IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #446
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I didn’t have the energy to write live thoughts this week, for multiple reasons. I’ve been thinking about doing something like this for a while, but given that this month marks 20 years since the first time I attended a (non-indy, non-house show) wrestling show, I wanted to take a look back at Unforgiven 2003.
I have no delusions about how this PPV was generally received at the time. It was not well regarded, to say the least. But it holds a special place in my heart for being the first time I got to a show that had actual pyro and the pomp and circumstance I associated with pro wrestling at the time. The first time I went to a house show, I didn’t know that they didn’t even turn the lights down, let alone that there was no pyro and essentially it was a ring with bikerack-like barricades around it. (Maybe it’s different now, I haven’t been to a house show since this time.)
I had no basis of knowing this. I had only a few friends who were still into wrestling after the Attitude Era died, so we didn’t talk about it. My parents were never interested in taking me to a show, so when I was finally old enough to go on my own, I did just that. It was my 18th birthday present to myself and my best friend.
This show took place at the GIANT Center in Hershey, Pennsylvania, which is about 30 minutes from where I grew up. This was in the midst of the Triple H “Reign of Terror” and I had recently discovered LOP columns. I didn’t have the greatest seats, and by that I mean there are few that would’ve been worse in the venue. Upper deck, opposite side of the stage, second row from the top. But there’s always something special about the first time, and therefore this show will always have a special place in my heart.
Does it still hold up? Can it hold up if it didn’t even hold up in the first place? Let’s find out, in my first attempt at a retrospective thoughts column.
Retrospective Thoughts on: Unforgiven 2003
1. We start with a dramatic voice-over for the opening video package, read by someone who sounds like they’re telling witchy story time at the local Halloween festival. “Powerful enough to turn the benevolent into machines of destruction.” Not quite splicing FDR into the Invasion, but the hyperbole is high.
2. Triple H burying all of WCW, saying that he beat “nobody after nobody,” while showing clips of him beating Kevin Nash and Bret Hart. Ouch.
3. Triple H: “You don’t belong in the same company as me, and after tonight, you won’t be.” Well, not exactly, but give it a few months.
4. The opening pyro goes off, and the Unforgiven logo on the stage catches on fire. That looks freaking awesome.
5. Not so awesome… Oh yeah, there’s a match with JR on this show, isn’t there? Honestly, I remember the Kane match and the result of the main event, and not much else. I do have memory problems though, so that’s not a big surprise.
6. There was a tables match? Oh shit, I don’t remember that at all either. The Dudley Boyz come out to the theme I associate with them. I feel like this theme is dubbed over in old episodes of the TV shows, but I’m not sure.
7. Replay of Spike’s head slamming against a table, holy shit that looked nasty. That’s the reason that this is a 3-on-2 tables match. They’re facing La Resistance and Rob Conway, pre-“Just Look at Me.”
8. Ah, 2003 in America, everyone foreign is bad, but the French especially so. It’s the era of “Freedom Fries.” I’m okay with going back to not remember that. The crowd chants “U-S-A” and not even because Hacksaw told them to.
9. Now they’re also chanting that they want tables. Oh darn, if only there was a match where you’d be getting such things provided for you. That chant will surely go the way of “What?” and be totally forgotten…
10. I remember virtually nothing about the team of La Resistance other than their theme and that they were considered super young at the time. Then again, I think wrestlers last a lot longer nowadays too, and they seem to be able to go at a higher level a lot longer. That’s of no surprise, given what the true old schoolers had to go through.
11. Bubba is wearing athletic tape with “Spike” written on it, and he’s playing the face in peril.
12. Face Jerry Lawler, saying they’re French and that’s bad because they… like mimes and think croquet is a sport? I guess that’s easier than explaining the real reasons you don’t like them.
13. “D-Von, get the tables!” Still so unbelievably over, and they’ve been there for a while. Unfortunately, D’Von gets put through the table he got. Isn’t that always how it ends up happening?
14. JR has to explain what “onus” means. 20 years later at All In, he’ll learn that Freddie Mercury passed away 30 years ago. We all have our moments.
15. I think the La Resistance trio would’ve lasted a lot longer had they not been saddled with the French gimmick in 2003. They’re better than a lot of rookies that would show up in the following years until NXT got going.
16. Rob Conway gets put through two tables on the outside of the ring. The first table breaks, the second doesn’t, so just like the replay with Spike, Conway’s head hits the other table really hard. Fucking hell, this is back when concussions were seen as weakness and a poor excuse to not wrestle, wasn’t it? Oh sure, let’s see it a few more times, it’s hilarious, right?
17. Dudleyz win, they’re talking about Stone Cold having a big smile on his face wherever he is, like he passed away or something. You know what that means…
18. I’m not sure what is more 2003: The Test/Steiner/Stacy feud, or the height of nu metal, “Suffocate” by Cold, playing over the unnecessarily flashing video package. Hey, we’ve got forced kissing, a fake big boot injury, Stacy taking finishers, and Test doinking himself with a chair. Still better than ECW Test.
19. Stacy comes out first, which means we get to hear a badger that got stuck in a garbage disposal when she comes out. At least that’s what it sounds like they did to ZZ Top with that song.
20. Not even the good… okay… somewhat listenable Test theme, the one that came after that. And we also get more flashing during Steiner’s entrance, so I can’t even watch it any easier than I can hear it. Not that I’m missing anything I want to see anyway, but it’s obnoxious. This entrance theme can duke it out with the Right to Censor noise and Don Callis’s Inception horn in a triple threat made of body oil and regret.
21. I remember playing WWE RAW 2: Ruthless Aggression on the original X-Box, which was the last wrestling game I played until Fight Forever, and you could tell which move was Stacy Keibler’s “finishing” spin kick because it took the length of a 2023 Bryan Danielson match to complete it.
22. Hearing King ogle a woman isn’t as terrible as it was in the 90s, but that doesn’t make it good either. At least it’s better than actually watching this match.
23. I wonder if I’ll recognize anyone in the crowd. I haven’t lived in PA since 2017, and even then, I was in university most of the time for the years before that. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen most people I know from there. Mostly by choice. Mostly.
24. One of the matches between these two they showed in the video package was at Badd Blood 2003, which means this feud has been going for at least three months at this point. To think that somehow the Nash/Triple H feud wasn’t the worst one involved in that show.
25. Stacy gets up on the apron and shakes her ass at… the crowd, which is somehow devastating to Test’s attention span. Stacy accidentally runs right into Steiner, and she must’ve went to referee school the way she’s selling it. She then fails at hitting Test with a chair, hitting Steiner, complete with that phrase that WWE announcers say every single time anything happens ever, “you gotta be kidding me!” Return pop videos are great, but the compilations with every single one of them having that being said at least once get tedious quickly.
26. That match happened. Moving on.
27. JR wonders what’ll happen to Stacy as she becomes Test’s “property.” Wow, that’s a thing that was said this century. It’s somehow worse than “must spend the holidays with X-Pac.”
28. Advertisement for a Trish Stratus home video, available at FYE, which somehow still exists.
29. Next is… HBK against baby Randy Orton, complete with the wristlock above the head pose. Wow. I was never a fan, but the staying power he ended up having is ridiculously impressive.
30. “I’m gonna kill off your career before it ever gets started.” Said in kayfabe to Orton here, I wonder how many times something like that was said before 1997 but for real. Second era HBK is so much easier to watch, minus one overseas match in particular.
31. He comes out to the Evolution theme, not even the “HEY!” one with the golden sparks. Damn, this is further back than I remember.
32. HBK’s entrance theme may not be the one with the most staying power ever, but it has to be in consideration.
33. One guy walking back and forth in front of the camera to get his sign in view. It says “Michael.” Okay then.
34. HBK reclining on the ropes is apparently “classic HBK.” We didn’t have Michael Cole and “vintage” yet, I don’t think.
35. They’re talking about Orton disrespecting Foley, but this is a few months before the Royal Rumble return, which leads to *that* Backlash match. Hershey would have a RAW again the night after that show, where I had much better seats, and the main event was Foley confronting Orton where he makes Orton spit on him.
36. Other than “woo” and a few particular fans screaming, the crowd is somewhat subdued for a match of this magnitude. Then again, I guess this is still really early for Orton, so it doesn’t have the heat it would in three or four years.
37. Michaels doing a high spot and his knee lands right on solid concrete. Or what looks like it anyway. Good JBL, put bouncy houses out there for all I care. I’d rather see that than people crashing onto shoot hard floors. I don’t care how much the gimmicks are padded in AEW, I’ll take that over this.
38. Someone has a sign they’ve been holding up literally the whole time that says “Hixons Rule.” Is that O’Doyle’s rival or something? What does it mean?
39. Randy’s not quite there yet, but you can see him getting better just from the video package and this match. I don’t remember if it was the same show in Hershey after the Royal Rumble 2004, but I know I was there for the infamous missed RKO on Jericho. I was never a fan, but I do appreciate his work a lot more in retrospect. Seeing how far he’s come 20 years later does a lot to support that.
40. The rest holds. Oooh, the rest holds.
41. At least we’ve got Ric Flair ringside, one of the all-time greatest wrestlers in HAM history, among many other accolades.
42. Damn they’re milking these restholds for a good long while. Finally, a couple of roll-ups to break up the monotony.
43. Nothing like a good kip-up to bring the people back to life. HBK continuing to sell the arm that was in the resthold for approximately the length of Gettysburg’s director’s cut.
44. HBK, after smacking Flair off the apron, comes off the top rope for the diving… something. They called it an axe handle, that was generous.
45. These two would be involved in much better matches down the road, and the RKO would become much smoother as well. HBK kicks out of one, and it’s not even WrestleMania. Not quite the “ballgame!” ender it would become.
46. HBK, despite working with an “injured” arm, decides it’s a good idea to do a top rope elbow drop. Sure, that makes sense. Like Orange Cassidy continuing to try to do the Orange Punch despite having a clump of nerves and tape left of a hand, there are other solutions.
47. Orton eats the Sweet Chin Music and gets the three count as Flair puts his leg on the rope. We get the music and everything, but it’s one of those times where a decision can be reversed out of convenience. Flair makes the distraction, Orton jabs something against HBK’s head, and that causes him to get the win. Inconsistent match with some real dead space in the middle, but I’ve seen much worse.
48. He used brass knucks? I didn’t know William Regal was on this show.
49. La Resistance was backstage selling their injuries when… Jericho comes in? Oh, that’s why the Steve Austin looking down and smiling thing happened, this leads to the Survivor Series match with his career on the line. Got it.
50. I remember this show being a lot more fun. The magic of being there live, I guess. They show the front of the GIANT Center, which hasn’t changed a bit as far as I can tell.
51. Oh shit, that’s right, Lita’s big return from her Dark Angel injury was on this show. Facing her and Trish are the great Molly Holly, and Gail Kim, who looks like she’d rather be literally anywhere else. Can’t blame her. Molly lives on the other side of the metro, and I believe is involved with a wrestling school with Ken Anderson, if I’m not mistaken.
52. King continuing to be gross, more flashing lights, and Lita’s big return entrance. This is the era where they’re using the word “divas” a lot, but not making it their entire identity. Well, sort of. And calling Lita a “diva” just doesn’t fit. I’m glad they eventually got rid of that.
53. Lita got busted open, presumably the hard way since she’s bleeding from the mouth. Damn, don’t tell young Moxley…
54. Lita gets the hot tag and the ring rust is immediately apparent, but Gail and Molly are making her look awesome. She hits the reverse Twist of Fate, followed up by a moonsault, and Trish and Lita win. This match got some time too. She’s still shaking off whatever cause the bloody mouth.
55. Molly Holly was/is a gem who was far too under-appreciated.
56. Now, for the Last Man Standing match. In retrospect, one of the many false starts of a good Kane angle, and at least the second one this year. Short enough after losing the mask that he still has the towel, we see a flashback of Shane coming back doing that stone face he did previously for Vince in 2001. There’s even a dumpster fire in the video package, and I didn’t even know my Cleveland Browns were part of this feud.
57. Kane the monster selling for a non-wrestler probably wasn’t great for his momentum, but all anyone wanted to see was Shane McMahon jump off a high thing. That would happen, and nobody in the building noticed how long Kane was down ere to it.
58. I was a huge Kane fan at the time, and all I really wanted was for him to win a feud. Things would get so much worse in the next few years, we’re not far from *that* Lita angle.
59. I was present for many Kane pyros. None were even close to how loud this one was. My friend jumped from hearing it at the concession stand. I was literally as far away as one could be from the explosion and it was deafening. In 2005, I would be at the show where Batista turned on Triple H and put him through a table in the sixth row, and it wasn’t nearly as loud as this one.
60. Shane jumps him from behind, and Kane gets outsmarted by Shane several times in the beginning. I think without the rose-colored nostalgia goggles, I’m starting to see why Tito and others I was reading at the time really hated this.
61. Kane sells for Shane so much. No wonder he could never really get out of second gear. At least he wouldn’t go on to lose yet another feud to the Undertaker shortly after this… Oh wait.
62. I didn’t remember them using the camera arm as a weapon, that’s inventive.
63. Those big old monitors too, before they had useless iPads.
64. The crowd chants to go up top, and I remember vividly seeing Shane glance upward to the pop of the night. Now Shane begins the long, slow climb after the first fake climb. Kane is down for around the length of how long the Outcasts feud went without progressing.
65. Shane jumps and goes through the set. Oh, sure ref, now you’re counting, how convenient. Still an amazing looking spot though, and without Cole reading “for the love of all mankind” off a paper in the process to ruin it.
66. Another segment, this time with Jericho confronting Austin. This feels like an episode of RAW.
67. Speaking of episodes of RAW, more replays of what just happened.
68. Oh shit, it’s Christian. I forgot about this theme, the generic one in between “At Last” and “Just Close Your Eyes” that I’m pretty sure Tomko keeps when he becomes the problem solver.
69. A triple threat IC title match with Christian, RVD, and Jericho? This is one I might appreciate a lot more than I did at the time. I didn’t understand back then why so many people revered Christian, but I sure as hell do now.
70. Seeing RVD just makes me think of being there in Philadelphia for another triple threat match a few years later, knowing he was going to lose because of the pot bust, but still hoping it wouldn’t happen. To think how much has changed in regard to weed laws since this time…
71. The crowd is freaking dead for this. Maybe I should’ve expected that following a gimmick match, but the starpower in this match makes it odd. It might be that the crowd just didn’t translate to the screen well, because I don’t remember it being a quiet show. At least from what I could tell in the crow’s nest.
72. Gee, Jericho and Christian really are working well together, is one of them going to clearly accidentally hit the other and break up this alliance?
73. Van Dam hitting a frog splash on a stacked Christian and Jericho looked vicious, and probably hurt Van Dam more than it did either one of them, but I’m sure a young Roman Reigns saw this and got a few ideas.
74. I have zero memory of this match, and I think I see why. Despite the quality of the wrestlers in the ring, there doesn’t seem to be much of a sense of urgency. I suppose this is not too long after RVD and the Triple H feud, and it’s also shortly after they broke up RVD and Kane with the terrible payoff match. Anyway, Christian retains. It was fine, I guess. I think these three today would put on a better one in their present state.
75. Christian too got busted open in the mouth, what was going on? Did the wrestlers just indulge in too much Chocolate World while they were there?
76. Who’s ready for Storytime with Triple H bay-bay-ahhhh? Being interviewed by some guy I don’t recognize at all, he rambles on about fairy tales. Who could’ve imagined the Triple H from season one of Tough Enough might not also be a fan of Goldberg?
77. Going on second to last is the announcers match? Damn, that’s not Cole/Lawler bad, but it’s not far off. I don’t have the energy to watch this clusterfuck and you can’t make me. JR and King against Coach and Al Snow? I didn’t remember Al Snow being involved in this, but it’s a match where JR and Coach are wrestling, so I’m out. There’s no commentary during it either. That’s one thing I can understand not remembering, because we couldn’t hear it anyway, but I’m sure it didn’t help anything.
78. The main event, and the only thing I cared about at the time was Triple H losing the title. I didn’t even care to whom, I was just sick and tired of the Reign of Terror along with many others.
79. How did they miss the boat with Goldberg so badly the first time around, but manage to get it so right 13 years later? It couldn’t all be Triple H’s influence.
80. JR and King talking about it being the end of the road for them probably felt a lot more emotional at the time.
81. I hated Triple H at this time more than at any other, but damn that entrance was always amazing to see in person.
82. The stipulation is that Goldberg has to leave the WWE if he loses, which pretty much telegraphed that he was going to win, but it didn’t matter. We just wanted the reign to end.
83. At least we don’t have to hear the second version of Goldberg’s theme. Silver linings.
84. This is not the type of Goldberg match anyone wanted to see, probably including Goldberg himself.
85. I don’t think all Reign of Terror matches were this boring, but I feel like enough of them had to be for it to be vile enough that MJF made a gimmick of reminding us all of it two decades later.
86. Okay, I concede, I understand why so many people watching this show hated it. It’s not just the retrospect that is making this a chore to get through, almost everything feels phoned in.
87. Bust up bleh, bust up bleh, at least Triple H didn’t make it a trifecta of busted mouths.
88. A low blow and a ref bump. Yep, this is feeling all too familiar.
89. Goldberg wins and the crowd pops pretty decently. I think I remember the sentiment being ecstatic that Triple H lost, not that Goldberg won. Probably not helped by the terrible loss at Summerslam the previous month in the Elimination Chamber.
90. This was a show that could’ve very easily been a three-hour RAW. It had a few moments, but I think I realize why I don’t remember much of it, and it’s not just due to my memory issues. It was fun to be there at the time, but it was the novelty of seeing a non-house show for the first time, being young, having only watched wrestling for a few years instead of over 20, and it just being 2003 WWE.
91. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this “nostalgia” trip. I apologize for missing the shows, but All Out was a ton of fun to watch at least.
92. Ric Flair gets the HAM, he’s the only one who seemed to have any energy at all at this show.