IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #403
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Greetings from Madison, Wisconsin, I hope you all are well.
Thoughts on Rampage – February 3rd, 2023
1. It’s Friday night, you know what that means: the jam-packed 60 minutes of action that is Rampage in 2023, as opposed to MTV Sunday Night Heat that it’s been in the past. We’ve got the Elite against the Firm in the battle of “gee, which The faction will win? The champions or the ones mostly on Dark?” It should be fun though.
2. Kenny Omega against Matt Hardy in the ring, squaring off to see who has the louder pants. Hardy gets knocked against the ropes, and then Omega… sort of dives to the outside? Not sure what happened there.
3. Ethan Page is a JBLdamn delight. I say it every time I see him as of late, but he looks at Matt Hardy setting up for a moonsault and gives him a big thumbs up.
4. Speaking pf pants, the Young Bucks have pants that look like they were half completed on an old Video Painter, and I adore them. Give me over-the-top and ridiculous all day, please and thank you. Outfits especially. Go big, go loud, go colorful. There will always be standard trunks and boots to balance them out.
5. The Firm’s side of the team feels like the beginning of a random anecdote. Ethan Page, Matt Hardy, and Isiah Cassidy walk into the bar… (No Sheamus/Cesaro)
6. Ethan tags in to do the old Hardy schtick, and then comes off the ropes with a Flying Nothing and gets kicked right in the fuck. This leads to an immediate hot tag and Kenny Omega doing a wrestle. These are all good things.
7. Cassidy with those screams, no wonder they had him be involved in Keith Lee’s debut when he launched them into orbit. One of my favorite Botchamania outtakes ever.
8. This match is what I want from my Rampage. If we’re not gonna get ones where the winners are in any doubt whatsoever, at least make them competitive and ridiculously fun. The Elite wins because of course they do, but I loved every second of it. Where this Firm storyline is going, I have no idea, nor do I know what the future of the stable is, but I’m enjoying it.
9. Backstage with Ricky Starks matching the backstage interviewer, and oh there they go acknowledging that too. He says he needs to get out of the “web of Jericho.” Two votes.
10. The Jarrett Carny Circus get a promo where the Golden Globe is blurred out like it’s something inappropriate, and they’re answered by the BFFs and Danhausen, which is fantastic. Danhausen getting extended promo time? Has that happened since Hookhausen?
11. Swerve begins his anti-nepotism quest by getting Pillman, Jr on TV, also not far from his hometown ala Mox. Swerve wrestling and having a storyline that isn’t an extended will he/won’t he, all good things. Pillman has none of his Varsity gimmick on, so that’s interesting. I know the name got stolen, but I’m guessing more of that has progressed on Dark than I’ve kept up with.
12. Pillman’s getting a nice shine, despite like the last match, we know he has no way in hell of winning. Swerve regroups with the Parker and Trench Henchmen. Watching from the hotel, I’m used to going to picture-in-picture meaning nothing, rather than the cacophony of Non-Sequitir Theatre that is American advertising.
13. Swerve wins shortly after we come back, and it’s a group of heels so there’s a beatdown afterward. A kid yawning while half-reacting gets featured with a zoom-in. You’ve got to give the people what they want?
14. Making the save is not Pillman’s current/former tag partner, but Dustin, with a wrench for the Trench of Hench? He had something, I couldn’t see what it was. The Nepotism brothers regroup.
15. We cut in to cryptic House of Black stuff showing the Eddie Kingston/Ortiz breakdown, but they’re whisper-growling so I can’t understand what the hell they’re saying. It looks really cool though. Like Donnie Darko after being run through a comic filter or something.
16. Maybe it’s just me, but it looks like Toni Storm and Saraya are having SO much more fun than they were trying to get crowds to cheer them when they just wanted Jamie Hayter. They’re facing the Renegade Twins, so this will be a feature for the new anti-Original heels. That’s totally fine too, this is a good use of your match with obvious ending trope. A story is being progressed.
17. I’m pretty sure I heard Tony use the term “fisticuffs” and that made my day. Makes me miss the Vaudevillains.
18. Cactus Jack is very distraught by what he’s seeing in the front row.
19. This match lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. Good for the Renegade Twins, another act getting featured on TV that hasn’t had a lot of time as of late. With ROH tapings starting up soon, things will get a bit easier on that front, I think. Ditto for the main event tonight.
20. The heels aren’t done with them though, they’ve got spray-paint. And they… spray paint a green L. For losers. That’s the best they could come up with? I like the originals feud idea, but that… That was a real letdown.
21. Adam Cole is currently doing the reverse Cody. Cody’s vignettes led up to his return, while AC got the surprise return and now is getting the training vignettes. I think I prefer the latter. The pop for a surprise Cody return at 30 would’ve been massive, but they seem to be moving away from the surprise Rumble entrant in the last few years.
22. I guess Mark Henry’s live interviews for the main event just aren’t a thing anymore. I kinda liked them, especially with how Orange Cassidy would mess with him about hitting the tropes. Whatever though, it’s minor.
23. I will never complain about getting to see a Christopher Daniels match on my TV screen, even if it is the fourth out of four match with a completely predictable conclusion.
24. The commentators mention Preston’s Dark Order defection, which is the most storyline that’s happened in that regard that’s not on Being the Elite in quite a while. Are they waiting until they’re back in Rochester for Negative One to get help seeking revenge? What gives? It was November when they made a kid cry and they’ve done almost nothing about it except make Evil Uno be the Recruiter Fail.
25. Daniels can mostly go just as good as he could 15 years ago. It astounds me the level of work he’s still able to produce.
26. Heel shenanigans going on inside while I see a preview for some movie about a coked up BEAR.
27. Oh no, Preston Vance with the devastating… money flip. You could get a papercut from those if they’re new enough, you monster! #HeelinAintEasy
28. The man who could’ve been the Hower Power after all these years still can’t manage to not fall for a distraction ploy. Rush makes him pay for it, and the guy who has a match on Wednesday wins, of course.
29. If you were looking for surprises or matches not in doubt, this wasn’t the episode of wrestling you needed. But a solid hour of storyline progression and good matches, this was. It started the strongest and ended weaker, but that’s the typical formula for Rampage: strongest match first. It was perfectly fine.
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
I could’ve easily given it to Danhausen again, but I think Ethan Page for his gloriously HAMmy thumbs up in the first match is gonna get it this week.