AEW superstar Eddie Kingston recently joined Blindsided for a conversation about being able to accept love from wrestling fans, something the Mad King admits is difficult for him to do because of his troubled past. He also discusses the importance of loving yourself, an act he continues to struggle with but feels as if he is improving. Highlights from the interview can be found below.
How he is still trying to accept love from fans:
“No, not yet, I’m still trying to figure that out. I think it stems from second grade and never feeling like you’re good enough or waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m always waiting for something bad to happen, or I’m waiting for me, which I was known for, for years, for blowing it up myself. A lot of wrestlers who knew me would tell you, back in the day, ‘Give it time, Eddie will ruin it for himself.’ I would get in my own way. There is always that fear that is there. I’m always like, ‘These people better not love me because I’m known for doing this and that. I’m worried about it so they shouldn’t love me.’ My mother always told me that I had a problem that I had so much love to give, but I never wanted to accept it back. It’s still like that.”
Feels like he still needs to forgive himself for his past:
“Sometimes friends, close friends, will tell me ‘thank you’ for whatever I did for them and I would tell them, ‘don’t thank me. This is what I’m supposed to do. I’m your friend. This is what I’m supposed to do. Don’t thank me.’ Even people I don’t like, and they know I don’t like them, I’m pretty honest, they know I don’t like them but I’ll help them with wrestling because I love wrestling and I don’t want anyone to get hurt in the ring and I don’t want anyone to hurt AEW or professional wrestling. When I help someone, that’s what it’s for, it doesn’t matter if I like you or not. They’ll come up to me, ‘Thank you, thank you.’ ‘Don’t thank me, this is what I’m supposed to do.’ I don’t like thank yous. It’s very hard for me to accept that love because they don’t know me from my past. I still have to forgive myself first for my past. That’s an everyday thing and I know it. I’m not going to be done trying to forgive myself until I’m in the ground. I’ve accepted that. What I won’t accept is not trying to forgive myself. I won’t accept that anymore. If I just live in my past then I’m never going to grow. I would have never gotten to AEW if I didn’t grow. It took the pandemic and everything for me to be like, ‘snap out of it. Grow up. Try your best instead of wallowing in your own self-pity.'”
On the importance of valuing yourself:
“You have to value yourself, and it’s not easy. I could sit here and tell you, ‘Yup, I love myself. I love myself right now,’ but you never know. Once I get off this thing, something may happen to piss me off or something may come up that puts me on that path of not loving myself. I’m trying to work on it every day. If I don’t love myself then I can’t love anyone else and I can’t help no one else. Bryan Danielson told me, ‘We’re in a position now where we can help others.’ I have to work on loving myself so I can help others when it’s time.”
(H/T and transcribed by Fightful)