On paper, this is the least extreme Extreme Rules card of all-time.
If you’re a longtime WWE fan, though, you know that the company has a lengthy track record of pulling out great events when they don’t look great on paper. I’m not saying we’re going to get barbed wire, fire, thumbtacks, and all that jazz tonight, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this show ends up being pretty good, even without the usual “extreme” stipulations that we would get.
Are you ready?
Because I’m ready.
Then there’s only one thing left to do. You know the rules. Say it with me…
LESS DEW EET!!!
(0:00) As we learned during the Extreme Rules pre-show, the main show will get started with the newly-created six-man tag that sees The New Day taking on the very interesting team of AJ Styles, Omos, and Bobby Lashley. That’s a pretty good decision. Plenty of excitement in that one for the live crowd.
(0:04) If you watched the pre-show, you are probably annoyed as all hell, as it was bogged down with a stupid production error where the English commentary and the Spanish commentary were being played at the same time. Guess what? That error was fixed. Guess what? NOW THE ENGLISH COMMENTARY AND THE FRENCH COMMENTARY IS BEING PLAYED AT THE SAME TIME. Words cannot express how much I hate both Kevin Dunn’s worthless ass and the equally worthless Peacock app. It doesn’t matter who is to blame for this error. They both fucking suck.
(0:08) Bobby Lashley was incredibly dangerous to begin with. Now, he’s an incredibly dangerous and incredibly angry Bobby Lashley, on the hunt to regain the WWE Title. There’s a lot of fun that can be had with that.
(0:10) The match is underway.
(0:10) I love, love, love the Fugees-themed ring gear from The New Day. Their album, The Score, is one of the best hip-hop albums of the 90’s.
(0:13) E and Lashley are finally in the ring together, and the former champion gets the early advantage. It doesn’t last long, and eventually, Lashley is on the receiving end of a Unicorn Stampede.
(0:15) Early on, this Columbus, Ohio crowd seems to be pretty amped up.
(0:16) Omos is tagged in for the first time. He’s one of the most protected talents in all of wrestling right now. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he might be a future World Champion with the way WWE goes out of their way to make him look good.
(0:21) Hot tag to Xavier Woods, who looks really good against Lashley with an early flurry. Remember, Woods is going to win the WWE Title at some point in 2023, so enjoy watching his climb up the ladder.
(0:24) This crowd is electric for the new WWE Champion. Needless to say, WWE made the right decision pushing him to the top.
(0:26) This is such a fun opener so far.
(0:28) Lashley sets up to go for a Spear, but Styles tags himself in. As Styles goes to hit the Phenomenal Forearm, Lashley tags himself back in. It backfires, anyway, as Lashley accidentally hits Styles with a Spear and Big E gets the win for his team, pinning Lashley after a Big Ending. So much fun. Everyone got their opportunity to shine. Let’s say 3.5 stars.
(0:32) We go from one exciting match to what should be another… The Usos defending the Smackdown Tag Team Titles against The Street Profits.
(0:34) Four of the best in-ring trash talkers in the business today. It’s always fun when they face each other, but that trash talking just adds to it.
(0:37) Montez Ford has tape on his ribs after the three-on-one attack he suffered at the hands of The Bloodline on Smackdown. As always in wrestling, that’s nothing more than a huge target, and the champions are going after Ford’s ribs at every turn.
(0:40) Good to see both Ford and Dawkins wrestling with an added intensity. Not only is it a title match, but that attack on Ford makes this even more personal. No fun-loving Profits on this night, nor should there be.
(0:43) Pat McAfee adds so much to every match he calls. His enthusiasm is clear from the beginning, but he also says things that nobody else would say. On top of that, his pop culture references are so much more current than what we normally hear from WWE commentators.
(0:47) Montez Ford has a level of athleticism that is usually only reserved for small animals or those in the Marvel and DC universes. That guy is a star in the making.
(0:49) A double Superkick, followed by a double Uso Splash from the top rope, picks up the win for The Usos. The champions retain their titles. Here’s a bit of an early preview from my next column… I think this should seal the deal for a move from Smackdown to Raw for the Profits. We’ll see. For now, this was another good match. I’ll give it 3.5 stars, just like the opener.
(0:51) In a backstage promo, Lashley calls Big E a “chicken shit” and challenges him to a title match on Raw tomorrow night. Great crowd reaction for the curse word, too. It’s EXTREME tonight, after all.
(0:53) Back to the Raw side of things. Up next, Charlotte Flair defends the Raw Women’s Title against Alexa Bliss. After what seemed like an attempt at a worked shoot promo battle on Raw, there’s a bit of an added layer of intrigue for this match now. I know I probably won’t get this, but I just want the lame ass “supernatural” shit to stop with Alexa.
(0:57) The guy with the “A Goofy Movie Is Filth” sign in the aisle needs to leave the arena immediately, find the nearest body of water, and drown himself in it.
(1:01) Charlotte with the super heavy red eye makeup tonight, looking like Andrade farted on her pillow last night.
(1:02) A “Let’s go, Bliss” chant breaks out from the crowd, and it grows louder once Charlotte notices it and waves her finger at the crowd, telling them to stop. Alexa was born and raised in Columbus, so it makes sense that she’d have the crowd behind her.
(1:06) There’s already a childlike quality to Alexa’s character, but even just on a physical level, she looks like a little kid standing next to Charlotte.
(1:10) Charlotte’s Natural Selection looks so bad that Alexa rolled right out of it, avoiding the entire thing, and the Raw commentary team couldn’t even tell at first.
(1:12) Piggybacking on what I mentioned earlier, Alexa looks like a kid standing next to Charlotte, even though Alexa is wearing big-time Chris Jericho lifts on her boots, adding to her height.
(1:13) After using Lilly as a distraction, Charlotte lands a big boot to Alexa’s face, then follows it up with Natural Selection for the win. I think I’m comfortable going to 3 stars here. Pretty decent performance from Alexa Bliss, showing everyone that she’s better than this stupid character is allowing her to be.
(1:14) After the match, Charlotte rips the Lilly doll apart, only to be attacked by Alexa. The champion gets the advantage back, throwing the challenger over the announce table.
(1:17) After Charlotte leaves the ringside area, Alexa gets back in the ring and cries as she looks at the destroyed Lilly doll. To mostly awkward silence, Alexa cries as if her best friend was murdered. In another awkward moment, it appears that Alexa has an Alka-Seltzer tablet or something in her mouth that is supposed to help her come across as if she’s frothing at the mouth in anger, but the tablet isn’t dissolving, leaving Alexa screaming out loud with this huge, white tablet in her mouth. That looked REALLY stupid. Even after ditching the “supernatural” stuff for a night, they still found a way to make Alexa look dumb.
(1:23) Our next match is a Triple Threat for the United States Title, with Damian Priest, Sheamus, and Jeff Hardy battling it out. This is another one that should be fun. Also, with Triple Threat rules, there’s room for EXTREME action. Pretty sure Jeff is going to end up going through a barbed wire wrapped table before this one is over. That, or Sheamus is getting shot. One or the other.
(1:31) lol @ a “We want tables” chant breaking out for what might be the sixth or seventh time so far tonight. The only table action was Charlotte throwing Alexa over the announce table and onto the announce team’s chairs. WWE really should’ve stacked the card with some more stipulations.
(1:34) I don’t know if it’s the usual middle-of-the-show exhaustion, or if the crowd is really disappointed at the lack of EXTREME on the show, but this is as quiet as they’ve been all night.
(1:36) Man, Sheamus’ face is messed up. Then, to make it even worse, he broke his nose and now he has bruises and discolorations all over said face.
(1:41) The crowd really woke up for the final stretch of the match, with finishers getting kicked out of and reversals happening left and right. In the end, Priest rolls Sheamus up for the win. The champion retains. Let’s say 3 stars again. Nothing too offensive there, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some ratings that go lower than what I gave.
(1:43) Big E gets a backstage promo this time, and he accepts Bobby Lashley’s challenge for tomorrow night. It’s announced that the match will kick off the show tomorrow, which kind of gives the result away, but hey, at least it’ll be a big match.
(1:46) Time for the Smackdown Women’s Title match. Becky Lynch defends against Bianca Belair. As long as this doesn’t end in less than 30 seconds, this could be special.
(1:52) Bianca Belair is such a star that she is actually helping Becky Lynch get over as a heel. Sure, Becky still gets loud face pops, but this “heel turn” is going infinitely better than the last time WWE tried it. I didn’t think there was a chance in hell that the WWE Universe would boo Becky. At least I’m still mostly right, I guess.
(1:56) Loud dueling “Let’s go, Becky” and “E-S-T” chants.
(1:59) Becky has ring gear that is 95% white, 4% silver/grey, and 1% red. It almost looks… generic. No text anywhere on it, no designs… nothing. I will say, however, that it contrasts well against Bianca’s super colorful ring gear.
(2:04) It simply isn’t fair that Bianca has the combination of speed, strength, and athletic ability that she possesses.
(2:08) This match has really been paced well. Both women are giving it their all, and this has the looks of Match Of The Night so far.
(2:11) Sasha Banks is back!!! As Bianca went to hit a K.O.D. on Becky, Sasha ran into the ring and attacked her to cause the disqualification. To show that there’s no friends at the top, Sasha also attacks Becky, and she ends up leaving both women on their backs after hitting them with a Backstabber. A really good match that was still building when it came to an end. I can’t quite give it anything higher, but I’m going with 3.75 stars. There’s something funny about an event called Extreme Rules having a match end by disqualification. My God, though… Becky vs Bianca vs Sasha could be an EPIC match.
(2:17) Main event time. Unless Roman Reigns vs The Demon goes a stupid amount of time, this looks like it’s going to be a short show. Of course, with this being an EXTREME RULES MATCH, there might not be much left of either man after ten minutes. Look for Reigns to put The Demon through a table that is on fire, but not before The Demon delivers a Tombstone from the top rope onto thumbtacks and broken glass.
(2:25) We still haven’t even finished Roman Reigns’ entrance. Once we throw in The Demon’s entrance, even a normal main event time will bring us to the three-hour mark pretty easily. I guess I forgot about all that.
(2:27) With a new spiked mohawk headpiece, The Demon is apparently the newest member of Slipknot.
(2:30) If The Demon loses this match, it will be his first main roster loss, to go with one loss in NXT. Might be time to officially retire the gimmick at that point.
(2:31) Yet another “we want tables” chant. This poor crowd.
(2:32) Roman goes under the ring to grab a kendo stick, only to find out that The Demon has four kendo sticks taped together for some reason. Okay then. Still no tables.
(2:34) The Demon begins to pull a table out, getting a big pop, but then Roman attacks him and slides the table back under the ring to huge heel heat. Genius.
(2:36) This is getting hilarious now. The Demon finally gets a table out from under the ring. As he slides the table in the ring, he gets a Reigns Drive-By Kick to the grill. Still no table action.
(2:37) Before jumping into the crowd to brawl through the arena, Reigns puts a face mask on. This is a master class, folks. Obviously, it makes sense for Joe Anoa’i to be wearing a mask in the crowd, but it’s such a brilliant heel move for Roman Reigns to be wearing one.
(2:39) With a crossbody onto Reigns, both men go crashing… through… a table!!! Alright, with that out of the way, let’s get the pizza cutters and light tubes going.
(2:40) After the table in the ring gets set up, Reigns sends The Demon crashing through it. The Home Depot Special continues on.
(2:44) As The Demon is about to pin Reigns, he is pulled out of the ring by The Usos, who attack him at ringside. There’s no disqualifications here, though, so it’s all legal.
(2:46) After fighting his way out of the Usos attack, The Demon is driven through the ringside barricade by a Roman Reigns Spear. I’ve said it on numerous occasions, but it’s worth saying again… that spot needs to be retired.
(2:47) With The Demon selling the Spear, the heartbeat is heard through the arena, and the lights go red as Finn Balor flops on the ground like a fish out of water. He miraculously makes the comeback.
(2:48) The Demon climbs to the top rope, and… the entire top rope snaps, sending The Demon crashing to the mat. What the fuck just happened?!? I know it was supposed to happen, but seriously, what the fuck just happened?!? Reigns is able to capitalize and he picks up the win to retain the title. Wow. That ending was… something that occurred. Not a bad match. It was hurt a little bit by the outcome never being in question, but I can still give it 3.5 stars.
A pretty good show. Six main show matches, none of which I have rated below 3 stars, but none of which even reached the 4 star mark. In the end, this will probably end up being a forgettable event. I’ll see you all again in my usual Wednesday spot.