Can’t Knock The Hustle: WWE Men Are From Mars, WWE Women Have No Patience

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If I had to create a list of the most patient people I’ve ever met, said list would be largely populated by women.

More often than not, they’re able to sit back and think about different angles, different outcomes, and different points of view. They tend to leave emotion out of it when making decisions, instead of being spontaneous and somewhat reckless.

Again, that’s more often than not, and not something that is 100%. Of course there are overly emotional women out there, and of course there are men who are very in tune with their inner chi and are able to remove emotion from their decision making.

In the wild and wacky world of WWE over the last two decades or so, things seem to be heading in the opposite direction of what I’ve experienced in my life.

2017 saw the very first Women’s Money In The Bank Ladder Match take place. We have now seen seven of these matches involving the women (2017 was the year where Carmella was stripped of her victory due to interference by James Ellsworth, so we got a rematch the following week on Smackdown), and there has been an interesting/alarming/hilarious/sad (depending on your personal opinion) trend that has taken place…

The women of WWE have no patience whatsoever.

It started off fine. After Carmella won the aforementioned Smackdown rematch, she would hold the briefcase for 287 days before cashing her shot in and defeating Charlotte Flair to become the Smackdown Women’s Champion. 287 days happens to be the longest anyone, man or woman, has held the Money In The Bank briefcase before cashing it in.

That’s when the wheels fell off. Let’s take a look at the women who have won Money In The Bank since Carmella won it, as well as how long they held the briefcase:

 

  • Alexa Bliss (2018): Less than three hours (2:52), winning in the fourth match of the main show and cashing in after the eighth match of the main show
  • Bayley (2019): Less than 90 minutes (1:25), winning in the first match of the main show and cashing in after the sixth match of the main show
  • Asuka (2020): One day, with Becky Lynch revealing to the world that she was pregnant, and therefore, Asuka’s Money In The Bank victory was for the Raw Women’s Title itself
  • Nikki A.S.H. (2021): One day, cashing in the next night on Raw
  • Liv Morgan (2022): Less than two hours (1:42), winning in the first match of the show and cashing in after the fifth match of the show

 

Just for shits and giggles, let’s say Asuka and Nikki A.S.H. held their briefcases for 24 hours on the nose. That would mean the average time over the last five women’s briefcase ownerships is a whopping 10:48. Yes, I know that Asuka actually held the briefcase for 25 days because the Money In The Bank matches at the 2020 event were pre-recorded weeks earlier, but since she is officially recognized as having a one-day possession, that’s what we’re going with here.

Less than 11 hours. That’s less time than it takes to get from one end of a Whataburger drive-thru to the other. It’s less time than my sleepy ass daughter slumbers on a nightly basis.

That’s quite the rush.

I know… in the lovely world of kayfabe… if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Obviously something is being done correctly for the women of WWE, seeing as how every woman to win Money In The Bank would use it to become champion, no matter how long it took to cash in.

I’m talking about watching things as a fan, though. As you know, the level of drama is severely affected when… oh, I don’t know… there isn’t any. When a woman wins Money In The Bank, you can pretty much pencil it in that she’s cashing in within the next 24 hours.

Before I go on… yes, I am well aware that there have been male winners who cashed in quickly. Dean Ambrose took 57 minutes to cash his shot in back in 2016. John Cena took eight days back in 2012. Kane took 49 minutes in 2010, and Jack Swagger took five recognized days earlier in the year, when we had a Money In The Bank match at WrestleMania, and then the titular pay-per-view debuted a few months later. Edge took four recognized days back in 2007.

That’s it, though, and still mostly longer than the short times of the women.

I get that this is a weird thing to complain about, but it’s not like I’m the only one that has brought it up.

Something we’ve heard about recently when it comes to Money In The Bank winners is the tease of a “WrestleMania Moment” for their cash-in. We saw how well that worked out for Seth Rollins. Seven years later, his cash-in is still widely regarded as the best one in Money In The Bank history. Why can’t we have something like that for the women?

When Alexa Bliss won in 2018, she could have been used in the exact same spot as Seth Rollins at WrestleMania 31. The main event of the next WrestleMania (35) was Ronda Rousey vs Becky Lynch vs Charlotte Flair. That was just BEGGING for a “WrestleMania Moment” cash-in. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t meant to be. Not only did Alexa cash her shot in three hours after winning it, but she got injured and wasn’t even able to wrestle at WrestleMania 35, instead being named the host of the show.

The next two years didn’t really matter much. Bayley won in 2019, but she was the Smackdown Women’s Champion going into WrestleMania 36, where she successfully defended the title. On top of that, it could be argued that it’s not a TRUE “WrestleMania Moment” when it happens in front of zero fans thanks to COVID. Asuka won in 2020, and she was the Raw Women’s Champion going into WrestleMania 37, although she would lose her title that night.

Nikki A.S.H. in 2021 would’ve been an interesting case. On one hand, she wasn’t even on the WrestleMania 38 card, so she damn sure would’ve benefitted from being able to cash in there. However, on the other hand, she wasn’t quite the same character in April 2022 that she was in July 2021. For one, she had a heel turn to begin 2022, but most importantly, she had lost whatever heat she had at the beginning of the journey. Yes, that heat could’ve been retained with proper booking throughout the second-half of 2021, but that’s a HUGE ask of the WWE Creative Team. I’m not saying she should’ve done this, and I freely admit I wouldn’t have wanted to see it, but imagine the heat Nikki could have had if she cashed in on Bianca Belair, who just defeated Becky Lynch to win the Raw Women’s Title. There’s a “WrestleMania Moment” for you.

Liv Morgan, even as popular as she has become with the WWE Universe, isn’t guaranteed much of anything come WrestleMania time. There is only a handful of women on the WWE roster that are “guaranteed” something big on the WrestleMania card if they’re healthy and not beefing with the company. Becky Lynch will be there. Charlotte Flair will be there. Bayley will be there. Sasha Banks will be there. Asuka will be there. Ronda Rousey will be there. Bianca Belair will be there. Realistically, that’s it.

I’ve seen other complaints about Liv Morgan’s cash-in, but I’m not on board with them. The biggest complaint that I’ve seen (other than what I’ve mentioned here) is that, as a face, she shouldn’t have cashed in on another face. I’ve seen some people say Liv should have given Ronda Rousey more of a “fighting chance” to recover from her match with Natalya. I have also seen some people saying that Liv should’ve announced a scheduled match ahead of time. To those people, I say this…

Shut up. You smell like butt.

In the history of Money In The Bank, we’ve seen three people (all faces) announce their intention of cashing in ahead of time. In 2006, Rob Van Dam announced he would be challenging John Cena at ECW One Night Stand. He would win the match and become the WWE Champion, but he also needed the help of Edge to get the win. In 2012, John Cena announced that he would be challenging CM Punk at Raw 1000. Cena won the match, but by disqualification due to interference from Big Show, and therefore, did not win the title. In 2018, Braun Strowman announced that he would be challenging the winner of the SummerSlam main event between Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns. Reigns won that and would defend the Universal Title against Strowman at Hell In A Cell, but the match would be thrown out because of interference by Lesnar.

Sure, if you want Liv Morgan to look like a complete doofus by announcing ahead of time that she’s challenging Ronda Rousey or Bianca Belair for their title, only to get mollywhopped in the actual match… then it’s a tremendous idea. Otherwise, no. I have no problems with a face cashing in on another face, a heel cashing in on another heel, or anything in between. There’s also no issue here with a face cashing in on a compromised opponent. The entire point for them  is to use their Money In The Bank shot to become the World Champion, and that provides them with their best chances of making that happen.

Maybe I’m just crazy for wanting to see a long, well thought out storyline with a woman holding the briefcase. Carmella had that long reign, sure, but if you remember… she was pretty impatient, too. It’s not like she sat back and waited a full 287 days before cashing in. She tried cashing in. In fact, she tried, and failed, on several occasions, always getting her attempts thwarted before they became official. Liv Morgan, stalking the Raw and Smackdown Women’s Champions for months on end, would be quite entertaining. Becky Lynch would’ve been great in that type of role had she won Money In The Bank this year. Same for someone like Rhea Ripley if she was able to participate in the match.

Oh well. You can’t argue with results.

 

 

Weekly Power Rankings

  • The Usos vs The Street Profits: Just a fantastic match between two teams who have a stupid amount of in-ring chemistry together. With the way the match ended, I am eagerly anticipating what could, and should, be the final chapter in their rivalry for the time being. A Ladder Match would be epic, but would also be coming off of Money In The Bank, so I can understand why WWE wouldn’t want to go back to that well so soon.
  • Carmelo Hayes vs Grayson Waller: Two of the best athletes in NXT, and two of the brightest futures of anybody on the roster. I didn’t really think Waller had a chance of winning here, but that didn’t really do much to hurt how much I enjoyed the match itself. I’ve said this before, but Carmelo Hayes is more than ready for the main roster.
  • Liv Morgan: It doesn’t matter how it got done. What matters is that it got done. She won Money In The Bank, and then became the new Smackdown Women’s Champion. That’s quite the huge night.
  • Men’s Money In The Bank Match: Every bit the train wreck that it needed to be. Yeah, people are upset about Theory being thrown into the mix at the last minute and then going on to win the whole thing, but I’m not down on Theory as an in-ring performer like some folks are. Do I think he should beat Roman Reigns on Smackdown this week to become the top guy in WWE? No. Absolutely not. Could I see him becoming something special within a year’s time? Yes. For sure. As always, it’s about the follow-up and the follow-through.
  • Blood & Guts: Chaos. Sheer, unadulterated chaos. That’s what this match was, and that’s what this match was supposed to be. You’re not tuning in to watch a match called “Blood & Guts” to see a lot of scientific mat work. The only concern people are going to have is the ridiculous amount of matches in AEW that involve said blood and said guts. You’re going to burn through wrestlers pretty quickly, and for a company that is already dealing with a ton of injuries, that could become a huge problem.
  • Bron Breakker vs Cameron Grimes: As always, whenever Cameron Grimes is brought up, I am legally and contractually obligated to mention the fact that he nearly broke my leg at an independent wrestling show a few years back. This match was really good. Again, I don’t think anyone really bought Grimes as a potential winner here. That has less to do with him and more to do with how Bron has been positioned in NXT. It’s weird to say, but he’s almost bigger than NXT at this point. Going from a feud with Joe Gacy, where nobody bought the challenger as a threat, to a mini-feud with Grimes, where nobody bought the challenger as a threat, is certainly a choice. Furthering that point is Bron’s next feud (more on that in a bit), where initial social media reaction shows that nobody is buying the challenger as a threat. Short of main roster wrestlers showing up to face him, Bron doesn’t have a lot of people that are “believable” against him in the challenger role. NXT needs to work on that. Either that, or he needs to be sent to Raw or Smackdown sooner than later.
  • The Creed Brothers vs Roderick Strong & Damon Kemp: Lots of really enjoyable stuff here. The Creeds look incredible already, and they only seem to be getting better. You can say the same thing for Damon Kemp, who has made tremendous strides in a short amount of time.
  • Asuka vs Becky Lynch: Okay… can we move on now? These two work well together, but we’ve also seen them face each other approximately 4,173 times in the two months since Asuka returned.
  • Luchasaurus: He becomes infinitely more interesting now that he’s a heel and has aligned himself with a newly heel Christian Cage. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.
  • Montez Ford: There’s a lot of buzz that Montez has a lot of fans within WWE management, and that we’re on the verge of seeing him pushed as a singles star. If you’ve read my columns, you know I’ve been saying for a while now that he has everything it takes to be a major player as a singles performer. We don’t know if it will happen at all. If it does happen, we don’t know if it’ll be a week from now, a month from now, or a year from now. I’m just saying he’s more than capable and more than ready. Unfortunately, I don’t have the same confidence for Angelo Dawkins as a singles wrestler. I love Dawkins, but you can just see him getting lost in the shuffle like a ton of people did after they were split from long-time tag team partners.
  • JD McDonagh: The former Jordan Devlin made his return to NXT and is already in a program for the NXT Title. Not bad. As I mentioned earlier, though, social media is already full of negative comments, with people saying that he’s not a “believable” challenger for Bron Breakker. McDonagh is insanely talented in the ring. That’s not the problem. He just appears to be another minor hurdle for the NXT Champion to overcome. I would like to be wrong here.
  • Roxanne Perez & Cora Jade: The brand new NXT Women’s Tag Team Champions. Unless you were expecting a heel turn for Jade, this was the outcome that most expected. It’s a good title change. These two are going to bring a different dynamic to the division.
  • Logan Paul: Say whatever you want about Logan Paul as a human being. You’re a fool if you don’t think this is a great move for WWE and for Paul, though. He looked really impressive in the ring at WrestleMania, and with even more training, he’s only going to get better. As for WWE… well, you know how much Vince McMahon loves that mainstream media attention. Paul brings that attention everywhere he goes. The man has 23.5 million YouTube subscribers, 23.3 million followers on Instagram, and 6.4 million followers on Twitter. That’s a lot of people that will tune in to see what he’s doing, and WWE sure could use those extra eyeballs on their shows and events.
  • Solo Sikoa: Like Montez Ford, there’s a lot of buzz surrounding Solo that he’s on the verge of a major change. The rumors are that he could be main roster bound, set to join his brothers and his cousin on Smackdown. To go from the middle-of-the-pack in NXT to involved in the top story in all of pro wrestling is one hell of an upgrade.
  • Maximum Male Models: Was it stupid? Yes. Does stupid sometimes work in pro wrestling? Yes. I’m not going to type their names the way it’s supposed to be typed, but Mah-say and Man-swah look like they could definitely embrace the stupidity. If they commit their all to this, it could be entertaining. We already know Max Dupri is going to bring the mic work.

 

 

This Week’s Playlist: “New Money” by Calvin Harris & 21 Savage… “Where I Belong” by Joey Bada$$… “Menace” by Lloyd Banks & Conway The Machine… “Glimpse Of Us” by Joji… “The Body” by Bad Wolves… “Fever” by Citizen Soldier… “BEASTMODE” by From Fall To Spring… “Guiding Light” by Horizon Ignited… “Salt” by The Devil Wears Prada… “Stitches” by Bullet For My Valentine… “Running Up That Hill” by Placebo… “Uprising” by Muse… “Informer” by Snow & MC Shan… “Girl I’ve Been Hurt” by Snow… “Shy Guy” by Diana King… “Tease Me” by Chaka Demus & Pliers… “Murder She Wrote” by Chaka Demus & Pliers… “Mr. Loverman” by Shabba Ranks & Chevelle Franklin… “Backshot” by Spragga Benz & Lady Saw… “This Is Why I’m Hot (Remix)” by MiMS, Junior Reid & Cham… “Flex” by Mad Cobra… “Footprints” by T.O.K… “Heads High” by Mr. Vegas… “The Rain” by Oran Juice Jones… “The Bill Collecta” by Chamillionaire & Krayzie Bone… “What It Do” by Chamillionaire, Paul Wall & 50/50 Twin… “Turn It Up” by Chamillionaire & Lil Flip… “Ridin” by Chamillionaire & Krayzie Bone… “Rain” by Chamillionaire & Scarface… “The Odyssey” by Flatbush Zombies

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