IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #398
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Main DDPY Program of the Day: Diamond Cutter 2.0
There are no words I can say about yesterday’s tragedy, except that I’ve heard too many ten bell salutes for too many people who have left us too young. I’ll leave the rest of the words to those who worked with him, loved him, and are feeling the heavy loss right now.
Thoughts on Dynamite – January 18, 2023
1. It’s Wednesday night, and you know what that means. We’re opening up with the All-Atlantic Championship and Orange Cassidy. Champion entering first though? Okay then. And just as I say that, it’s addressed by Excalibur.
2. Jay Lethal coming down by himself, and I’m certainly certainly sure it’ll stay that way. The stipulation is that if anyone from the current Lethal stable interferes, Sonjay Dutt is fired? Okay, so who is debuting as part of the stable tonight? I also love that we’re allowed to acknowledge things that happened a year ago when people have previously faced each other, rather than the Etch-a-Sketch memory we’re normally supposed to have.
3. Jarrett, Dutt, and Singh doing the pastel Shield entrance. Tony didn’t see Sonjay out front, which how can you miss him in that suit?
4. Danhausen is dressed like an usher, red jacket and all, and he’s motioning for someone. Ohai Tie-Dye gang, the shenanigans are early and prevalent. Satnam’s suit is Mark Henry salmon-jacket levels of HAM-worthy.
5. “He contains multitudes, Tazz.” I don’t even have anything to add to that, I just felt everyone deserved to hear (read?) it again.
6. Fresno doesn’t say “ocho” during a ten-turnbuckle-head count. I am disappoint, Fresno. I love little crowd response memes like that, I can’t help it. It’s why I’ve been to see The Room in theatres multiple times. I always have a spare pack of plastic spoons handy.
7. OC does the Samoa Joe-esque “nope!” dodge, I love it! These two have some amazing chemistry. OC rolls out of the ring after the Lethal Injection, and for once it wasn’t a psyche-out on Pac.
8. The ref is distracted by shenanigans, and Danhausen steals Jarrett’s guitar. What am I watching right now? The distraction however leads to an Orange Punch and OC gets the win. That has part wrestling match, part Scooby Doo episode.
9. Sonjay goes all HAM trying to preserve his job, and they taunt him with popcorn and tap kicks. This whole segment is a Christmas HAM with glaze and spare slices on top. Exactly the kind of good feelings I needed.
10. Either something’s wrong with the broadcast, or they’re doing their Tommy Boy-speaking into the fan impression. Excalibur with a Major League 2 reference to boot. That broadcast school must’ve really paid off.
11. Ohai, MeatSauce media theme! Not that I don’t love the new Elite entrance with Kansas, but this entrance theme is great too. Young Bucks against Top Flight, so there may be minimal shenanigans but enough flips to to make someone complain about grocery baggers.
12. Top Flight, from here in Minneapolis, have been all over the local indy scene. I see them pop up on posters on Instagram all the time.
13. Okay, talking into fan-speak is getting irritating, I hope it’s just my broadcast or connection and not what everyone’s experiencing at the moment.
14. Dante decides he wants to go for a dive, and Matt is like “nope, denied.” He then channels his inner late 90s Chris Jericho with the cocky pin and the phrase that spawned multiple gimmicks.
15. I think it’s a Gloop-Off, because they spit at each other, and Nick picks up Darius’ gum and chews it. Pretty sure I heard a “you sick f*ck” chant. Commercial breaks on Dynamite are like mini-house shows sometimes, in terms of absurdity.
16. Not sure if Top Flight’s tights are intentionally evoking evergreens, but I can’t help but think of Superior National Forest a few hours north seeing them all the same.
17. Crowd gets hot after a Top Flight near-fall with the powerbomb/nosedive combo. This is differently fun, but a lot of fun all the same.
18. The destroyer was so impressive to me when I saw it the first time. It still looks cool as hell. What doesn’t look cool as hell was a springboard flying nothing into a double superkick. But Darius ducks a BTE trigger! Top Flight wins in a huge upset! I know the Bucks are selling the game 7, but still, good for them! If I saw correctly on the crawl, they beat the BCC again too.
19. The Acclaimed are advertised next, but the Juniors Ass are out here instead. I suppose this is the next natural feud, given the disposition of Senior Ass. Who would’ve thought last year when these five were all together being ridiculous that they’d be where they are now? The commentators more or less classify this is as “promo announcement that could’ve been an email.”
20. “We even gave them our Dad!” The HAM is not stopping, and we’re about to have a rap battle/argument. Nevermind, they’re talking over the tunes, but they have connections with sound and they cut the Juniors’ mic.
21. There’s a face…off, but Senior Ass breaks up the kids brawling. He didn’t wear pink scissors to deal with pistol-whipping levels of shenanigans. He then tells them to go to their rooms and think about what they’ve done. That was certainly a segment that happened.
22. Renee and Hangman backstage, the latter saying that he got his word back, which is to his wife no less. Through Renee, Mox puts him over pretty decently, and listens to everything Hangman says with a certain head-tilt and some tenacity in her words. Hangman almost asks her to pass along some words, but then decides not to. It’s like a verbal version of his face last week after Mox was dealing with the effects of the possible head injury.
23. JAS next, and the match that was announced before the challenge last week, Hat-Man Jake against Ricky Starks, spacepants video board aesthetic and all.
24. Starks wrestles with the hat, as that will now be part of any matches involving ol’ Biff. Yes, that’s a throwback for the longtime readers who appreciate it.
25. I’ll be, we’ve got a table and 2.0 in photo negative outfits. The crowd starts chanting that they want tables… Um, Brothers and Sisters in JBL, you’ve already got one?
26. The mirror of the Seattle table spot is reversed, but the negative boys get it out of the way in time, and I think break the table in the process. I guess they were not the table after all.
27. Daddy Magic somehow manages to look silly even when just looking at the ref, I love every second of it. Shenanigans backfire and Starks nopes out before the rest of the JAStreet Boys can attack. Tazz finds another theme to sing along with, which I am totally fine with. He can sing them all, for all I care, I enjoy it every time.
28. We’re gonna get to watch Bryan Danielson wrestle Bandido next. What a treat!
29. Fresno has to be one of the biggest American cities you don’t hear much about. Outside of college football, anyway.
30. Jericho’s purple spiked jacket is not impressed with the recent record. Garcia wants to be the tag partner, and if he can beat Andretti on Friday, he will. Guevara takes credit for it, much to Garcia’s dismay, and he gets him new ring gear.
31. Tazz explains how someone’s height doesn’t have to correlate with their strength. The match gets an A-E-dub chant before it even starts, and I’m sure it won’t disappoint.
32. Bandido’s outfit is fantastic. It’s like a fluorescent masked Mr. Wrench. Bonus HAM if you get that reference.
33. Danielson goes from pinfall into bridge, and then pulls himself the rest of the way up. Shoulders back, chest out!
34. This is another different but equally as enjoyable kind of fun, and it’s everything I hoped it would be. The crowd is loving it too, which always makes it that much better.
35. Bandido correcting the leaning, stalling suplex into something upright, so impressive. Danielson holding the back of his head always makes me nervous. Bandido up top with a little Eddie reference, but it costs him. The LeBell lock hasn’t been winning matches lately, rather the Regal Stretch has, so we’ll see what happens here. He manages to get out of it with his legs despite extra torque from the arm.
36. Danielson starts showing signs of frustration, and Bandido catches one of the YES kicks. He moves it into what I can best describe as a reverse GTS? Sort of? The match speeds up with counters and reversals galore.
37. Trying to keep up with the moves here is a fool’s task, but this is freaking awesome, I agree Fresno. Danielson finally wins with the Running Knee, and holy hell, what a ride.
38. MJF comes on backstage in front of what I can only assume is a giant Bionicle, and he threatens that Danielson has only dealt with “masked” Max. Whatever the hell that means.
39. Toni Storm, Saraya, and Shida backstage and they explicitly tell Shida to go back to her room with the other four toddlers in Timeout instead of coming out with them. The faces, question mark?
40. Brian Cage was ranked ahead of Takeshita and Bandido? Kay. MJF tries to pay Cage off, saying it’s more money than they’ve ever seen in their lives. I somehow doubt that. MJF then slaps him to drive the point home to go hurt Danielson regardless of the result, which is a very, very smart thing to do.
41. Toni Storm against Willow Nightingale next, and good on her wrestling a week after that brutal Rampage main event. They shake hands at first, and then later in the match, Toni tries it again and turns it into a slap. Yeah, these both must be turning heel, that’s some shit right there. I mean, I guess they already sort of were because their names weren’t Jamie Hayter and/or Mercedes Mone, but interesting to see it this much more spelled out.
42. Shida doesn’t listen and decides ringside needs a lot more red now that Danhausen isn’t down there right now with his usher (no Raymond) costume.
43. I love that Willow has a version of the POOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUNCE! The absence of Monty Brown after the late aughts made that tough to bear. Toni, however, gets the dirty win to further drive in her name not being Jaime Hayter, and her and Saraya attack Willow afterward. Ruby Soho comes to make the save, and I’m amazed she has the energy to run after the week she had. A “Ruby!” chant on top of it, which makes me extra happy. Interesting turn of events here.
44. Even in a pre-tape, more Stokely Hathaway being mad at things, please. In fact, give me a modern version of Byte This from back in the day with Matt Menard and Stokely Hathaway bickering at each other, and I’ll watch every second of it always.
45. Takeshita with Renee backstage, and he’ll get a promo here. He’s even more endearing, I love it. His knowing smile where he simplifies the Japanese part to “MJF is an asshole” was wonderful.
46. I admit to being unfamiliar with Darby’s opponent this week, Kushida, but his aesthetic and vibe have already won me over. My first impression of his look is Back to the Future 2‘s version of 2015, “life preserver” and all. I’m guessing that might be intentional. They mention that he was mentored by Tajiri, which is also indicative of what to expect.
47. The commentators covered the who, what, and why in the entrance alone. I remember back to when so many people were complaining about not knowing who people were during the lead-up to Forbidden Door. I didn’t know a lot of them either, but it’s pretty easy to infer things from how the crowd reacts and what they say. I like finding out about new wrestlers, and I don’t need everything spelled out and drilled in. I don’t know, maybe that’s weird.
48. Darby comes out with Goth Daddy, which makes Tony get his pop line in. Also good to see Justin Roberts back after what he unfortunately had to deal with.
49. The commentators are wonderful at telling stories and filling in the audience. I remember getting so annoyed with the other place’s commentary in my last run. I think I still have an eye-twitch from the 84 mentions an hour of an App along with a download tutorial. I’m happy they’re at least allowed to say basic words and phrases again though.
50. Didn’t take long for Kushida to win me over. Being there with people very important to me for Darby’s coronation will always make this reign special to me, and I don’t expect Kushida to win, but this is a great showcase for someone new to likely at least a considerable percentage of the AEW audience.
51. I love that Darby has added some of Sting’s trademark moves into his own. It gives unspoken visual evidence of the mentorship, where it would be so easy to just say “yeah, Sting is his mentor” without changing a thing. This kind of attention to detail is something I greatly appreciate.
52. Top rope into the armbar on the floor below, what a counter by Kushida! The matches tonight have been distinct from each other but all good in their respective ways. I think Kushida did a top-rope armbar takedown?
53. The LA Dojo guys offer the towel of failure to Sting, and Sting wipes his brow with it. Darby gets a surprise counter into a win, what a main event, even if the result was pretty much known from the start.
54. Darby offers the handshake while Kushida asks for one more, then raises his hand out of respect.
55. This was just a fun two hours of wrestling, I can’t emphasize enough how enjoyable that was, and how much I needed it. I’m sure many other people did too. Another top-to-bottom great Wednesday night.
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
How do I even pick just one on a night chock full of it? I think Sonjay was the most enjoyably over-the-top trying to save himself from getting fired? Danhausen was great, as were the BFFs while trying to egg on the Carny Crew, and of course the bonus outfit HAM for Satnam’s suit. There was no shortage of it tonight though, so if you missed it, it’s worth a watch.