IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #473 – Thoughts on AEW: All In 2024
1. Hello everyone, and talk about a night-and-day level of comparative build-up to last year’s show. That’s all for moot though, since about 120 people showed up, right? It’s like the pandemic crowds in there, goodness.
2. Grand Slam is headed to Australia, that’s good to hear! Although earlier this week when someone proclaimed Dynamite in Wales was the first one outside of the US, I feel like Canada was there like “WTF, eh?”
3. The crowds this week have been phenomenal. I don’t know if they’d be this way if visits were more frequent, but they put American crowds to shame. Watching Big Bill on Collision trying to stop the massive pops he was getting (to no avail) was such a delight all on its own.
4. This show is long enough without reviewing the pre-show, even if an essential capstone took place last year that paired with the main event. With nearly an hour left, the announced tag match had already gotten underway, as well as a clusterfuck-sized match that got some more people a nice pop. One other match was made last night for a similar purpose, but it seems unlikely we won’t see something else to fill in that time, hopefully other than the same video packages we’ll see before the main card’s respective matches.
5. Anything that gets Willow Nightingale on the card is all right by me, as well as one of the most consistent HAMs around in Stokely. I’m eager to see what all the “Stat talks over Stokely and says the opposite of what he was in the process of saying” thing was about in regard to this match, but it may not have an answer.
6. Stokely’s spinebuster got a massive reaction, as did Ishii no-selling it and standing up. Stat also finally broke the stone with a forearm shot, so that alone is pretty boss. This is the time for some good fun. Ishii and Willow win, so that “speaking over” confidence thing from those segments was about… what, again?
7. RJ City and Renee are so damn wholesome.
8. Tony Schiavone introduces Martha Hart and Tony Khan, for something that seemingly usually takes place between Dynamite going off the air and Rampage tapings starting.
9. Brian Cage has a sick Wolverine outfit. I appreciate when I can get a reference, even if recognizing the outfit begins and ends the extent of my knowledge on the topic.
10. This is another “let’s get as many people on the card at once” match, and that is perfectly fine. You never know when you’re gonna get another chance to perform in such a context.
11. Brian and Sammy were nice enough to color coordinate their outfits, that was sweet of them.
12. Not sure how Shibata ended up with Team Texas. Has he interacted with Hook at all since returning? I was really enjoying that trio before Jericho introduced Joe to being another brick in the wall.
13. There’s been a hot tag, will Menard make at least the third “are you/you gotta be kidding me!” exclamation since I turned the sound on? Surprisingly not, but the night is young. It’s still morning here, what even is time?
14. Dustin teased a dive, did a crotch chop, and then a Spinaroonie, what a callback. And yes, preceded by the drinking contest exclamation that permeates every kind of commentary incessantly.
15. Sammy landed back-first on Taven before Dustin made the pin. I’m glad to see Dustin getting a few nice moments at the twilight of his career.
16. The post-match shenanigans looked like they took place in slow motion. KVE made sure that nothing could stop the Claw, and Bennett did his Christian at Wrestlemania XVIII impression, so we had a few 2002 callbacks in that segment. Twenty minutes to go, RJ City is “regrettable,” let’s fuckin’ party.
17. Here comes Saraya for the totally-not Jamie Hayter return, at least that’ll balance out having to hear that garbage entrance theme. At least now “any updates on Jamie Hayter” will stop being Superchats four times every single week, as if they wouldn’t report it if there were, but gotta make sure they say your name specifically for the same question. Still not as bad as sports talk radio though.
18. Her entourage is even bigger than last year, so that’s a thing. I guess.
19. Oh hey, it’s Jamie Hayter, who saw that coming? What a pop, kickass outfit, and couldn’t be a better place for it. “Hayter is on a rampage” but not on Rampage, isn’t that weird?
20. Oh, so that’s why there’s a bigger entourage, more people for Jamie to punch right in the fuck. Wasn’t even a match and didn’t need to be. Glad she’s finally back after what must’ve been a terrible injury and a long recovery.
21. I didn’t set out to write thoughts on the pre-show, but Forbidden Door was a long time ago, so I have a lot to catch up on.
22. House of Black’s entrance being in the daylight just feels wrong. The entrances are starting with 10 minutes remaining in Zero Hour, that’s a good tactic. There are a lot of extras for their entrance with Strobe Light Beowolf meets Frank the Bunny outfits. It’s All In, Brent, can’t hold anything back.
23. What specifies a “London” ladder match? Are the ladders British? Is it because it’s in London? If that’s the case, why is this the one that gets the qualifier? Wrestling is weird.
24. Speaking of weird entrances in the daylight, Juice Robinson and the Juniors Gunn. They let goblins out in the sun? That’s news to me. They have no spotlight or effects, but at least they got in the audio pyro, the most pointless effect still to this day.
25. I don’t know who first called the trio of Pac, Claudio, and Yuta “PACpool Combat Club,” but that’s freaking amazing.
26. Pac doesn’t get his traditional angry red light either, but he looks like a Grumpy Gus in any lighting scenario. I guess Claudio and Yuta have forgiven him for bailing on a Blood and Guts match not too long ago.
27. I don’t know if Pac is smiling on the inside, the outside, or in a high school senior portrait, but I have to imagine that seeing him smile is more terrifying than any of his facial expressions.
28. The Triller graphic is arranged as such that it looks like Matt Jackson is licking the FTW title on Jericho’s shoulder. The not-Saskatoon ladder contest is opening the show, which is likely to distance the clusterfuck factor throughout the show at a decent balance. Christian powders and runs away like a demon bunny was guarding the castle.
29. Nigel’s so spicy, I do wonder if all the Verse Clamdigger stuff will lead to anything more than hilarious commentary.
30. Did you know that last year, Pac wasn’t on the All in card? Damn, I’m surprised they haven’t brought that up.
31. The Gunns did the Whazzup diving headbutt, so tonight’s show continues to be brought to you by 2002. They followed up with a “JUICE! GET THE TABLES!” Feels right in place in a ladder match, even if they didn’t do it to the one person here who was in those OG matches.
32. Christian Cage picks his spot. He chose… poorly. Christian gets tossed into everyone he’s pissed off in recent months that’s also in this match. Mother Wayne is mad that they would boo a mother, so she tries to climb up. They gave her a title, so I suppose it tracks. That can happen, but you have to give up the title if you have an injury, unless it’s the ROH tag titles, in which case you can hire a mercenary, or the world title, which you can compete with a shattered ankle if the other person takes a wee-woo ride on the paddywagon. Wrestling: it makes sense.
33. This match is literally everything you would expect it to be, given the company, teams involved, and dynamics instilled between all the characters. That is by no mean a complaint, it’s delightfully fun, but you know what it’s going to be.
34. Nick Wayne does a tope into a Destroyer through a table. That, like a few Hologram dives, made me as nervous as it did amazed.
35. Maybe it’s being of a certain age, but hearing “the Juice is Loose” about anyone always raises a bit of an eyebrow, given previous podcasts in which that phrase was uttered. It’s like remembering him having a weapon in the Naked Gun, it just isn’t the same with what we know now.
36. Christian stole Brandon Cutler’s gimmick and put hair-spray in the eyes. Yuta also gets con-chair-laddered? Juice blocks a second attempt at Cutler’s hairpray and then sprays Mother Wayne. Juice then sets her up to go through a table, but not-Luchasaurus is still brand loyal. For some reason. Juice then becomes the embodiment of the table, and his head bouncing off such an accoutrement also makes me worry for the goblin.
37. The crowd would also like Luchasaurus to not contribute to the wait for the turn to be even longer than Wardlow’s as they chant his former name. Pac gets up there and grabs the titles, so we have new trios champions to give the Bastard the huge pop. Despite beating three trios who have been together longer than a day, I can’t be mad at it. Pac didn’t lose since his return, for once.
38. Toni and Mariah are going to further break my poor sapphic heart this early in the show? How is this match going on second? Surely the best character and storyline this year alone deserves better.
39. Toni Storm is so beloved that Mariah May is getting booed in her hometown. I don’t have a sliver of doubt that she’s winning here, and there will be some kind of new twist to the Toni character, but the eponymous HAM herself will somehow make it even better without the title. Losing it here last year too was what exacerbated this whole thing in the first place. Toni’s consistently huge crowd reactions have validated everything about this last year.
40. Toni debuted at Wembley in 1924 apparently, and hey, Luther is finally back. Holy shit, what a reaction for this title run’s curtain call. The look on her face shows how overwhelmed she is, even in character, and gosh, to think how far she’s come in that time. She’s become my favorite for a multitude of reasons, and I look forward to seeing what the next chapter in her character evolution will be. What a revelation this was.
41. The slow staredown is extremely appropriate, given the depth of this storyline and the grandeur of the reaction. Even just lockup punches get a huge cheer, but since this company doesn’t do any storylines, I’m surprised this kind of investment can happen at a completely random match with no context.
42. They show Mina and comment about how she’s torn. I’ve heard that she’s all out of faith, and having a little adventure with temperature and restraint on the floor. Hey, that’s just how she feels.
43. I’ve heard that sing-song style chant used with a number of names that fit within the syllable count. I have no idea what it is, but I have noted it for Toni on Wednesday, and Double-J, of all people, on Collision.
44. I think that’s the first time, of all the old Hollywood references they’ve connected to this gimmick, that they’ve said film noir directly. Maybe the real title was really just the Falcon of the Maltese variety we found along the way.
45. Mariah acknowledges the purest love she’s ever known, and gives Nigel a moment in the glorious sun. Then she slaps her own mother because reasons. At least it doesn’t involve the Knights again.
46. In yet another 2002 moment, someone asks if she’s ready to die. Yes, I know that’s originally what Toni said, but if you’re bringing up Andrew WK, sometimes you just gotta go with it.
47. There’s a lot of gloops of the night in this match, and Mariah’s got color in revenge for the heel’s heel turn. There’s a lot of white being worn, so the factor will be maximized. I love Mariah’s pastel color scheme too, for multiple reasons.
48. Mariah hits multiple hip attacks, driving home the point that Toni isn’t getting out of this one the way she thought. Eve, it is all about now, I’m told.
49. The first women’s match of the evening has gotten significantly more time than the only one last year. Progress for sure.
50. Mariah tries to get the title, and Luther gives her a gloved bird for the effort. She then tries for the shoe and Toni ends up with it. The bloody heel must be a Tiger Driver 91 because she refuses to use it. I wonder if that’s gonna cost her. I’ll be damned, it did.
51. Mariah got the title win we all knew was coming, but give Toni her flowers for this title reign one more time. I excitedly wait to find out where Toni goes from here.
52. The crowd sings even louder for her as she gets up from her floor swimming, very good.
53. How can you have someone named Hook be given an eye-patch and not have one single Captain James reference? Even Botchamania had a masterful outtake, it’s right there for you! “Hook, hook, where’s the hook?”
54. Jericho called Hook a bastard in the buildup, and the man FKA Neville had nothing to say about that. I guess Jericho did invent it.
55. Fozzy is also here.
56. Big Bill getting cheered like a superstar despite his best efforts on Collision was a delight. I don’t know if it was ironic cheers or not, and it didn’t matter.
57. Unfortunately, Fozzy is performing and it’s not the cover he did with Swerve a few days ago. Jericho’s wearing Taz colors, I’m sure that won’t signal anything. At least he’s not facing Ospreay this year, but dear JBL please end this feud, and let’s not drag down another blossoming star with a six-month vortex in another?
58. We get a follow-shot of Hook walking up the stairs to a vague heartbeat sound. Anpther Taz reference in there. Speaking of that, there he is, not even with an announcement. All right then.
59. It’s 3-on-1 already. Where’s your trio, Hook? One was hanging out with the Texans earlier, so who knows what can happen?
60. Big Bill’s huge, unconditional pop appears to carry over from Saturday too, though Hook isn’t getting booed like he did for daring to be set against him.
61. I hope Hook’s eyepatched fortunes turn out better than Danish Graves’ earlier this year, rest his soul.
62. We’ve got spots with cricket balls now because England, wheeeee! This should’ve been the London-themed match, no? Oh, there’s a cricket bat with “Hi Guys!” on it. Hook then starts swinging at his own toss like he’s taking self-batting practice in the backyard. Hope no one catches a foul ball in the face, or whatever the cricket equivalent to that is.
63. Big Bill comes back to interfere again, and the crowd eats it up like an IC title match. Is this a thing, or just something that happened spur of the moment and they’re going with it? The crowd is even chanting “we want Big Bill!” now. He is hilarious and underused, so go with it, I suppose?
64. We’ve got barbed wire on the Juice Robinson table, and while Hook doesn’t get goozled through it, he gets another reference to his dad’s weird WWF run. If they dubbed him swinging around while not being able to see with Jerry Lawler feud-Taz saying “I’m blind, JR!” I don’t think it would be completely out of place.
65. Nevermind, I guess he can see. I guess there was some Life of Brian (not Keith) in that young man’s heart tonight.
66. Taz finally does something about all these shenanigans, and what a freaking pop that got. He throws in a Tazmission on Bryan Keith. It’s about time, all it took was some firebursts and six months of annoyances. Still glad they did it though.
67. Please for the love of merciful Tehlu, let this feud be freaking over now.
68. I didn’t think there would be a time where I held the tag team title match in the same regard as QTV segments, but whatever has happened to the Acclaimed in the last year combined with the Bucks and their one-defense-so-far title reign, it’s got me apathetic.
69. For lack of a better term, the crowd Fandango’s FTR’s theme, singing along with it. They’re, I think, wearing some Hart-style outfits, if I’m seeing correctly.
70. Oh, those scamps Matthew and Nicholas with their contemporary Beatles references. At least this year they acknowledged that more people than Freddie Mercury ever played Wembley.
71. In a move I can only assume involved calling up the Jock Jams folx and asking them a nostalgic favor, the stadium version of “Scissor Me Daddy” precedes their entrance. Max, as only the 84th person to proclaim some version of “best in the world” (despite not being the best wrestler in his tag team) in the last two months, certainly does a rap. That happened.
72. How was all that it took to turn their run completely around for the worse seemingly due to winning the trios titles when they shouldn’t have? What happened?
73. I’m trying really hard to care about this match. I’m not succeeding.
74. A Shatter Machine before Rick Knox is nice enough to slide in right where he’s easily grabbed to break up the pinfall. Okay.
75. Matt does the EVP Trigger with… Max? And then Max is also involved with a Shatter Machine. All right, that was pretty cool, actually.
76. Senior Ass was going to break up the pinfall. Triple threat rules, I guess he could, theoretically. Why is the ref enforcing foreign objects in the ring, and why is a distraction necessary for a triple threat? We just established that it’s irrelevant. Senior Ass does get to hit a move to his own pop, but at least he’s not winning a title this year.
77. Bucks win with an EVP Trigger. It was fine. Adequate. Had a few fun moments. I still don’t care, and I assume they’ll next defend the titles around December or so.
78. The Grizzled Young Vets made a surprise appearance, and it’s a good thing they’re credentialed or this could be awkward. They then attack FTR for reasons. Good to see new blood injected into the division, though.
79. The Casino Gauntlet match is next, and I’m anticipating at least a few surprise appearances, including Ricochet. Can’t imagine where else he’d make his debut. I’ve really enjoyed the development of this match, and better more now with the stakes attached.
80. Forbidden Door will be in London next year, right on. The location of All In changing makes sense.
81. Cut to… the streets of Washington DC? Orange Cassidy has a splat entrance, and now he’s wearing more black than before. I didn’t dislike the previous theme, but I sure do love hearing the Pixies again. I don’t know, the vibe just fits so perfectly.
82. We’re not wasting any time, Okada is the second one out. That guy he teamed with and lost once, it doesn’t get more personal than that. In a night of many big pops, this certainly is one of them.
83. There’s a Best Friends-style hug before OC’s temporary ally gets OBF – Okada Bitchface. The one where he fake apologized for pressing the wrong button is still my favorite.
84. Is the slowly-becoming-black outfit a sign of an Orange Cassidy heel turn? If he did though, what would he do? Stop caring again? Care even less? Put effort into not trying?
85. HOLY SHIT IT’S NIGEL! He has to win and face Danielson, that has to be why this is happening. Biggest pop of the night so far by far! I thought this might happen, but I still jumped up when I saw it.
86. Can we make songs to something other than Seven Nation Army, please? There’s too many.
87. Nigel does the headstand in the corner with the legs extending, I haven’t seen that in a long time.
88. Next out is that sweet lovable dork, Kyle O’Reilly. The Conglomeration is represented well and early.
89. Taz: “Does this mean I have to work Saturdays now?” According to that purple tartan that I need to own yesterday, it’s a distinct possibility.
90. Zack Sabre, Jr is out next after winning the G1. Another person that would understandably want a shot at Danielson for a rubber match. This beats the hell out of the lineup of the previous iterations of this match already. Another JBLdamn Seven Nation Army song.
91. Face… off (no Cage) with Nigel and ZSJ. This is so much fun and we’re not even halfway through.
92. Okada does his huge bird reveal with the big grin and quick zoom out. I love wrestling.
93. Oh joy, someone from the Undisputed Kingdom is in it. It is Roddy, but… no, that’s all I got. It’s not their fault that the angle somehow was even worse than the Firm, but it was even worse than the Firm.
94. The Conglomeration has a third person, at least that’s what that the direction is from Roy O’Bannon there. But will it come down to two or three of them having to face… off (no Travolta)?
95. Hangman’s anger streak continues, and if he doesn’t win, you have to think he’ll find another way to make sure Swerve’s doesn’t. You don’t often find wrestlers/characters with higher motivations than winning a match, but this is a unique take on it.
96. Hangman gets the biggest rub so far, absolutely cleaning house of everyone already in the match so far. He’s definitely determined.
97. Jeff Jarrett huge pops in 2024, something I couldn’t have imagined even three months ago. Just hearing that siren theme with big cheers is weird enough. A few months ago, he was teaching the Dark Order heel school, I think.
98. Of course Jarrett goes straight for Hangers. He’s like Casper; they have unfinished business.
99. Hangman doesn’t hesitate to goozle Karen, but a surprise theme hitting takes care of that. We’ve got Ricochet, and it’s good to finally see instead of hearing a bunch of rumors about it, which inevitably are followed with another series of the same questions every single week.
100. I think the last time I saw Ricochet wrestle was when he collided in midair with that douchebag with whom I unfortunately share a hometown. Seeing him in Browns colors made me more likely to consider an alternate theme, and given most of the seasons I’ve put up with from that franchise, that’s a considerable depth.
101. Ah, no wonder Christian ran away, he’s doing double duty tonight. Unfortunately it looks like his head collides with concrete upon first getting there, and I’ve heard the give for that material is not the most gracious.
102. Okada with the most lethargic pin breakup ever, and we get our Hangers/Okada standoff that somehow wasn’t a match on this show after the Blood and Guts shenanigans.
103. Karen prevents the Buckshot and this leads to a guitar shot from Jarrett. Once again, that’s getting a pop in the year 2024, anything can happen.
104. Orange Cassidy and ZSJ renew their rivalry, if you can call it that, as they get a minute to trade maneuvers. But another former adversary, Roderick Strong, gets his own shots in. Conglomeration does some conglomerating with Nigel, but it backfires into the Tower of London. So freaking cool.
105. Uh oh, it’s Luchasaurus, not Killswitch. Maybe the appearance of Marko Stunt gave him a plan. Nope, nevermind, he chokeslams the teddy bear instead. He helps… Christian Cage… win? That was… anticlimactic, in multiple ways. Cue “you gotta be kidding me.” Hangman is pissed though.
106. Where the hell is Mox?
107. Ospreay vs MJF is next, and I still can’t get over that they tried to get over the Evil American gimmick in the American South. I suppose it works for the match itself, but hearing Will and even Kyle have to suck up to how “no, they really do love America!” just to not get booed in a place where they’ll chant “U-S-A!” at literally anyone was just a groaner.
108. We’ve got… Ninja breakdancers? Is this why they were messing with the Street Profits and Viking Raiders the whole time? Just to get here?
109. There’s a full Assassin’s Creed-themed entrance, which I’m sure would be even more awesome if I knew literally anything about that game. As is, it’s still really freaking cool, and that voiceover sounded epic as hell.
110. Ah, it’s a plug for a new entry into the series, right on. It’s still gonna switch into the regular theme so everyone can sing it, right? Yep, there it is. What a pop! This crowd came to fuckin’ play (no Miz), and the full sing-along is amazing. “Os-preay, Os-preay, indeed.
111. MJF is doing the full Apollo Creed getup, and I guess that means he’s gonna get punched by a Swede playing a Russian and it won’t end well. No word on whether or not Sierra Mist Phil knows the reference.
112. Streamers are falling, streamers are still falling for you, which can only be said correctly in Orville Peck’s voice, but I digress.
113. In other news, Robert Patrick was walking around with a picture of Daniel Garcia on a milk carton, asking everyone if they’ve seen this boy.
114. The wrestling is exactly what you’d expect it to be. Even a Phenomenal Forearm in there, as well as a Kangaroo Kick callback to last year. How quickly things change.
115. Did they say that Ospreay was channeling Will Ospreay? That would be an interesting diagram. He’s got some pretty serious cupping marks though.
116. A counter that almost wasn’t, a flippy dive caught into into a tombstone.
117. MJF gets a little Cross Rhodes in there, another nice callback to different times.
118. Kickouts match, kickouts match, what we got here is a kickouts match. I’m still confused why Christian won another title shot.
119. There’s no way this doesn’t end with a Tiger Driver, confusing as the duration of the angle may have been, I do like how it paid off with Danielson telling him to do it, after being recently motivated by Eddie Kingston giving him a WTF speech.
120. MJF dodges an Os-Cutter and does a Panama Sunrise on the outside, pulled off to perfection.
121. MJF counts to ten repeatedly. I’m glad he demonstrated his abilities in sequential order.
122. Ospreay takes out a camera person, who has on some awesome socks and similar-colored undies. Make the most out of the moment you get, right?
123. More shenanigans ensue, as MJF gets tossed into the referee after a near-miss. Shenanigans incoming, and he’s threatening the Tiger Driver. That gets Ospreay punched in the nethers for his troubles.
124. Garcia prevents MJF from using the not-diamond ring, they finally found him! There’s about to be a Tiger Driver, as it is no longer on the banned list. He pulls it off just in time for Bryce to count the fall, and Ospreay wins back the re-re-re-rechristened International title. That was a lot of fun, and Garcia doesn’t do his dance so you know it’s super serial business.
125. Face or heel, I can’t cheer for Britt Baker. I got sent a Brittsburgh sticker a few years ago and I still haven’t forgiven Pro Wrestling Crate for that.
126. Mercedes gets a special entrance, because she’s Mercedes. I’m not sure if it’s a specific reference or just “Britain, bruv?”
127. Can a CEO also hold a place in the monarchy, or would it just be ceremonial like pretending American politicians aren’t also billionaires? Asking for reasons.
128. “A spectator for the first All In London,” damn, they some credentials! The music melds with Taz for a few seconds of distortiony bliss before they leave the time portal vortex (no Jericho) and start over.
129. Anything that gets our television more Kamille is a good thing, and I support it.
130. This match seems to have a relatively low level of heat. I guess it had to happen sometime, and post-Ospreay celebration might just have to be that lull. There’s the emotional catharsis that involves Bryan Danielson win or lose on the horizon, so it can’t be sustained for the entire show. (WELLLLLLLL)
131. These two cut some decent promos on each other, but the in-ring chemistry, at least so far, is leaving something to be desired. Maybe Britt is such a Sasha mark that she’s going to be visibly displeased when she’s going to lose?
132. Taz says that a move Mercedes does is bad news, but if Wade Barrett doesn’t deliver it from a scissor jack, does it count?
133. Mercedes does a scoop slam from the second rope, and that was a scary looking toss bump. That couldn’t have felt good, even if she landed perfectly.
134. Britt being an underdog face in peril is weirder than it should be. Granted, she had a strangehold on the title thanks to shenanigans when I started watching, and Jade Cargill won shortly thereafter too, so I suppose that still lingers in the mind and contradicts the present circumstances. Poor Rebel, she got left behind in the unexpected face turn.
135. I wonder, injuries aside, what the Outcasts/Originals storyline would’ve been like had Mercedes been involved. It sure seemed like Britt saved some of that promo fire leftover.
136. There’s a heater at ringside, there’s no way there won’t be more shenanigans. There sure have been enough for several weeks of television tonight, but most of it has felt fitting and not… random? Maybe?
137. There’s some kind of spinny ropes slam? But I think Mercedes landed on the bottom? Some kind of awkward Spanish Fly? Oh, it was supposed to be a counter? And who was the cameraperson with the underwear that was made of Young Bucks entrance jackets?
138. Britt goes full Eddie Guerrero, it’s 2002 night at Wembley in full force. No shenanigans for you! Don’t worry, Kamille, just come back in a few minutes, Don Callis established you can do that as canon at Forbidden Door last year.
139. I’m glad both women’s matches are getting considerably more than the paltry nine minutes their only match was given last year, but this one just isn’t hitting. I don’t know why. Mercedes wins out of nowhere, so… okay then. That was incredibly underwhelming, considering the talent involved.
140. We’ve got a coffin match coming up, and will it be a glass coffin or will they pull a Bob Belcher and almost send one to the crematorium? Perhaps not even an almost, given their fire-based antics of the last few months.
141. This version of Jack Perry is so far removed from the Beethoven-entranced shit he was last year before he got trapped in the Donnie Darko time spear and went away for a while. Darby’s awfully mad, he flips off and shoves the cameraman, presumably for his Young Bucks-adjacent underwear.
142. Jack must’ve joined Cobra Kai, cause he’s gonna “put em in a body bagggg, yeahhhhh!”
143. Did Darby pre-insert a thumbtack facemask?
144. I still think it’s weird that Darby got himself a TNT title shot in a Blood and Guts match, and then at the same taping, won a Royal Rampage to get a world title shot. Those two things were oddly placed, to say the very least.
145. I think that’s a casket, not a coffin, but they can’t say that. I think they’ve used actual coffins before, but it’s semantics that don’t matter that much in the grand scheme.
146. Darby dives through the ropes, Jack bails, and Darby crashes into the coffin head-first, and I’m pretty sure at least part of him landed on it. Does he know he doesn’t literally have to die in the ring?
147. Another lower back issue, it must be today’s words of the day. Another Seven Nation Army singsong, they’re gonna make me need the Fizzy Good, make feel nice.
148. Jack pulls out a bag of real glass, and instead of crying him a river, they treat him like he’s fuckin’ Big Bill on Collision or something. Who does he think he is, to walk in the path of giants with no remorse?
149. There’s a not-so-nice chant directed toward Sierra Mist Phil, so the location of last year’s incident has indeed chosen a side. Oh shit, real glass! Somewhere in a vacant locker room in an alternate timeline, Chucky Montevideo Punk heard something go crash in the night.
150. Despite teaming together before, Darby is not used to having his hands in his pockets like Orange Cassidy. You think OC would’ve been nice enough to pass down the wisdom, but he can’t even find out where Danhausen went after that 8-man in Minneapolis last year that I saw shortly before I walked out so I didn’t have to see Ric Flair and the shit he said that night.
151. That is a very high ramp. Now a few people start chanting positively for ol’ Cicero Maximus, and Jack responds by taking Darby’s belt off. Boy the rules of this match have really changed!
152. Jack gets a HAM contender with a salty impression of being bound up, and then throws Darby off the stage like he’s bored out of his mind. This is the guy who was bound from the ceiling and bounced around so much that people asked politely for him to be helped, I feel like, unlike hands in pockets, he’d be prepared for that.
153. Okay, either way, Sierra Mist Phil ain’t here anymore, hence the nickname. Can we drop it, please?
154. Darby gets Cobra Kai’d and put in the body bag. I suppose that is easier for dragging him around, since the bag weighs more than Darby, but it glides over the ground easier.
155. The crowd is singing something, and it must be Darby’s Monster theme because he makes the silliest face he can while peeking out of the bag. It doesn’t work though, and he eats a running knee and… Jack wins. Not the first seemingly anticlimactic match tonight, and it doesn’t exactly give that world title shot at Grand Slam much momentum.
156. The Bucks, fresh off not giving a shit about their tag run continuing, decide burn about’s fair play because there is no Goth Grandpa around anymore… oh wait!
157. It’s Sting and he looks tremendous! He can take comfort in knowing that another person tried and failed to be the Crow not named Brandon Lee, for there can be only two. That was a long ass ramp to walk down, you could’ve gotten it done if you really put in some effort.
158. Sting no-sells a Jack Perry chair shot, and the Bucks get a pleasant reminder of Revolution (no WWA) before they got the tag titles back and did diddly fucking shit with them.
159. I’m not surprised Jack Perry retained, albeit in ho-hum fashion at the end, but why did we have this title match only to now send him to a world title match? I remain confused.
160. Jack Perry has been targeted, and from his face, you can tell he knows he’s done it now, he’s gone and made a big mistake.
161. Time for the main event, and I have a feeling this ending won’t disappoint whether Danielson wins or loses.
162. First-Retirement shirt and all, Danielson dropped two f-bombs in his final go-home. Danielson does yoga and doesn’t have a DDP cameo, to my disappointment. He does intend to give me a migraine with a flashing montage though. We see quite a few familiar faces, at least the ones for which they own the copyright to show.
163. That was very chaotic for a peaceful activity like yoga, just saying.
164. Oh you know they had to give Europe another payday, and I’m not mad. Holy shit, that singalong. Especially for those who have been watching since he was using that before, this is… wow. I say again, these crowds put American crowds to shame.
165. The family is there, and no fuss that I know of was put up about her appearing on screen, so that’s nice. This is one of the most impressive crowd reactions I’ve ever heard in 25+ years of watching wrestling, and to make it even better, we have JR on commentary. Blessed be.
166. Swerve gets an epic entrance of his own, and even though he’s heel by default given the context, he’s still freaking amazing. Ol reliable Prince Nana has himself a coffee, and Swerve’s outfit is perfection. Whose house, indeed.
167. I don’t think this version hits like the one up until this point, but live performance entrances rarely hit the same way. It’s sped up too much, it sounds weird for Swerve’s Taker-ish pace walking out.
168. It isn’t Swerve’s fault, anyone in the position would’ve been booed the same. It’s a testament to how badass Swerve is that he’s still getting the chants despite the situation.
169. And I thought the Ospreay level of crowd noise was awe-inspiring. This rivals Sting’s last match, and may surpass it given the significantly higher number of people in the crowd.
170. Swerve does a handstand to the outside of the ring, and looks a tad awkward landing. Bryan then springboards to the outside and almost doesn’t get enough air. I know he’s not going to be careful, but damn I hold my breath every time he does something like that.
171. Put aside the ranger, become who you were born to be one more time, Danielson. I know you’re against winning titles at this point, but if it’s good enough for Sting, it’s good enough for you.
172. The ref got kicked a little bit, and this led to Nana bringing over the ring bell, which didn’t make a sound he could hear somehow. That leads to big color, which we knew was going to happen. You can’t hang out with Mox that long without developing a compulsive need for it.
173. Those streamers are still hanging on, don’t give up! We believe in you!
174. Swerve is being such a shit that he does the stomps in front of the family, and the poor kids look terrified. Who can blame them?
175. JR is very grumpy about them not shutting up and wrestling. Danielson reaches out to his kids from the turnbuckle, right before he takes a top rope suplex. Poor Birdie is getting some Beyond the Mat vibes. Either that or she’s learned to work at a very young age.
176. Danielson tries for the LeBell Lock, but Swerve makes the silliest face he can while powering out of it. I adore everything about this, even if I’m cringing on every big bump Danielson takes.
177. Danielson has become one hell of a ketchup monster here, and then we get a long shot with a slow zoom, so I guess we’ve come back from picture in picture. The YES! kicks ring out with crowd synchronicity like it’s 2014.
178. Avalanche Tiger Suplex, I’m not sure who appeared to take the worse of that fall. Main of Wembley, Brent, can’t hold anything back. (I know).
179. Danielson locks in Cattle Mutilation, which Excalibur describes as really deep water. I hope not, because then the water’s contaminated and everyone suffers. Not necessarily Lance Archer levels of ubiquity, but too close for comfort.
180. Another nasty-looking move, one whose name I don’t recall but it looks similar in landing to the Tiger Driver, and I swear I heard Nana say that his arm is broken. Swerve chases the medical team off, so that at least might mean it’s being worked. But it is Danielson, the one who wrestled Okada with a broken freaking arm, so can’t say for sure.
181. We’ve reached the “kicking out of finishers” portion of the match, and we’ve had multiple House Calls. Swerve has an HBK-esque facial expression on his face, though I doubt he’s feeling any regret.
182. A third House Call while the crowd either chants “Let’s Go Bryan!” or “Daniel Bryan!” the latter of which would be awkward. Another kickout and the crowd explodes in chants. The crowd atmosphere alone makes this match legendary, but it’s also damn good.
183. Swerve starts trying to do the YES! Kicks, and while he does it, Danielson tells his family he loves them and powers up, holy shit was that cool. The crowd got even louder when he started throwing kicks of his own. We see Birdie jumping up and down, so I’m glad it’s not all tears like Beyond the Mat.
184. Busaiku Knee gets… pass out sold? Nope, no sold. Swerve comes back, Big Pressure, everything falls silent like he finally got put away… and another kickout! An even bigger reaction, this is absolutely incredible.
185. Swerve does the close-up whisper and mock YES! chants like he’s Big Show trying to steal a catch phrase. Oh dear, someone has appeared for vengeance, and given the circumstances, it gets a huge reaction. Someone’s got the “completely snapped” face, and it’s just enough of a distraction for another Busaiku Knee… and another very long two count.
186. I know some people will hate anything because it’s not the company they like, but these are the matches that come along maybe once a year if you’re lucky, and the environment is such a huge part of it. If reactions like this happened every day, they wouldn’t be as meaningful, so it’s good to appreciate them when you get the rare opportunity.
187. Third Bisaiku Knee, and then a fourth one to the back of Swerve’s head, and Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock. Swerve taps! Danielson wins, to legit the biggest pop I’ve ever heard, at least since WrestleMania XXX. Absolutely beautiful, the family is thrilled, and Bryan Danielson is the AEW champion.
188. Great first title reign for Swerve here, and he did his job perfectly. Wheeler and Claudio go to get Brie and the Kids, and maybe a young one we see crying right here is a future Aubrey Edwards we’ll spot in retrospect. Along with the song, this is a beautiful moment. I can’t help but ask where Mox is again, as the other two BCCers are here. The Bastard is there to almost look mildly amused too.
189. Buddy is playing with the confetti and it’s so adorable. Danielson tries to share a big hug with him, but confetti, yo!
190. This was not a perfect show, and some of the match endings felt really flat to me. The crowd was fully invested for every match except one, and the reactions were everything they needed to be, escalating until we reached Danielson’s big moment. Coming out of this show though, I doubt I’m gonna remember much beyond the main event in vivid fashion, and that’s okay. This show was infinitely better than last year’s, in both buildup and execution, awkward endings aside.
LARGE HAM
So who won the HAM besides Toni Storm, because she wins any HAM of a show on which she appears? Nigel was a contender, beyond commentary reasons for the first time in forever. Jack Perry had a moment for his sardonic mocking impressions. The crowd gets their own bonus HAM for knowing they were called a less impressive crowd than last year’s but sounding twice as loud. Wardrobe HAM to cameraperson and their Cutler undergarments. I think Okada made me laugh the most times with his facial expressions, which are a treat anytime we get to see them. But Hangman going so over the top with his righteous fury and giant, wide-open crazy eyes worthy of Gaetano or No Holds Barred, Adam Page may not have won the Gauntlet, but he won a slice of HAM, Wembley-sized.
I am going to try to get back to more regular postings, as I said before, but life continues to give me punctuality difficulties with staying up that late. However, at the very least, I’ll be back in two weeks with All Out. Thanks to those of you who have kept in touch via email regardless of my posting schedule, and I hope you all had as good of a time as I did.
