck, find someone to do the spray job for you, or get a real tan. This isn’t rocket science.
Speaking of awful, the stream on Triller has been spotty so far. We’re only a minute into the opening match of the show, and the stream has already cut out three times. I have to manually go back in, and it resumes from the beginning of the stream, so I have to fast forward to the “Live” part.
Seems like a hot crowd so far. The Staples Center (shut up) is set up for close to 12,000 fans tonight, and it looks like we’re either at a sellout, or damn close to one.
Almost the entire story of the match so far has been Hangman trying to land a Buckshot Lariat. He has gone to that well time and time again, and MJF has been avoiding it for the most part. He’ll stagger out of the ring before Hangman can land it, or he’ll be able to reverse it into an arm submission. It’s weird strategy from Mr. Page.
In a really dangerous spot, MJF delivers a Tombstone Piledriver onto a steel chair that was unfolded and set up. Max did a good job getting his knees in place to protect his opponent, but there was almost zero wiggle room to prevent Hangman’s head from spiking on the chair. That could’ve been bad.
Hangman hits MJF with Christopher Daniels’ Angel’s Wings move, which Max takes by having his face land directly on the mat. Ouch. That was also very close to being bad, as he nearly landed on the top of his head. From there, another Buckshot Lariat lands, and it’s enough to get the pin and the win for Adam Page.
There were a couple of ugly spots that some will feel are unnecessary, but overall, this was a good way to open the show. 3.5 Stars. I dug it.
Mercedes Moné vs Momo Watanabe – AEW TBS Title Match
Nothing like hearing the “C-E-O” chants in Mercedes’ entrance music, only to have an entire section of the crowd shown on camera, where there are no more than five people actually doing the chant.
The crowd isn’t as hot for this one. Maybe it’s because nobody expects the Stardom wrestler to win an AEW title here, or perhaps it’s that Mercedes has done her little dance four times in the first two minutes of the match.
Billie Starkz is shown in a suite, watching the match and taking notes. It’s good to see her getting out of the prison that is being a wrestler on the Ring Of Honor wrestler. This brewing feud with Mercedes is huge for Billie, and I hope it leads to big things for her.
Mercedes tied up in the Tree Of Woe, and Momo kicks her in the chest over and over again, damn near making Mercedes’ shoulder blades clap together. Jesus.
Dueling chants of “Let’s go, Momo” and “C-E-O” are easily the loudest this crowd has been since the match began. That’s a good sign. These women are drawing the fans in. Mercedes and Momo are beating the hell out of each other.
To the surprise of absolutely nobody, the champion retains. It was a hard-fought victory, but there were zero people predicting a title change here. 4 Stars. Hopefully, we can move Mercedes on to something that fans can sink their teeth into.
Swerve Strickland vs Ricochet – #1 Contender’s Match for the AEW World Title
Someone is out on stage to perform a drum solo before Swerve’s entrance. For absolutely no reason, mind you. Even better, he’s playing the drums during Swerve’s music, sounding like two completely different songs are playing at the same time. That was REALLY stupid.
“You are bald” chants directed at Ricochet when the opening bell sounds.
Drama! As Swerve is attacking Ricochet at ringside, Prince Nana goes to pull Swerve off, but Swerve instinctually shoves Nana to the ground before realizing what he’s done. Nana says “fuck you” and leaves, completely walking backstage.
Comedienne and Saturday Night Live alum Leslie Jones is in the crowd, and she is shown CONSTANTLY because… well… she’s being Leslie Jones. If you know anything about her personality, you know exactly what she’s doing without even having to see it. She is screaming at ringside, being overly animated, and is either entertaining or annoying everyone around her, depending on how you view her comedy. In a funny moment, though, Nigel McGuinness thought Leslie was Prince Nana’s mom.
Leslie Jones is still going nuts in the second, or perhaps third, row. She’s like 11 feet tall, hasn’t sat down since the match started, and is screaming and yelling her ass off. Like I said… either entertaining or annoying, depending on how you view her.
Prince Nana makes his way back to the ring, grabs the robe, and puts it on… before eating a suicide dive from Ricochet, who takes the robe back. Okay then.
These two are having a banger. A banger that is being made even better by a red hot crowd.
Two House Calls and one Big Pressure pick up the win for Swerve, who is now the #1 Contender for the AEW World Title. That was so much fun. 4.25 Stars. Plenty of hard-hitting action mixed with crazy athleticism, and as I said, the crowd loved every moment of it. With the way they were celebrating the win, you would’ve thought we just watched the show’s main event. I think the AEW fan base is ready for Swerve to be their World Champion again.
Kazuchika Okada vs Brody King – AEW Continental Title Match
“Okada coming to AEW was one of the biggest headlines ever in wrestling.” – Tony Schiavone, lying on commentary for no reason whatsoever. If you want to call it one of the biggest stories in AEW history, fine. One of the biggest ever, full stop? Bruh.
Only a few minutes in, and Okada’s entire chest has been beaten to the point where it looks like raw ground beef. He even has welts and bloody marks in his bicep area right above the folds in both of his arms. The man looks like he is suffering from road rash.
This match was weirdly put together. Brody dominated almost from the start, beating the hell out of Okada, only to be on the receiving end of one Rainmaker and then losing the match. Okada retains his title, but Brody looked like a STAR here. If there was anyone left who were doubting he could shine without Malakai Black, I think he proved them wrong here. It wasn’t his night, but he needs a singles title, and he needs it soon. 3.5 Stars
The Hurt Syndicate vs The Outrunners – AEW Tag Team Title Match
If this ended in a two-minute squash for Lashley and Shelton, it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest. At the same time, if this ended in the crowd-pleasing title change for the red hot underdog act, it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest. I’ve seen people compare The Outrunners rise to when The Acclaimed got popular and basically forced AEW to make them the Tag Team Champions, but what’s different about this situation is that the current champions are super over with crowds, as well. They’re also two of the baddest dudes on the AEW roster.
I don’t believe she was shown on camera during the last match, but I just caught a glimpse of Leslie Jones again, and she’s still going nuts in the crowd. Something tells me she isn’t sober.
LOL @ Turbo Floyd getting tagged in, then jumping over the top rope to enter the ring, only to catch his foot in the ropes and nearly eat shit. That would’ve been difficult to come back from.
Well, it wasn’t a two-minute squash, but it wasn’t exactly a showcase for The Outrunners, either. This should’ve taken place on Dynamite or Collision. 2.5 Stars
Toni Storm vs Mariah May – “Hollywood Ending” Match for the AEW Women’s World Title
I’ve seen a ton of people saying this should be the main event of the show, as it’s quite easily the best storyline going in AEW right now, and has been for a while. Unfortunately, it isn’t the main event. Not only that, there are still three more matches to go after this.
I’m surprised it took so long on the show, but we have blood! Toni Storm is an absolute bloody mess. Her face is the proverbial crimson mask.
Axl and Ian Rotten tributes! Both women bring champagne buckets into the ring, but each bucket is full of broken glass. They bust out rolls of tape, and tape their fists before dipping them into the glass. Toni punches Mariah in the face, and Mariah is barely able to come up with any sort of color. Don’t fret, though… Toni grinds some broken glass onto Mariah’s forehead, and that has the blood flowing. Both women are absolute messes right now.
Leslie Jones is still standing up, and still going nuts. Imagine paying for third row PPV tickets, and then having to sit behind her the entire time.
Mariah’s mouth is completely full of blood. She has numerous teeth that are stained red, and a pool of blood forming underneath her tongue. Gross.
Standing atop two crates, the champion delivers a Storm Zero on the stage, through a table, to get the win. That was brutality. Violence. Gore. Nastiness. 3.5 Stars. Not a ton of psychology, but I guess not every match needs to have an abundance of it. A story was still told, and this was the final chapter of that story. Both women probably need a mini-vacation now, though. They have more than earned one after giving us one of the best storylines in AEW history, and easily one of the best stories that women’s pro wrestling has ever had.
Konosuke Takeshita vs Kenny Omega – AEW International Title Match
Here. We. Go.
We’ve got a ton of physicality early on. Works for me.
Super smart strategy from Takeshita, who is targeting Omega’s midsection. That’s certainly what you should be doing when your opponent had a bout of Diverticulitis that nearly ended his career.
Takeshita places a table at ringside, putting it on its side. He then drops Omega, stomach first, across the edge of the table, and I feel like MY intestines just exploded.
The pace is starting to pick up now, but I appreciate that things have been slower than expected until this point. It has allowed for the story of Takeshita targeting Omega’s “weak spots” to be told.
Springboard Sunset Flip Powerbomb from the top! Omega delivered that with pure perfection like it’s a part of his everyday training. That looked gorgeous.
Omega is on the receiving end of a big-time offensive flurry from Takeshita, but he kicks out of a pin attempt at one, drawing a huge reaction from the crowd. It’s amazing how effective that is.
“Fight forever” chants. Can you imagine if they did that?
After a back-and-forth finish, Omega gets the quick pin, and we have a new champion. Man, that was a blast to watch. The expected fantastic match from these two. 4.5 Stars
Will Ospreay vs Kyle Fletcher – Steel Cage Match
Here. We. Go. Part. Deux.
With this new intro music, light effects, and monitor graphics for Ospreay, I feel like I should be at some outdoor music festival with no shirt on and tripping balls off of some Molly. Dubstep-style music is certainly something. We’re getting a lot of lengthy entrances tonight.
Ospreay is sent into the side of the cage, and he comes up bleeding. Fletcher drives Ospreay’s face into the steel, and he licks the blood off of it. Okie dokie, bro.
Want some more blood? This time, it’s Kyle Fletcher getting bloody, eating a bunch of vicious chops to the chest, and his chest now looks like a crime scene.
Not enough blood for you? How about Fletcher’s head ending up bloody? Looks like it’s happening from multiple cuts, too.
For the second time in the match, Fletcher is licking up Ospreay’s blood. Once was dumb, but twice is really stupid. Then, as I type that, Ospreay licks Fletcher’s blood from his hand. Sigh.
“Fight forever” chants, but they come to an end as Mark Davis walks out with a duffel bag. He pulls out some giant bolt cutters, breaking the lock off of the cage door, and hands Fletcher a steel chair. Their brief attempt at shenaniganery is thwarted by Ospreay, who kicks the cage door into Davis’ face, then pulls a baseball bat covered in barbed wire out of the duffel bag. Fletcher is on the receiving end of a few bat shots to the body, and then on the receiving end of the barbed wire being dragged across his forehead.
Fletcher takes a United Empire armband, wipes the blood from his face, and then shoves the armband into Ospreay’s mouth. We get the fucking point, guys.
Davis finally enters the cage, and HE has a bloody face. Ospreay takes both members of Aussie Open out, and sends Davis back out, allowing the refs to lock the door once again. OsCutter from damn near the top of the cage!
Fletcher tries to escape the cage, but it’s a ruse! He gets to the top and pulls out a hidden screwdriver. Ospreay decides he wants to look like a complete moron, and he just stands there on the turnbuckle for multiple seconds before Fletcher hits him in the head with the screwdriver. Want to guess what Fletcher did next? He licked the blood from the tip of the screwdriver.
Fletcher pulls a smaller bag out of the duffel bag, and naturally, it was full of thumbtacks. He tries to put Ospreay onto the tacks, but his plan is immediately foiled, and he ends up taking a Styles Clash onto them instead. Even worse, his thighs and groinal region landed on the heaviest grouping of tacks. Go ahead, Ospreay, I dare you to lick that blood up.
With both men sitting atop the side of the cage, Ospreay lands a Spanish Fly. It was a great looking spot, but it took absolutely forever to set up.
Ospreay picks up the win. It was a really good match, but holy shit, going back to the blood licking time and time and time again was dumb. 4 Stars nonetheless. This has been quite the night for match quality, and there’s still one more match to go.
During a promotional package for the “Queen Of The Ring” movie, we hear an actress from the movie say… ON A PRO WRESTLING PAY-PER-VIEW… that she found out during the movie’s filming that wrestlers know who will win and lose their matches ahead of time. What a terrible look for AEW.
Jon Moxley vs Adam Copeland – AEW World Title Match
Honestly, I don’t care who wins this match, just as long as the feud comes to an end. The fact that one of the worst and most boring stories in AEW history now has to cap off an incredible night of in-ring action makes it even worse. There’s a lot of pressure on Mox and Copeland here.
They just had a back-and-forth strike exchange, and it ended to absolute silence from the crowd. Ouch.
Copeland jumps from the top rope to ringside, showing that he learned nothing from breaking his damn leg doing something similar (albeit from higher up) last year.
Something is happening in the upper level of the crowd, off-camera. Everyone is looking at whatever it is. Not a good sign for this match. This is sucking the life right out of the arena.
No, but seriously, why would you place this match in this spot, knowing what you put on ahead of it? Don’t give me that “it’s the World Title” bullshit, either, because there have been a ton of pay-per-views that didn’t have a World Title match in the main event. This story has sucked, and the way this match has been put together had no business following the last three matches. It’s slow, and there’s too much of Mox arguing with the Referee and/or yelling into the camera.
Ref bump! Followed by a Paradigm Shift that didn’t even see Copeland hit the mat. He bent over at the waist, and then just fell over.
Wheeler Yuta comes to the ring and feigns that he’s going to attack Moxley, but everyone in the fucking world saw the “swerve” coming, and Wheeler attacks Copeland instead. Please end this bullshit.
“Switchblade” Jay White comes to the ring and attacks Wheeler, then accidentally drills Copeland with the briefcase after Moxley ducked out of the way. Please end this bullshit.
“This is more than a match. It’s a freaking struggle!” – Tony Schiavone, finally deciding to tell the truth. A struggle indeed.
Christian Cage spawns out of nowhere and breaks up a Copeland pin attempt. He officially cashes his title shot in, making this a Triple Threat Match. Please end this bullshit.
EL OH FUCKING EL @ Christian’s attempt ending with him being choked out by Jon Moxley, causing a HUGE groan to come from the crowd. This was boring from start to finish, and the live crowd didn’t care about any of it. Tony Khan should be sentenced to life in prison if we don’t get Swerve Strickland beating Mox for the World Title at Dynasty next month. Khan and Mox are fucking murdering this company. 2 Stars
As Mox is walking out through the crowd, he is met at the backstage area by Prince Nana. Mox and Nana talk trash to each other, but they are separated by a bunch of security, who keep looking up and off screen for some strange reason. Sure enough, the camera pans back, and Swerve Strickland is standing on the railing, and he dives off onto Mox to a good pop. We go off the air with the crowd celebrating with Swerve.
If you take out the pointless Tag Team Title match and the terrible main event storyline that is slowly killing this company in almost every available metric possible, this was a great night of wrestling, with a little bit of something for everyone.
