IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #453
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Thoughts on AEW: Title Tuesday
I just got back from Absolute Sports Cards in Savage, Minnesota. If you’re in the Twin Cities area and like that sort of thing, I definitely recommend stopping in.
1. An episode of AEW Dynamite with not only a pre-show, but a guaranteed chop-off with Eddie Kingston and Murder Grandpa. Kudos to them for making this episode feel like a big deal. I wonder what it could be about this particular episode that’s making them go HAM like this…
2. I swear I know someone in the front row, but I have no idea what they’d be doing in Missouri.
3. This has been such an interesting run that Eddie has been on, despite what the “Kingston is a bum” person/copycat of the Grand Slam sign says. I like how he’s been having matches with people from all over the world and showing them all respect in the process.
4. It’s kinda weird that they booked Mox in a well-advertised rematch before he was able to be cleared, but it means Orange Cassidy back in the International title slot, I’m fine with it. Unless that was the plan from the beginning.
5. It cuts in with Christian addressing everyone from the control room. He takes credit for the commercial-free Dynamite, because of course he does.
6. We’re opening with Danielson and Swerve instead of the International title match, that’s a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. I’m not sure who wins here: Swerve finally just got a big win at WrestleDream, but Danielson has been on an invincible run during his supposed last year, so does he suddenly lose here? I doubt it, but I’d absolutely love to see Swerve win. Yes, I know, heel vs. heel, but can turn anywhere into Seattle if he wants to.
7. I suppose this is the commercial-free half hour, they’re gonna put one of their biggest names out there immediately. I’m not gonna get into the tribalist shit or mudslinging, but I will say that I appreciate AEW booking an excellent card of people having matches and who are going to be on the show again. As opposed to throwing on big names to make an appearance who will very likely not be on that show, but that’s just what I prefer. Regardless of which show you’re watching, I hope you have a good time.
8. Danielson still in his Seahawks colors, but Swerve also represents that metro area. Excalibur almost calls Adam Copeland his other name, but to be fair, I don’t know anyone who isn’t having a hard time switching that after 25 years.
9. These two are showing off and having fun. It’s barely started and there’s already a “this is awesome” chant. I hope Independence stays this hot all night.
10. These two are representing Tacoma and Aberdeen, but the PNW is just a vibe on its own. I’ll be there this weekend enjoying fall weather that isn’t the four and a half minutes it lasts here in Minnesota.
11. Swerve eats Danielson knees on a 450 attempt, but that has to be an improvement after the coffin meal from All In. Even mushroom clouds have silver linings.
12. I don’t need to describe this match, whatever you’re imagining is probably what it is. I’m amazed this is the first time these two have mixed it up, as they sure don’t wrestle like it.
13. Swerve does the Ghetto Stomp in the Tree of Woe with Danielson on the outside of the ring, that’s escalating things. Danielson’s gripping his arm in a way that makes me nervous, but I’m sure he’s just working. And even if he’s not, it’s not like the match is going to stop.
14. Collision is going to Toledo on purpose. That’s commendable of them. I don’t think I’ve ever done that, and I’m from the damn state. It’s good though, they need to hit new cities. They’re finally coming to Minneapolis again in November. They’ve been some places two or more times since they were last here. We were gonna go to the day before Thanksgiving Dynamite like last year, but if we can save six hours each way and also not drive in holiday traffic by just going the next week, I’ll take it.
15. Danielson hits the turnbuckles for his repeated corner runs, but hurts either his side or his arm, and Swerve kicks him right in the fuck before he knows what happened, albeit from a terrible angle to see it. They’re calling it the Liver of Danielson, which sounds like something you find on a Halloween scavenger hunt.
16. Danielson wins after Adam Page prevents Swerve from using Prince Nana’s crown. Swerve loses another big match, but Danielson isn’t losing right now. Not sure if he takes the title from Christian, or if shenanigans will ensue. Danielson has notably lost every title match he’s had since he’s been in AEW. I guess this also means the Swerve/Hangman feud isn’t over.
17. Samoa Joe is existing in space while talking about being badass. Whatever it is, I hope he finally wins a feud for once.
18. Now we’ve got Jericho coming out, so they’re frontloading this show more than an episode of Rampage in terms of casual name recognition. Can’t fault them for that.
19. I can’t say enough how happy I am to see Powerhouse as not part of QTV. He seems like someone who should be enough completely on his own, but if it means he’s finally getting a real push, I’ll take it. He should maul Jericho here and really make an impression.
20. This is one half of the Meatsterpiece from All Out, you can’t take that lightly. Just putting Callis at ringside magnifies the heat considerably. I’m glad they’re using this power for Hobbs, as well as Guevara and Takeshita.
21. Hobbs has already hit multiple spinebusters, but is showing no interest in ending the match. Oh no, goin’ to school… to read the Book of Hobbs.
22. Third spinebuster, which Taz says it might make him “doneski.” Surprised he’s not Doneski Jones, what has he become? Callis yells to “work the liver,” so that must be the word of the night backstage. They’re playing the Super Troopers “meow” game to see how many times they can work that into the show.
23. After a fourth spinebuster, Jericho still manages to fight back. Remember when just one of those pinned Ricky Starks after four minutes? Good times.
24. Does Callis keep asking Makeup to accentuate the scar on his head? I swear it gets bigger and darker every week.
25. Jericho’s getting cheered heavily, so clearly the fans like this face turn of his. The first thing I liked about it was his helpless attempt to stop the assault on Omega last week. That was a level of selflessness that was missing from the JAS fallout.
26. Excalibur pulls a Just Bring It and says “I’ve never seen Jericho dominated like this before!” I’m sure… Powerhouse Hobbs’… incredible move… is great! Hobbs finally pins Jericho while holding a knee on his face. I’m amazed they drew it out this much, but Hobbs gets a huge TV win on a major episode of Dynamite.
27. Someone has a sign that says “Stop Using Canadian Destroyers.” Good luck with that.
28. Meanwhile, at “Roderick Strong’s Humble Abode,” they’re making Adam Cole mow the lawn. They HAM it up as these segments are wont to do, and they put him in a Neck Strong shirt. He asks what’s up with the giraffe, and Taven explains how it’s the “Neckstrongiest” animal of all time. Somehow it turns into the Waterboy before Adam Cole has to leave to finally get surgery. Do they let him? Who knows?
29. The International title match is next, and while I wasn’t expecting to see OC get the shot, I’m certainly disappointed. I’ve been hoping they’d follow up on the massive deal that was his match with Mox. While I’ve enjoyed him hanging out with Hook, I want them to seize the momentum a little more. Let’s see what happens.
30. Fenix supposedly has a bad back, but does a lot of high risk moves despite this. Oh well, Orange kept using his hand, so I guess it’s a requirement of the International title.
31. Fenix makes Orange Cassidy’s diving DDT look infinitely more devastating than it already does. Fenix tries to come back, but fails in hitting a move because of the injured back. Cassidy smells blood in the water and takes full advantage of the situation. Orange Cassidy wins the International title back! Damn, you think he was pissed about losing it to Mox?
32. Orange Confetti is spewed everywhere. Hook, the Best Friends, and Rocky Romero come down to very apathetically congratulate him. I suppose they’re all doing former OC impressions while OC himself looks more intense than we’ve ever seen him.
33. Stop everything, Toni Storm is on the screen. She’s a regular Honey Whitlock and she’s starring in a silent film called Lover’s Lament. Somehow she keeps one-upping the ridiculous levels of HAM, making me regret saying that MJF and Adam Cole were the surefire winners of the HAM of the Year. This keeps up, there will be a strong argument for either.
34. I’m not sure if this is a silent film or an audition for Whose Line. Either way, as long as they can avoid a screening of Patch Adams 2, they should be okay.
35. Speaking of increased aggression, Wardlow is back to continue being super angry. Poor Matt Sydal, he never had a chance. Wardlow wins by referee stoppage again, and he again leaves through the crowd, a reverse Jon Moxley if you will. That’s time efficiency.
36. Backstage, Renee is checking on Jericho, and Daniel Garcia is there looking concerned. Menard doesn’t let him because come on, man. We made a pact. You can’t hip thrust your way out of this one. All right then.
37. Hangman is back out, this time to face off with the second most dangerous Jay White on the roster. Switchblade is pretty good, but he’s no match for the power of Cardblade. Cardboard cuts are no joke.
38. The other four come out with either fake pyro or it was just out of the shot. I was covering RAW when Ryback started using the audio pyro. I didn’t get it then and I don’t get it now. They’re driving a grown-up version of Big Wheels, I think. Angelica Pickles must be pissed that they stole her ride, but Cardblade gets what Cardblade wants.
39. Hangman and Switchblade face off while I’m pretty sure someone in the crowd behind them is standing at attention. I guess they take the legend of Cardblade even more seriously, as well they should. You don’t want to get owned by the opening of Bobby’s World, especially when Juice Robinson is directing.
40. We’re still in the first hour here. Credit to AEW, this show has been jam-packed and it hasn’t felt like it was dragging at any point. Now to do this with some more consistency, and maybe allow the other two shows to feel this way too. Collision now just feels like an extra two hours of Rampage. Regardless of how you feel about that one person that makes up approximately 57 percent of all wrestling news, it was certainly a damn good show when that person was there and had a strong voice in its direction.
41. The commentators are very upset about Jay White walking around with a title that doesn’t belong to him. They should be, Christian and Nyla Rose were just previewing the concept.
42. Hangman sells the knee, trying to work the kink out of it, but then also decides to land on it pretty hard, so… Sometimes you do that to yourself. I like the attention to detail though, the knee specifically keeps him from using the Buckshot effectively. When it makes sense on multiple levels, it’s a really nice touch.
43. Hangman vaults himself over the top rope, but despite not having a badass walkaway in store, Switchblade still manages to avoid it. That probably didn’t help the knee thing.
44. Jay White is looking absolutely vicious here. Of all nights for everyone to turn up the intensity, this was a very good one to do so.
45. Hangman comes back with the flipping fallaway slam from the top rope, but again, didn’t think that one through entirely. It’s almost like if something hurts and you have a move where you land on the place that hurts, maybe you should not do that.
46. Hell with that concept, why not do a moonsault to the outside? That won’t put any extra pressure on the knee at all. Then after failing to do the Buckshot, he does the Deadeye. Again, a perfectly reasonable alternative.
47. But hey, when you mess with the master of the Swerve Dance, it comes back to bite you. It ends up in another roll-up finish, but it’s hard to be mad with the quality of wrestling being brought here tonight. The Hangman/Swerve story continues for the second time tonight. Full Gear rematch?
48. MJF’s theme hits out of nowhere, and he also has brought some extra intensity tonight. He demands the Triple B back while the arena advertises Adult Swim on the banner.
49. Switchblade tries to shoosh the crowd, which always works considerably well. He then blames the crowd being rude for why he won’t give it back. What a shit, I love it.
50. Juice plugs his ear, presumably because MJF got himself a Mox Fine for language. MJF continues bringing the fire, continuing to reference the fellow brochacho. MJF isn’t a fan of the title being called a belt, and for a minute I thought it was about to be added to the banned words list here too.
51. Juice continues being a delicious slice of HAM while not on the mic, and literally rolls on the floor laughing. Jay finally references the attack in the back from the other week, so it’s good someone remembered. It’d be nice if they leaned into that intrigue. Jay challenges him to find three friends for a 4v4 to get the belt back.
52. Juice announces the battle royal for the diamond ring, which sets up a potential Juice vs. MJF in a HAM-off. Juice is gonna give him… a roll of quarters with MJF’s name on it. That’s perfectly Juice. MJF flips his lid, and they connect it back to the story of MJF’s bullies, well done. NOTE: I assume MJF had to sign off on this, I should’ve said that straight up. I apologize if anyone was hurt by the segment and I didn’t point out that it could’ve been hurtful. I could use a little more focus on figuring out who did that Retribution ending, but other than that, it set up a lot for the next month-plus leading into Full Gear. This did feel significantly longer than it needed to be, I will say that too.
53. More Toni Storm? Yes please. I think she’s doing an impression of everyone’s match card graphic. Then the music stops, and she either has a bad lover’s encounter or is setting up for the Kangaroo Kick. I can’t tell. The music starts back up again, and Godard would be pleased. I still don’t know what the hell I saw, but it’s perfect somehow anyway.
54. I see neon cherry blossoms, so it must be the designated women’s match. We get to see Saraya but also have to hear that entrance theme, so… mixed bag. Ruby’s hair has changed since Saraya won the title to show that time has passed.
55. Saraya is very yelly, and you would be after the Outcasts/Originals angle got as dramatically messed up as it did. Another random sign: “name a good Sonic game.” I’ll leave that to my partner, who probably just set that sign on fire in their head. Unless they’re not challenging people to name a good one to change their mind and rather they just want some listed, but I have my doubts.
56. It was Ruby’s turn to dress up like Retribution, and she gets the spray paint. Then she also gets the shoe! Shida’s face says it all. ‘the hell was that? Toni gets three appearances on the show, so that’s a win.
57. Saraya tears up a sign, and Taz does his best to pretend how much effort must’ve went into that process. Every time I hear PiP commentary, I’m grateful I’m hearing that instead of whatever ads were trying to out-nonsequitor each other on TBS.
58. Saraya thought she had a win with the Nightcap, but Shida gets out somehow. She gets out of another close fall, and the “Holy Shida” chants begin. Shida tries for a roll-up, Saraya reverses it into another, and Shida flips it into a third… another JBLdamn roll-up finish, but Shida gets the title back, so that balances it out. Shame she had to lose it so quickly at All In, but I get why they went for the home-country pop.
59. Excalibur lets us know that Jericho has been taken to a not-local medical facility but an actual hospital, so you know it’s serious. So serious that they use the same commentary cutaway to mention how many toys they’re donating, which… absolutely, good for them, but timing, Tony.
60. That Rampage card sure is a thing that’s going to happen.
61. Callis is backstage with Takeshita, thinking about how he is Takeshita, and they go all Sammy Guevara with the placards. The revenge is far from over. They say they will pay for what they did to him, though I’m not sure how they already haven’t.
62. Renee finds MJF, this time without Max Caster being creepy behind him. He sat there for the interview, but isn’t in the mood for being interviewed, but unfortunately Roddy is still keeping him away. The signal breaks up, which makes Max be the one to yell “ADAM!”
63. Oh, there’s Max Caster with the rest of the Acclaimed. Billy Gunn is even confused about the whole situation. MJF walks away from the offer to be his three friends. Max says he likes when MJF plays hard to get. That has vibes. At least it has the Acclaimed doing something new, they’ve been a bit stagnant as of late.
64. Christian Cage is out with Luchasaurus and Nick Wayne. He’s seen all the HAM saved for this show and isn’t about to let that go unchallenged.
65. Christian says he’s not their leader, he’s their father.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeih29ylk50
(Can’t help it, I’ve probably watched that a hundred times at this point.)
66. Christian calls Edge out for not wanting to get back together when he was getting pushed to the moon while Christian was being held back and… yeah, fair question. They never tried to put a blue dot over Adam’s face, as far as I know.
67. “I know your wife Beth is a huge fan.” Damn, he’s already bored with Nick Wayne’s mom?
68. Adam Copeland does a full sprint out to the ring, but Nick Wayne is living up to his vow to overtake Wheeler Yuta as the next little shit of the show. Adam’s already selling the injured neck, because we’ve had an injured arm, knee, back, cardboard folding crease… Though we had the Neckstrongiest universe earlier tonight, so maybe Adam just really wants his name screamed by Roddy. Everyone has their dreams.
69. Tonight was frontloaded in terms of pace, if nothing else. Once the post-Switchblade match promo brought it back down, it’s been working back up. The very slow neck injury start to this match brought it back down for a while. I suppose they needed something to work them into the overrun.
70. Can’t have an overrun without going to PiP right on the hour. The slow cheap heat is gonna continue being some slow cheap heat for a little while longer. Though I must say, for being a heel for the first time, Nick Wayne has gotten that smug smile down already, well done.
71. We come back to more cheap heat, and Excalibur catches the young’uns up on Copeland’s career, carefully without mentioning certain names or locations. They’re establishing Christian’s motivations very well though, and it plays off their feud back in 2001 exceptionally, as it was similar in theme and nature. And hey, Billy Gunn is here too, so maybe we’ll get a cameo return of “Billy Bitchcakes.”
72. Luchasaurus is trying to suplex Copeland off the top rope to the ring steps on the floor, and thankfully we don’t have to see Adam attempt to Darby Allin that shit.
73. Three minutes left and Adam just got the big superplex to cut things off. Someone in the crowd is in a neckbrace, I just noticed.
74. Nick Wayne sets up a chair in the corner, Adam spears it and then gets chokeslammed. They big boot each other in the face and now they’re both back down again. They must’ve gotten extra extra time, because I don’t think it’s ending any second now.
75. They set up another steel steps spot, but finally they get used with Adam running across them for a spear to the floor. They couldn’t have made that many references to Chekov’s Stairs without them getting used eventually.
76. After a bunch of mic noise, Christian runs to the ring while Nick Wayne does another distract. Adam takes the chance to use the title instead, and Luchasaurus thinks that Christian hit him for reasons. Little twist to the Eddie Guerrero weapon spot, but it’s not the first hint to dissent with Luchasaurus involved.
77. Extra extra time will continue, because the heels attack after Adam wins. Hey, there’s Bryan Danielson! He gets in like three seconds worth of moves before a boot to the face. But there’s Claudio and Yuta, and… the Gates of Agony? Swerve? Hangman Page? Claudio and Hangman both team up on Swerve, which is an interesting twist to recent events. Danielson has Christian tapping in the LeBell Lock while Adam Copeland grunts in the background. That… Well it was a lot.
78. I think this show was a lot of fun, but the first hour (and pre-show) was absolutely phenomenal. The second half had more Toni Storm, Shida getting back the title, and Christian being Christian. I think the MJF/BCG promo was good but went on for way too long and was a little redundant. There’s been little effort to figuring out where that cold close with the devil mask attack came from, but they’ve got to fill it out until Full Gear, so some slow burns have to happen. Maybe it would’ve been impossible to carry over the momentum from the first hour and keep that kind of intensity going the whole time, but they at least made a pretty decent attempt.
As easy as it would be to give it to Toni again, and she most certainly earned it, I can’t ignore Matt Taven using the word “neckstrongiest.” I think it’s gotta be a split. I try not to give it to the same person multiple weeks in a row, but it can’t be helped when the HAM game is upped that much.
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
3/3/23 – Jungle Boy
3/5/23 – MJF
3/8/23 – Anthony Bowens
3/10/23 – Riho
3/15/23 – MJF/Darby Allin/Jungle Boy/Sammy Guevara
3/22/23 – STIIIIIING
3/29/23 – Juice Robinson
3/31/23 – Eddie Kingston
4/5/23 – MJF
4/7/23 – Darby Allin/Julia Hart
4/12/23 – STIIIIIIIIING
4/14/23 – 2.0/Biff Hager
4/19/23 – Sammy Guevara
4/26/23 – MJF
5/3/23 – Triple J/Mark Briscoe
5/5/23 – The Firm Deletion – All of it
5/10/23 – Chuck Taylor and Trent Baretta
5/17/23 – Toni Storm
5/24/23 – Jay White
5/28/23 – Darby Allin
5/31/23 – Juice Robinson
6/7/23 – MJF
6/9/23 – Ethan Page
6/14/23 – The cardboard cutout of Saraya
6/17/23 – CM Punk
6/21/23 – Adam Cole/MJF
6/23/23 – Anthony Bowens
6/24/23 – Powerhouse Hobbs
6/25/23 – Will Ospreay
6/28/23 – Keith Lee
7/1/23 – Andrade
7/5/23 – Adam Cole/MJF
7/7/23 – Daniel Garcia
7/8/23 – Samoa Joe
7/12/23 – Jack Perry
7/17/23 – Ricky Starks
7/19/23 – MJF and Adam Cole
7/22/23 – Ricky Starks
7/26/23 – Jeff Hardy
7/31/23 – Samoa Joe
8/2/23 – Swerve
8/4/23 – Kris Statlander
8/5/23 – Christian Cage
8/9/23 – MJF and Adam Cole
8/11/23 – Orange Cassidy
8/12/23 – Ricky Starks
8/16/23 – MJF and Adam Cole
8/18/23 – Ruby Soho
8/19/23 – Toni Storm
8/23/23 – Billy Gunn
8/25/23 – Kris Statlander
8/26/23 – Eddie Kingston
8/27/23 – Nigel McGuinness
8/31/23 – Toni Storm
9/1/23 – Claudio Castagnoli
9/3/23 – Samoa Joe
9/6/23 – Roderick Strong
9/9/23 – Cardblade
9/13/23 – MJF
9/16/23 – Prince Nana
9/20/23 – MJF/Adam Cole
9/27/23 – Paul Wight
10/1/23 – Christian Cage
10/4/23 – Toni Storm
10/6/23 – Jeff Hardy/Daniel Garcia
10/7/23 – Big Bill
10/10/23 – Matt Taven/Toni Storm
