IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #406
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I saw the other company’s Superb Owl commercial and even in just a five-second span of fake commentary over regular people, they still couldn’t do it without an “ARE YOU/YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!” Some things never change.
I had no horse in the race for the game, but watching #84 Justin Watson catch a couple passes on the biggest national stage when a few years ago, I was working for the college football team and seeing him dazzle on a daily basis at Franklin Field, that was quite surreal. Anyway, onto the wrestling.
Thoughts on Dynamite – February 15th, 2023
1. Welcome back to “yes, there really are that many 100k+ cities in Texas” Dynamite. I’ll be making my first trip to Texas in June for a gig, so I’m sure I’ll find out myself. We start off with the Ch-Ch-Ch-Chosen One et al, and fitting that he’s the first one out after his dad’s memorial graphic. My heart goes out to him.
2. Did all the sound go out from the commentary desk when Orange Cassidy’s music hit? That was really abrupt. Maybe Danhausen cursed them into a ten-second silence to respect the best of the Jefferson airship-esque songs. Teaming with the Acclaimed, and Caster cuts a much better rap than the last few. I suppose it helps to have a non-Juniors Ass target.
3. What is going on with the sound tonight?
4. I don’t want to say the crowd feels subdued, because I’m not sure if the sound is actually conveying them well or not, but maybe we just got spoiled with a legendary El Paso house last week.
5. Orange Cassidy was awfully eager to get in there with Satnam Singh, who then… tags out to ol’ No. 2 Tie? Nope, Senior Ass tags in, and Sonjay tags into the other half of an IC title feud in 1999, probably. Before anything can happen though, the Juniors Ass come out with a fully captured DX slogan. This is all really awkward.
6. Jay Lethal gets tagged in while Jeff does his carny schtick. This results in a 10/90 split dueling chant, which is… not what I expected to hear this evening.
7. Satnam comes in for a Senior Ass hope spot, and the whole thing still feels like it’s in slow motion. OC also fails at doing a thing, so Satnam naturally tags out. Senior Ass then hits him with a Fameasser. Those are some impressive hops.
8. Chaos ensues and finishers a flurry, plus Stingray’s Golden Globe. The Acclaimed go for their tag finisher and are the only ones who don’t see Jay Lethal coming from the other side of the ring. Billy then tries himself to do the D-Von spot of the equation. He gets knocked off by Jarrett, who gets knocked off by OC, who does the tap kick “to the yambag region.” Bowens is finally back up there, while Sonjay has been stuck in this position for about eight and a half hours. Finally, good guys win in a very strange and awkward yet entertaining opener.
9. Bloody recap with a nursery rhyme by Bryan Danielson with thinly-veiled stamina jokes, which is totally fine. Put on a string of matches like Danielson has over the last month, you can do whatever you want.
10. The same thing happened when we were in Seattle, but the phrase about MJF being “contractually obligated to appear” always makes me laugh my ass off.
11. Oh hey, it’s time for the “Where the hell were you?” tag team match, where Moxley and Claudio accost their partners’ mal-treatment… a week later. I’d have opened Rampage with a “WTF?” when the BCC came out, but it appears Rush and the former Ten had a similar idea in mind.
12. I know it was a technical error, but the one melee match where X’s “Wild Thing” kept playing well into the match is something I wish they would’ve used again here during the surprise arena sneak attack. That song will always make me think of my hometown and Ricky Vaughn. I don’t have a lot of positive memories to hang onto, especially lately, from my home state, so I indulge where I can, safely.
13. Mox fall down and go boom, but to be fair, I’d never tell him that. If anyone could turn falling on your ass by mistake into something lethal, it’s him.
14. Why is there neon green rope under the ring apron? Does Facade have a lasso spot ala Mighty Ducks 2 coming up later?
15. Finally the bell rings, and Preston Vance has got himself some of those Kip Sabian 2006 chic pants going on, and I’m here for it. Pinstripes on black is always a neat look.
16. Mox tries the catapult with Rush into the barricade, but it too comes off like it’s in slow motion and awkward. That’s the vibe tonight, or so it seems so far. That’s a perfect time to cut to Hangman Page, who does know how to watch a television screen correctly.
17. Hey, there’s a Mox bite. One step closer to Dynamite bingo already, but it’s a Mox match so there’ll be blood in… Eh, he’s probably already bled twice today, it’s only a matter of time. Vance then spears into Mox through the ropes and into the other two. That was one of the better executed spots so far tonight. This match is freaking chaos, and it leads to a… is it a conchairto if it’s to the shoulder?
18. There’s Mox blood, I feel bad for his forehead as often as he’s blading. Preston and Rush play with Mox’s blood because at least one producer in every company gets their weird thing into a match. Great spot with Rush faking a corner kick and then just kickslapping Mox. Any Rush match is an absolute delight to watch.
19. A chain is brought in, and Vance decides to “anything you can do, I can do better” in terms of the crimson mask. It’s funny how they remember the history of Vance facing Mox, but him making a kid cry has been forgotten by the stable it happened to. Do you remember when the Dark Order were turned on by this same stable in the most violent of fashions? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
20. We’ve got a chain, we’ve got good ol’ fashioned brutality, and oh hey, Wheeler Yuta at least remembers that he has friends in a stabler after Jose the Assistant does some assisting. It’s good to have an accurate job title. The New Generation era better have taught us some practicality if nothing else.
21. Mox finally chokes out Vance with a chain for the win, and Mox has blood everywhere and a torn shirt. He just shrugs like “meh, Wednesday.”
22. Backstage, Sabian, the Butcher, and the Blade attack Hangman Page when… Oh hey, sometimes the Dark Order does remember things, at least in the case of their friend getting jumped three-on-one. I’ll take partial continuity over tearing up the script and forgetting everything.
23. Short-haired Wardlow has JR telling him he’s seen nothing more shocking than Joe cutting his hair. Jim, you’ve literally been set on fire during an interview. An unwanted hair cut is the most shocking thing you’ve seen? Wardlow talks about his father and it’s unfortunately a very sad story. Turns out he grew his hair out because of his dad losing his to cancer, and that Joe knew that. Holy shit, that’s deep. I wish we’d known that beforehand, which would’ve made that moment even more intense, but I’ll take it all the same.
24. Woodsy! Time for the Mark Briscoe match set up last week. We come back for an in-ring introduction, so I don’t like Woods’ chances.
25. The heels do their shenanigans, and someone’s making the save. It’s… the Lucha Brothers? Haven’t seen them in a while, there’s probably history there of which I’m unaware. All the same, it got a pop, so that’s all that really matters, right?
26. Woods does the “crying eyes” taunt, because this is an Indy show in Red Lion, PA n the summer of 2002. Or whatever your first small-town Indy show was. Was Hacksaw there making jokes about toilet paper at yours too? I hope so.
27. Mark gets the crowd clap going by shutting the steel chair together. That’s certainly innovative. Woods counters the Jay Driller with a roll through German suplex, which just takes an insane level of strength and mutual coordination. This is the best Woods has looked since he got here, even with no chance to win whatsoever.
28. Jay wins after pointing to the sky. I know they’re indulging on the Jay tributes, and rightfully so, but I also appreciate they’re not having someone heel it up by saying awful things about him. 17 years later and I still have an awful taste in my mouth about how things were handled after Eddie passed. Fun match.
29. Adam Cole is backstage with Renee, and the re-build toward his in-ring return continues. He goes into details about the little victories of concussion recovery, and I unfortunately relate to it a little too well. He puts over the whole roster as a reason that he needs to be at his best. I like that we’re getting to see the truly likable Adam Cole that we see on the YouTube channels and such, he’s so endearing and just seems like the nicest guy in the world.
30. Opposites attract, even in transition, so we follow Adam Cole’s smile with MJF’s theme. Fitting. He throws something in a fan’s face, because he’s got aviators and he can. He then gets a kiss on the cheek while flipping off the guy next to the woman. Then he steals a fan’s phone because heel. Then he throws a drink in someone’s face. Damn, that’s why they have to warn ya that the action can spill into your seats.
31. MJF drops an F-Bomb because we’re not on TV yet. FITE remembers though, sir. The music starts back up to bring us all back. I know they do a lot of things to get the crowd going during commercial breaks like that, but it’s so effective.
32. The sound still seems just a bit off. His lips look like they’re just out of sync with what he’s saying.
33. MJF calls back to the “devil worshipping” thing he had going when he was pretending to be a face for a hot minute. Another continuity nod, love to see it.
34. MJF says that Danielson isn’t honest about who he is, because he’s just like “you people.” Of all people who may have taken things for granted, it doesn’t seem like Danielson is top among that list.
35. Can we retire the phrase “best in the world” for a year or so? Just let it reset for a while?
36. This is perfectly old school in all the best ways. It’s also blue. Very, very blue. (No da ba dee.) He even rips off an old Rock line, saying it’s not “sing along with MJF” but it’s a good homage.
37. He says next we’re gonna be introduced to someone that Danielson looks to as a mentor in order to justify his opinions. It’s… Christopher Daniels? I mean, sure. Okay. Let’s see where it goes.
38. MJF asks for the truth. Daniels says that MJF paid him an obscene amount of money to denigrate him. There’s that Christopher Daniels I know and love. Unfortunately that means he’s going to get bloody. At least he gets the classic Richard Vernon quote in there in the process. He says if there wasn’t a Ring of Honor, there’d be no AEW, and thus no MJF. It’s great stuff, but I’m just waiting for that shoe to drop.
39. Daniels isn’t enough of a veteran to not see the big kick coming. Danielson makes the save to get the nice pop to end the segment. At least the light isn’t shining into my eyes anymore. I guess we have to have segments like this when the build to getting the match at Revolution ended a month beforehand.
40. Ruby, Toni, and Britt are getting the main event? Hell yeah! What side will she choose?
41. The Juniors Ass talk shit on working the indies. Perfect for their vibe right now. Just the kind of guys you want to see get smacked like Daniels just did to MJF.
42. Jungle Boy is out next for his “I stared at you and now it’s a match” match. They keep bringing up Junglehook so much that logic dictates it can’t be a thing that’s over.
43. I don’t like Cage’s chances, but he’s been on a great run lately, so it’ll likely be on par with Woods’ showing earlier tonight.
44. Off the record, they start talking about people getting buried. I adore hearing what they say when the commercial break is going on. The FITE feed for those who can get it is never a bad decision.
45. We must still be in commercial because Cage is like “did you just smack some pekz?” and JB is like “yes I did just chop some pekz, make ’em do a dance.” And he does. And also does an overhead throwing suplex thing. That was awesome, no matter how light JB might be.
46. Cage has got a Test-esque big boot. I don’t know if anyone will ever match how devastating Test made that look, but Cage’s is pretty good.
47. A Jungle Boy chant gets going, which is definitely good to hear as they’re gearing him up for this singles run. It remains to be seen which title he’s chasing. The AA is the only one without a strong program around it right now, but that’ll likely lead to a split reaction, so will they go that way? Who knows, it remains to be seen, but I’m invested.
48. JB gets the win with the Simon Miller special because they’re determined to get his counter to 100 before the end of March, but it was still really good.
49. Christian’s music hits well into the theme but the screen still has the countdown. Did Christian just freaking pepper spray him? I think Christian just pepper sprayed him. He’s still got that sling on, so he had to do something, I suppose. No wait, it was a ruse. Does he have his henchman too? I guess they’re picking this one up where it left off before injury interrupted it several times. Gotta get something in for Revolution before that title direction is made more clear, I suppose.
50. Backstage, Renee announces at Revolution there’s gonna be two big matches to determine the triple threat competitors against the Juniors Ass. The Acclaimed interrupt, because it’s AEW and a promo cannot go uninterrupted, and they invoke their rematch clause? They have a rematch clause? That’s a thing now? I was thinking the Acclaimed would be one of the triple threat teams, which begs the question… why isn’t there just one match to determine the third team instead of saying there’s gonna be three before nuh-uhing into a four-way? Whatever, one will likely be a returning FTR, but I wonder who else?
51. Kip Sabian’s face randomly flashes into the Dynamite waiting screen. Okay then.
52. Basketball, basketball, we love basketball! It’s still the best game that we play every day!
53. Top Flight and AR Fox interrupt because AEW backstage promo, and they ask them to run it back again. Another trios feud that’s going to get a rematch? Random Wyatt-like flash mid-segment, what is going on tonight? It ends when Matt throws a basketball into poor Brandon Cutler, who saves big money with the nards. (The Midwest National Anthem, if you don’t know that reference, just google the Menards jingle)
54. Time for Kip Sabian against a very angry Adam Page, and Sabian, like Brian Cage, has been on a good run of matches that he likely won’t win lately. They let us know that these two won the first two matches in AEW history. I did not know that. Thanks, Random Excalibur facts, and no I’m not being sarcastic when I say that.
55. Tazz gets in a Joey Numbers reference. We’re making all the callbacks tonight, and I am here for it.
56. Excalibur brings everyone back in from the break with some great alliteration. “Perched perilously” is some tremendous wordsmithing.
57. I’d think Hangman would be pretty over in Texas given his gimmick, and since I hear a chant going, that does seem to be the case. But it’s really hard tonight with the sound issues to know if the crowd is as hot as the commentators have claimed.
58. Hangman wins with the Deadeye. I don’t recall seeing that be used to finish a match, though I’m sure it has at some point, but I’m not complaining either way. A move that looks that devastating should end some matches.
59. The non-Danielson members of the BCC still hang out together and approach the ring almost Shield-style. The sound issues continue as I can barely hear what he’s saying. Mox says he respects him but doesn’t fear him. There’s no chance in hell he’ll ever beat him, so I’m guessing at Revolution he will?
60. Hangman is not impressed with a match ending in the Simon Miller special. It appears this will end at Revolution after all, in a dark, dark alley. Mox says he doesn’t have any friends, but… um… we know he does.
61. The Dark Order’s music hits to either no reaction or we just can’t hear the reaction. Page is absolutely pissed about it, and Uno keeps talking shit. I have a feeling that won’t go well for him, if the BTE skits are anything to base expectations on.
62. Mox finally says “TEXAS. DEATH.” That means we won’t get the classic “it’s a Texas Death Match/Page: What?” promo spot. But all the same, it’ll be a brutal finish to that feud. Thanks for coming Dark Order, glad to finally see you on the show again. Now maybe go deal with that other unfinished business you have?
63. Backstage, N’JAS is talking shit, which means Matt Menard is once again doing his best Rock/No Way Out ’98 by making the best non-verbal faces he possibly can. This storyline with Starks continues. Jericho punks out Tony right before Rampage Slam Dunks.
64. I know I’ve said it, and a lot of people have, but I love the moving graphic match cards and I’m so glad they’re back. Even if, as it seems, a bunch of them haven’t done their photo shoot for that yet.
65. Next week is Mox vs Evil Uno. Nice knowing you, One.
66. It’s not Friday, but it’s time for the main event regardless. But first, Stokely HAMs it up in a beret. Hook ends up suspended pending investigation, despite very clearly faking an injury. This storyline continues going. Where, I haven’t the slightest idea, but it’s going somewhere.
67. Saraya and Toni confront totally not a plant with a sign and bring her into the ringside area. Ruby Soho’s music cuts it off and she looks really annoyed with the situation. She checks on the not-plant at ringside before Britt Baker makes the original triple threat complete. Hopefully we get some advancement in the “which way will she go” story.
68. Is that someone dressed as Rosey at ringside? There’s a pull.
69. Several Simon Miller specials attempted right away, which won’t go well I hope. I’m still trying really hard to not be distracted by sound being out of sync.
70. Ruby does the “come on, you can hit harder than that” spot with Toni, which is badass because we don’t get to see it that often. I always love it when we do though, and I especially love that Ruby is doing it. Although I’m always more partial to anything involving Ruby Soho, if it isn’t obvious, so…
71. The boo/yay exchange takes place with Britt and Toni, as every show has to have at least one.
72. Toni puts Ruby in the Texas Cloverleaf, but then Britt does the Lockjaw. Saraya breaks it up… for some reason… and now they’ve got the spray paint. She sprays it onto Toni’s ass for the hip attack. Ruby breaks it up by throwing Toni into Saraya and we get the Simon Miller special yet again for the win.
73. Saraya gets in Ruby’s face before Ruby goes HAM as Jamie and Saraya both give her shit. At least Ruby won. The L spray paint is still incredibly lame though. Fun main event, but this whole show just felt off, not just with the sound either. I can’t really put my finger on why. Maybe it feels like buying time because Revolution was sufficiently built up and now they’re just trying to tack on as many matches as they can with the time they have left? Maybe it was just an off week? Maybe it just didn’t click tonight? I don’t know. It was good, just awkward and a bit stilted. Mox had a rough night too.
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
Ruby is normally pretty subdued, so for her to get a huge “STOOOOOOOOOP” toward the end there, it’s a surprise over-the-top moment. MJF, Stokely, Menard, Acclaimed, all were contenders, but this one was the biggest surprise, I’d say.
I hope everyone is well. See you Friday.