NXT got the day started with a really entertaining Stand & Deliver show, and now, it’s time for the first night of a two-night WrestleMania 38.
There is a lot about tonight’s show that I’m looking forward to, so let’s get things going.
Are you ready?
Because I’m ready.
If you’re ready, and if I’m ready, then there’s only one thing left to do. I need all of you to say it with me…
LESS DEW EET!!!
(0:00) As Fightful Select announced earlier this afternoon, the Smackdown Tag Team Title match is opening the show tonight, as The Usos defend against Shinsuke Nakamura and Rick Boogs.
(0:02) Country music star Brantley Gilbert is out to sing “America The Beautiful” to keep with WrestleMania tradition.
(0:04) I can’t say that I’m a huge fan of country music, but there’s some of it that I do like. With that said, I didn’t like that rendition of “America The Beautiful” at all. It sounded like Gilbert and his pals were all off key.
(0:08) The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (AT&T Stadium is the home of the Dallas Cowboys) are out to perform a dance routine to AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” because of course. Not going to make this a show that lasts longer than four hours if you don’t have a bunch of filler.
(0:11) Nakamura and Boogs are wearing matching (in color, at least) orange, yellow, and black ring gear. It is, apparently, a promotional tie-in to Mike’s Hard Lemonade and Iced Tea concoction. Either way, it’s really weird to see Nakamura in those colors.
(0:15) At least through the first two entrances, this is a very loud crowd. This could be a fun night.
(0:18) All four men in this match are over with the WWE Universe, but this is still a surprising choice to be the show opener. Well, maybe not. When you look at the card for tonight, half the matches are WrestleMania main event quality and the other half wouldn’t even main event episodes of Raw and Smackdown.
(0:23) The Usos hit the 1D on Nakamura to pick up the win. Champs retain. There really wasn’t a lot to that match. I mentioned how some of tonight’s matches wouldn’t even main event episodes of Raw and Smackdown. This match was less than what you’d see 35 minutes into an episode of Smackdown. Let’s just say it was 2.5 stars. It wasn’t bad, so I can’t go lower than that, but it wasn’t good, either, so I can’t go any higher than that. Just… average.
(0:27) Well, we’re going from that to Drew McIntyre vs Happy Corbin now. Are we just going to get the lesser stuff out of the way right off the bat?
(0:35) The bell just rang to start the match, and I already want this to be over.
(0:39) This crowd certainly made more noise for the first match.
(0:42) STOP FUCKING HAVING WRESTLING COMMENTATORS SAY “THIS MATCH IS OVER” DURING A REFEREE’S COUNT. QUIT CHOREOGRAPHING THE END OF MATCHES, YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT FUCKS.
(0:44) Sure enough, this fucking doofus Michael Cole says “this match is over” when Corbin hits McIntyre with End Of Days, and we only get a two count, but he doesn’t say a fucking thing after McIntyre hits a Claymore and the match ends. Another television match right there. Let’s go with 2.5 stars again.
(0:46) After the match, Drew grabs the sword and goes to FUCKING MURDER Madcap Moss, but he hits the ropes with it, and the sword cuts through the top and middle ropes with ease. I guess that means we’re going to get more filler while the ropes get replaced. Hooray.
(0:48) Next up is Rey Mysterio and Dominik Mysterio vs The Miz and Logan Paul. Man, they really are going to get the nonsense out of the way first. At this rate, New Day vs Sheamus and Ridge Holland will take place next.
(0:52) The Mysterios come out with new entrance gear. Rey has a ring jacket and pants in Mexican flag-themed colors, while Dom has matching attire in American flag-themed colors. Dom looks like Eddie Guerrero and Art Barr from the days of Los Gringos Locos. Makes sense for Dom to honor his father out there.
(0:55) Miz and Paul have matching black and yellow (black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow) entrance and ring gear. It’s a good look. Logan Paul actually looks like a pro wrestler out there.
(1:00) Credit where it’s due… Logan Paul looks pretty good in the ring so far. His training has paid off.
(1:03) When Logan Paul is in the ring, his team is successful on offense. Then The Miz gets tagged in and gets beat up. Makes sense.
(1:04) Vince McMahon is going to fire the person/people that fixed the ring ropes after the Drew McIntyre stuff. The bottom rope is WAY off. It looks really bad.
(1:06) Logan Paul just got the biggest crowd reaction of the night so far, and all he had to do was stand there and smirk, soaking in the heel heat.
(1:07) More heel heat as Paul hits the Three Amigos suplexes, and then goes to the top rope, hits the Eddie Guerrero shimmy, and lands a Frog Splash.
(1:08) The Miz drops Rey Mysterio with a Skull Crushing Finale to pick up the win for his team. That was a better match than I was expecting, and it was completely due to Logan Paul. 3.25 stars.
(1:08) As they’re celebrating the victory, Miz turns on his partner, hitting him with a Skull Crushing Finale. Hmm… was that a face turn for Miz or for Paul? I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I wouldn’t mind seeing Logan Paul in the ring again. That was impressive. He just gets it.
(1:14) Stephanie McMahon comes out to introduce Gable Steveson to the crowd. His shirt is screaming “Gable, I don’t fit you!”
(1:17) Our next match is actually main event worthy. Becky Lynch. Bianca Belair. Raw Women’s Title on the line. I’m excited for this one.
(1:22) An SUV drives out onto the stage, and it is carrying the Raw Women’s Champion. Big Time Becks has a new hairstyle, new makeup, and new ring attire.
(1:23) I was just about to mention how incredible Becky looks, but then she took her shades off… and it looks like she has the worst case of pink eye ever. Well, they can’t all be winners, I guess.
(1:25) The Texas Southern University marching band is out on stage to play Bianca Belair out. This is really cool.
(1:30) They went for a recreation of their SummerSlam match, and Becky got a 2.9999999999999999999999 count. That was a VERY believable near fall. Wow.
(1:32) Both women are wrestling like they don’t want this match to reach the five-minute mark. They’re going all out.
(1:34) All jokes aside from earlier, but both of these women look amazing out there. They look like actual mega stars.
(1:37) So far, this has been really ugly, but in a great way. It looks more like an actual fight than a wrestling match. They had an awkward Electric Chair spot that was almost botched, but it looked like they messed up because they’re both trying to get the upper hand, not because one, or both, of them did something wrong. They even fought through it in “real” fight fashion.
(1:41) A beautiful 450 Splash from Bianca gets another believable near fall. There have been a few of those really, really close ones here.
(1:46) Manhandle Slam on the ring steps! You know, I’m thinking that didn’t feel very good for Bianca.
(1:48) A KOD picks up the win for Bianca and the roof nearly came off the stadium. We have a new Raw Women’s Champion, and we have a new Match Of The Night. That was fucking fantastic from both women. I’m going to need to watch it again, but for now, I’m giving that 4.5 stars. Good, good shit.
(1:54) Our next match is Seth Rollins taking on an opponent of Vince McMahon’s choosing. Here. We. Go.
(1:59) Is… is Seth wearing see-through lace from neck to toe as his ring gear???
(2:02) Cody Motherfucking Rhodes is here! Same entrance music, same ring attire, same everything from his AEW run. The crowd is losing their fucking minds. This is surreal.
(2:06) I don’t care how many times you read rumors of Cody possibly heading to WWE, maybe heading to WWE, possibly signing his contract, maybe not signing his contract, and so on. Seeing him wrestling on WWE television in 2022 is wild.
(2:08) Cody did the Stardust cartwheel taunt!
(2:12) It was smart to have this match worked at a slower pace. You know the idea of having Cody go out there and go nuts was talked about, but it’s smart to let the previous match have that rapid pace. That match had a personal feud to go along with it. This match does not. Both men are good enough to shine without going 200 miles per hour.
(2:14) “Welcome back to the big leagues, bitch!” – Seth Rollins. Oh boy.
(2:17) The pace is picking up nicely. They’re having a good one thus far.
(2:19) Cody hits Cross Rhodes, and guess what happened? Commentary said “THIS IS IT!!!” and Seth kicked out.
(2:21) Cody was welts, bruises, and scratches on his chest, ribs, and all over his back.
(2:23) Jesus, Cody’s body looks like he’s been in a car wreck.
(2:24) Rollins hits a Pedigree… and guess what happened? “THIS IS IT!!!” Cody kicks out. Fucking hell. These raggedy bitches are on a mission to fuck a good thing up.
(2:27) Cody with the jabs and a Bionic Elbow gets a huge face pop.
(2:27) Before the Dusty tribute, Cody hit back-to-back Cross Rhodes on Rollins. After the tribute, he hit another one. Guess what happened? No choreographing anything on commentary, and Cody picked up the pin. Another fucking banger of a match. I’m going with 4 stars, but if you want to go higher than that, it’s cool with me. In addition to what I mentioned earlier, Cody now has bruising and welts on his face and neck, too.
(2:42) After video packages and the annual Hall Of Fame celebration, Michael Cole announces that Rick Boogs has a torn quad patella. He worded it weird, almost stumbling over things, as Cole tends to do. Either way, Boogs is going to require surgery and will be out of action for a while. Get well soon, Boogs.
(2:44) After Sean Ross Sapp reported that a match might need to be cut from the show for time, we’re going right to the Smackdown Women’s Title match. So, unless we’re not getting anything with Kevin Owens and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin tonight, which might cause a riot in that stadium, it looks like New Day vs Sheamus and Ridge Holland has been bumped. It’ll probably end up being on the pre-show tomorrow night, but that’s just a guess on my part.
(2:49) Ronda Rousey’s makeup artist still hates her guts.
(2:53) Every five seconds, Ronda has to adjust her shorts and her top. Maybe wear better fitting shit next time.
(2:57) With Becky Lynch and Bianca Belair, they looked like they were really fighting because they’re good at what they do. Charlotte and Ronda look like they’re really fighting, but it looks like it’s happening because they don’t like each other. Big difference.
(3:00) Charlotte goes for a Moonsault, but misses because Ronda moved out of the way. Of course, Charlotte landed on her feet, so she went for a Standing Moonsault… and missed, this time of her own doing.
(3:02) Funny spot where Ronda looks like she’s going for an armbar, and she starts talking to someone in the crowd, allowing Charlotte to just casually scoot away. That looked really dumb.
(3:07) They’re just reversing submission attempts out there. Rousey was able to escape the Figure Eight, and Michael Cole says she’s the first person to ever do so. I have no idea if that’s true or not, but he sounded like he meant it.
(3:10) Ronda hits Piper’s Pit and gets a three count, but Charlotte had her foot on the bottom rope and Little Naitch calls the pin off because he saw the foot.
(3:11) Now we have a ref bump, with Charlotte being knocked into Charles Robinson and nearly decapitating him on the bottom rope. With no ref around, there’s nobody to see Charlotte tapping to an armbar. Ronda picks Robinson up just in time to get kicked smooth in the fucking face to pick up the win. Quite the surprising outcome there. I don’t think many people were picking Charlotte to retain. I’m having a bit of a back-and-forth in my head about what to rate that match. It was really rough, but it wasn’t the drizzling shits or anything. The lowest grade I’ve given tonight is 2.5 stars, but I think I would say I liked those two matches slightly better. That would mean this should be less than 2.5 stars, but it almost sounds weird to say that. I’ll just go with my gut, but still be generous… 2.25 stars. I’ve seen some folks on social media grade it a lot worse than that.
(3:21) Sure enough, New Day vs Peaky Blinders has been cut for time. It has been a rough stretch for the New Day over the last few weeks.
(3:21) The KO Show is our main event, which sounds ridiculous to even type, but the pop we’re about to hear for “Stone Cold” Steve Austin is going to be banana pancake.
(3:27) Kevin Owens is in the ring and hasn’t even said a word yet, but we’ve heard a SUPER loud “Austin” chant and SUPER loud heel heat when he lifted the microphone to his face.
(3:29) With fans from all over the world travelling to WrestleMania every year, this whole “I hate Texas” thing is weird. There’s only like 29 actual Texans in attendance right now.
(3:31) THE GLASS SHATTERED!!! HUGE pop for “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, who walks from one end of the stage to the other to soak in the reaction.
(3:33) After walking to the back again, Austin returns riding his four-wheeler to another big pop.
(3:35) A complete standing ovation for Austin as he enters the ring and destroys the props for the show. Then another LOUD “Austin” chant.
(3:37) DEAFENING “What” chants for Austin as he talks trash to Owens. Jesus Christ.
(3:39) Owens tells Austin that he brought Austin to WrestleMania to challenge him to a match. Needless to say, the crowd wants it. Owens says he wants it to be No Holds Barred, and that draws a huge “Yes” chant from the fans.
(3:44) They are eating out of the palm of Austin’s hand, just like in the Attitude Era. Austin accepts the challenge and calls for a ref.
(3:44) HERE WE GO!
(3:46) Austin stomps a mudhole in Owens’ ass and is now proceeding it to walk it dry. He’s 61 years old, but he’s still able to whoop that ass.
(3:49) I am so happy for Kevin Owens right now. He is living out an absolute dream.
(3:51) This motherfucker Austin is outchea taking a suplex onto the concrete floor. He’s insane! 65 years old and doing that shit?!?
(3:54) Owens tries to start Austin’s ATV, but is unable to do so. That allows Austin to attack him and drive the ATV, with Owens on it, up the ramp.
(3:55) Now, the 71-year-old Austin is delivering a suplex onto the stage. His body is going to be mad as hell when he wakes up in the morning.
(3:57) OWENS DELIVERS A STUNNER! He only gets a two-count out of it, but wow, that was wild.
(3:58) Owens went to grab a steel chair from ringside, and I nearly died hearing a woman in the crowd yell “DON’T YOU DARE!”
(3:58) KO tries to use the chair, but Austin ducks, and KO hits the ropes, causing the chair to bounce back and hit him in the face. KICK WHAM STUNNER! Steve Austin picks up the win! The match lasted 13:55, making it the fourth longest match of the show. Who saw THAT coming?!? For all the talk of what Sting has been able to accomplish in AEW, we just witnessed a 75-year-old “Stone Cold” Steve Austin wrestle a 14-minute No Holds Barred match after not wrestling for nearly two entire decades. I don’t even know how to grade that. It turned out to be an actual match, which is more than anyone was expecting. Not any sort of technical classic, but it wasn’t supposed to be. I don’t care what anyone says about this grade… 4 stars. That was so much fun.
(4:01) After the match, Austin delivers another Stunner to Owens, and then kicks him out of the ring, where Owens is met by Deputies to escort him from the building.
(4:03) Byron Saxton enters the ring for a beer, and of course, he eats a Stunner, as well. After Austin celebrates and has a beer with his brother, we go off the air.
Well, there was a little bit of everything tonight, wasn’t there? We got a couple of really good matches, a really good nostalgia ride, a memorable return, and just about everything else you could ask for. I’m exhausted. I’ll see you all again tomorrow night for my WrestleMania Sunday Running Diary.