IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #422
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Thoughts on AEW Dynamite – April 14th, 2023
1. It’s Friday night, and poor Milwaukee also had to sit through an ROH taping. Five and a half hours of wrestling was a lot for a WrestleMania, let alone…
2. I always like watching the BFFs wrestle, but I can’t even remember the last time I saw them win a match. I doubt this will be any different, given that Aussie Open hasn’t fared very well, record-wise, here either. Damn shame, both of them are delights to watch.
3. Lots of “we’ll hear from”s being advertised tonight. I’m guessing the house crowd didn’t see half of them, if my limited experience seeing AEW live is any indicator.
4. Shawn Spears is wrestling tonight? Where the hell has he been? If I recall, last time he was around, FTR brought him out as a surprise tag team partner in his hometown?
5. Last week we had 2.0 and the Acclaimed, this week we have Mark Briscoe and Triple J. Interesting combination hour, Rampage is.
6. They’re putting on a great match, which is never a surprise for the opening match of either Dynamite or Rampage. I wish for once the winner wasn’t a formality though, especially on this show.
7. JR must’ve been back in WWE for a second, we get an “are you kidding me” after Trent Baretta bounces like he’s on a trampoline. At least it won’t be three times a minute or when literally anything happens. Anyway, Aussie Open win shortly after. No surprise, but fun nonetheless.
8. Mark Briscoe listening to Sonjay Dutt pitch him feels like every forced icebreaker at a group gathering I’ve ever had to sit through. His facial expressions sell the whole thing though.
9. Tony put on his synthwave sportcoat for FTR’s upgraded neon entrance. That was fitting.
10. After the music was being piped through the audio on Wednesday, I can barely hear it tonight. Interesting contrast, perhaps an overcorrection?
11. Man, that guy up front thinks everything is mid. Good for you, I guess?
12. FTR announces that they’re retiring at the end of their four-year contract. That’s a bold move, and not one I can recall happening this far in advance. Good for them though, wanting to get out of it on their terms.
13. There’s that phrase again, “redemption story.” Tale as old as time, etc.
14. It’s a pretty standard promo, announcing their intentions and where this is going to go, which is perfectly fine. At least the crowd got to see it.
15. Another fearsome foursome, the Hardyz, Isiah Kassidy, and Hook with his hoodie just doing himself a nod. An upcoming match with the Firm is going to be at the Hardy compound. That’ll be something different, if nothing else. Have we had enough space from pandemic cinematic matches that this will be refreshing? Let’s find out. Also Firm loses again (probably) lol.
16. Preview of the upcoming match between Hobbs and Wardlow. I hope it’ll be less weird than the original. I don’t know which one of them can afford to lose less, but also, at least it’s not one where a winner is obvious right away.
17. The awkward act with Mark and the Oblivion Boys continues. Mark seems surprised that the other music hit for some reason, as if that’s not a thing that would happen. They’re facing SAP and Manscout, so yeah, we know who’s winning this one.
18. The ones who had an entrance win. You knew exactly what this was going to be. The Odd couple, or stable, continue being awkward.
19. A clip of the gash that Don Callis got felt like one of those YouTube videos where you watch something like that on purpose, ouch. Recap of what brought us to the Elite vs. BCC, including stabby rippy turnbuckle screwdriver EXTREME CLOSE-UP! WAHHHHHHHH!
20. Taya Valkyrie is facing a non-entranced Emi Sakura, so we know who’s winning this one too. She’s certainly anxious for her close-up shots herself, Mr. Demented.
21. Jade comes out to be all like “I see you.” Taya sees her too. This is more development than the Outcasts/Originals storyline has gotten in a month.
22. I love that the basis of this feud is having the same finisher. Imagine the bank Mark Sterling could’ve made in the Attitude Era with the chokeslam. Four-way with Kane, the Undertaker, Big Show, and the Big Boss Man? Maybe? Plus every other hoss they tried to get over with the Pumphandle duel.
23. Taya wins. Nobody’s surprised. But Taya and Jade start fighting it out. Taya is a face so she forgets about the lackey getting involved. She gets barefoot Jaded for her trouble, then Jade goes for the pin for funsies. Double or Nothing pay-off, most likely?
24. More El Hiro del Vikingo? Yes, please.
25. Four seconds later and the JASband is already there about ready to do the Too Cool dance. Also we’re going for the rap battle, and these three have the rhythm and tempo of Lane Kim’s drumset being thrown down the stairs. Which I’m sure is intentional. HAM central. This is Garth Marenghi levels of intentionally bad.
26. There was a threatened nipple scissor. That was one hell of an escalation from someone who had his fingers tortured by Swerve a short time ago.
27. Spears, he had a baby, yay! Jack’s hoodie is amazing. Plus Mark Henry gets his live interview and his little screen back too.
28. Good to have one of the big names in the Rampage main event, though I wonder which is going to win… the guy who has been gone for months or one of the Pillars in a main event feud? The mysteries will never cease.
29. Darby Allin is either backstage watching this match or posing for a 2005 album cover in the shadows.
30. During the commercial break, they let us know that the Wembley show will indeed be full of great surprisements! (Yes, I know that’s not a word, IYKYK)
31. Jungle Boy gets the quick win after a very competitive match. It was perfectly fine for what it was, but I don’t see anyone beating a Pillar unless it’s another Pillar anytime soon. They have a handshake of RESPECK afterward.
32. It was a typical episode of Rampage. At this point, you know what you’re getting. Storyline advancement, good but likely predictable matches, and a decent hour of wrestling. Not much else to say about it.
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
3/3/23 – Jungle Boy
3/5/23 – MJF
3/8/23 – Anthony Bowens
3/10/23 – Riho
3/15/23 – MJF/Darby Allin/Jungle Boy/Sammy Guevara
3/22/23 – STIIIIIING
3/29/23 – Juice Robinson
3/31/23 – Eddie Kingston
4/5/23 – MJF
4/7/23 – Darby Allin/Julia Hart
4/12/23 – STIIIIIIIIING
4/14/23 – 2.0/Biff Hager
Not even close, it takes talent to be that bad on purpose.