Even by WWE standards, this event on THE COCK has been poorly built. The matches themselves should be pretty good, but outside of the top two matches (Becky Lynch vs Charlotte Flair and Big E vs Roman Reigns), the build has been pretty bad pretty much across the board. That’s unfortunate, as Survivor Series is supposed to be one of the company’s “Big Four” shows.
Time will tell how well the show turns out, but that’s what I’m here for. That’s what we’re all here for.
I’m ready.
Are you ready?
Since we’re ready together, I think it’s time, so say it with me…
LESS DEW EET!!!
(0:00) To close out the Kickoff Show, it is announced that the first match of the main card is Becky vs Charlotte. That seems to be a thing that the company is obsessed with these days. Take a main event or a “main event” match and just throw it on first. I guess I can’t complain about that.
(0:06) As is tradition with WWE, we have a lengthy video package to open the show, immediately followed by another lengthy video package to highlight the opening match that is about to take place. AEW would’ve had two matches, a backstage promo, and the announcement of a new signing by now.
(0:11) Charlotte continues to look like a million bucks. Her ring gear looks fantastic.
(0:12) Both women are going with new ring gear here. Charlotte’s ring robe was very Maleficent-like, while Becky’s gear looks like she’s cosplaying as Britney Spears from the “Oops! I Did It Again” music video.
(0:13) Whether or not this entire story is a work, shoot or worked shoot is irrelevant. It would behoove both women to wrestle as if it were something of a shoot. Keep it professional, of course, but if you end up with an incredibly hard-hitting and violent bout here, it’ll be talked about.
(0:16) So far, so good. Both women have landed some stiff strikes.
(0:19) I mean this in the best way, but the match has had some very ugly moments so far. They really are wrestling as if they dislike each other. Good. More of this. Becky and Charlotte already have great in-ring chemistry. Adding the anger and frustration to that only enhances things.
(0:21) Charlotte is heard saying “shit” twice as she trash-talks Becky. Edgy.
(0:25) I don’t understand how he does it, but Pat McAfee has mastered the art of yelling and screaming without having his voice be louder than anyone else on commentary. Take notes, Chris Jericho.
(0:26) Two of the biggest stars in the business. A really entertaining match to this point. Yet, the crowd is still a lot more quiet than you would expect. That doesn’t bode well for the rest of the card.
(0:29) Stiff strikes, hair pulling, foul language… good stuff.
(0:29) Charlotte misses 99.7% of her Moonsault, then yells into the camera that she’s the greatest. Odd timing there. The replay showed that the only contact she made was Becky moving her arm out so that Charlotte could briefly touch it as she landed. Ugly, ugly spot. This time, I don’t mean “ugly” in a good way.
(0:31) Becky gets the win! Charlotte goes for a roll-up, but gets caught holding the ropes. As she lets go, Becky reverses the roll-up and SHE holds the ropes, this time outside of the Referee’s view. Really good match. Like I did for AEW Full Gear, I’ll be posting all of my match ratings at the end of the column, to keep better track of everything.
(0:35) The company’s next event on THE COCK is NXT War Games, coming to us on Sunday, December 5th.
(0:36) Time for the men’s traditional five-on-five Survivor Series match. Seth Rollins, Bobby Lashley, Kevin Owens, Finn Balor and Austin Theory are on Team Raw. Drew McIntyre, Jeff Hardy, King Woods, Sheamus and Happy Corbin are on Team Smackdown. Will Smackdown do better than they did last year? I mean, they can’t do any worse, considering they lost in a complete sweep.
(0:44) Ten men in the match. That means ten entrances. Hooray.
(0:46) Happy Corbin and Asshat Moss are in the running for the worst gimmick of all-time. I can’t even bring myself to watch the matches, promos and segments they’re a part of on television. If I wasn’t covering this match for the Running Diary, I would skip them here, too.
(0:50) 15 minutes later, we finally get the opening bell. We’re starting off with Kevin Owens and King Woods. Just kidding. As I finished that sentence, Owens completely walks away, eliminating himself from the match. Smackdown gains the advantage.
(0:51) Theory is in the match for Raw now. By the way, this crowd continues to be below average, and that might be too kind.
(0:54) The crowd comes alive when Jeff Hardy tags into the match. Take note of that, Vince. Who am I kidding? He won’t take note of that.
(0:56) Even with the other big names in the match, the crowd at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn is only making noise for Hardy.
(0:57) Balor pins Corbin to eliminate him and even the odds. Please get Corbin and Moss the fuck off of my television screen now.
(0:59) WWE gave nobody a reason to care about this, so people are obliging by… not caring about this.
(1:03) Lashley puts a quick end to King Woods’ momentum by hitting him with a Spear and then making him pass out in the Hurt Lock. Woods is eliminated, and Raw now has the advantage.
(1:05) A stare down between Lashley and McIntyre draws little-to-no reaction.
(1:06) Lashley and McIntyre brawl on the outside and get themselves counted out. Jesus Herbert Christ. Rollins, Balor and Theory remain for Raw, while Sheamus and Hardy remain for Smackdown.
(1:09) Balor eats a Brogue Kick and gets eliminated. We’re down to a tag match. The crowd still doesn’t care because Hardy isn’t in the match at the moment.
(1:11) I’m sorry to keep harping on the same point, but this is just boring. There’s more crowd heat for random matches on Raw and Smackdown than this.
(1:14) Sheamus has wrestled like a face at times in the match. That’s about to change, though. Sheamus goes to tag in Hardy, who wasn’t available. In the distraction, Sheamus gets rolled up and eliminated by Theory. My goodness. Sure enough, Sheamus is mad at Hardy and attacks him. Formulaic. Either way, it’s Seth Rollins and Austin Theory vs Jeff Hardy.
(1:16) The crowd comes back to life for a “Hardy” chant. Push him already.
(1:17) A Swanton Bomb eliminates Austin Theory, and we’re down to Hardy and Rollins, one-on-one. The winner wins the rights to fight off being released by the company for an extra week.
(1:18) EL OH EL @ the crowd chanting “This is awesome” after not giving a rat’s ass about almost everything that has happened.
(1:20) After getting his knees up on a Swanton attempt, Seth Rollins picks up the victory for Team Raw with a Stomp. The match itself was decent enough, minus some weird booking. It was definitely hurt by the lack of crowd reaction, though.
(1:24) We keep getting multiple video packages highlighting The Rock’s career. We’re celebrating the 25th anniversary of his debut tonight, and we’ve gotten a package for that debut and one for his WWF Championship victory at the 1998 Survivor Series.
(1:27) It’s time for the 25-man Battle Royal. Keeping with the tradition, there’s nothing on the line here. Sami Zayn’s entrance is aired, and now, we’re getting the entrance for AJ Styles and Omos. Looks like most of the competitors are already in the ring, though.
(1:30) Ricochet gets a televised entrance? Weird. Following Ricochet, we get the entrance of The Street Profits.
(1:31) They’re using this match as a commercial for motherfucking Pizza Hut, promoting the new Triple Treat Box. Angelo Dawkins carried one to the ring, and there are two tables in the entrance way with more of them.
(1:33) Multiple eliminations take place within seconds of the match starting.
(1:33) R-Truth grabs a piece of pizza and tries to bribe Omos with it. Truth then gives the slice to Otis, who eats it and then eliminates Truth, only to be eliminated himself by Omos. I don’t care.
(1:35) Words can’t express how lame it is to have these matches every year where everyone involved is wearing a Raw or Smackdown t-shirt.
(1:35) A “we want pizza” chant breaks out in the arena, showing how excited the people are for the action in the ring.
(1:38) Please end this match. I don’t care who wins. Just get it over with.
(1:41) Omos, Cesaro, Ricochet, Angelo Dawkins and Montez Ford are all that’s left.
(1:42) Rapid fire eliminations. Blah blah blah. Omos and Ricochet are the final two in the match. Ricochet gets a very brief crowd chant, but it ends after three or four seconds. As I finish typing that, Omos throws Ricochet over the top rope. Who fucking cares? Omos gets zero reaction for winning the match. Styles goes to grab some pizza, but he’s attacked by Montez Ford, who tosses slices out to the crowd and then runs away. We end the segment with the Profits eating pizza on the stage.
(1:46) The next main roster event on THE COCK is Day 1, taking place on January 1st.
(1:46) Another video package for The Rock, this time from the 2000 Royal Rumble, won by Rocky after he eliminated Big Show. If you remember, the winner of that match was going to be cast as The Scorpion King, so Big Show really missed out on a major opportunity there.
(1:48) Our next match is Randy Orton and Riddle taking on The Usos. There’s a lot of potential here. I’m looking for a solid bounce back from the last match.
(1:54) Ask me if the crowd cares. Go ahead… ask me. No. No, they do not.
(1:56) A dueling chant battle of “Let’s go, Usos” and “RK-Bro” happens out of nowhere, only to die out quickly.
(1:58) I’ve said before that I love it when wrestling shirts are white, because you just don’t see it very often. The Usos combining those shirts with white pants, white shoes and white accessories only make them pop even more. Both Usos are wearing blue socks, though. You know… Smackdown, brand supremacy, one night a year and all that jazz.
(2:01) Riddle whiffs on a Go To Sleep like move, which Pat McAfee calls “Go To Night Night” on commentary. Makes sense.
(2:04) It blows my mind to see how good The Usos have become. I was a fan of theirs when they first started with the company, but they’ve improved so much. They can call themselves the greatest tag team of all-time, and there’s a REAL case that can be made for them there.
(2:07) RKO OUTTA NOWHERE! Jimmy Uso goes to hit Riddle, who he thinks is the legal man, with a Top Rope Splash, only to eat an RKO on the way down. RK-Bro pick up the win. Good match, even though it still wasn’t enough to get the crowd going for more than a couple seconds at a time.
(2:11) Another video package for The Rock, this time looking back at his match against John Cena at WrestleMania 28.
(2:11) Sonya Deville has the fucking nerve to say that this has been an amazing show so far.
(2:13) Next up… a vignette for Xia Li’s Smackdown debut. Sure, why not? Don’t get me wrong. The vignette is cool. It stands out because of how different it is. I just don’t understand why you’re airing it here.
(2:16) Time for the women’s traditional five-on-five Survivor Series match. Team Raw is Bianca Belair, Rhea Ripley, Liv Morgan, Carmella and Queen Zelina. Representing Smackdown are Sasha Banks, Shotzi, Shayna Baszler, Natalya and Toni Storm.
(2:18) Ten entrances again! Yay!
(2:22) Well, sort of. Smackdown’s women got their own entrances, but only half of the entrances, as the women stood together on the stage in a show of solidarity. Then, Sasha Banks comes out and she gets a full entrance.
(2:24) Carmella has already been eliminated. Well, at least we don’t have to listen to her break glass with her screeching anymore.
(2:27) Natalya is one of the most technically sound women you’ll ever see in a wrestling ring. However, can you name one time that a live crowd was really excited to see her? Ever? It doesn’t matter if she’s a face or a heel, competing for championships or jobbing out… crowds just don’t seem to care about her. It’s wild.
(2:32) I briefly checked Twitter for a moment and I saw people talking about how hot the crowd was for the men’s elimination match earlier. They all seem to agree with me about the crowd for every other match, but not that one. I guess I’ll have to watch it again later.
(2:33) The crowd is doing the wave. Again. In a stroke of great timing, Sasha Banks and Bianca Belair both tag into the match, stopping all of that wave nonsense. The crowd is super hot in a dueling chant for both women.
(2:37) A loud “CM Punk” chant starts and then stops almost as quickly. Some boos were heard. Yikes.
(2:37) Toni Storm eliminates Queen Zelina from the match. The bigger story is how the crowd seems to be dumping all over what’s happening here.
(2:38) Liv Morgan eliminates Toni Storm to no reaction. Wow. Liv is supposed to be one of the most popular women in the company, and she couldn’t get a pop.
(2:39) Shotzi completely botches a big splash from the top rope, and it’s followed by Sasha hitting one of her own, eliminating Morgan. The crowd boos, probably because of Morgan’s elimination, but perhaps because of Shotzi landing a splash that made no connection with Morgan’s body.
(2:41) Shayna Baszler eliminates Rhea Ripley. Rapid fire stuff. It’s one of THOSE kinds of matches. Now, Bianca Belair is the last remaining women for Raw, and she’s up against Sasha, Shotzi, Natalya and Baszler.
(2:43) Team Smackdown implodes. They’re all out of the ring and preventing Sasha from getting back in, causing Sasha to be eliminated. That was fucking stupid.
(2:45) Bianca eliminates Natalya. The last few minutes of this match have been complete dumpster juice.
(2:45) Bianca eliminates Shayna. It’s now a one-on-one match between Bianca and Shotzi.
(2:47) Bianca eliminates Shotzi to win it. That match was… not good at all. Raw has won every match on the main card. Big E defeating Roman Reigns would give them a clean sweep of the main card.
(2:49) Another video for The Rock. We go back to the debut episode of Friday Night Smackdown on Fox, when Rock and Becky Lynch beat King Corbin up.
(2:55) Video package after video package after commercial after video package after commercial. Unbelievable.
(2:56) Main event time, so OF COURSE it’s time for another fucking video package.
(3:01) I really hope I’m not jinxing it, but I would assume this match is going to get the crowd excited. Big E and Roman Reigns in the main event? Plenty to get excited about.
(3:03) Roman’s title reign is up to 448 days now. He’s only 55 days short of Brock Lesnar’s record for longest Universal Title reign. Yes, I know this isn’t a title match, but it’s still something worth talking about.
(3:10) When Big E lands his splash on the ring apron, it looks painful as hell. Then, there’s times like just now where he misses said splash, and it looks even more painful. Fucking A.
(3:12) I don’t like being wrong. My assumption that this match was going to get the crowd going… was wrong. You know you’ve fucked things up royally when you can’t get these two to get a reaction.
(3:14) “Shut your mouths, Brooklyn!” – Roman Reigns, talking trash to the crowd. They’re way ahead of you, champ.
(3:19) Big E locks Reigns in a Stretch Muffler. I love that move. We don’t see enough of it these days. Same goes for the Texas Cloverleaf.
(3:20) I don’t think I’ve ever heard a Brooklyn crowd this lifeless.
(3:20) A “Rocky” chant breaks out, but like every other chant tonight, it dies almost immediately.
(3:21) Superman Punch, followed by another Superman Punch, and then another Superman Match… but Big E is back up and he’s angry.
(3:22) E’s patented dive through the ropes nearly causes him to face plant on the outside. He makes me brace myself whenever he attempts that move.
(3:23) My God! The crowd is actually into the match. “Let’s Go, Big E” and “Let’s Go, Roman” chants are heard, and they might be the loudest chants we’ve heard all night.
(3:25) Reigns locks E in the Guillotine Choke, but E powers out of it, lifting Reigns up and dropping him with a Big Ending for a two-count as Reigns just barely grabs the bottom rope. That was a very impressive spot.
(3:28) A Spear gets the win for Reigns. That was it? I know that Big E got back up after three Superman Punches earlier, but it just seemed like an anticlimactic ending. The match was pretty good. There were some slow spots, but things really picked up in the second half. It just suffered, like damn near everything else tonight, from little-to-no crowd reaction.
(3:30) We go off the air with Reigns celebrating on the stage. No sign of The Rock, which is probably going to piss the fans off even more. We weren’t promised an appearance or anything, but people were hoping for something, and they didn’t get it. Overall, this was an incredibly forgettable show. Even the good wasn’t something that I would say you absolutely, positively have to go out of your way to check out. WWE has nobody to blame but themselves for this. When you tell people that nothing matters, they’re going to react as if nothing matters.
Match Ratings That I Will Probably Regret At Some Point In The Not-Too-Distant Future
Becky Lynch vs Charlotte Flair: 4.25 stars
(Men’s Match) Team Raw vs Team Smackdown: 3.25 stars
25-Man Battle Royal: I could not give any less of a fuck, and you couldn’t, either
RK-Bro vs The Usos: 3.5 stars
(Women’s Match) Team Raw vs Team Smackdown: 1.5 stars
Big E vs Roman Reigns: 3.5 stars