IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #421
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Thoughts on AEW Dynamite – April 12th, 2023
1. It’s Wednesday night, and I wish I was in Milwaukee. Despite being there every weekend, due to some medical issues, I wasn’t able to make the trip, unfortunately. Last time I missed a show near me, CM Punk returned, so with my continuing good luck in that department, nothing of note will occur whatsoever this evening…
2. We’re starting off with the powers of DEFY colliding, Darby Allin (remaining Sting-less at the moment) and Swerve, whose theme seems to have been RVD/Booker T’d with an apathetic chipmunk caught on the hot mic or something. Aesthetic aside, this match will be fun, and I’m interested to see how the new merger mixes with the push of the Pillars, given the track record of the other two contenders. I don’t think either can really afford to lose right now, with Swerve likely headed into the much-anticipated singles match with Keith Lee and Darby headed for the four-way Pillars match at Double or Nothing.
3. Darby starts out at maximum “get this the fuck over with” speed, which is understandable given that he’s gone over Lee Moriarty and a Buick in the last week. Nah, he’s already taken a powerslam on the floor, so bodies be damned as usual. I don’t know how he does it.
4. Because Darby hasn’t put everyone in enough secondhand pain yet, now he’s getting whipped with a belt.
5. Swerve’s “Switchkick” looks like curbstomps Darby while at the same time, kicking Little Jimmy out of the ring like Danielson in 2011 or something. Darby’s bleeding from the mouth already, since Mox is heel and spreading the love now. Then Swerve does… a vaulting ghetto stomp to the outside? Is that what you’d call it? I’m not quite at the “what a maneuver” level of not knowing moves, but I also have a hard time keeping track of names, in this and many other areas. Swerve might have hurt his ankle in the process, that’s not good.
6. “Bite the foot, I love it!” Nothing else more needs to be added.
7. These two are phenomenal together. I’m loving every second of this match as much as I’m worrying about their respective health. It’s also the first point we’ve been informed that the other pillars are, in fact, watching the match again.
8. They did it when I was in Seattle, as well as other times, but when they advertise MJF’s appearance as mandatory, it makes me laugh.
9. Darby does a freaking headscissors to the outside in a way that makes it look like Swerve spikes his head on the floor. That was terrifying, but amazing.
10. The first of many interference spots I’m sure, Prince Nana comes down to interfere with a pinfall attempt. Darby chases him, because he’s apparently naive as hell, and everyone is somehow surprised that Brian Cage then follows him out, despite us seeing him accompany Swerve during his entrance? Okay. Darby still gets out of a ghetto stomp nearfall, continuing to sell the ankle as a possible reason.
11. Aubrey throws them out from ringside, so I’m guessing some other shenanigans will be happening on the other side. It gets averted, and Darby ends up getting a quick but great win in a match that was fun as hell to watch. The merger is off to as great of a start as the Firm, but damn.
12. MJF’s music hits and he’s in a three-piece da ba dee suit with the saturation maxed out. That takes us into a commercial break, so my guess is he’s going to be insulting Milwaukee not on the feed. I mean, it’s not like he’s the first person to ever go there. Milwaukee has certainly had its fair share of visitors. I believe the name itself is Algonquin for “the good land.” Just as the graphic comes up, I briefly hear MJF say “please” so that’s confirmation.
13. MJF puts over Darby while also insulting him, as a good heel should do, and they call back to their Full Gear match here in Minneapolis too. He also gets a “this isn’t sing along with The Rock moment” too, and they continue the running gimmick of the vicious, unbeatable Headlock Takeover.
14. Darby in return puts over therapy. Right on, the wrestling landscape has certainly changed in many ways for the better. What a contrast compared to the Jungle Boy promo duel a little while back, and Darby’s critique of MJF is scathing. MJF, however, argues that “morals kill careers in this sport,” and… the man has a point.
15. MJF’s rant ends with him saying Darby’s legacy will be as “Sting’s bitch.” Whoops, he said the name and here he comes! Where ya been, friend? Ol’ car crash here’s been outnumbered a bit in the last week!
16. This just in, Sting isn’t a daycare guy, he’s a cheerleader. He then brings out a pom pom, the cure of his fever, and throws it at him. Wrap up the HAM of the Year award, every time he shows up, he wins. Holy shit does he turn up the volume by several degrees. Sting name-drops a lot, both to people he’s worked with and his past gimmicks, before saying he’s not anxious for a shot at the world title because his career is almost over. But Darby’s showtime is just beginning. Yes, this is what a legend should be doing in a mentorship role! Brilliant use of your Sting! MJF gives Darby the gloop of the night to remind us he’s still the villain of the piece. Fantastic start to the show.
17. Next we get Powerhouse Hobbs, mercifully without a QTV segment. They say it’s an open challenge, though I miss when that meant that we wouldn’t find out who it was until the moment of, but fine. We get more Silas Young, which is perfectly fine by me. This should be fun.
18. Wait, that’s it? Thanks for coming, Silas… I guess. They start dragging him to the top of the ramp, and the car we saw Hobbs arrive in thirty seconds ago is getting beaten by… Ohai Wardlow, glad you’ve had more time to fill out your new look. It’s no cement truck job, but it’ll certainly do.
19. Wait, I spoke too soon. “He tried to kill me with a forkliiiiiiiiift!” Wardlow flips the car, though I would’ve given anything to see him drive it away into the night. It almost happens because Wardlow forgets to put it in park. Hobbs shrugs it off and is gonna powerbomb poor Silas Young anyway, but there’s the screamy theme! I swear one of the commentators said it was two “lobsters” going at it. The agents and the Factory try to break it up, but it doesn’t save Aaron Solo from getting powerbombed off the stage. OOF, poor guy, his head hits the other table which doesn’t break while he goes through it.
20. Switchblade and Juice get a little package explaining who they are, which those who complain that AEW never catches people up on people from other companies will conveniently ignore, and the greatest era of Bullet Club is coming.
21. Wasting no time whatsoever, we go into the International title match. Two different factions from the Breakfast Club clash as mellow Bender takes on that guy Alison dated before Andrew. Will Orange Cassidy’s accumulating injuries from his numerous title defenses continue to catch up with him?
22. Julia Hart’s death stare continues over from last week. OC gives as much of a shit as usual while they plug the show at Wembley. They try to mess with each other, and it’s delightful because of course it is. Orange Cassidy ends up hitting an Orange Punch very early in the match, which is Sold. With. Emphasis! But he hurt his hand in the process. Buddy plays heel here, despite the HOB being largely over as faces since they’ve been back, but somebody has to.
23. OC waves off the help from the BFFs and the medical team, just in time for Buddy to come over and stomp it into the steps. Your legs still work, maybe move away from the giant heavy owie merchant of death before allowing the match to continue?
24. Has Julia Hart given a reason for her damage about OC, or is it just that he’s the polar social opposite of the HOB? She sure takes a great amount of pleasure in his pain, but I suppose you don’t need a reason. She does it all because she’s evil, and she does it all for free. Your tears are all the pay she’ll ever need. ::insert catchy gothic violin::
25. This is a fantastic match, and Matthews looks like a killer while OC refuses to get up. Not a bad thing from the guy who decided he was finally going to try a while back. Several nearfalls, including another Orange Punch that Excalibur claims the power of which is severely diminished due to the injury. Gotta love little details like that.
26. Buddy sells the “come on, hit me” that OC falls for. Then OC tries it, but Buddy catches that he was playing possum. Several reverses, the Simon Miller Special, Orange Cassidy gets easily the best retain of the entire title run despite the injury. Julia’s death stare gets even deathier, like she just found out her married last name will be Guglia or something.
27. We get some darkmode Luchasaurus glamour shots before Christian says a sentence, and that’s it.
28. We’re back with OC selling the injury while the BFFs challenge Aussie Open for Rampage. Given their tag team record, it totally makes sense why they’d be in the position to do so, but sure.
29. Meanwhile, Ethan Page is also aware that the Firm has not been doing so great since… ever. He still looks so nice in his button-down shirt though. He wants to know WHY Matt Hardy hit him in the head with a title and what he put in the contract he clearly didn’t read, because he doesn’t understand that contractually binding someone to their services might annoy someone after a while. Kassidy and Matt Hardy cut him off, and Ethan sells it in the HAMmiest of ways. Oh, they also get to choose the next match, and that… also? gets them away from the Firm? I think I lost it somewhere. Happens when you write while it’s live.
30. They forget that he and Stokely aren’t the only ones in the Firm, which is easy to do considering their track record, but Lee and Big Bill attack from behind, three-on-two. Here comes Hook and his fantastic hair. They get the drop on Hook, which is a surprise since he’s been all but invincible.
31. Ohai, it’s Jeff Hardy! I hope he’s done the necessary healing in all the ways to be back here! And… they cut away right as Hardy is about to make his first strike. What the hell, person with access to the button? Anyway, the Hardyz, Isiah Kassidy, and Hook all stand in the ring, and amazingly that’s not the start of a joke.
32. Kenny Omega gets a very serious Zoom promo. Hurting Don was what crossed the line for him, and that’s why the payback will be worse than blood for blood. Fair enough. If anyone can back that up, it’s him.
33. Ricky Vaughn‘s entrance hits, which means the aforementioned bloodful ones must be arriving. Also fun since Major League was filmed in this very city, and for us Clevelanders, it was the closest we had to a championship until 2016, so it’s sentimental. They mention Claudio with a delay, despite us only seeing Mox and Wheeler, but that’s fine. It’s almost like they were saying “Claudio, they said your name, catch up, bro!”
34. I’m really interested to see where this is going, the two remaining members of the Elite stepping up to the danger zone. The delightful BTE theme predictably gets cut off by those dastardly Blackpool Combatants. Mox still has plenty of blood to send around, and Nakazawa is busted bad already. There’s a “Nakazawa” chant though as he tries to come back, so the angle is getting over on that level.
35. Claudio swung Nakazawa right out of his shoes. Literally. Cutler also got some of the blood to go around, and fails miserably at trying to help. Nakazawa makes the “hot” tag anyway, and gets eaten alive by Mox. The blood looks even worse with that Un-dashing mask.
36. They showed heart, and got more hope spots than I imagined they would. I’m guessing this is what pushes the Elite over the edge to start fighting back against the brutality with the threats Omega made earlier.
37. Mox wonders where the bucks, the cowboy, the horse and the rider, and Waldo are. Omega said he wasn’t here, but apparently he lied. He waited until this moment though, so he was okay with his friends getting demolished for a long time, but waited until they called his name. There come the Bucks behind them! Not sure where Danielson is, but Hangman would likely be the balance there too.
38. What is with all the “mid” signs? Milwaukee seems to love them.
39. They got DA SCREWDRIVAH! But Mox gets pulled out just time as they drive the screwdriver several inches deep into the turnbuckle! This show is bringing everyone out for the build to Vegas.
40. Backstage, the merger isn’t going as well as they thought, and Swerve tells us he created Darby and there’s more people to come. There’s a weird awkward pause, and I think Swerve forgot what he was going to say. However, Swerve is just so awesome and charismatic that even that is endearing. He could’ve gotten a good lucha thing over.
41. Now it’s time for the neon green Mean Girls portion of the show, and Ruby and Toni are facing Skye Blue and Riho. Thrilled for Skye officially becoming All Elite, though I’m surprised it was only now official. Is she technically homegrown if she’s not part of the company until now, or does that status come in organically rather than confirmed Eliteness? Asking for a friend.
42. Everyone in this match is very colorful, and I’m hopeful this angle will be good once it finally starts actually progressing. I imagine Jamie will be due for a huge match at Wembley so I wonder if this angle will be a part of that.
43. Skye does a diving hurricanrana to the outside and that too was a little close for my comfort. I guess I just worry a lot about head and neck health, because she seems fine. The question is though… Will she actually win a televised match? No lol, but it was a fun one nonetheless.
44. Here comes the 234th Outcast attack with the spraypaint, the numbers game is too much. Will there be another face save and nothing else will happen, again? Please move this forward, you’ve been doing so well with everything else tonight. This time, Riho not only gets an L but the Shield triple powerbomb.
45. Jamie Hayter pulls a Hangman against the BCC and dives in the ring for an immediate three-on-one, but DMD isn’t far behind. Why they weren’t together when they were that close, I don’t know, but it’s fine. DMD and Saraya duke it out with a bunch of forearms, but once again, the heels pull away just before a big move. This would’ve been cool if it wasn’t exactly what’s happened nearly every single time in this storyline since it’s beginning. Yet again, this one spins its wheels, dammit. Do better, AEW.
46. Keith Lee and Chris Jericho are getting the main event? Right on, this’ll be fun. Daniel Garcia and his tanktop are also here. My favorite part of the Judas entrance is they show people clearly having fun. I like fun, and I like to see people having fun at wrestling shows.
47. Everyone somehow looks more badass in a black cloak, and Keith Lee is no exception, coming out to stare down Jericho like he’s only known around these parts as Strider.
48. Speaking of having the time of your life, Keith Lee is having a blast throwing Jericho around and messing with him, including a “smooch to the head.” Orange Cassidy has the pockets, Lee has… that. It works though. To the surprise of literally nobody who has seen one JAS match, Garcia gets involved and that turns the tide. They should get together with the Bloodline and compare notes.
49. And we’re back with Keith Lee trying to teach Chris Jericho the RESPECK but it hasn’t been going too well since Daniel Garcia, playing the part of Special K tonight, got involved. This all happened because Jericho decided Adam Cole’s return celebration was too gauche. Coming from the guy who dresses like Fabulous Disco Super Shredder Bartender to the ring, but fine. It’s understandable why literally anyone, including Keith Lee, would want to defend the world’s nicest guy, especially now that they’re allowed to because he’s a face.
50. Hobbs vs. Wardlow next week in Pittsburgh, right down the road from Elizabeth, PA, home of the International Wrestling Cartel where Wardlow once wrestled a T-Rex? That worked out well!
51. Swerve interferes to literally no reaction, and Jericho gets the win because of it. They debate over whether or not it was Swerve, when it was easier to tell it was Swerve than it was to tell it was Edge spearing John Cena with the motorcycle helmet on at One Night Stand 2006, but fine.
52. Adam Cole comes to the ring to crouch down next to Keith Lee, mirroring Jericho coming out after Adam Cole won a little while back. Jericho and Garcia remain in the ring, and Cole mimics Jericho’s post-match retrieval of Garcia down to the pause and half-look. Fair enough. Adam Cole and his yellow shoes are not to be messed with.
53. This show was a tad front-heavy, especially as the Originals vs. Outcasts angle continues to spin its wheels and do the same thing. We’ve even had Jamie and DMD make the save before, but this time they did it with separate entrances? I guess? The main event was good, though it felt a little lacking considering the emphasis and immediacy that was put in the first hour. I sure hope everyone who appeared to be shaken up or hurt is okay, especially Aaron Solo. That bump looked nasty as hell. With the post-WM lull, people who were put off by certain decisions or people returning to positions of power, and the build for Wembley coming on, AEW appears to be all hands on deck and getting as many people back as they can. Even though a few notable names remain AWOL, especially Miro, there’s still plenty of time to set them up for Double or Nothing, All In, and/or All Out. With the return of Jeff Hardy too showing that people with issues they need to work out can do so and return in kind, perhaps there are a few more up their sleeve to come.
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
3/3/23 – Jungle Boy
3/5/23 – MJF
3/8/23 – Anthony Bowens
3/10/23 – Riho
3/15/23 – MJF/Darby Allin/Jungle Boy/Sammy Guevara
3/22/23 – STIIIIIING
3/29/23 – Juice Robinson
3/31/23 – Eddie Kingston
4/5/23 – MJF
4/7/23 – Darby Allin/Julia Hart
4/12/23 – STIIIIIIIIING
He threw pom-poms at MJF. How could anyone compete with that?