This wrestling weekend has already been a huge one. It’s time to see if WWE can keep the momentum going with the biggest party of the summer. There’s a stadium full of fans, a buzz in the air, and some big-time matches ready to take place. Let’s not waste any more time.
Are you ready?
‘Cause I’m ready.
You know the deal… say it with me…
LESS DEW EET!!!
(0:00) The pre-show closes with the news that the Raw Tag Team Title match will start SummerSlam off. Good choice. R-K-Bro is the most over story happening on Raw these days, and AJ Styles is always popular.
(0:06) Awww, I was really hoping Orton and Riddle would ride to the ring on matching scooters.
(0:11) It’s still great to see a huge crowd for a wrestling show. They’re announcing “50,000+” are in attendance. The WrestleTix Twitter account is saying that the capacity for the venue tonight is a little over 46,000. Either way, it’s a beautiful sight.
(0:13) There was a time when people really didn’t know if Matt Riddle would be able to have his in-ring style and his promos adjust to fit within the WWE bubble. No longer. He’s a guy that could easily be a WWE or Universal Champion in the future.
(0:17) Omos catches Riddle in mid-air and then drives him down onto the ring apron with a chokeslam. He’s such an impressive monster.
(0:18) Orton hits an RKO… OUT OF NOWHERE… on AJ Styles and we have brand new Raw Tag Team Champions. An expected outcome, but that’s not a complaint. It was the right move. Not an in-ring classic or anything, as it was way too short, but it kept the crowd invested. I’ll go ahead and give it 2.75 stars.
(0:23) Well, just like that, I have lost the will to live. It’s time for Alexa Bliss vs Eva Marie.
(0:26) The 30-year-old Bliss has mastered dressing and acting almost childlike. It’s weird.
(0:27) The match begins by Eva Marie getting out of the ring… and she trips on the rope, nearly falling to the floor. Great start.
(0:28) Eva then grabs the Lilly doll and slaps it around a few times. Okay then.
(0:30) You know, I don’t think the crowd cares about this shit, either.
(0:30) A DDT ends this quickly and mercifully. Alexa wins. No rating. Please… please, please, please… let’s get rid of this Lilly dogshit. No more Lilly, no more Eva Marie, no more cinematic cockfuckery.
(0:34) Bayside High School alumnus, Albert Clifford Slater, is a backstage interviewer for tonight’s show, and he brings in R-K-Bro. Riddle reveals that he has a special surprise for Orton on Raw. I can’t believe they’re going to show pounds of weed being trafficked on live television.
(0:36) Next up, it’s time for Sheamus defending the United States Title against Damian Priest. Business is starting to pick up.
(0:39) Counting the Big E vs Bum Ass Baron Corbin match on the pre-show, we’re at a combined 17:30 of action through three matches. Brisk pace here, to say the least.
(0:42) We’re barely a couple minutes into this, and both Sheamus and Priest have taken a lot of punishment here. Priest did a flip dive from inside the ring to the floor, grazing Sheamus, essentially powerbombing himself onto the floor, landing directly on his hip. Fucking ouch.
(0:44) Sure, at least some of it is selling, but Priest hasn’t looked quite right since landing on his hip. He isn’t walking correctly, grimacing with everything he does.
(0:47) This crowd hasn’t been anywhere near as loud as they could/should be tonight. I don’t care what your thoughts on AEW are, but one thing nobody can deny is that AEW crowds are LOUD, every week, for every show.
(0:51) Very weird crowd. They’re quiet, but then they buy into the near falls, only to go right back to being quiet. I feel like I’m watching SummerSlam LIVE from the Tokyo Dome.
(0:53) Another title changes hands! Damian Priest is the new United States Champion. Well-deserved. Priest looks like he’s been through a war, having bruises and welts on his chest and ribs. That was fun. Even with a bit of a slow stretch after Priest nearly ejected his kidneys through his stomach, it was still a hard-hitting, enjoyable match. Let’s call it 3.5 stars.
(0:55) A commercial reveals that “March 2022” is the new date for the release of the WWE 2K22 video game.
(0:58) Rey and Dominik Mysterio, and their dope ass Wu Tang Clan themed shirts, are on their way out for the next match. Their opponents are the Smackdown Tag Team Champions, The Usos. It seems like we’re building to some sort of heel turn for Dom, and I have no idea why that’s necessary. Could tonight be the night we see it?
(1:00) Even though we’ve seen Insert-Name-Here Mysterio vs Insert-Name-Here Uso every week for the last 28 years, this match should be a ton of fun.
(1:05) I’m fully expecting it to change for the “bigger” matches of the night, but this crowd is still just sitting there.
(1:07) Pat “Don West” McAfee is one excitable mofo on commentary. He sure likes to yell. Not quite as much as Chris “Too Much Of The Bubbly” Jericho on the first episode of AEW Rampage, but still.
(1:09) Hey, the crowd got excited for a hot tag to Rey Mysterio! Then, of course, they pretty much went right back to being quiet, but at least it’s a start.
(1:13) Well… The Usos retain their titles, as expected. A good match. Good, not great. I’ll give it 3 stars.
(1:16) lol @ comedian Tiffany Haddish clearly not being a wrestling fan, calling Damian Priest the new “national champion.” I mean, technically, she’s not wrong… but she’s still very wrong. This is also mere seconds after she called this event “The SummerSlam.”
(1:18) Rick Boogs is out to introduce Shinsuke Nakamura, who comes out to dance with Pat McAfee… and that’s it. That’s literally all they did, and then we get thrown to a video package for Bianca Belair vs Sasha Banks. It takes a lot to be more pointless than Alexa Bliss vs Eva Marie, but there it was.
(1:20) There has been a lot of controversy surrounding what’s happening with this Bianca vs Sasha match. All rumors indicate something is up. It was reported that Sasha is out of tonight’s match.
(1:24) So far, everything seems normal. Bianca is making her ring entrance, and there hasn’t been any mention that any changes are being made.
(1:25) Ring Announcer Greg Hamilton merely announces Sasha is unable to compete, and then says Bianca is defending against Carmella instead. The air went out of the building for the announcement, and then it was removed completely when Carmella, and not Becky Lynch, was announced as Sasha’s replacement. This is lame.
(1:28) NEVERMIND. BECKY LYNCH IS BACK! Becky is out to a thunderous ovation. Even Bianca looks genuinely excited to see Becky.
(1:30) Becky looks to be in phenomenal shape. Not only has she lost the baby weight, but she looks even trimmer than she did before she was pregnant.
(1:31) “The Man” quickly disposes of Carmella, and we get a face-off between her and Bianca. The crowd is FIRED UP for this, chanting “ring the bell” before Becky grabs a microphone. She challenges Bianca, who accepts. Here we go. Bianca Belair vs Becky Lynch for the Smackdown Women’s Title.
(1:34) What. In. Thee. Entire. Fuck. Just. Happened. Becky pins Bianca in mere seconds to win the title. That… that was unexpected. The only way that even comes CLOSE to making sense is if Bianca is injured or if she’s about to be punished for something like a Wellness Policy violation. Good Lord. The thing is… it might not matter, anyway. Becky’s win and celebration got a huge reaction. It’s not like the crowd dumped all over everything. They’re just happy to see Becky Lynch back.
(1:40) Olympic Gold Medalists Gable Steveson and Tamyra Mensah-Stock are announced, and they make their way to the ring. They get a standing ovation from the crowd. Good stuff. Steveson is taking it all in, but Mensah-Stock looks like she’s having the absolute time of her life. Like Steveson, she is a lifelong WWE fan who has said her dream is to work for the company.
(1:42) Extreme Rules is coming to us on September 26th, LIVE on THE COCK.
(1:44) I still can’t believe everything that happened with that Smackdown Women’s Title match. Wow. Coming off of that, it’s time for Drew McIntyre vs Jinder Mahal. I don’t exactly have confidence that this is going to be anything great.
(1:48) The crowd feels the same as I do. They’re back to being quiet again.
(1:50) No, but seriously, what the fuck was that entire Smackdown Women’s Title shit about? The worst part about it is WWE continuing to falsely advertise Sasha Banks for the show. They could’ve had Becky show up on Smackdown to insert herself into the match, and then actually given us a classic tonight.
(1:51) McIntyre wins. I don’t care. That was barely a match, too. What is even happening tonight?!?
(1:54) Time for the Raw Women’s Title match. Nikki A.S.H. defends against Charlotte Flair and Rhea Ripley in a Triple Threat.
(1:57) The pacing of this entire show has been atrocious. The matches are all short, and there’s been too much filler.
(2:01) I’ve said it before, but it’s always worth repeating… Charlotte Flair is in the spot she’s in, and the spot she will always be in, because she looks like a megastar. She looks like a million bucks, and carries herself as a main event player.
(2:03) A bit of a quiet reaction for the champion during the in-ring introductions. Polite applause, and some pretty audible boos from adult males. Definitely the quietest of the three reactions for the match.
(2:08) It has been over 30 minutes since Becky Lynch won the Smackdown Women’s Title, and social media is still very, VERY upset. Sasha fans are mad that she wasn’t there. Bianca fans are mad that she was squashed the way she is. Fans in general are mad that we were robbed of what could’ve been a fantastic match. Logical fans are mad that Carmella was RIGHT FUCKING THERE to be pinned in a Triple Threat if they wanted Becky to win the title so badly.
(2:10) Nikki with a diving crossbody off the top, onto her opponents at ringside, and it barely gets a reaction.
(2:14) Charlotte hits a reverse flipping 873 degree Phoenix Splash McTwist onto her opponents at ringside. Not only did it get a big reaction from the crowd, but she almost Gallagher-ed Nikki’s head in the process, smashing the champion’s skull into the ringside barricade.
(2:17) A Figure Eight gets the win for Charlotte Flair, as Nikki taps out to end the match. Charlotte is now, by my math, a 58-time Women’s Champion. That was actually a fun match. Let’s say 3.5 stars, tying it for Match Of The Night so far.
(2:20) Well, I think we might be on the verge of a new Match Of The Night. It’s time for Edge vs Seth Rollins, which should be really good.
(2:25) Seth Rollins coming out to the ring looking like the fifth Beatle. Almost immediately after I type that, Michael Cole makes a similar reference on commentary, name dropping the Beatles’ “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club” album. His look also has a bit of matador thrown in, for good measure.
(2:28) After teasing it a bit on Smackdown, Edge comes to the ring to the full Brood entrance. The music, the lighting, the sunglasses, and even coming up through the stage. He gets halfway down the ramp, removes the glasses, and we get his normal entrance. I dig it. The best of both worlds.
(2:33) Such a good story being told already. Edge has mentioned needing to go to a dark place to win this, so he’s wrestling aggressively. On the other hand, Rollins is a dastardly heel that is targeting Edge’s head and neck with his offense.
(2:36) AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT THE BIANCA SITUATION… just kidding.
(2:39) They continue to tell their stories here. The new story is that Rollins is younger and faster than Edge, so try as he might, Edge can’t quite get any momentum going. Two masters of their craft here.
(2:43) There aren’t many moves I enjoy more than Seth Rollins hitting a Superplex, and then rolling through into a Falcon Arrow. It’s a work of art.
(2:46) Rollins continues to try for a Stomp as the death blow, but he is unable to connect. Then, Edge hits a Spear through the ropes, like the one he hit on Mick Foley at WrestleMania 22. That was wild. This guy is nuts.
(2:48) Edge goes for a Spear, which is BEAUTIFULLY countered into a Pedigree in mid-air. Wow. Really believable near fall, too. This match is delivering the goods.
(2:51) Edge bounces Seth’s head off the mat repeatedly, complete with the camera going up and down for every single one of the bounces. I want Kevin Dunn dead.
(2:52) Rollins taps out! Edge wins! That was some good shit. I might need to watch that again to see if there will be an adjustment, but my initial rating is 4.25 stars.
(2:54) lol @ WWE announcing next year’s Money In The Bank event almost a year in advance. It’ll be taking place in Las Vegas during the Fourth Of July weekend next year. Honestly, it makes no sense that WWE keeps doing shows in Nevada and Arizona during the summer months. IT’S FUCKING HOT. People show up for these shows and are miserable the entire time. They get their hotel rooms, thinking that they’re within walking distance of the venues, and then they end up sitting in ball soup and clam chowder the entire time.
(2:55) 51,326 is the announced attendance for tonight’s show.
(2:57) Because we haven’t wasted enough fucking time on this show, it’s time for The Miz and John Morrison to come out and make the same stupid water-related jokes that they’ve been making for a while now. They want to reveal their new “Drip Stick 2000” but can’t, because Xavier Woods (in full Scott Hall cosplay) stole it. Woods hoses Miz and Morrison down to almost no reaction. We’re three hours into the show, with two matches to go, and THIS is the shit WWE decides to put on?
(3:02) This is one of the most poorly-paced and put together WWE pay-per-views of all-time, and I’m not even close to exaggerating there.
(3:04) Time for the WWE Title match, with Bobby Lashley defending against Goldberg. Something tells me this isn’t going to be a classic, either. Counting the pre-show, we’ve already seen five matches tonight that clocked in at under ten minutes. This should be the sixth. We’ve seen three matches that clocked in at under five minutes. This could be the fourth. I would like to point out that this is supposed to be WWE’s second-biggest show of the year. It’s turning into nothing more than an extravagant episode of Raw.
(3:13) Goldberg is in great shape, but his pre-match workouts sure do make him look sweaty as all hell by the time he gets to the ring. He looks like he’s ready to pass out. At least he doesn’t literally look like he’s on the verge of death like Shane McMahon does when he gets to the ring, but my point remains.
(3:14) There’s the opening bell. The clock is ticking.
(3:15) Goldberg slams Lashley down, and is then met with a loud round of boos from the crowd. I love it.
(3:16) Once Lashley gets back on offense, the crowd cheers. Again, I love it.
(3:18) Goldberg goes to hit a Spear and is met by perhaps the loudest heel heat of the night so far.
(3:19) The challenger is gimping around on a bad knee, slowing the pace down even further in a match that didn’t need a slower pace.
(3:22) The match is called by ref stoppage. What a fucking shitshow this has been. After the bell, Lashley grabs a steel chair and wears Goldberg out with it. Gage Goldberg is planning on legally changing his last name as we speak.
(3:24) Or not. Gage gets in the ring but then gets a half-assed Hurt Lock put on him for a second. As Gage puts on the worst selling performance in recent memory, his father screams that he’s going to kill Lashley. How did that just work out for you, bud?
(3:28) Main event time. Roman Reigns. John Cena. The Universal Title. After all the clusterfuckery that these fans have been exposed to tonight, let’s see if they wake up for this one. You would think so.
(3:32) A new Super Mario 3 themed shirt for Cena tonight. That’s awesome. Unfortunately, it’s similar to an old CM Punk shirt, so the dorks are already going nuts about it on Twitter.
(3:38) Man, Roman’s entrance really takes a long time. He’s the new Undertaker.
(3:39) Still a very good face reaction for John Cena during the ring introduction. The crowds have been incredibly receptive of him since his return, and they don’t appear to be slowing down.
(3:40) No real mixed reaction for Roman Reigns, either. The crowd is very much on the side of Cena here.
(3:42) There haven’t been many in the history of wrestling that are better that the mid-match shit talking than Roman Reigns. He’s great at this.
(3:47) So far, they’re following a similar story that we saw with Edge vs Seth Rollins. Reigns is younger and faster than Cena, so Cena’s having a difficult time getting out of first gear so far.
(3:50) Roman looks into the camera and apologizes to Hollywood executives for the beating he’s delivering to Cena. Nice touch.
(3:54) Cena goes to deliver the “you can’t see me” taunt before the Five Knuckle Shuffle, only to be pulled into a Guillotine Choke by Reigns. That was a good spot.
(3:55) Reigns kicks out of an Attitude Adjustment at 2.999, but it was ruined by Michael Cole, who continues his streak of saying that a match is over when it isn’t.
(3:57) Cena delivers an Attitude Adjustment on the announce table, but THAT gets ruined by Pat McAfee, who said Cena was a 17-time champion as Cena rolled Reigns back into the ring. I fucking HATE it when these wrestling commentators do that shit.
(4:01) A SUPER Attitude Adjustment from the top gets another 2.999 count. These two have the crowd fully in the palms of their hands.
(4:03) Back-to-back Superman Punches and a Spear finish it off for Reigns. The champion retains his title. That was a very entertaining “WWE style” main event. I’ll give it 4 stars.
(4:05) BROCK LESNAR IS BACK! Lesnar is out to another huge ovation. I love the facial expressions on the faces of Reigns and Paul Heyman. Heyman looks like he’s seen a ghost, and Reigns looks like he fully expected to never have to deal with Lesnar again.
(4:07) Loud “holy shit” chants as Lesnar stares daggers at Reigns, who then slowly retreats. Heyman, showing his genius, has tears in his eyes as he sells the shock and fear of seeing Lesnar again.
(4:08) We go off the air with Lesnar standing tall in the middle of the ring as Reigns retreats.
Well, that’s certainly going to be a newsworthy show, even if some of that news isn’t for the best of reasons. Two great matches, two pretty good matches, two huge returns, four title changes, and a partridge in a pear tree. I’m out of time, but I’ll be right back here… same Hus time, same Hus site… with a Running Diary for NXT Takeover 36 tomorrow night.