Previous Columns:
- Hilarious Unplanned Moments in Wrestling: 2005 Royal Rumble
- Top 10 WWE Underdog Stories
- 5 Gimmicks the WWE Dropped Too Soon
Kevin Dunn and Triple H Do Not Get Along
Kevin Dunn is best known for ruining the WWE, and I’m already done listing off his accomplishments. It’s been confirmed by sources that he’s a total sexist pig. I say that as a normal human-being and not as an SJW. I don’t think I have to be a feminist to spot “she needs bigger tits” as kind of disrespectful to either gender. He said that about Kelly Kelly. (Greenfield, 2015) Kelly Kelly who’s best known for not being known for her wrestling, and not Chris Masters who’s best known for having giant boobs.
He’s the reason why every episode of RAW looks and feels identical to the last, too. He believes each show should be presented in an American Idol-esque fashion with segments that can be easily digested on YouTube. He’s why every commentator is professional and good-lookin like Ryan Seacrest which is why they have Cory Graves – A man who is literally just Ryan Seacrest’s clone with defects including a skin rash that slightly resembles stupid tattoos and an eye so lazy that it makes Nia Jax look like Eddie Guerrero.
It’s no secret that there is an internal battle over who will take over the WWE after Vince passes away. Triple H and Shane McMahon have clashed many times in the past. It’s rumored they even argued as soon as Shane McMahon returned over the direction they were going to take with Smackdown. Shane (and writer Alex Greenfield) wanted a rawer feeling atmosphere where the wrestlers would be taken seriously and given new opportunities to shine, and Triple H wanted Shane to just fuck off [citation needed].
As we know, Triple H won and Smackdown is RAW-lite as ratings dwindle to status quo. What is lesser known is that Kevin Dunn is also battling for control of the WWE once Vince McMahon passes away. Apparently, people talk very candidly about old people dying to their face in the WWE. Consider this: Triple H created and oversees NXT and Kevin Dunn didn’t like Sheamus, Cesaro, Becky Lynch, or Nakamura because of their accents.
Shawn Stasiak Nearly Saved Us From the WCW Invasion
Some of you newer fans don’t know the struggle of having to buy magazines and VHS tapes to see candid interviews from your favorite wrestlers – Or, you know, Shawn Stasiak on dial-up.
When the WWE first bought WCW almost none of their top talent signed new contracts. Hogan, Hall, and Nash decided to get paid sitting at home. Some of the names who did sign were Shawn Stasiak, Johnny Ace (Laurinaitis), and Hugh Morris. Hugh Morris is most popular for his stint as General Hugh G. Rection, but enough about his time coaching the Performance Center. The original plan was for 11 newly signed WCW wrestlers to run-in during the Shane McMahon match at Wrestlemania-17 with Vince McMahon to start the invasion angle. This would have been a nice start, except the WWE wasn’t expecting a roadblock in their master plan: dial-up internet podcasts.
During an impromptu interview with No Holds Barred Radio, Shawn Stasiak spilled the whole angle the night before Wrestlemania. Kevin Dunn, best known for his lead role in the cartoon Angry Beavers, was so mad that he told Johnny Laurinaitis to “Fire them all,” as he proclaims, “We don’t even have them here yet and already this shits started.” [DeMott, 2016]
Instead, the WWE picked them up from their hotel in a bus and stuck them in the skybox to watch the show like the rest of the audience. The WCW Invasion went on to be what we know it as today where every member of WCW was beaten by WWE wrestlers until Sting showed up 15 years later to… also lose, because reasons.
The Bella Twins Really Did Start the Women’s Revolution
Sometime ago, the Bella Twins came out to talk about how they helped start the Divas Revolution and the fans were pissed. Here’s the thing: They weren’t wrong.
As much as wrestling fans love to talk about how Vince McMahon “doesn’t care about ratings,” the truth is that Vince McMahon gets live feedback about ratings in realtime. Ratings don’t just come from Nielsen despite what people think. Vince McMahon often calls audibles during segments to go longer or be cut shorter depending on how the ratings change. That is why “divas” were only given about 3-4 minutes during a 3 hour RAW. On average, ratings would start to decline because people watching at home were too busy checking on their hotpockets to notice that Candice Michelle was so bad at clotheslines that she couldn’t even dry her clothes in the summer. The reason that women’s matches went from 3 minutes to 10 minutes is because of one thing: twin magic.
Somehow, somewhere, twin magic was spiking the ratings. Most of us probably realize that it wasn’t because of their wrestling talents. It was most likely because people were mesmerized by their sweet, tight, round brains. Nonetheless, the Bella Twins helped increase the coverage women were getting which was the catalyst for other more talented women to be seen. (Freddie Prinze Jr, 2018) The problem is that this is something they knew backstage, but they couldn’t just tell the audience. So when the Bella Twins came out and declared themselves the pioneers without any substance to back that up, the fans didn’t take it too well despite them being right. It was like your little sister telling you she has a secret but she can’t tell you but you should totally care.
Citations:
- Talk is Jericho with Bill DeMott: here
- Cageside Podcast with Alex Greenfield: here
- Bunny Ears Podcast with Freddie Prinze Jr: here
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Random Non-Wrestling Article I’ve Written: 5 Legal Battles That Changed Video Game History