IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #411
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Thoughts on Rampage – March 3rd, 2023
1. I’ve had the hiccups for the last 45 minutes, let’s fuckin’ party.
2. Greetings once again from Racine, Wisconsin, which unfortunately means I’ll have to sit through these JBLawful commercials, but what can ya do? JR going with the hard sell right at the beginning, and we’re starting off with the recently-heelish Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta. Turn about is fair play, as the Dark Order attack from behind while in the ring, Top Flight and Aussie Open get this thing started on the other side. I expect tonight to be treated as PPV consolation, trying to steal the show to show they should’ve been on it.
3. The Kingdom is also here. I’m overcome with emotion. Is my Daria monotone emphasizing that sarcasm enough?
4. AEW’s continuation of their tribute to Eddie Guerrero comes up again as this was the building where he won the world title. I don’t mind that they’re honoring older legends a lot, but I’d also like to see a wider variety of references.
5. I know it’s not the easiest thing to do at their point in their run, but I much prefer AEW Rampage live. Taped shows in the same building on the same night as Dynamite are obvious, and it’s a fresher crowd when they haven’t already been there for three hours of wrestling. Yes, I’m still on this, look at this crowd if you don’t believe me.
6. Jericho says Claudio “caught him in mid-air like a fly.” So I presume that means that he’s going to teach Claudio the wax-on, wax-off technique on the JeriTron 5000 due to the impressive nature of catching said fly. As long as Miyagicho against the Badass Cobra Club isn’t the next evolution of that feud restarting, I’m okay with it. When you’re the best (in the world) around (at what you do), nothing’s gonna ever keep you down.
7. This just in: Mike Bennett is eating a banana. I’m so grateful I’m the one to relay this news to you.
8. It is ridiculous how talented and agile the Martins are. Dante does a flipping dive to the outside and it’s just ridiculous. He does Minneapolis proud on the regular.
9. I’m glad that Rush, Vance, and Jose the Assisting Assister Guy know how to watch a television screen. I think this week of featuring a great number of tag teams has done a great job of stacking the division. Now if they could do the same thing with the trios division. They have enough roster depth to do both.
10. Wheeler Yuta gets the pin with the Seatbelt, which may be the least intimidating finisher name since the Caterpillar. The Dark Order brawl with them, so this feud isn’t over yet, surprisingly. I’m glad the remaining Dark Order remember at least some people who wronged them.
11. The Hangman/Moxley feud gets one more hard sell. When we come back, Jungle Boy turns it up to 11 to follow up his boneyard promo. The match is called the Final Burial, which I’m guessing is their version of a Buried Alive match?
12. Riho against Emi Sakura is next, and this should be a great deal of fun. Everything I’ve learned about Emi Sakura since I started watching again, I’m definitely in favor of her being featured with others in televised matches. JR agrees with me due to her last match with Jamie Hayter, so that’s validating.
13. Match previews during picture-in-picture. That’s good use of your promo time for the FITE folx, I suppose.
14. Finally the match comes back on right at the hope spot. Glad we’re having the majority of this match during the ad break, thanks TNT. The PPV match previews make it on during the main part of the match, so I guess that’s more important than the rest of the Rampage card. Still… Timing, people.
15. This match is going fantastic, although Riho tries to roll out of the way of Emi coming off the top rope and… she doesn’t quite make it. But a few seconds later, Riho wins with the only way a women’s match can end lately, the Simon Miller Special (surprise roll-up). You’re better than this, stop over-doing this lazy finish.
16. Ruby Soho’s promo with backstory was fantastic. Might’ve been nice if they gave her that backstory time, oh I don’t know… Right after she debuted? I’m curious to see where the triple threat will go, even if I’m annoyed by the stagnant process of the overall arc.
17. Powerhouse Hobbs getting another hometown match, and there’s a fool about to be wrecked. Since a hometown match isn’t an automatic humiliating L, another cheap excuse to get a good pop isn’t a bad thing by any means. That match lasted as long as it took me to type these few sentences. I wouldn’t be surprised if he beat whoever won on Sunday. Wardlow should be going after the world title anyway.
18. Hobbs says as much with a little mic time, which is unusual, as he usually gets pre-records. Perfectly fine.
19. Takeshita is backstage with Renee, and she comments about the frustration that was highlighted after the loss at the ladder match. He’s not happy over how many big wins he’s had and he thinks he might need to go back to Japan, but this is an AEW interview, so here comes an interruption. Don Callis finally interacts with him instead of just following him around, and offers to help him out before he leaves. If that would mean they’re having him hang out with the Elite, it would certainly be interesting and a good way to highlight him. Curious to see where it goes since they’ve been hinting at it for months.
20. The main event is encapsulating a match that somehow wasn’t on the Revolution card after the cinder block buildup for whatever reason. Why we’re not getting Swerve/Keith Lee is beyond me, but at least there’s something going on here.
21. Before someone can tell us it’s time for the main event, Mark Briscoe gets a solo promo, and thankfully it’s not an interruption, but rather friends that join him in announcing a match for Revolution. Zero Hour, we’re getting Mark Briscoe and the Lucha Brothers against the Varsity Athletes and Daivari. Sure, why not. The latter has no chance in hell but the match will be good.
22. Also a final hard sell for the tag title match with Juniors Ass defending against the not-FTR opponents, so I expect them to retain until those guys are back.
23. The card for Revolution looks like one of those shows that may end up surpassing expectations for what many thought was a lackluster buildup, but that’s a common narrative for AEW PPVs. They deliver.
24. Mark Henry introduces the main event with pre-taped promos, so he doesn’t get his little screen of catchphrase.
25. Finally, Swerve/Boudreaux (no Lou) against Keith Lee and Dustin Rhodes. Given that the true feud is with Swerve and Lee, I’m expecting shenanigans in a show that has been mostly bereft of them.
26. I’ve said it before, but as much as I love most of AEW’s music catalogue, Dustin’s theme is so underwhelming.
27. Keith Lee has a badass cloak. I am in favor of anything that involves someone awesome wearing a badass cloak. It’s a great decision.
28. Aubrey, being fearless as usual, has no problem backing up Boudreaux, and that leads to Keith tagging in to Dustin. I’m not surprised that Swerve isn’t taking the face heat initially.
29. We’re headed to picture-in-picture, psych nuh-uh. Then we are again, this time it works. Apparently no American business could’ve ever existed without Shipstation or whichever Stamps dot com ripoff equivalent they’re featuring, it fixed all their problems. Fascinating. That’s why no business has ever existed until two years ago.
30. POOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUNCE!
31. Finally, we get the Keith Lee and Swerve staredown, and instead of the usual tired cowardly heel schtick, Swerve goes right at him, and effectively at that. Keith, however, gives him a toss that would rival Shep Ramsay’s skateboard throw in Suburban Commando. Serious hang time.
32. Parker holds Keith Lee back by the arms, and Swerve uses Keith’s chest to bounce off of to moonsault to Dustin on the outside. That was freaking awesome. Keith Lee kicks out of the double stomp though, which was pretty cool.
33. I know the Canadian Destroyer has become a common transition move, but seeing Dustin do it at his age is amazing nonetheless. The faces get their moment in the sun by pinning Parker. While I would’ve rather seen Swerve/Keith at Revolution, at least there was something.
34. Revolution should be a lot of fun, and I’m looking forward to seeing what’s going to become of these storylines that have seemingly been built up forever. Oh no wait, Ricky Starks sneaks up on Jericho at the commentary table and we’ve got a brawl. Nice to see Ricky not being on the wrong end of a huge beatdown. What a way to send it off.
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
3/3/23 – Jungle Boy
Jungle Boy was way louder and less chill than he usually is. This was a very packed show with a lot going on, but JB took it more over the top. See you all Sunday, I’m excited to see what the AEW PPV machine can deliver.
