They’ve taken everything from me.
A decade of disappointment. A decade of disillusionment. Oh, what could have been. Looking back to how it all started you would never think that I’d be in the position that I find myself in. A position not bent to my desire, but one forced upon me. And now I’m standing here; staring in the mirror, wondering where it all went wrong. Wondering if it was a fault of my own that got me to this point.
It’s easy to blame this pandemic that we’re suffering through. It’s just as easy to blame Vince for his financial failures which aided in my release. But the truth is, if I wasn’t expendable I would still be employed. What is it that I lacked? What more could I have done to remain a consistent feature in a promotion drowning in a political cesspool.
I’ve given them my all.
I’ve suffered numerous injuries. I’ve torn ligaments and even broke my neck. All for the sake of pushing myself to be the best I could possibly be. But yet my best wasn’t good enough. It was never good enough. In the beginning I was given a false sense of belief that I would succeed. All the hype my undefeated streak attained, only to fall to the golden child at the grandest stage of them all. I came out in a tank and left on a scooter. Such is how I felt on that fateful day. The day my confidence crumbled. The day my downward spiral was set in motion. Nevertheless, I soldiered on.
Was it worth it though? Was it worth living in a constant cycle of misuse and unfulfilled potential? A cycle of limited success and infinite failures. Was that what I’ve worked so hard to achieve? Absolutely nothing? A name cemented in the history books as someone that should have been more. Is that what I’ve fought for all this time? Taking painkillers to numb the pain over a bloodstained basin. Yet no amount of painkillers could numb this pain.
It hurts. Not the kind of hurt that can be caused by bodily harm. No, this hurt is reserved for a greatest love lost. Nothing but sorrow; saddened by the notion of an entire decade perhaps wasted. Nothing but fear; scared of what’s to come. Nothing but despondency; wondering if I’ll ever be good enough. I’ve been broken by the same people who put me on a pedestal when this ill fated journey first started. And what do I have to show for it? Nothing.
And to think of everything I had to endure.
Not only have I been broken as a wrestler, but I’ve been broken as a man too. I’ve been made a laughing stock by forcefully having to whore out my beloved wife for the whole world to see. Do they see our love as a joke? A tool with which to enhance a story? We were supposed to be the Randy Savage and Elizabeth of this generation, yet we ended up becoming Romeo and Juliet, destined for a tragic ending.
The way they forced me to watch her swoon over other men was sickening. But yet I persevered, hoping for better days to come. Well, I’m still waiting. And now, to top it all off, they’ve chosen her over me. Does she enjoy kissing other men? Have WWE ridiculed me in such a manner that my wife no longer views me as a man? Does she even still love me!? No, I cannot think like that. She loves me. She always will.
But yet I feel so empty.
It’s funny how people were saying that I at the very least got paid in excess working for WWE. They don’t seem to understand that money does not equate to happiness. Even more so when you’re not given the opportunity to do what you are passionate about and achieve your dream. People assume that I agreed to those disgusting storylines involving Lana and other men because I was after the money. That is so far from the truth. I allowed myself to be emasculated with the hopes of getting a foot in the door. Ironically, that very same door has now closed on me.
Then they have the audacity to advise me that there is a possibility of me being able to return to the company. How dare they treat me like some love sick child always willing to run back to them with open arms? They chose Mojo Rawley over me! What!? And that’s where the politics come into play. Just because he has a friend in the NFL he’s suddenly deemed as essential. That’s ridiculous! The thought alone angers me down to my very core. After everything they’ve put me through I’d be a fool to go back. Back to a place that has caused me nothing but misery.
No! I’ve had enough. No longer will I stand idly by and allow myself to succumb to Vince and his vulturous ways. Picking on what’s left of a man, making them believe they need him. I don’t need him! We no longer live in a world where WWE is the be all and end all of wrestling. I realize that now. I refuse to fade away into the darkness. I refuse to have my legacy tainted on the whims of a madman. I’m taking control of my life. I’m forging a new path and choosing my own destiny. To hell with my past failures! From now on I’ll be focusing solely on the future. The better days that I’ve always imagined.
I may have lost my identity. I may have had my heart ripped out of my chest. Even my spirit has been broken. But I swear on my love for Lana that the whole world will truly see what I’m capable of. It my take some time, but what’s ten months to ten years?
In this uncertain time one thing’s for sure, sooner rather than later, the whole world will know why Rusev CRUSHED!
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