IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #444
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Thoughts on AEW Dynamite – August 23rd, 2023
1. I do believe that we have reached the midweek, and in the evening portion of that day, I do believe there is a colloquial understanding of the sentiment on this occasion, and it is believed to be most joyous indeed.
2. The loss of Terry Funk is heartbreaking for the wrestling world, and it comes amidst three other deaths this week in my various circles. Rough week for a lot of people.
3. Neon synthwave galaxy with the song that’s got a 3-5 percent chance of being on your dad’s radio station at this very minute, it’s the Elite opening us up. We’ve already had a technical issue as the spotlights didn’t work for the Gunns’ entrance. That can’t be good for team Juicy.
4. This match is similar to the one at Wembley for one of the groups involved in this match. Not as similar as the Darby match, but similar enough. We’ve had a chairshot, which is fine because somehow the bell didn’t ring yet, and a ref bump. Might as well start everything as quickly as Collision did on Saturday, and BCG was there so they’d know. Let’s just not have segment 2 take up 40-plus afterward.
5. The match has been thrown out into a no contest, though it doesn’t seem like anyone in the ring knows that. This has “end of Smackdown go-home show in 2000” energy, but it’s opening up, so I’m expecting a lot more chaos before the night is out.
6. Ohai Takeshita, might as well have you join in the fracas as well. Making the save is both members of FTR, and it doesn’t seem recent events have affected their overness. Takeshita and Omega remain in the ring, and Takeshita is grabbing Kenny by the locks and yelling a lot, so I don’t like his chances. Omega tries for the One-Winged Angel, but Takeshita manages to squirm his way out of it. Crowd doesn’t like it. I mean, it’s not like they missed a double clothesline or something really dramatic, but it’s up there.
7. Busiest member of the roster, Renee Paquette is backstage with one-half of the main event. We haven’t seen MJF saying solo things for a bit, so he’s making up for it by chewing the scenery double. He’s asking for everyone to make it the loudest event in sports history, but still explaining to Renee what hyperbole is and asking them to edit it out. He continues to be amazing while also showing the vulnerability we’ve seen throughout this angle.
8. Renee is nice enough to give MJF, and by proxy all of us, a recap of the tense moments since their time limit draw. Adam’s apparently made him a better person and is his first genuine friend, so “not working, you guyzzzzz.” So when AC pulls the WM17 ending at the next biggest show of all time, it’ll all line up in retrospect, possibly?
9. Lou Brown is calling in the closer, so here comes Jon Moxley against Rey Fenix. I’ll be interested to see how this transpires, now that Fenix isn’t going to Wembley according to Fightful. Mox walks up the aisle right next to an annoyed-looking person just coming back with their food. I don’t blame them either, stadium food is a bigger example of price gouging than the real estate market in a gentrified neighborhood.
10. The rest of the people in the Stadium Stampede match are barred from ringside. Hmm, the ones already announced, or do the unannounced cause shenanigans and then get announced? If AEW go-home shows can do anything, it’s figure out some technicalities.
11. Going into PiP, there’s apparently at least one really big Jon Moxley fan, who screams “do it again! Do it again!” Not the sentiment I was expecting for a new remake of LL Cool J’s sauciest song, but you never know when inspiration will strike. Someone’s gotta give the jobber fetishists a soundtrack, after all.
12. Fenix gets choked out, with surprisingly little external involvement. But, sure enough, here comes the BCC. They’ve got TWO crowbars. One would’ve been okay, but TWO is simply unacceptable. Oh snap though, Santana and Ortiz have arrived to the complete disbelief of the guy who brutally attacked one of them. To no surprise, Fenix gets the medical team treatment to be written off the Stadium Stampede match. Will they add one more to the other side, or will it remain a 5v5 situation?
13. Going from “sad, terrible thing has happened” voice to legalized sketchy sports gambling plug in the same tone is a vibe that I really don’t care for. Then again, I don’t think there are any I’d be okay with for the latter, but what can ya do?
14. Distraught Eddie Kingston never leads to anything good, but Renee tries to approach him anyway, despite… who she is. So much for putting out the fire between the two boys and making them behave.
15. There’s Renee again, this time with Sammy. It’s an AEW interview, so it gets interrupted before he can say a word. 2.0 and Danny (rightfully) call him out for believing Jericho, especially due to him saying yes first and it only changing because of a “stupid painting.” Oh Menard, we’ve missed your HAM. Danny remains and stares a little longer, I’m assuming since they had that epic long tag team run that resulted in so many memorable moments like… um… the dance-off? Maybe?
16. Now we’ve got a contract signing with Ospreay and Jericho because some things just never die in wrestling.
17. Jericho’s getting cheered, so what the hell do we know? I sincerely doubt that’ll happen at Wembley, but maybe there’s something they haven’t shown us yet? I don’t know, of all the matches I’m looking forward to this weekend, this isn’t one of them.
18. I can’t tell if the ring security/local indy wrestlers are trying not to corpse, but once Callis starts bringing the heat to the segment, it doesn’t matter. He chose Will Ospreay over Jericho, but only… because he saw the painting?
19. I’m not comfortable with them bringing up real-life near-death experiences, but I’m sure they had to sign off on it to move it forward. I get when they’ve used it for personal storylines, but not implying that the job’s gonna be finished.
20. Ospreay asks if Jericho has any idea of the magnitude and importance of this match. Um… I don’t think many people on the roster do, but Jericho does not fit that category. I’ve mentioned WrestleMania 17 several times in the last few weeks, and he opened that show.
21. Put Ospreay in a chic suit and the chip on his shoulder attitude reminds me a lot of Eggsy from the first Kingsman. Though Callis is no Harry Hart, that’s for sure. Ospreay lists everyone he’s better than, one of the names getting a bigger pop than the others for reasons, and he signs.
22. Jericho’s all like “I invented you.” Speaking of bringing up things that I’d rather not think about, a Dynamite Kid reference.
23. This is the biggest show of his career? Apparently so, I’ll give him credit for selling it. All of this “you’ll have to be the best Will Ospreay to beat me” would land a lot more true if he hadn’t lost most of his matches this year, but wrestling’s gonna wrestling. Turns into a pull-apart brawl while Tony tries to say more things. Nope, still don’t care. I’m sure the match will be fine-ish, but it’s all falling really flat for me.
24. Now Renee is with Adam Cole, who is sitting on the other side from where MJF was earlier. I see, MJF gets the tense moments, Adam gets the “best of” moments. I get it though, he’s so damn likable. Adam again makes more statements that sound remarkably similar to Stone Cold pre-WM17 before getting reminded of the more tense moments he’s had with MJF and Roddy. Being questioned about this makes Adam start yelling about there being no issues with he and Max. Yeah, you’re not hiding or hinting toward anything. Everyone knows those who have nothing to hide always yell and scream and get really defensive about it when asked, it’s just obvious.
25. Now for the 3/4 preview of the match on Saturday, just with Nick Wayne getting his chance to show off. If you’re gonna be the opening act for Joker Sting, you better not miss.
26. AR Fox hits… would you call it an inverted rope-assisted German Suplex? It looked nasty, whatever it was. So nasty that they immediately cut to a guy in the crowd who looks vaguely confused like he’s lost at the Mall of America down the road from here.
27. Hey, Mama Wayne is right there down near the masked Sting guy. No coincidence at all whatsoever, he would never do such subterfuge.
28. Coffin drop from the turnbuckle to the outside, also known as wrestling’s trust fall. Fortunately they don’t pull a Harold on him, though if anyone could deal with going back-first to the floor from that height, I’m sure Darby wouldn’t even be bruised. Somehow.
29. Yet more technical issues with the colored bars showing up, as we had some earlier during the Adam Cole segment. Not sure whether it’s on my end or theirs, given the heat index around here in Minnesota has been 110 the last few days, and Minnesotans aren’t used to this. Not yet anyway.
30. AR comes off the barricade and does a kick while also doing a clap right up front, which makes him look like he’s going for the world’s HAMmiest game of Hokey-Pokey.
31. Mama Wayne keeps yelling that they’ve gone too far, but at least nobody’s put her on a forklift… yet. Always a silver lining somewhere.
32. Nick Wayne is bleeding again, and AR Fox wasn’t even kind enough to wear another undershirt for Nick to bleed on. Ya gotta think ahead and practical sometimes.
33. Nick Wayne keeps kicking out of vicious moves in a 2-on-1 situation, which just frustrates the shit out of the both of them. Nick ends up stealing the win, which gives Fox and Swerve ever so much momentum going into the Coffin match. Why no one can win once they join up with Swerve, like Evolution, is a mystery.
34. Even Swerve is aware of how disappointing it is. This was apparently a test for him, and even Nana isn’t having it. AR Fox gets wiped out by Brian Cage, so much for that heel run. Shouldn’t have torn off the bloody shirt, man. Team Sting comes back to run them off… for some reason. Darby’s awfully forgiving of all the shit he pulled with him.
35. Swerve asks him who they got, and apparently it’s not Brian Cage. There’s a long shot on them smiling until Christian and Luchasaurus come out behind them. Christian asks if they’re gonna introduce him to their little friend. Oh Christian Cage, never change. Of course, he’s got a dead father, how could Christian resist? Wardlow’s not around to smash some heads, so he’s as perfectly fine with it as Arn Anderson was sending his son to certain destruction.
36. Another reference to a real-life death, I really don’t like this. They might be okay with it, but especially given personal circumstances this week, it’s making me really uncomfortable. Call me oversensitive, I don’t care. This has “Eddie’s in hell” energy and I hate it. Admittedly it may be this particular week that it’s just hitting harder than it normally would, but I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling that way on a day where a wrestler actually died either.
37. Renee does even more work today, and now she’s sitting down with FTR and the Bucks. I’m okay with this many segments rather than a plethora of matches with obvious endings on a go-home show.
38. Now time for the one women’s segment of the show, and it’s the consolation prize match. The third member of the Outcasts against the Original who didn’t make the cut. Ruby gets an entrance cutaway promo, because we have to make sure to fit all of it in one segment as much as possible. She’s also going after Kris and the TBS title, because with certain titles, you just get to fail upwards and get a shot. There’s a story there that goes back a while, but they could’ve waited to make reference to that until building the match. But why would we do that?
39. Skye Blue gets an entrance cutaway segment too. Of all the people Renee was interviewing, she didn’t have time for them. It is the consolation prize match after all. Someday, Ruby will actually win a title match of some kind, I swear…
40. This match may as well be called the “hey, one of them actually has to win this one” contest. Unless it goes the way of the first match. Please don’t go the way of the first match.
41. They’re talking about how often Skye and Ruby were tag team partners. I’m sure they were, but this commentary would’ve made a lot more sense with Willow. I know it happened but it wasn’t nearly as prevalent, at least on the televised shows, if I recall?
42. They trade a good 16 roll-up attempts that feel really low energy for some reason. Ruby finally wins with the Destination Unknown, still keeping that name despite no longer using the song, but it’s fine. One of them had to win. At least it wasn’t filled with Outcasts shenanigans.
43. Renee does yet another interview, and Roderick Strong says they’re gonna find out who the real MJF is, and the real Adam Cole as well. That’s just cryptic and vague enough to fit right in.
44. We get a recap of the GoT-esque funeral for Billy Gunn boots funeral. That or it’s just showing it again, but it does feel faster than the first one. This makes the Acclaimed come out with no music or rapping, so you know they’re serious.
45. They call out the House of Black, because Daddy Ass is definitely totally retired and won’t even the odds whatsoever. It gives us the chance for the most bad-ass entrance in the company though, so I’m fine with it. Even better in person, it was worth staying after a Dynamite for Elevation matches just to see it.
46. The House of Black surrounds the ring, and it doesn’t go well. Imagine, asking for a 3 on 2 fight against the dominant trios champions might do that. Daddy Ass makes his triumphant return in his polo and jeans, but somehow it being to the Acclaimed music just makes it kinda funny. I know it wouldn’t be to “I’m an ass man, womp womp” but there’s still that part of the wrestling brain that expects it.
47. Billy Gunn explains that they’ve done it now, they’ve gone and made a big mistake. And he can’t allow them to think they can just walk away. So turn around, you hurt his kid so you’re gonna pay. One more time, all or nothing. It was predictable but at least it was a happy predictable on a show filled with misery. I guess he also got the rights to “Badd Ass Billy Gunn.” Good for him, he deserves it. I just hope the Right to Censor don’t show up and call foul on a 23-year-old stipulation. And good JBL I feel old, I was watching live back then too…
48. Jeff Hardy needs to apologize to the teacher’s lounge sofa he stole his undershirt from, and making his face-paint match it just isn’t enough. That sofa had just two days left until retirement.
49. Between this match and last week, it does feel like the Hardys are just trying to face some of their favorite acts before they wind things down. And if a certain Sexton Hardcastle shows up, they can all four do it properly.
50. Aussie Open gets the win amongst more technical issues occurring, at least on my end. Not sure what the hell’s going on tonight.
51. Hardys getting dismissed almost immediately again. They’re disappearing along with Ethan, who hopefully will at least get something out of it.
52. MJF and Adam Cole get by far the pop of the night. The good guys get the shit stomped out of them because we can’t have nice things tonight. They set up for the Double Clothesline, and you don’t hit a steal finisher on these guys. Calling for it themselves gets another huge chant, and they know exactly what they’re doing. MJF teases the Kangaroo Kick, something so silly I don’t think even he thought it would get over. MJF saves Adam Cole again, but Kyle Fletcher ducks out of the superkick. MJF catches it. And one of the most ridiculous tropes in wrestling yet again, the clearly accidental wayward shot makes everything super tense. Pac just pulled it recently too.
53. MJF brushes past Cole after an attempted handshake, he pulls out the ring, but puts it back away. They hug it out. BAM, ring non factor. Will Adam Cole continue down the path he seems to be, or will they extend the best thing going in the company longer? I hope it’s the latter.
54. This show felt miserable. Go-home shows always kinda suck but they were playing it really safe here. It was necessary, but not in the way that a heels-winning show was back in the day. This just felt unnecessarily dark-sided in addition to playing it safe for Wembley. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. I hope y’all had a good time and I hope the weather’s better for you, wherever you are. I’ll be skipping Rampage and Collision because this AEW PPV may go six hours at least. That will be great, I have no doubt.
Not much, at least comparatively, for this show. But I probably won’t be able to give it to Billy Gunn many more times. Not that I thought I ever would in the first place, but here we are.
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
3/3/23 – Jungle Boy
3/5/23 – MJF
3/8/23 – Anthony Bowens
3/10/23 – Riho
3/15/23 – MJF/Darby Allin/Jungle Boy/Sammy Guevara
3/22/23 – STIIIIIING
3/29/23 – Juice Robinson
3/31/23 – Eddie Kingston
4/5/23 – MJF
4/7/23 – Darby Allin/Julia Hart
4/12/23 – STIIIIIIIIING
4/14/23 – 2.0/Biff Hager
4/19/23 – Sammy Guevara
4/26/23 – MJF
5/3/23 – Triple J/Mark Briscoe
5/5/23 – The Firm Deletion – All of it
5/10/23 – Chuck Taylor and Trent Baretta
5/17/23 – Toni Storm
5/24/23 – Jay White
5/28/23 – Darby Allin
5/31/23 – Juice Robinson
6/7/23 – MJF
6/9/23 – Ethan Page
6/14/23 – The cardboard cutout of Saraya
6/17/23 – CM Punk
6/21/23 – Adam Cole/MJF
6/23/23 – Anthony Bowens
6/24/23 – Powerhouse Hobbs
6/25/23 – Will Ospreay
6/28/23 – Keith Lee
7/1/23 – Andrade
7/5/23 – Adam Cole/MJF
7/7/23 – Daniel Garcia
7/8/23 – Samoa Joe
7/12/23 – Jack Perry
7/17/23 – Ricky Starks
7/19/23 – MJF and Adam Cole
7/22/23 – Ricky Starks
7/26/23 – Jeff Hardy
7/31/23 – Samoa Joe
8/2/23 – Swerve
8/4/23 – Kris Statlander
8/5/23 – Christian Cage
8/9/23 – MJF and Adam Cole
8/11/23 – Orange Cassidy
8/12/23 – Ricky Starks
8/16/23 – MJF and Adam Cole
8/18/23 – Ruby Soho
8/19/23 – Toni Storm
8/23/23 – Billy Gunn