IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #405
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Thoughts on Rampage – February 10th, 2023
1. It’s Friday night, and that means Rampage. It also means I’ve been sick for a week and I’m sick of being sick. Who doesn’t need a good pretape on Friday night to cure the vapors?
2. Oh, so the Blackpool Combat Club is here. The entire thing. No members missing who might’ve splattered blood on the camera earlier in the night on another show or anything. They’ve got time for the Meat Merchants of Death and the novelty section from Hot Topic in 2006 though, so… priorities.
3. Huge pop for Mox tagging in. I like this little stable that the heels have going on here, and anything that gets the Butcher and the Blade more TV time is all right with me.
4. Wheeler Yuta is the face in peril because… well, you see who his teammates are. Plus that’s how he made his name, it’s only natural. Mox tags in again for more Biting! Get some back scratchies in there or it doesn’t count!
5. Mox has been in a match for like two solid minutes and he’s not even bleeding yet. No wonder he didn’t help make a save earlier tonight, he had clarity to save!
6. I hope Claudio and Yuta have some good stuff coming with the new ROH tapings that are coming up. I’m looking forward to seeing what a modern day ROH show can look like. Hopefully with the quality of PPVs they’ve managed to produce, the shows can make the buildup worth it.
7. Once again, like last week, this is not a match where the result is in doubt, but it’s a lot of fun getting there nonetheless. El Paso got quite a show all around this past Wednesday. It’s fast, it’s a good mix of styles, and the crowd is super into it after already sitting through three hours of wrestling, what more could you ask for?
8. BCC the trio, the complete trio with nobody missing whatsoever, get the win. You can always count on the opening match of Rampage to be a banger, and this was no exception.
9. Darby Allin commends Ortiz on having his back, and Daddy Sting is insisting on going out in a BLAZE! OF. GLORY! It’s better than a Blades of Glory, but it’s a face-painted HAM all the same.
10. Ricky Starks gets in a message for Chris Jericho where he at least ups the stakes a bit. It’s a bit overdue but at least they did it.
11. I don’t know how much I’ll have to say about the bats and t-shirts show guys but at least they have more charisma than most of the celebrity guest general managers. They get a “small bat” chat going, so… that’s a thing that happened.
12. It apparently takes the whole JASquad to take a bat back, and they’re gonna six-on-two them through a table. At least one guy with a hat in the crowd is really concerned about this. They’re both totally corpsing though. One gets powerbombed through the other on the table. Between this and Stingray getting a guitar to the face, the guests are getting involved a lot lately.
13. Backstage, Dustin tells Swerve that he CROSSED. THE LINE! That’s that good Dustin HAM that I love, comparing a tattoo to Doritos. “I like Doritos, but I hate you!” That’s awesome.
14. The couple of bad hairdos attack Dustin two on one, leading to Swerve in a longcoat making the match for next week and wishing him a Happy Black History Month.
15. We come back and they couldn’t bother to give us Marina’s or Rubys entrance. How dare they take away the chance for me to hear Tazz badly singing the wrong lyrics to Rancid? I do not approve, show editor!
16. Ruby is all green stripes this week, but they’re going a long way to explain about Marina wrestling barefoot. It’s good to cover the essential psychology of the match right away.
17. I’m glad Vickie got some ringside time somewhere on this show.
18. I think it’s during the break, but I just heard the phrase “no kick-shaming,” so it’s a good night no matter what happens. But it’s extra good because Ruby Soho is wrestling tonight, and when the former Heidi Lovelace is here, everything is better.
19. Marina does a heatbutt to the shoulder blades, which can’t feel good for either of them, but Ruby soon gets the Destination Unknown and the win. Now to see where the angle is going with her being in the middle of the big feud.
20. Saraya and Toni come out congratulating her on the win, but before Ruby can respond at all, Britt Baker comes outta nowhere (no RKO) and Jamie Hayter joins in. It’s a brawl, and Ruby can do nothing but stand and watch, so we’re putting that forward again.
21. Next, we find out from Mark Briscoe that he will… nevermind, everyone knows promos gets interrupted. Smart Mark Sterling, realizing that he has more failed propositions than anyone but QT Marshall, tries to gain a new recruit. No go though, and I’ll give you a moment to recover from the shock there.
22. Next we’ve got Jungle Boy against the no-entranced guy who can’t walk on Being the Elite. The match is pretty much over after I’ve written that sentence, which is fine. His championship pursuit begins. Brian Cage comes out with his title though, and that’s not a singles title, so that’s not it.
23. Next, Ortiz apologizes to Eddie Kingston, saying he’ll always stand with him, but that if the only way to stand with him is to be against him in terms of the House of Black, so be it. All right, I’m more intrigued to see where this goes.
24. I think the Mark Henry live main event interviews are over. Instead we get a pretape with Danhausen ranting about Moriarty. We don’t even get Orange Cassidy messing with Mark Henry, which is a disappointment.
25. But first, Hangman is pacing backstage. He had to show up tonight just to pace in front of Renee Paquette. He gets frustrated with her, saying he ate his ass… alive. He gets interrupted, because of course he fucking does. Kip Sabian calls him out for moaning. Hangman says he didn’t want to do this anyway.
26. Main event time, Orange Cassidy against Lee Moriarity, and Danhausen is with him. That always increases the overall HAM levels of the show by default. Moriarty doesn’t get an entrance, so I don’t like his chances.
27. Orange Cassidy: fighting champion is not the gimmick I expected, for this or his gaming title, but it’s definitely one that’s working.
28. JR sends his heartfelt feelings out to his friend Jerry Lawler. Whenever I think of those two, I’ll always remember the post-2001 Survivor Series RAW when JR finds out the King has come back to commentary after Paul Heyman gets fired. It was perfect.
29. Pure fun here, OC with the hands in his pockets for an extended time. He hits the devastating kicks from his back on the mat, which was an interesting twist. There’s a ten-count with headbutts into the turnbuckle, and of all places, I expected El Paso might give an “OCHO!” on eight, but alas, that one appears to have died along with my interest in the feud he’s in.
30. Jericho does a great job of putting over Orange Cassidy on commentary, which really adds to the value of having him there. He’s always willing to do that in-character, heel or face, which I appreciate.
31. A Michinoku Driver for a near-fall, right on. The crowd is chanting something as Danhausen dances along, but I couldn’t quite make out what it was.
32. Excalibur nearly loses his voice running down the upcoming cards, and hey, early Rampage next week! I’m always happy when that happens.
33. Stokely is bringing a little Bob Orton to this match with a cast, but there’s a curse-a-comin’. Danhausen tries to punch him but hits the cast instead, which was not likely a great decision. This match is just as fun as the opener from a completely different direction. Feels like he hasn’t been on in a few weeks, though I could be wrong about that. What is time? It all blends together this time of the year.
34. Orange gets the Orange Punch but can’t capitalize, but it is surely the week of AEW Simon Miller Specials because this match too ends in the JBLdamn surprise roll-up. That’s at least four in one night of shows, y’all. Come on.
35. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chosen One, sneak attack! They’ve still got Stingray’s Golden Blode, and OC and Danhausen both get a shot after being distracted by Satnam. The BFFs (no Shiima/Gory) try to make the save, but it goes as well as trying to spell “elite” with an O.
36. The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass make the big save! That’s an interesting turn to take after their confusing finish to Dynamite. Send ’em home happy, but it looks like a five-on-five is imminent sometime soon. All right.
37. Yet another fun Rampage, though they tried to pack so much in that they barely had time for entrances. A lot of storyline progression though, way more than last week. Things are heading into Revolution strong and well-developed, if a bit awkward and confusing at times.
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
Goth Dad. There were a lot of good choices tonight for a one hour show. Dustin, Danhausen, Stokely, Mark Briscoe, but Sting gets so few chances at it, I think he has to take this one.