TRIPLE H IS TOTALLY GOING TO BOOK HIMSELF TO BEAT ROMAN REIGNS TONIGHT.
Well… maybe.
No matter what, it’s SummerSlam time, and you know what that means… ya boy is back with yet another Running Diary.
There’s a lot to cover, so I don’t want to waste any more time.
Are you ready?
Because I’m ready.
So, if you’re ready, and if I’m ready, then that means there’s only one thing left to do. Say it with me, folks…
LESS DEW EET!!!
(0:00) The show will be getting started with Bianca Belair defending the Raw Women’s Title against Becky Lynch. That’s a really good pick to kick things off. Two incredibly over performers. A major grudge match. Let’s go!
(0:05) There’s about 40,000 fans packed into Nissan Stadium in Nashville, Tennessee. It’s a big-time feel for a big-time event.
(0:06) Can you imagine what the closet looks like at the home of Becky Lynch and Seth Rollins? Walking through there must be like living through a fever dream.
(0:09) There’s the bell.
(0:10) Well, all that speculating about this match ending quickly is out the window. Good. These two deserve something special.
(0:12) Becky outchea looking like the third member of Harlem Heat, while Bianca looks like she’s ready to perform at a Honky Tonk bar after the show.
(0:14) I’ve said this before, but it’s crazy just how much body mass Becky since she had her baby. She lost whatever baby weight she had when she was pregnant, but then lost even more. She’s so much smaller now than we’ve ever seen her.
(0:16) Great reversal and submission work from the challenger. Smart strategy. She’s not going to be stronger or faster than the champion, so she has to focus on what she’s better at, and that’s what she’s doing.
(0:21) It isn’t fair for a human being to have the combination of strength, speed, and athletic ability that Bianca Belair has. Her skills aren’t just good “for a woman” like I’ve seen some people say. She’s faster than a ton of the guys on the roster, and certainly stronger than a bunch of them, too. It’s insane.
(0:23) Manhandle Slam gets 2.999 for the challenger. She used Bianca’s braid to pull the champion off the top rope, then nailed her with the Manhandle. That was a good spot.
(0:25) A Spanish Fly from the top and then a K.O.D. gets the pin and the win, and Bianca retains her title. That was fun. 3.5 stars.
(0:27) After the match, Becky offers a handshake, and it is accepted after a moment of debate. Both women hug, and then Becky leaves the ring.
(0:28) BAYLEY IS BACK! As Bianca celebrates, the crowd explodes as Bayley makes her return, showing up for the first time in over a year.
(0:29) TRIPLE H REALLY IS IN CHARGE! As Bayley is standing in the aisleway, talking trash to Bianca, DAKOTA KAI comes out. What the hell is going on?!?
(0:30) IO SHIRAI IS HERE! Good God Almighty, what is happening?!?
(0:32) Bayley, Dakota, and Io get in the ring and start talking trash to Bianca, who is then joined by the returning Becky Lynch. Becky and Bianca welcome the fight, but the new trio has other ideas, and they decide to walk. Wow. The women’s division has gotten infinitely stronger, all in one shot.
(0:35) Looks like we’re getting Logan Paul vs The Miz next.
(0:39) Awww, how cute… Miz, Maryse, and Ciampa all have matching gear. Nice of Miz and Maryse to include their son like that.
(0:41) There’s the bell. Miz is rocking trunks that say “Hello! My Balls Are Massive” on the front.
(0:43) Miz has already been potatoed, apparently. His cheek is bruised up and swelling.
(0:45) Paul with a Moonsault from the ring apron to the outside, and he lands flat on his stomach. The Miz has made an entire fucking career out of not catching people when they dive to the outside on him.
(0:47) Nice looking Blockbuster from the top by Logan Paul. Say whatever you want about him, but the guy has a ton of athletic ability, and he looks solid in the ring.
(0:49) Paul locks a Figure Four in to the expected chorus of “WHOOO” from the crowd.
(0:51) Ciampa Mizanin gets caught by the Referee as he tried to interfere, and he gets himself ejected. Instead of leaving, he grabs a chair and sits at ringside, refusing to leave. Then, AJ Styles’ music hits, but AJ TELEPORTS OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE to attack Ciampa. They fight into the crowd, never to be seen again.
(0:53) A Phenomenal Forearm from Logan Paul gets a 2.999 count. That wasn’t quite on AJ’s level, but it looked really, really good.
(0:54) A FROG SPLASH FROM THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE MIZ, CRASHING THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE AT RINGSIDE! That was beautiful.
(0:55) Skull Crushing Finale by Logan Paul, and we have ourselves a winner. Quite the showcase for the newcomer, who already looks like one of the better athletes on the roster. Lots of fun there. I think I’ll go with 3.5 stars there. Something to take note of was that Logan Paul got a huge face pop for winning the match.
(1:01) We get an over-the-top Pure Life water involving Maximum Male Models, pouring the water all over themselves and each other. Silly, yes, but that’s the kind of silly that works in pro wrestling if everyone is committed. It sure seems like the players in MMM are committed, so we’ll see how it goes.
(1:04) Time for the United States Title to be defended, as Bobby Lashley puts the title on the line against the former champion, Theory. This could be the start of a historic night for Theory. It could also be the start of a night to forget.
(1:06) In what might be a bit of an omen, Theory attempted to climb the turnbuckles and accidentally dropped the Money In The Bank briefcase. Whoops.
(1:08) Theory attacks Lashley with the briefcase before the match begins. Pretty smart, actually.
(1:09) There’s the bell.
(1:10) Theory probably should’ve beaten Lashley to death’s doorstep, as his advantage only lasted a few seconds. Didn’t take long for the champion to get back on offense.
(1:14) Theory taps IMMEDIATELY after being placed in the Hurt Lock. Lashley retains the title. Not much of a match at all, so I’m not going to give that a rating. It did its job, though. Lashley should’ve mowed through Theory, and he did. Doesn’t look good for Theory tonight, but IS THAT WHAT THEY WANT US TO THINK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
(1:17) Our next match is the No Disqualification Match that will see Rey and Dominik Mysterio taking on Finn Balor and Damian Priest of The Judgment Day. Rhea Ripley is accompanying Balor and Priest to the ring.
(1:21) There’s the bell.
(1:23) After a flurry of offense by the Mysterios has Balor and Priest on their backs at ringside, Ripley yells out “COME ON! GET UP!” at them. She really is the leader of the group, isn’t she?
(1:25) A “We want tables” chant breaks out. That didn’t take long.
(1:27) Dom is getting beaten down by both members of The Judgment Day, and Rey, in this super heated personal rivalry and in a No Disqualification Match, is standing there at ringside and waiting for a tag. Okay then.
(1:29) Rey intercepts a steel chair being brought into the ring and he decides to use it himself. Finally.
(1:29) This is the quietest the crowd has been all night. They’re probably just waiting for Edge to show up.
(1:31) Rhea gets involved and attacks Dom. Makes sense.
(1:31) As The Judgment Day go to grab a steel chair, the lights go out. Edge is here, rising from below the stage as columns of fire shoot to the sky.
(1:32) Priest meets Edge in the aisle and gets a boot for his troubles. Edge gets in the ring and hits Balor with a Spear, followed by one for Priest.
(1:33) It all leads to Rey getting the pin and the win. Just like that, The Judgment Day is just another group of people on the roster. 3 star match. Obviously, this was more about the return of Edge than the match itself, but it was still pretty decent while it lasted.
(1:38) Time for Pat McAfee vs Happy Corbin. This could be another showcase for McAfee, who, like Logan Paul and Bad Bunny, simply get IT.
(1:43) During Corbin’s entrance, his music cuts out and a choir appears and chants “Bumass Corbin” to him.
(1:44) I guess “Seven Nation Army” was too expensive to use again, because McAfee has a trash ass knockoff version of it as his theme now, with that same choir “chanting” it. It was pretty clear that the men in the choir weren’t actually doing any of the chanting, not for Corbin and not for McAfee’s song.
(1:47) There’s the bell, and McAfee lands a Superkick instantly.
(1:49) I like that Bumass Corbin is wearing Indianapolis Colts colors as if that’s some sort of mind fuckery to McAfee, who… played for the Indianapolis Colts with him.
(1:52) Corbin throws McAfee onto the announce table, but it doesn’t break. Bumass then puts on a headset and does commentary and he punches McAfee over and over again. LOL @ Michael Cole talking shit to Corbin, only to get shoved back into his chair.
(1:54) A Superplex from the top gets a 2.9 count for McAfee.
(1:56) Right as Michael Cole talks about how slippery the ropes are due to the humidity, McAfee nearly falls off the top rope and ends his own career before regaining his balance and nailing Corbin with a Swanton.
(1:56) REF BUMP! McAfee hits Corbin in the little Bumasses, then delivers a really ugly Pittsburgh Sunrise for the win. That was something. It was pretty ugly at times. Nowhere near the level of McAfee’s other two matches, but it got the job done. I’ll give it 2.5 stars, but it was never supposed to be an in-ring clinic.
(2:01) Drew McIntyre is introduced, and he makes his way to the ring. He cuts a pro-Nashville promo, kissing up to the city, saying that it is his new home. Sorry, Tampa, I guess.
(2:04) Drew says that he’s going to beat the winner of tonight’s main event at Clash At The Castle on September 3rd. Man, the crowd reaction Drew is going to get at that show will be off the charts.
(2:05) Special Guest Referee Jeff Jarrett is introduced, and it is time for the The Usos to defend the Undisputed Tag Team Titles against The Street Profits. Their last match is going to be on some Match Of The Year lists at the end of 2022. How will this one fare?
(2:08) The Tennessee Titans cheerleaders come out to perform a bit, and they bring out the challengers, who are rocking new Titans-themed ring gear and cowboy hats to match.
(2:10) Tonight is Day 376 of the current Usos title reign. Pretty crazy how dominant The Bloodline has been.
(2:13) Double J is calling it down the middle already, admonishing both teams for pushing the rule breaking.
(2:16) Slow-ish start to the match, as The Usos dominate Angelo Dawkins for a bit.
(2:17) On-cue, there’s the hot tag to Montez Ford.
(2:19) Ford just chopped the ever-loving FUCK out of Jey Uso. Sounded like there was a sniper inside the stadium.
(2:21) The pace is picking up something fierce. I love it.
(2:21) Dawkins hits Jimmy with a POUUUUUNNNNNCCCCCEEEEE that sends Jimmy straight into a suplex by Ford. That was pretty.
(2:24) Another picture perfect Frog Splash by Ford, but he isn’t able to go for the cover right away, and it costs him. 2.999 count.
(2:25) A “this is awesome” chant.
(2:25) Ford is upset, yelling at Jeff Jarrett about not making the three count.
(2:26) The Usos get the pin and the win. That was a good match, but that’s just it. A good match. Not a great match. That’s a major disappointment. I’ll say 3.5 stars, but if you want to go slightly higher, I won’t top shelf your toilet.
(2:32) Riddle is here! He runs through the crowd and has a microphone in his hands. He calls Seth Rollins out, but security is out, trying to stop him as he “isn’t medically cleared” tonight.
(2:33) Rollins is walking to the ring, and he gets interrupted by a bunch of officials, too. It doesn’t last, as he breaks free, and so does Riddle. Brawl time.
(2:34) Rollins hits Riddle with a Stomp in the middle of the ring, and on commentary, Michael Cole sells it like Riddle could have broken his neck. Of course, that is nullified by officials immediately grabbing Riddle and turning his body over and helping him to his feet. Welp. That was a quick segment.
(2:35) Our next match is for the Smackdown Women’s Title, with Liv Morgan defending against Ronda Rousey.
(2:40) In one of pro wrestling’s greatest new traditions, Ronda Rousey’s makeup artist continues to hate her guts. Ronda can see herself, can’t she? You would think so, but it’s like she just walks out there, sight unseen, unaware that she looks like Rocket Raccoon.
(2:42) One second into Liv Morgan’s entrance, she already appears on the verge of tears. My goodness.
(2:44) For the love of Joe Pesci, can someone tell Ronda to get some fucking ring gear that fits? She literally has to stop every two seconds to adjust herself. Combine that with the makeup and she looks like someone dressing up as a wrestler for Halloween.
(2:47) Here’s the recap of the match so far: Submission attempt by Ronda, rope break, submission attempt by Ronda, rope break, submission attempt by Ronda, rope break, submission attempt by Ronda, and so on, and so forth.
(2:48) Are you fucking kidding me right now? Liv is locked in her 28th armbar of the match, then rolls through and pins Rousey’s shoulders to the mat for a three-count. Replays show that Liv actually tapped out before the three count, but it’s too late. Liv Morgan is still the Smackdown Women’s Champion.
(2:50) After the match, Ronda attacks Liv and then the Referee. What a clusterfuck. No match rating, because there was barely a match.
(2:53) Kane, who is sweating his ass off as if he just worked a 20-minute match, is in the ring to announce the inflated attendance figures. He says 48,449 fans are there, but in actuality, the number is in the 39,100 vicinity. Inflating numbers in pro wrestling? ESCANDALOSO.
(2:57) Main event time. Roman Reigns. Brock Lesnar. Undisputed WWE Universal Title. Last Man Standing. This is going to be a much shorter pay-per-view than we were all thinking. Unless, of course, this match goes an hour. Can you imagine?!?
(3:01) Roman Reigns is coming out first. Interesting. This is Day 680 of Reigns’… reign. Approaching 700 days as a champion while The Usos are approaching 400 days as champions. As I said, that level of dominance is bonkers.
(3:07) Upon his entrance finishing up, Roman asks Nashville to acknowledge him. They do.
(3:08) Mr. SummerSlam himself, Brock Lesnar, is here.
(3:10) LOL @ Brock having his own Front End Loader, adorned with his logo, that he is driving to the ring.
(3:13) There’s the bell. How quick will this be?
(3:14) After jumping smooth the fuck off of the Loader with a Thesz Press, Lesnar has been in total control so far.
(3:16) Brock pulls a table out from under the ring and gets a big pop for it.
(3:17) Paul Heyman provides enough of a distraction to allow Reigns to finally get himself back in the match after putting Lesnar through the table at ringside with a Samoan Drop.
(3:18) Reigns follows that up with a Uranage (FORESHADOWING~!) that puts Lesnar through another table.
(3:20) Back-to-back Superman Punches and a Spear aren’t enough to keep Brock down for a ten count.
(3:21) Both men are cut up and bleeding from going through tables.
(3:22) Brock is behind the wheel of the Loader again, backing it up a bit. The Loader, not his ass.
(3:23) Brock places Roman in the scoop part of the Loader, then dumps Reigns back into the ring with it.
(3:24) A “this is awesome” chant breaks out.
(3:25) An F-5 for Reigns. The champion is being absolutely dominated so far. So much so that Brock looks exhausted. Clearly, Roman is going with the Rope-A-Dope method here.
(3:27) Brock locks Reigns in a choke, but Reigns makes it back to his feet again. Usually, Brock plays the role of Horror Movie Villain that never stops coming, but tonight, Roman is in that role.
(3:28) Brock uses his Loader to lift one corner of the ring 20 feet in the air, which sends Roman tumbling out and to the outside. That’s a highlight reel visual right there.
(3:29) The Usos sneak in from the crowd and attack Brock, but he fights them off pretty quickly.
(3:30) Paul Heyman gets in Brock’s face, but he takes an F-5 through the announce table for his trouble. This allows Roman to get back up and hit Brock with a Spear. Both men still make it to their feet, and this match continues.
(3:31) Theory is here! He is running to the ring with a Referee! Here we go!
(3:32) Theory hits Roman with the briefcase, but before he can cash in, he takes an F-5 from Lesnar. The Usos then take Brock out with double Superkicks. Brock gets back to his feet, only to take a Spear from Reigns. Brock is back up! Good Lord.
(3:33) Reigns takes the Money In The Bank briefcase and mollywhops Lesnar with it, but Lesnar beats the count! As he gets to his feet, he is hit with title belt shot from Roman. He’s back up again!!! This is fucking insanity.
(3:35) Roman uses his other title belt and drops Brock once again. The Bloodline buries Lesnar underneath a pile of chairs, tables, and the ring steps and it allows Reigns to pick up the win. That was a level of carnage that is almost beyond belief. That was 4.5 stars. An absolute WAR.
(3:40) We go off the air with Roman talking his talk to the camera after a huge display of pyro around the stadium.
Another event in the books. Pretty good show. Nothing terrible, and damn near the entire show was good-to-great. I’ll take that. See you all again in my usual Wednesday slot.