IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #400
Support: Donate here
Main DDPYoga Program of the Day: Below the Belt 2.0
I won’t be covering the event on Saturday, but to substitute for an actual column, just assume I took a shot of vodka every time one of the commentators says “are you kidding me/you’ve gotta be kidding me.” e
Thoughts on Dynamite – January 25th, 2023
1. I don’t know what it took or how much TK had to pay, but they at least seem to have the right to broadcast a tribute show/match, finally, this week.
2. We open up mid-JAS entrance, the three of them dressed like BBMacDaddy. They’re facing Action Andretti and Vaporwave Spacepants, and thankfully we’re avoiding awkward late 90s insult promos.
3. This match brought to you by Pomade.
4. I can only be reminded of an anecdote from a friend who once remarked a little too loudly at a show that Sammy has the world’s most punchable face… while they were sitting right behind Sammy Guevara’s family. The rest of that show was awkward.
5. A strong “we want Ricky!” chant from the crowd during the cheap heat on Action Andretti. That’s a good sign.
6. I haven’t spent much time in Rupp Arena, but it’s gotta be a cool place to see an event like this. I saw my brother-in-law graduate from there in 2017, and had a great time. Lexington in general was a really great place to hang out for a few days when I got the chance.
7. I like Action Andretti’s color scheme. I can’t recall too many green, blue, and white combos. Bright colors for the win.
8. After Ricky gets tired of Jericho’s shit and throws him into the ring post, Andretti hits a sick reverse headscissors and gets a near fall. Starks takes out Jericho with the Rochambeau, but Danny Boy uses the bat for the cheap win. Garcia has spent the last few weeks looking annoyed but I guess he’s doing fine now? I’m guessing he’s on a day-to-day basis.
9. Excalibur, from a longtime manual shift driver, thank you for saying “shifting gears” instead of “switching.”
10. A Jay Briscoe tribute video is next, and it damn well should’ve been allowed to be on last week’s show. I left my rant on this topic at the end of Rampage’s column, so I don’t need to continue any further.
11. House of Black’s new entrance never gets old, and Julia Hart being a prominent figure with that badass hat, I like all of these things. I’m not sure why Darby suddenly decided to reignite the House of Black feud, but with the roll he’s been on, I’m not gonna complain.
12. Buddy Matthews’ mask looks like the floating deity you have to fight in Chrono Cross to get to Chronopolis.
13. Darby’s out with the title and Sting decides to come along this time. Who doesn’t want Goth Daddy at ringside?
14. I love that we don’t have to pretend no other wrestling companies exist. Nice to see the mention and a few clips from Darby wrestling in the Final Bye-Bye. Fantastic name for a show too.
15. Interesting look Buddy did with his facepaint. Half-monocrhome Goldust, although I know it’s a reference to Darby’s half-face. Buddy’s looks better than Darby’s does tonight, oddly enough. Four goths are better than two?
16. Hard to believe this is the same guy who was begging for Seth Rollins’ attention and trying to mack on Rey-Rey’s daughter just a short time ago.
17. Darby selling a leg injury as he gets under the ropes, but Buddy has no regard for such things. Hardest part of the ring, Brent, can’t hold anything back.
18. Sudden blackout after the two fight back into the ring, and Sting finds himself in a face… off with Malakai and Brody. Ortiz comes out of nowhere with a kendo stick to even the odds while Buddy gets a near-fall with a sitout powerbomb.
19. Another banger of a match in the Darby Allin title reign. Despite the questionable nature of the feud restart, it’s well worth it for matches of this quality.
20. Speaking of Seth Rollins, a curb stomp and a buckle bomb for a near-fall. The connection through abandoned surnames and company changes continues.
21. Darby retains after the coffin drop, and a well-deserved win without the third House of Black guy looking bad. Tony Schiavone is headed to the ring as Darby tries to get up, which is slightly weird. He starts the interview as he’s still on the ground selling the leg injury.
22. Before Darby can say anything, ol’ King Joe was a merry old soul, but an Angry Joe was he. He switches between a whisper and a yell, ala Sid but… well… good.
23. An interesting choice of having Adam Cole return before the comeback vignettes air, but worth it for that surprise return pop.
24. Next, Matt Hardy and Ethan Page are out, but they cut off the royalty-free theme of old. Isiah gets made fun of by Stokely HAMaway, and we get the Twice in a Lifetime of JungleHook in a world that denied us the same of HookHausen. Hook’s hair is extra bedhead today.
25. A quadruple Face… Off with some Deletes happens immediately, and we’re just gonna go HAM wild for this entire segment. Which I have no problem with whatsoever, for the record.
26. Ethan Page getting to be a big smily dork is so enjoyable for me. There are enough angry, heavy-breathing, muscly tough guys in wrestling. When one can break up the seriousness by doing a giant thumbs up in the camera or any of the other stuff Ethan’s been doing lately, it makes it that much more fun. I like fun, weird concept I know.
27. Just give me a show narrated by Stokely and Menard. I don’t care if it’s Planet Earth, I’ll listen to the two of them debate over whether the gazelle is gonna escape the lion.
28. This whole match is more ridiculous than Matt Hardy’s pants, and I love every second of it. Hook gets the hot tag and is all like I suplexed Big McLargehuge last time we teamed up, this ain’t a damn thing.
29. JB tries for a springboard Flying Nothing right into a Side Effect. Matt wants the Twist of Fate, but Ethan wants to do it instead. This backfires as JB puts him in the Snare trap. Ethan tries to get to the corner to tag in the Persian rug Matt Hardy stole to make those pants, but Hook doesn’t allow it. Ethan taps, JungleHook win. The saga of Matt and Private Party dealing with the one thing keeping the Firm alive continues.
30. The upcoming Family Therapy segment is so ridiculous that Excalibur can barely get through his introduction about it. Where’s Dr. Shelby when you need him?
31. The Gunns call out Billy for being on the road 320 days a year, as if that was his fault. This weird indignant attitude from the Gunns is so odd, considering they’re the ones who turned on the Acclaimed multiple times.
32. Acclaimed accurately responds about the circumstances, but Juniors Ass continues to play the victim. The therapist doesn’t realize what she got herself into, and Billy finally really starts getting pissed about them calling him a failure as a father. What will make them happy? The tag titles. Okay, that was a thing that happened.
33. It didn’t end with Dr. Shelby’s replacement yelling that they don’t listen and storming off in a ranty huff, so the potential wasn’t quite lived up to. Then again, nothing can touch the Team Hell No segments, so I’ll keep dreaming.
34. Follow-up to last week’s segment with Hangman, who doesn’t really elaborate on what he said last week, but Wheeler Yuta remembers that he is, in fact, in a stable with Mox and also, Dayton is kinda like Cincinnati except people actually want to go to Cincinnati. Yuta challenges Hangman for Rampage. Hangman is all like “why you think this won’t happen to you too, man?” Quite the subtle edge (no Adam Copeland) to Hangman lately, I dig it.
35. Danielson’s next for his match with the WWE-rumored Brian Cage. Whether that’s true or not, I only hope for the best for him. I didn’t see much of him upon my return to watching wrestling, but he’s done really well lately.
36. That is true, Rupp Arena is the home of one of the 3475 college teams named the Wildcats.
37. Bryan with a Y going through not only contenders, but completely different styles of matches in the process. Smart decision, as it allows a variety of showing what Danielson can do in various situations.
38. Oh yeah, Cage is supposed to be trying to break Danielson’s arm, of course. I wonder if MJF will ask for a refund. Shame he doesn’t have to try to get it through PayPal, good luck keeping yourself motivated through that maelstrom of suck.
39. Brian with an I just seems to be having so much fun. Like Ethan Page as of late, it is endearing. Tony though clarifies that it’s Prince Nana, not Prince the Musician, because that Prince is DEAD! I mean, his museum is right down the road from me, but very true. Just how much emphasis was on that comeback was hilarious though. They really do love to mess around when they’re in picture-in-picture.
40. Brian with an I hits multiple suplexes over the ropes, and no matter to whom he’s doing it, it looks JBLdamn impressive.
41. Brian with a Y finally making a comeback with the YES! Kicks. I absolutely adore how that crowd participation ritual will not die, despite it not once being mentioned in AEW by Danielson.
42. What a series of moves back and worth between the Briyans, but Bryan with a Y gets a lucky win. Predictable, immediate post-match attack, but it makes sense. Hey Yuta, remember how you were indignant about being in a stable with one guy? There’s another too, if you will.
43. MJF gets a pop, which… whatever. He then attacks the timekeepers to a thunderous chant. He came down to help Brian with an I use a chair to continue specifically going after the arm. MJF and Garcia though, they wore the same shirt. One of them’s gotta change.
44. Takeshita finally makes the save! Yay! Faces have friends, even if they’re not in the BCC.
45. Next is the not-triple threat match, changed to the recently-heel Toni Storm against my fave, Ruby Soho. I wonder where she’ll fall in the Originals vs. Transfers category, since she’s explicitly against this bullshit, but she came from the Other Place too.
46. Danielson turning up the volume to a point he hasn’t in AEW before, and I love it. He once wrestled 60 with a separated shoulder, so I guess that’s what’ll even the odds. The medical guy is just like “the f*ck did I do, yo?”
47. Toni gets an entrance sidebar promo, because we just don’t have time to fit it in the show? Whatever. Ruby Soho is on my screen, and therefore my day is better.
48. Ooh, they both get sidebar promos. Fit as much as you can in this one segment, I guess. At least they’re not playing poker.
49. I don’t know what happened to Britt Baker, but I hope she’s okay.
50. Ruby gets hip-checked to the outside, which has an uncomfortable amount of head bouncing off mat. The announcers really talk up the Homegrown vs the Transfers angle, so I imagine that’s where we’re headed for Revolution (no WWA).
51. I already like Toni better as a heel. I hope she’s channeling that energy from the frustration of not getting her due as champion, as it certainly seems to be so. Her only fault was not being Jamie Hayter. I know, how dare she, but she did a hell of a job.
52. Toni plays possum with Ruby, who unfortunately falls for it. She gets rocked in the corner, but suddenly, DMD! According to her jacket, she joined the JAS, but the distraction is enough for Ruby to get the win via Destination Unknown! That was unexpected!
53. Audio, people, audio! I can’t understand what MJF is saying, give it some gain! MJF is doing MJF things, which you don’t really need to hear to know what it’s about specifically, but you get the idea. He enlists Timothy Thatcher, who I don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll do an adequate job of explaining. Oh hey, there they go, they’ve gotten much better at this in the last year.
54. Emi Sakura is getting a match on television? Hell yeah!
55. Unusual amount of rematches next week on Dynamite, and by that I mean more than one.
56. Time for the main event, and the Ring of Honor commentary team has joined Excalibur. Mark Briscoe and Jay Lethal in a tribute match, and I expect this to be emotional.
57. What a pop for Mark Briscoe. I can’t imagine wrestling this close to such a tragedy, but good on him.
58. Jay Lethal’s emotion is clearly visible too. Mark has the tag title belts. Another wonderful pop with the announcer’s introduction.
59. The crowd is chanting “thank you” somebody, but the commentators talk over all of it, so I didn’t make it quite out.
60. This is a high-caliber wrestling match, but that’s hardly the point. The fact that they’re doing it under these circumstances while visibly crying at the same time is a testament to their dedication to the sport and the talent therein.
61. Mark’s a hall of famer in Ring of Honor, but if Adam Bibilo doesn’t also have him in the Grunt Hall of Fame, I’ll be highly disappointed. Attitude Era podcast, get on it.
62. Jay Lethal gets a Lethal Injection, but Mark rolls out of the ring. At least it wasn’t Pac.
63. Jay tries to jump off the turnbuckle onto Mark through the timekeeper’s table, but Mark gets wind of it and does it himself. Also, it’s Mark’s house, in addition to Swerve’s and Saraya’s and anyone else who has used that phrase. That’s some air time though, and from that angle over the ring post, terrifying.
64. Mark Briscoe gets the win, as he damn well should on such an occasion, with the Jay Driller. Mark gets a minute to say some words into the camera, and when he turns around, the locker room empties out. Mark and Lethal hug in the ring, and an extended ovation for Mark in the ring by himself with the tribute graphic. Sonjay hugs Lethal in another emotional moment.
65. The show didn’t start great, but it kept picking up as it went along. The show itself ends the way it should’ve last week, but at least it happened. I hope everyone who has been grieving found some small measure of peace in this past week.
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
I gotta go with an unlikely HAM candidate, Tony. During the picture-in-picture, just the way he was all like “that Prince is DEAD!” It kept making me laugh throughout the night.