IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #419
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I don’t cover the other brand, but I watched the weekend and… Well that certainly happened. Sean Ross Sapp, Will Washington, and all the people at Fightful did a brilliant job with coverage, and the anger of Sour Graps added on top of it made sitting through Sunday and Monday somewhat palatable. I’m just grateful to watch a show without the stench of obvious VKM all over it. You’re more than welcome to like what you like, but I won’t be making that mistake again.
Thoughts on AEW Dynamite – April 5th, 2023
1. It’s Wednesday night, thank JBL. If ever there were a time for AEW to step it up and shine more than usual, it’s right now. We’re starting off well with not 100 seconds of wrestling in the first hour, but rather Ricky Starks. But oh shit, we’re not wasting any time here! The match doesn’t even start because it’s Switchblade! Not showing up on Monday as many expected, but instead showing up with Juice Robinson. That got a “holy shit!” chant going and rightfully so. Jay White is all elite! I’d say they stepped up!
2. We get a recap of the non-event with Jericho and Adam Cole last week. Velvet bartender vest himself, Chris Jericho, puts over Adam Cole but isn’t thrilled that Daniel Garcia got knocked out while Cole was celebrating his return. Interrupting him is… Keith Lee? Calling him on his bullshit, and once again, they’re putting the stars out immediately. Next week, Jericho vs. Keith Lee in Milwaukee, I might have to make the drive for that one.
3. We continue going full speed ahead with the House of Black who have gone from lightswitch games with Kane’s old lights to his older brother’s instead. House of Black and Blue, sounds like a Memphis BBQ bar. They’ll be facing the BFFs and Orange Cassidy for the trios titles. The BFFs apparently did something to deserve a title match, but it’ll be fun at least. Maybe one of the dark fellows will be getting an International title match in return, since there’s no way in hell they’re dropping the titles here.
4. They’re riding to the ring in style! It’s Sue and the minivan! The BFFs and OC, like the House of Black’s entrance, are very, very blue. Da ba dee.
5. Talk about a contrast in styles, Trent and Malakai. One has evil eye juice that signifies corruption, the other has a paisley tie from the 80s that got stretched out into tights. Gotta give credit for effective thrifting.
6. The Gunns vs. FTR is in the main event, and especially given the recent news, I sure hope they’re not leaving for, shall we say, other pastures.
7. The match breaks down into everyone fighting one-on-one with each other, and Orange Cassidy launches Malakai over the top rope like he’s Montez Ford doing a dive. Cassidy, on the other hand, does what I can best describe as a lethargic coffin drop, but gets caught. As does Trent, who unfortunately for him gets launched into a vaulting punch in the fuck. Ya hate to see it.
8. I don’t know why I find it so amusing that we have the House of Black, but two of them have a sub-name within, Kings of the Black Throne, but I do, and I like it. It reminds me of the old wrestling video games where you’d fill in different combinations of silly tag team names for fun with your created characters.
9. Amazing sign in the front row that I have no doubt will be on a Maffew compilation soon. “That’s smaht” – Taz, probably.
10. Malakai tries to sweep the leg of Orange Cassidy, but much like Johnny Lawrence, gets put off with overwhelming annoyance in the process. If the Karate Kid had gone on five more seconds and JL had kicked Daniel LaRusso like Malakai kicked OC after the apathy kicks, it would be the greatest end of all time. Someone needed to kick LaRusso in the face, he was so freaking annoying in those movies.
11. Trent gets a near-fall on Brody after a piledriver that people bite on. That’s saying something, considering their track record as of late, but when wrestling’s fun, it’s really fun. Especially when the crowd’s as into it as it appears to be. Buddy instead wins with an ode to Seth Rollins by hitting the curbstomp, so House of Black retains. No surprise but that was a ton of fun.
12. Christian Cage is here? Damn, they’re bringing all the known names for possible lapsed Fed fans, I love it. Coming out of the old Kane entrance is the returning Luchasaurus. End of segment. Wow. All hands on deck.
13. Next, a face vs. face title match with Riho challenging Jamie Hayter, two “originals” going at it as the Outcasts no doubt loom with their Manic Panic nearby. Also good to see Britt Baker out again.
14. Jamie Hayter is so freaking over. I almost feel bad for Riho, also being a face, getting possibly Toni Storm’d by the reaction. That or the falling Bossman chokeslam on the ring apron. I’m sure it has a name but that’s what it reminded me of.
15. Riho is apparently used to being in matches with people bigger than her. What choice does she have?
16. This, like the first match, is a lot of fun. Riho’s suplexes are beautiful, and these two work so well together. I’m anticipating shenanigans, but hopefully not before a definitive result.
17. Riho dominates a good portion of the match, but Jamie gets a hope spot and a solid win within a few seconds, Great title match, even if the winner was never much of a question. Show of respect after the match, and I’m amazed that we don’t get any Outcast involvement.
18. Oh, there they are, sarcastic clapathon. Toni’s got a bit of a new look going on, and I dig it. They look visually unified and yet distinct enough that it makes sense. Cheap plug on top of it too, it’s hard not to be a little endearing.
19. Ain’t no rest for the HAMmy, Menard is talking about his nipples again. The Acclaimed join them on stage, and the effort and energy in Caster’s raps certainly seems to be back. The JAS cut off the scissoring, which is easily in the top five ways to get heat in AEW. Ang of course misconstrues the rap as a request for a tag match, but Senior Ass pulls the “Don’t try this at home” card. Anyone who saw enough of those warnings in the 2000 era knows it by heart. It has me curious to see them all work together, even if extremely temporarily. I don’t care, I like fun.
20. MJF, much like Jericho a few weeks ago, get his own day in his hometown. Seeing MJF be genuinely nice while not slipping out of character is jarring. I’m sure the pop he’ll get will be akin to his varsity letter jacket intro from Long Island previously.
21. MJF gets a full big band entrance, the Big Bad Betterthanyou Daddy coming out for the Roast, it seems. As expected, a huge pop for MJF Day, which I think is two weeks after Rusev Day. He’s doing a full sing-along and the man’s got pipes. It wasn’t just the pandemic dance segment after all. I almost don’t want to give away that MJF shirt I got sent after this. This is right up there with the singer callback with the band as Cab Calloway in Blues Brothers, and Taz makes a Louis Prima reference “for those who know.” I know, Taz, indeed.
22. They bring out the town supervisor of Oyster Bay, and it gets more heat than MJF gets in every other place that isn’t Long Island. He can cut a promo and he ignores the heat, he’s a natural. They even gave him a much bigger key to the city, and he’s HAMming it up. Taz agrees and thinks he should be a heel manager.
23. All the other Pillars get booed, and MJF does his best Kurt Angle. There’s an A.D.D. chant, and I’ll add that to things I never thought I’d hear from a wrestling crowd. Even his eighth grade teacher gets heat at a mere mention. Poor Mrs. Benedict, she never saw it coming.
24. We’re getting an encore even, and after the super fast pacing before this, it’s getting almost as much time as Eddie Kingston claimed he does. Apparently Jungle Boy dressed up as a cymbal player, which face it, we all wanted to be in elementary school, and we get a brawl breaking out after he clapped him one.
25. Wait though, Sammy Guevara is coming out to a much more usual reaction for him, and he takes the title belt. Great way to get heat in Long Island for sure. This feud must not be intense enough, because the agents and security are able to keep the pull-apart brawl pulled apart. Amateurs.
26. Sammy Guevara against Komander? After that banger on Friday, I won’t be disappointed by this. I’m sad to see him (likely) lose again, but it won’t be dull, that’s for sure. There might be some high spots, possibly. Maybe. Guevara does a springboard moonsault to the outside and lands on his damn knees. Oh to be young…
27. Komander gets his springboard ropewalk shooting star press, but a vault to the outside gets him kicked hard enough that Shelton Benjamin sent him a sympathy note. The crowd seems to be spent from the previous segment, but that’s understandable. MJF worked this crowd like a fiddle and they ate up every single thing he fed them.
28. Taz summarizes what planes do in comparison to Komander, including taking off, landing, and… whatever else planes do. Gosh I love Taz on commentary, it’s such a delight.
29. Hey, there’s Darby hanging out in the rafters, just in time for Sammy to do a cutter off Komander walking on the ropes. That was set up a bit weirdly but totally worth the payoff.
30. Tony is down there almost immediately as the other pillars look on from their various states of containment. Sammy with the heat magnet (but accurate) of a statement that he just did what the champion doesn’t do: wrestle. This even gets a Shawn Spears mention, and I’m always glad when we’re allowed to acknowledge history longer than three weeks ago. This is another one of those promos where it’s strange that he’s a villain until he insults someone afterward. This needs to be leading to a four-way Four Pillars match, I hope it’s not just one of them facing MJF after all this.
31. Ethan Page’s entrance done during the commercial break, so I like his chances even less than I already did. The Firm might be one of the most “failure to launch” stables ever, but they’re at least a ton of fun in their continued lack of success.
32. Matt Hardy clocks Ethan Page with the FTW title, which he somehow has managed to go months without doing, but fine. I don’t think anyone had expected that they’d become friends, but they sure were delightful to watch together. Hook wins to no surprise, and also acknowledges Matt Hardy like he’s holding a bag of chips or something. Sure, why not? It was fine.
33. Welcome back again Nigel, and he’s with TK. Speculation time over, I imagine this is the UK announcement based on who TK is with. They mention Cody Rhodes by name referring to All In, and that’s going to be the namesake of the London event. Much like another big announcement, Adam Cole is there to finish the delivery. They’re doing Wembley! An extra PPV, I’m totally fine with that!
34. Ohai BCC, now that you’re complete again, who will stand against you? Danielson didn’t get the wardrobe memo apparently, but fine. Significantly more crowd interaction than I expected, and during a long shot, I see that their unannounced opponents are already in the ring, so there’s about to be a massacre. They’re hanging with the crowd a lot for heels.
35. The BCC is wrecking some fools while Danielson is there in a cozy outfit. Say you’re from Washington without saying you’re from Washington much?
36. Yuta gets the win after some brutality, and now they’re full heels again because they don’t release the submission holds. The attack continues on these poor unnamed boys while Danielson and his parka wants you to know that he loves all his stablemates, even Yuta who is “a little shithead.” He also says he loves professional wrestling, which is supposed to be getting heat right now? He starts making comments about EVPs and amateurs though, which makes me wonder if there’s one more guy to fight the Elite with…
37. Adam Page isn’t a fan, and he comes to the ring while being called an amateur. Not the smartest decision in the world to attack these guys four-on-one. Amateur is going to be the big arc word to this eventual feud. Danielson says nobody loves Page though, though it could be that they took all of them out, but sure. He says they don’t even know what love is. Does he want them to show him?
38. He’s got a neon screwdriver and they’re gonna fix up the house. I mean, it’s not a fork but it’ll probably still hurt a bit. Danielson throws a few digs in about being the only professionals elsewhere too. Not a great decision, Hangman, but I’m sure your friends will come back soon enough. I’m guessing Danielson is taking over as the group leader and mouthpiece, given the way that segment went. I miss Regal though.
39. The Juniors Ass and FTR in the titles vs. careers match, which sure takes on a new connotation with recent events as I said earlier. The Juniors Ass get a surprisingly House of Black-esque entrance, complete with Sheamus bright light full 360. I miss their Hell on Wheels theme already, and they’re dressed like 90s Shawn Michaels went Back to the Future and stole part of Seth Rollins’ more outlandish outfits and combined them with his own.
40. Ooh, two longview crane shots, one from each side, now you know it’s serious business.
41. I’m nervous watching this match, and the commentators evoking the fear of Dax’s daughter brings back memories of the moments they had with her previously.
42. It’s great to see Dax back in the ring again. After his run of amazing singles matches, he’s been a presence sorely missed.
43. Swerve is pulling a TK and has his own major announcement on Friday? I’m also so glad we’re getting live Rampage.
44. FTR gets such a close near-fall with the Big Rig/Shatter Machine, and the Juniors interfere with the pinfall attempt and intentionally try to get DQ’d. What a smart smarmy heel move there. Austin gets an even closer near-fall with the Fame-asser. Poetic indeed. I think he also tried to go for a Pedigree.
45. Austin then hits a blatant low blow to try to get the obvious DQ, daring the ref to end the careers of FTR. They sneak a title belt into the ring through several levels of bullshit chicanery, and Dax gets up one of the closest near-falls you’ll ever see. What a huge reaction as people felt resigned for just long enough.
46. FTR go for a double pin, and the ref waits a bunch of extra time to make the count… for some reason… but FTR win. I’m so grateful it’s not ending here. We’ve also got streamers, and Mark Briscoe coming down for a congrats as the credits roll.
47. This was not a perfect show by any means, but the first hour was very strong, and it ended really well too. It lagged a bit in the beginning of the second hour, but it was still a fun show overall. They threw everything out there in the beginning to get the focus immediately though, and that was a good move, considering…
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
3/3/23 – Jungle Boy
3/5/23 – MJF
3/8/23 – Anthony Bowens
3/10/23 – Riho
3/15/23 – MJF/Darby Allin/Jungle Boy/Sammy Guevara
3/22/23 – STIIIIIING
3/29/23 – Juice Robinson
3/31/23 – Eddie Kingston
4/5/23 – MJF
Of course MJF took it, and even if he didn’t, the town supervisor he brought would’ve had it. That whole segment was an entire Christmas HAM with all the fixings and glamor.