IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #435
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Thoughts on AEW Dynamite – June 28th, 2023
1. Wow, look at that crowd of allegedly terrible ticket sales, how will they ever live with themselves?
2. The bad seed is back, Mox’s Ricky Vaughn entrance has returned. The BCC has now lost two in a row in this feud, so let’s see where this is going now, especially with Danielson out with a broken arm. Not that he’s been wrestling a lot anyway, having mostly been on commentary, but it does make a difference.
3. We’re opening up with Ishii against Mox, so no shots will be pulled and there will be chops. Immediately, as it turns out; Forbidden Door isn’t quite over yet. How long before one or both of them bleed? First commercial break?
4. We’ve moved on from a chop-off to a forearm-off. And then we go to a… well, an attempt by each to bite the other’s nose off, because why the hell not? None shall pass the Blacknight Combat Club.
5. I did not expect a discussion on Family Matters during this particular match, but anything can happen in AEW.
6. Usually the run-ins don’t happen this early, but nobody gives less of a shit than Eddie Kingston. He comes in with his very bright yellow shirt to yell at anything and anyone that moves.
7. I think Eddie Kingston should just show up and yell during things other than wrestling matches. Boat launch? “Oh yeah, go on and get the fuckin’ fish, what ya gonna do?” Prom? “Yeah, dance in that thousand dollah fuckin’ dress ya never gonna wear again, go ahead!” Oscar speech? “Yeah we get it, people like ya bullshit screenshow, thank ya god and get the hell off the stage.”
8. Mox punches Ishii right in the fuck to knock him down, and I’m pretty sure Taz called it “Idaho Jones.” Potatoes, heh. Ishii gives Mox a bird, which is a less friendly Audubon sighting as you can get, as he tries to beat him down further. I’d say that Mox probably got busted open the hardway, but as much as he bleeds, I don’t know if he gets time to heal in the first place.
9. They’re crashing heads into each other now, what the hell am I watching? Now there’s more of the blood I expected in this match.
10. Pretty sure Mox straight up just did an old-school Diamond Cutter. Shoulders back, chest out!
11. Ishii keeps kicking out, this time because of a delayed cover on the Death Rider. Damn. Then Mox throws a little of his buddy Rollins in there with a stomp, and wins with a second Death Rider. Not a big surprise, but neither was how stiff and brutal that match seemed. Not the typical opening fare for Dynamite, but not an unwelcome difference either.
12. Mox disrespects Kingston on the way back, and Kingston yells that Mox didn’t need the BCC to win. I’m not sure where this is going, but it’s going somewhere and I’m interested.
13. There’s Renee backstage, leading into the Adam Cole and MJF tag team. AC must be feeling better, and MJF shows up with the HAM-meter turned up past 11 already. MJF making a joke about being sick to get out of Forbidden Door, brilliant. This is bringing the energy of the fake alliance between he and Guevara from a little while back, and I am here for it. Complete with a meshing of their two t-shirts, wow. If MJF isn’t delighted to be doing this angle, it’s not obvious.
14. Renee is back again, and she gets unusually upset with Mox about what went down. Kingston comes in to say that nobody kicks his ass but him, and Renee tells both of them to go to their rooms and think about what they’ve done.
15. We get a recap of Omega/Ospreay II, which is still one of the damndest things I’ve ever seen, so that live reaction from the last column hasn’t faded at all.
16. Next we’ve got the Trios match featuring one of the most randomly yet awesome teams I’ve ever heard of: Keith Lee, Orange Cassidy, and El Hiro del Vikingo. It’s great to see Keith Lee in a match on Dynamite again, finally. Looks like he abandoned the grey hair look, but he can do whatever he damn well pleases.
17. Matt Menard is on screen, the HAM levels are instantly boosted exponentially. Pretty sure this stable is keeping at least one pleather company in business by themselves.
18. Orange Cassidy has teamed with a wide variety of people in the last few months, and it somehow always works. Then again, pretty much anything they’ve done with him recently has hit well, so it tracks.
19. Vikingo does Vikingo things, OC does OC things, and the JAS Boys play right into it as they are so adept at doing. OC and Vikingo pull off a bow-and-arrow/Ghetto Stomp combination, that looks brutal.
20. Even Daddy Magic gets a chant. There’s a face in peril and somehow it’s not Orange Cassidy for a change. He does keep repeatedly getting knocked off the ring apron though. Keith Lee hasn’t been in to wreck fools yet, but the night is young.
21. 2.0 tries to take out Keith Lee, and they of course fail dramatically. An apropos “you fucked up” chant breaks out before he finally gets a tag and vaults himself at them. Garcia then steps up and does his hip dance while standing on Keith Lee. We’re truly going for the ridiculous tonight, and I’m here for it.
22. Speaking of ridiculous, Vikingo accidentally flies into Keith Lee on the outside, kicking him in the head. Lee gets mad and then uses Vikingo as a weapon to hit other people after a really loud “OWWWW!” Lately the HAM has been an easy choice but there’s like five contenders already. He gets tagged back into the match, decides he had enough, and gets the emphatic win for the team. That was all over the place, but in a good, fun way.
23. Cutler gives the Bucks and Adam Page a pre-tape, but it’s an AEW interview, so it gets interrupted almost immediately. The Dark Order accepts their open challenge for a trios match after finally being sick of being blown off, and… can’t really blame them. Page looks like kind of an asshole here. As many members as the Dark Order keep losing though, they’re pissed about losing a friend too. At least those three get on the show instead of progressing the storyline exclusively on BTE?
24. I’m still giddy about the vintage Danielson entrance as they recap the match. The fact that he went ten more minutes with a broken arm is… unsurprisingly, but still very noteworthy. My partner asked how long I thought he would be out, and I said “they said 6-8 weeks, but it’s Danielson so… maybe he’ll miss Wednesday?”
25. Renee, busiest person in the company yet again, is now with Jericho and Guevara. Jericho, despite his feud-but-not-feud once upon a time, has some salty Randy the Ram-esque vibes. Sunday we had the Rainmaker, and today we get the Painmaker, so that’s a thing. Guevara just nods on because Jericho’s rambling about something, so I guess that’s just what ya do.
26. Oh, there’s Negative One, who gets about 3 seconds of screentime before they send him back. He had more time on WrestleMania, and hasn’t been around since Preston Vance did what he did. Okay then. That makes as much sense as the sign proclaiming “Temple of Doom” the best Indiana Jones movie.
27. This is a very similar match to the trios one from last year, except Hangman was on the other side. He’s giving off the aura of a lot of people many of us knew back in the school days, I’m sure. He lost his popular friends, found some loyal people to slum around with, but the minute his old running buddies showed him attention, he bailed as to not be seen as a loser by association. He threw them a pity offer to make it a 6v6, but the Order at least had enough dignity to not accept that paltry shit.
28. The crowd has been hot all night, but they sound quiet as hell in the beginning of this match, at least comparatively. Not sure if they’re also not certain of what to make of it, but it’s mild.
29. Johnny Hungee goes a little old school with a “just bring it” toward Page, but now offers a handshake, for reasons. They argue a bit before finally going at it a bit.
30. Evil Uno even takes a cheap shot at Hangman when he’s on the apron. The match is fine from a technical perspective, everything just feels a bit awkward. Hangman almost bailed on the match completely but instead started pacing at ringside. Then he tags in but refuses to do anything. He’s conflicted now but has blown them off at every opportunity recently.
31. The Young Bucks are now annoyed with Page being distracted, so he’s angering everyone tonight.
32. Uno smacks Page in the face, and that finally unleashes the anger. Page tags in with a flurry and starts trying to take shots at the whole Dark Order. It turns into a 3-on-1 against Page, and he takes all their moves and a near-fall. That seems to wake the crowd up a bit.
33. Page sets up the Buckshot Lariat on Hungee but hesitates again, which causes him to nearly get taken out. The Bucks get in a shot and set him up this time, which connects, and the Elite win. That’ll learn ya something, Johnny. How dare you call out chameleon friends?
34. The BCC attack the Elite from behind, and the Dark Order does fuck-all. They went 0-for-the-century against them not too long ago, so it’s hard to blame them. Takeshita and Callis are out there too. Hangman is busted open from the screwdriver. Kingston tries to run in, but it doesn’t do much. Hangman does the sad face at the Dark Order, who are all like “oh, now you need us, huh?” Mox turns away at Kingston being attacked while holding the mic. I’m guessing this is the setup for Blood and Guts. Yep, July 19th. Curious to see how that’ll shake out. I think the BCC almost have to win after dropping two straight in the feud.
35. More preview for the Owen tournament, and Juice manages to be ridiculously HAMmy even in the brief part of the segment he gets.
36. We come back with Adam Cole waiting for MJF, and Roderick says they can’t trust him. He knows that, but is still waiting for him. Okay. Given the last angle we just saw, who knows?
37. They’ve moved on to talking about Jack Perry, so I’m guessing Taz is gonna follow up on his level of pissed with what happened. He broke his normal levels of attempted objectivity. The “Tarzan Boy” theme hits, which I wasn’t expecting. Oh, we’re getting rid of it, just not as quickly, and Perry makes a reference to them being stuck with the wildfires. Yeah, so are we right now, AQI is near 200 here at the moment.
38. I wonder if this will come back around to the advice MJF gave him, or even how Christian was trying to mentor him. The crowd chants “you fucked up” as JP bitches about Hook and his fake championship. This might carry more weight if they’d fought more than three matches together, but it got the job done. The entrance music sway is now being used as a taunt, so they don’t even have to change anything, it’s just sarcastic now.
39. JP directs the crowd’s asshole chant toward Taz, which is certainly a choice. He finally gets cut off by Hook. Man, Hook let him say a lot of shit before going after him.
40. They wait an extra long time before the cameras finally catch the sprint. JP does a full on Pete Rose dive into the SUV, and Hook gets so pissed that he tosses a trash can right into a security person. All right, good first setup.
41. Sammy is back with his flashcard promos during the commercial break. Smooth plug for the video game even worked in there.
42. They announced earlier that Britt got the same sickies that Adam Cole had a few days ago. Ruby at least still gets a match, but I’m thinking the poor last-minute replacement doesn’t have much of a chance.
43. It’s an Outcasts match in this cursed angle, we all know how it goes. Ruby gets a promo afterward, trashing the rookies for not showing up to work. She’s getting a good justified heel rant on Britt and the fans. It’s a lot better than the L on the forehead. She reflects back to last year’s tourney, and brings it back full circle. More Ruby promos, please.
44. Rampage bringing the good cards yet again this week. Excalibur struggled more than usual with the rundown though. Next week, Swerve in Our Glory reuniting and Orange Cassidy/Darby Allin are two of the blind choice tag teams that were totally random. That’ll be fun, since they still haven’t had the payoff match for the former.
45. Time for the tornado tag main event. It’s the battle of face paint, and also Sammy Guevara. Jericho’s looks rough compared to the Goth Generations.
46. Sting no-sells a bat shot from Jericho and they start “sword”-fighting. It’s not even the first time they’ve ever been in a match, let alone in the ring, but they’re still driving home that phrase as often as they can. The match Sunday was the most unfortunately placed one on the card though, and it suffered because of that, among other things.
47. Darby takes a nasty spill over the barricade, his lower back landing right on the edge of it. Cringing just thinking about how that must feel.
48. There’s a lot of crowd-brawling, the lightest chairshot I’ve ever seen, and there’s… sign-punching, and Jericho tries to stuff it into Sting’s mouth. Sammy seems awfully content to go along with this stuff, but I’m sure the dissent will pay off sooner rather than later.
49. The tables have come out, and Darby and Sting are each setting one up, that can’t be good for them. You know the rules.
50. There’s a ladder now in the ring too, and even the commentators are pointing out how far away the tables are. Sting wants to do it though. Oh no…. He makes it and seems to go face-first into Sammy’s knees. Ouch.
51. Darby gets his skateboard involved, so naturally there’s a “Jones” thrown in.
52. There’s more blood, a capstone to the first match, and Jericho’s face is covered with it. Not sure if I saw some coming out of Sting’s mouth, but after that leap he tried to do, I wouldn’t be surprised.
53. Jericho kicks out of the Scorpion Death Drop, which even Tony is amazed about. Jericho taps out a few seconds later to the Scorpion Death Lock though. The Painmaker loses for the first time in AEW, Sting’s undefeated record is retained. Jericho’s losing streak continues, and the show ends extremely quickly.
54. This Dynamite was resetting the table for multiple events: Blood and Guts of course, but also the upcoming back-to-back Alls, Out and In respectively. After a show on the level of Forbidden Door, it’s natural to feel like it has to come down before it goes back up, but really, this wasn’t too bad of a way to do it. It was pretty fun all around for the most part. Not the greatest show ever, but it didn’t need to be either.
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
3/3/23 – Jungle Boy
3/5/23 – MJF
3/8/23 – Anthony Bowens
3/10/23 – Riho
3/15/23 – MJF/Darby Allin/Jungle Boy/Sammy Guevara
3/22/23 – STIIIIIING
3/29/23 – Juice Robinson
3/31/23 – Eddie Kingston
4/5/23 – MJF
4/7/23 – Darby Allin/Julia Hart
4/12/23 – STIIIIIIIIING
4/14/23 – 2.0/Biff Hager
4/19/23 – Sammy Guevara
4/26/23 – MJF
5/3/23 – Triple J/Mark Briscoe
5/5/23 – The Firm Deletion – All of it
5/10/23 – Chuck Taylor and Trent Baretta
5/17/23 – Toni Storm
5/24/23 – Jay White
5/28/23 – Darby Allin
5/31/23 – Juice Robinson
6/7/23 – MJF
6/9/23 – Ethan Page
6/14/23 – The cardboard cutout of Saraya
6/17/23 – CM Punk
6/21/23 – Adam Cole/MJF
6/23/23 – Anthony Bowens
6/24/23 – Powerhouse Hobbs
6/25/23 – Will Ospreay
6/28/23 – Keith Lee
So many contenders, but a normally toned down person like Keith Lee pulling out a few slices, had to take that while I had the chance to give it.