There is an insane amount of WWE news floating around right now. Some of it is good, and some of it is very, very bad. It almost feels weird to watch a show with what’s going on, but in a way, that makes watching the Rumble even more important. If I can find some entertainment for a few hours, and take my mind off some of the shit I’ve heard and read recently, I’ll take it.
Folks, it’s time for the 2024 Royal Rumble. The Road To WrestleMania is officially underway. Let’s try to have some fun.
Women’s Royal Rumble Match
It doesn’t always happen, but I love it when WWE starts a Royal Rumble show with one of the Rumble matches. There isn’t a better way to make sure this live crowd is amped from the very beginning.
The surprises started early tonight, with Naomi making her return to WWE in the #2 spot. It’s her first match for the company since May 2022, and she was welcomed back with a huge reaction from the crowd in St. Petersburg, causing her to get emotional before the match began.
Well, if you want an even bigger surprise than Naomi, the #5 spot went to current TNA Knockouts Champion Jordynne Grace. Wow. I didn’t see that one coming at all. Yes, she was wearing her title, and yes, TNA was mentioned multiple times on commentary.
During Maxxine Dupri’s entrance, Michael Cole mentions that she is a much improved in-ring performer. She then proceeds to enter the match and literally mess up the first two things she did. Whoops.
A funny spot saw Nia Jax on the mat and Shotzi trying to pick her up, only for Nia to look at her and yell “NO” because she had to stay still for a Maxxine Dupri Worm.
During Valhalla’s entrance, R-Truth’s music hits and he enters the ring, confused and asking where all the men are. He is immediately “eliminated” by Nia Jax, and he continues to be confused when Adam Pearce tells him that is, in fact, the women’s Rumble match. I fucking love R-Truth.
In a moment you could see coming from a mile away, Nia Jax is in the ring looking as dominant as possible, and everyone is wondering who could possibly stop her… and then Jade Cargill makes her debut as the #28 entrant. Loud “holy shit” chants as Nia and Jade face off in the center of the ring.
Liv Morgan makes her return in the #30 spot. Even before she made it to the ring, it looked like she was trying to fight back tears. She has been dealing with a lot of things over the last several months, so it makes sense that she is excited to be back in the ring.
Bayley is your winner of the 2024 women’s Rumble match. She was the betting favorite, last I saw, and it makes perfect sense for her to win with what is going on in the Damage CTRL storyline. I dig it.
No AJ Lee or Sasha Banks, like many people hoped. A whole lotta people owe Sean Ross Sapp an apology on Twitter. There was a bit of everything in this match, though. Some exciting surprises, but also a bunch of really rough spots with botches, miscommunication, and poor timing. Jade Cargill wasn’t in the match for very long, but she was booked in such a way that she looks to have four or five really big feuds coming soon. For the most part, the crowd was excited for the action. The Royal Rumble matches are the only Battle Royals I will give a rating to. I wish this didn’t have so many sloppy moments, because the structure of the match was well done. 2.75 Stars
Roman Reigns vs AJ Styles vs LA Knight vs Randy Orton – Fatal Four Way for the Undisputed WWE Universal Title
Part of me was expecting this to be the main event, but another part of me was expecting it to be in the second spot. Having it here is only going to get the rumor mill going crazy for the men’s Rumble match and what could happen there.
I really enjoyed the way this match was put together. Roman’s matches are expected to be done at a slower, methodical pace. That’s what we got when he was on offense here, but with the extra competitors involved, that meant there was always something going on. I never thought there was a legitimate chance that any of the challengers were going to win, but all three of them looked great here in defeat. It’s important to keep some sort of momentum going in a loss. 3.75 Stars
No appearance from The Rock during or after the match, much to the surprise of many. The night is still young, of course.
Logan Paul vs Kevin Owens – United States Title Match
It’s probably only because they’ve been making noise for two-plus hours, but the crowd is really quiet for this match. They made noise for the ring entrances and pre-match introductions, but have been pretty quiet for the match itself.
A physical, hard-hitting match. Owens seemed to find extra enjoyment in beating Logan up. Paul has a bloody nose, may have been bleeding from the cheek, and his chest is a bruised up mess after some super stiff chops. The match itself was good, but that ending sucked. After more attempted interference from one of Logan’s dipshit crew, it allowed for Austin Theory and Grayson Waller to make their appearance, slipping a pair of brass knuckles to Logan. Unfortunately, the knucks were taken by KO, who used them to get a one… two… and now, for the first time in pro wrestling history, a Referee decides to open his fucking eyes and notice what’s going on. He sees the knucks on KO’s hand and calls for the disqualification. I’m someone who feels pay-per-view matches shouldn’t end by disqualification or count-out. I think it’s pretty dumb, almost across the board. 3.25 Stars. Like I said, the match was fun until the ending stopped the momentum dead in its tracks.
Men’s Royal Rumble Match
Jey Uso is #1. Jimmy Uso is #2. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENING?!?
The first surprise of the men’s Rumble is the return of Andrade, coming in at the #4 spot. It’s his first match with the company since October 2020.
Bron Breakker enters the match at #20 and immediately goes ballistic when he steps into the ring. He even physically dominated Gunther. The kid is a fucking star. Get him out of NXT already.
Bron eliminated motherfucking Omos all by himself, only to be eliminated by Dominik Mysterio seconds later. Good way to get major heat on Dom after a very impressive performance from Mr. Breakker.
R-Truth continues to be a star. He comes to the ring for his spot, and he stands on the apron, waiting for a tag from Dominik Mysterio, who is being held in a Sleeper by Gunther. The crowd is going nuts for the tag, and then Dom breaks free from Gunther and actually dives for the hot tag, bringing Truth into the match. Hilarious spot.
With Sami Zayn in at the #30 spot, that means no HUGE surprises in the match. No Rock, MJF, Kazuchika Okada, or any of the other names that a lot of folks were hoping to see. Interesting to see WWE go as close to “chalk” as possible so far tonight. That isn’t a complaint, mind you, nor is it a bad thing. Some of those huge surprises wouldn’t have made sense here.
CM Punk and Cody Rhodes are the final two. I don’t think that should be too much of a shock to anybody, especially once we realized none of those major surprises weren’t going to be involved.
As he continues his attempt to finish his story, Cody Rhodes is the winner of the 2024 men’s Royal Rumble match. He becomes the ninth man to win more than one Rumble, and the first since “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in 1997 and 1998 to win back-to-back editions.
Everything that I said about the women’s Rumble was almost completely opposite of the men’s match. While the women’s one was incredibly sloppy at times, the men’s match was well done. At the same time, though, there was a lot more excitement surrounding the women’s match. More surprises, and seemingly more “big” moments. The men’s match seemed a lot more “clinical” and “safe” than anything else, and that made it a disappointment to me. Even if you were going to go with one of the overwhelming favorites as the winner, you could’ve shaken things up a bit more. 3 Stars. A better rating than the women’s Rumble, simply because it was a better match, quality-wise.
You could probably call the show, as a whole, something of a disappointment. There weren’t any matches that are going to be on year-end Match Of The Year lists. If you were looking for any surprise winners, there weren’t any. The whole show was basically a vehicle to prepare us for the next event, and wasn’t used to truly stand out on its own. It wasn’t a BAD show. Again, just disappointing, considering expectations, hopes, and the fact that it’s the Royal Rumble.