NWA Carnyland Episode 2 Report
May 26, 2020
Atlanta, Georgia
You can follow me on Twitter @TheHootsPodcast
Transcription by Josh Lopez
NWA Carnyland – Episode 2 – Hey Brother, Rumor Has It – Narrated by Joe Galli
Monologue
Joe Galli: We hope you’re enjoying Carnyland here on YouTube.com/NWA. Don’t forget this Friday, the debut of our latest show, Girl Powerrr. If you’re not subscribed to this channel, we hope that you hit that button right now. And I also hope that you subscribe to the Carnyland YouTube Channel, where were gonna have even more content going up, including in the coming weeks, more exclusive shows.
Billy Corgan: To all who come to this place, welcome. We know you’re looking for the clarity and where we are. For some, you’re just visiting, cynical. Others, hoping to become citizens, you are more hopeful. Those with white eyes, searching for riches and fame. Those enlightened souls, looking for a sense of accomplishment, our gates are open. We are just breaking ground on this land. As you look around, you’ll see some things that you like, some that you’ll hate, but all of us will build this land together. There are many questions. I’m here to say, I don’t have have the answers. But we can promise you something different. It’s time you enter, Carnyland.
Cliche Promo 101 with Allysin Kay & Zicky Dice – HEAT 101
Allysin Kay: It’s a Friday afternoon, you show up to the venue late, but it’s not your fault. You have to wait for you girlfriend to get off work so she can give you a ride. You forgot your wrist tape, your sharpies, and your baby oil. That’s okay, you just borrow from someone else. You got all your tricks in your back pocket, ready to go. You can’t wait to walk through that curtain and yell, shut up, even though no one said anything, yet.
You know, that thing that the city is known for loving, well, guess what? You don’t like it. And you’re so excited to revel in all those boos, don’t forget this hand gesture. When in reality, the most genuine heat that you actually have is backstage, because not only do you not understand social cues, but also pack four containers of catering before everyone got to go through once.
Zicky Dice: Well, my good gravy, if it isn’t AK in the flesh.
Allysin Kay: Zicky, I’m in the middle of class, right now.
Zicky Dice: Listen, AK, while I got you here, I’m pretty sure that I left something in the ladies locker room the last time I was in there.
Allysin Kay: No, you didn’t.
Zicky Dice: No, I didn’t, but I heard rumors going around the locker room.
Allysin Kay: No, you didn’t.
Zicky Dice: No, I didn’t, but I do know that there is a rumor going around the locker room. You don’t think someone’s trying to bury me to the office, again, do you? Do you, AK? You got to tell me something.
Allysin Kay: I really don’t know anything, I don’t pay attention to rumors.
Zicky Dice: AK, give Zicky the icky. I’m begging you, give Zicky the icky, please.
Allysin Kay: I don’t have any icky’s, I really haven’t heard anything.
Zicky Dice: Oh, gotta go, catering is here, gotta get it before the olds vet do. I’ll catch you later.
Allysin Kay: Clearly, Zicky has already graduated.
– One Time Only Theatre With James Storm, The Cowboy talks about being an enemy of the state of Vermont.
– Royce Isaacs plugs May Valentine’s 100% Pure Hand Sanitizer.
NWA Carnyland Breaking News With Joe Galli & Stu Bennett
Joe Galli: Finally, here in Carnyland, I get to do something that I’m incredibly good at in the real world, and that is being an award winning journalist. I’ve been talking with many unnamed sources that are telling me, we have some major news that’s gonna affect everyone here in Carnyland.
Stu Bennett: Look at you, Galli. Mr. Newsman, getting to drop big news on all the citizens of Carnyland. You’re proud of yourself, aren’t you, Galli?
Joe Galli: Hey, Stu, I am an Emmy Award winning journalist. Edward Murrow, been there, done that. The AP, yeah, they know me. Wolf Blitzer even gave me a thumbs up at a journalist conference, once.
Stu Bennett: And how many times are you gonna tell me that Wolf Blitzer story. Well, let’s see if I can still do this. I’m afraid I’ve got some breaking news. The rumor is true, and it involves, Billy Corgan. In fact, I’ve got conformation that the truth on this rumor will be revealed by the end of this very program. And to be even more cliche with this, I’m going to put a clock on the screen, so you all know when the rumor will become face. We shall call him, Little Ben. Let the countdown, begin.
Tim Storm’s Carnyland History Lesson With Kyle Davis and Marti Belle
Tim Storm: Good morning guys, Welcome To Professor Storms History Class. Today, what we’re gonna talk about is, no, Kyle, you can’t go to the bathroom, Kyle. We’ve talked about this. You don’t have to go to the bathroom, you’re bored, so just sit there, pay attention. All right, so today what we’re gonna talk about is, Abraham Lincoln. Was Abraham Lincoln A Master Strategist Or Was Abraham Lincoln A Carny? Because what see during The Civil War is, yes, Marti?
Marti Belle: Professor Storm, I have a question, but it’s not about Abraham Lincoln. Have you heard about the rumor that’s going around?
Tim Storm: What rumor? Class dismissed.
HEY BROTHER !!!
Thunder Rosa: Hey brother, rumor has it, that the NWA is going to sign, you know who. Who? No, you know who.
Tom Campbell: Tom Campbell here, and my Twitter DM’s are full of people speculating, what Billy Corgan’s announcement is gonna be. I’m just hoping he brings back the Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Marti Belle: Hey brother, did you hear about the rumor that’s going around?
Quarantine Berry: I heard Billy’s gonna release 9,000 hours of outtakes from The Machina Sessions.
CARNYLAND THERAPY
Stu Bennett: Being In Carnyland can be quite a mind twist, some of us have PTSD from our time inside Carnyland, but one of the perks of being a citizen, is unlimited visits to our very own clinical psychologist. Let’s see who is meeting with our therapist, right now.
Dr. Rose Hathaway: Some people come to therapy for different reasons, but for you to get the most out of this experience, the more truthful you are, the more open that you are, the more that’s going to help you. So, is there anything that’s weighing on you right now, Sal?
Sal Rinauro: Well, now that you mentioned it, doc. Wait, doc, do you know Dr. Dre? Not important, now that you mentioned it, Madam PHD, there’s something heavily weighing on me. There’s a rumor going around, that there’s a mega announcement of brewing, and I think I know what it is. I think i’m getting fired.
Dr Rose Hathaway: Okay, hold on, on my notes here, you’re not actually employed, Sal, so it’s kind of hard to get fired for a job that you don’t have.
Sal Rinauro: Exactly, you get it. They just have so much on me, I mean, there’s the time I ate all of William Patrick Corgan’s Vegan Cheetos from catering. I just like the way they sounded, and it may have done a search of my browser history. I mean, YouTube, but if I watch it with friends, is it WeTube? The Ninja Turtles, hell, they’ve been teenagers for like 40 years. There’s a Tasmanian Devil, but is there a Tasmanian Angel? I’ve also been telling everybody, I’m the treasurer of The National Wrestling Alliance, and when they asked for a business card, I just throw a gold ballon at them and run away. So, doc, do you think you can help me?
Dr. Rose Hathaway: In my 35 years of being a clinical psychologist, I can honestly say that I have never met anybody like you
Sal Rinauro: Why does everybody say that to me?
WRESTLER DAD
Nick Aldis: You know son, a key to succeeding in this business, is always being ready when the opportunity comes, because you never know when opportunity’s gonna knock. Let me take you back to 2009, your old man is just a green kid with an opportunity of a lifetime. He gets an email, letting him know what he’s gonna be doing. And, to his surprise, he sees that his usual tag team partner is teaming up with someone else. Am I off the show completely? Am I getting fired? And when I got there that day, I found out firsthand, that it was Sting himself that had requested that I be his opponent. So sometimes, son, just when you think that things are all working against you, you come to realize that they’re all actually alining, to present you with the ultimate opportunity to prove yourself, and that’s a valuable lesson. Rumor? What rumor?
NWA Carnyland Update
Joe Galli: After speaking with multiple sources, I have confirmed that our big announcement today does involve, William Patrick Corgan. I reached out to him for comment, and he told me that he will be making that major announcement at the end of today’s episode of Carnyland.
Stu Bennett: Galli, didn’t I already break this story? All you’re actually doing, is cutting and pasting what I’ve already said, and putting it into your own report. I mean, a broken clock gets it right, twice a day. But the beautiful clock that I’ve created, Little Ben, is 100% right, all of the time. Keep on ticking, you beautiful time piece.
– Jocephus Vignette.
Stu Bennett: One theory I’ve had sent to me, is that the Billy Corgan rumor has something to do with the mystical land of Mongrovia. Let’s learn more about this magical place.
– We see a clip from the film, Mongrovia Interloper Part 2.
MONGROVIA UNMASKED
Aron Stevens: Hello, and good day. This week on Mongrovia Unmasked, we continue to look at the wonders of Mongrovia Geography. Being a group of several islands, and each island having its own unique geographical traits, Mongrovia is a treasure for nature lovers. Located in the eastern part of the country, The No Answer Sea, is a popular vacation destination for mongrovians, and has been for the last several thousand years. What makes this place so special for vacationing, you may ask? Well, there really is no answer, and that is in fact how The No Answer Sea got its name.
But, if you are planning your vacation to The No Answer Sea, be sure to bring plenty of hydrogen peroxide, dental floss, and electrical tape. Mask Island, is the home to five lakes, known as Mask Lake, Right Eye Lake, Left Eye Lake, Mouth Lake, and Nose Lake. This island is believed to be around five million years old, and any resemblance to the mask of Mongrovia’s favorite citizen, The Question Mark, is purely coincidental. What is interesting, however, is that this island is believed to have been the birthplace of Karate. Next week on Mongrovia Unmasked, we are going to do the high dive right into the pool known as Mongrovia Trade and Commerce. Trust me, you’re not gonna want to miss this one. Tune in next week for another episode of Mongrovia Unmasked.
STRICTLY BUSINESS ZOOM CHAT
Kamille: I just can’t believe that Billy is disrespecting us like this, me like this. I feel like the only way that he answers people nowadays, are his little Instagram Q&A’s that he does, so I asked what the rumor was, what was going on? He just completely ignored it. He answered a million other questions, but not his own employees.
Royce Isaacs: You know, this reminds me, like, not to be all put my tinfoil hat on, but you remember when Billy made sure that me, Tom and Kamille were barred from ringside when, Nick, you were defending the belt? This is another one of Billy’s little conspiracies, what’s going on?
Thomas Latimer: I completely agree. Now, I might be way off, you know, talking about UFO’s, spacecrafts, moonlighting, stuff like that, but this is the realm that we need to think about. We have to deal with Billy and his weirdness, and the way that he thinks, you know what I mean? That’s the kind of guy we’re dealing with.
Nick Aldis: All right, I’ve heard enough. Look, we all know that we’re working for a complete lunatic, okay. But, we’re Strictly Business, okay? I’m the Worlds Champion, right? It’s our responsibility to pull the wagon around here, even in this new Carnyland situation. So, regardless of what we think it is, I need answers, okay? So look, the clock is ticking, and it’s a wrestling clock, so you know it’s gonna keep ticking until the time runs out. So, I need to know by the end of the day, what this rumor is, definitively.
Billy Corgan’s Announcement
Hello everyone, William Corgan here, and i’m here to set the record straight on some crazy rumors that are flying around. As many of you know in the world of entertainment, once a rumor catches fire, it can quickly become out of control. Says the president of The National Wrestling Alliance, i’m here to address what rumors are true and what aren’t. And never did I once believed that one day I’d be a founding father of a place called, Carnyland. Nearly one week after its founding, Carnyland needs help.
And it’s time I made some really hard decision, something that benefits every citizen of Carnyland, and I think i’m the person to do it. So, I’m here to announce, no, Carnyland is not closing. No, Carnyland is not out of money, and i’m here to quash those rumors. So, does my sovereign duty and honor, to announce to you as the president of The National Wrestling Alliance, that there will be an election to determine the first Mayor Of Carnyland. Well, you just have to come back next week to find out who those candidates are, see you then.
Checkout Episode 206 of The Hoots Podcast