IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #415
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Thoughts on AEW Dynamite – March 15th, 2023
1. It’s Wednesday Night, you know what that means. We’re having a rare segment opening Dynamite, and it’s MJF with a suit that says “I saw that sofa in the suite in Las Vegas, but louder, please.” Greetings to all my friends in Winnipeg who are there tonight, especially those from the LUEE podcast.
2. MJF insults Bret Hart and praises Shawn Michaels. I don’t know if you’re aware, but MJF is, in fact, a heel.
3. Too many camera cuts. Who let Kevin Dunn in the production room? Yo, keep your finger off the switch, Dunn. (All your stupid rules)
4. Jungle Boy, of all people, interrupts the re-Bar Mitzvah to a HUGE pop! Wow! Not that MJF was particularly getting a ton of heat, but still. AEW goes all out (no PPV) when they’re in a city for the first time.
5. Ohhhh Chekov’s cake is gonna get smashed, Chekov’s cake is gonna get smashed.
6. Before Jungle Boy can say anything, here comes… Sammy Guevara? Who’s next? Darby Allin?
7. Multiple punchable faces in the ring, and MJF has a furry bucket hat. What the hell is going on right now?
8. Sammy Guevara is getting chants, does Winnipeg just love everyone? And that’s not a bad thing, it’s a good thing. I’d rather have an over-enthusiastic crowd than a dead one.
9. Yep, we’ve got a four pillar opening segment, and they all want a title shot. Maybe they should go backstage and throw a bin at the boss’s daughter. It worked once.
10. Jungle Boy points out that MJF has never been on Dark, Elevation, or Rampage, as well as pointing out how everyone but MJF is fighting for TV time. There’s a “hokey bullshit” chant. Winnipeg gets a bonus HAM.
11. Sammy tells MJF that he talks too much. (Homeboy, you never shut up!)
12. Sammy’s suddenly cutting the underdog face promo. Canada really is Bizarro World. We’ve also got some dropping of industry terms, so I know some people who are going to be totally fond of that. Wait, nevermind, he did a “this local place sucks” remark to get his heat back.
13. MJF calls out the multiple locker room brawls that Sammy got in, but it’s every AEW segment from the last year rolled into one because we’ve had so many interruptions. Darby talks about being in film school and dropping out rather than changing anything. And he’s really into it with those breathy breaths too, it feels authentic. Darby also jokes about all the people complaining, and hell yes we’re gonna get a HEADLOCK TAKEOVER!
14. This entire segment is not only a hard reset, but a “Previously, on AEW…”
15. So. Many. Interruptions!
16. It’s wrestling Don Rickles at the Improv night, apparently. Now we’ve got “AEW Daddy Day Care.” All four of these guys get a HAM, I don’t know how anyone is gonna top it tonight.
17. Let him eat cake! Things break down and Chekov’s Cake gets smashed to the surprise of literally nobody, and yet that’s a delicious HAM cake and I don’t care. What a ton of fun that was.
18. Chris Jericho gets honored by Manitoba, which is pretty awesome. I’m glad he’s gonna get featured tonight, and not buried after all that positive PR on top of it.
19. Next we’ve got Hangman joining up with the Dark Order, because he’s okay with teaming up with them now when that was a huge problem a few weeks ago. And we’ve also got the newly (officially, I think?) heel BCC, but once again this is Winnipeg so everyone’s getting cheered for everything.
20. I’m going on an hour and a half sleep after a sixteen-hour drive, so I can taste colors right now.
21. The Dark Order will be in a televised match again, now it’s time to find out if they can actually win one. Also, welcome back Stu Grayson!
22. Forget the curve ball, Jonny. Give ’em the heater! I’m so glad we stuck around to watch BCC hang around and stretch while the X song loops. If the Dark Order gets a piece of the Paradigm Shift, they’re gonna rename it.
23. Hangman is back to his original awesome theme, though it was really badass when he had the Kane lights and “Ghost Riders in the Sky” for a one-off. The new Dark Order theme sounds like I got stuck in the Acid Tunnel at Detroit Wayne so long that time slowed down.
24. Wheeler tries to run straight at Evil Uno cause he’s all like “hey, Jonny’s my best friend, but what’s going on here?” Uno kicks him right in the fuck and struts around like they’ve won a match in this feud at some point.
25. Forbidden Door is official, but it’ll be in Toronto. I should’ve tried to go when it was in Chicago, oh well.
26. Looks like the triple triple threat tonight is gonna be the main event, and I can’t imagine how it could be anything else with the Battle of Winnipeg going on.
27. Stu gets a hot tag and gets a huge pop with a bunch of chants. Good on ya, Winnipeg, you brought it tonight. I wonder why Stu doesn’t have any numbers in his name.
28. The BCC gives Stu a triple spike piledriver on the outside, in case their fully heel status wasn’t obvious. When they were faces they’d only have one of them doing a spike piledriver because it’s more honorable that way. I can’t imagine how we’ll have to catch up with these dramatic character shifts they’ll be forced to endure now.
29. Even the commentators know that they get to riff and be silly a little bit during the ad breaks for the non-FITErs. That’s delightful.
30. Claudio mocks the Dark Order pose. How dare you, you meanyhead Claudio?! He gets a running knee from Stu Grayson to cut off the heel heat, but we hold on one camera shot for longer than two seconds for the hot tag, so that temporary non-migraine is appreciated.
31. Hangman brings the place alive as Winnipeg continues to be awesome. Yuta does a weird flip over Hangman’s back to tag in Mox, and they act like it’s been forever since their feud ended, complete with the camera pan. But Yuta used the ring bell from the other side, which is mystifying to the commentators. It would be acceptable if he used the ring bell, but the fact that he… I don’t know, ran? … to the other side of the ring? That’s like 20-30 feet, Yuta! You gotta think of your future when taking such risks to steal the big bell.
32. Evil Uno and Stu Grayson get an awesome near fall on Jonny, but never in a million years was that going to actually happen. We all bit for a moment though.
33. Jon gets the chokeout on Stu for the win, and they’re somehow surprised, I guess? The Dark Order continue to be 0-for-the century in this feud, but it’s still treated like an even match somehow. Johnny Hungee and Alex Reynolds run out to make the save for no reaction. It was an awesome match but I think everyone was confused by the ending.
34. Juice Robinson explains why he laid out Ricky Starks because he was chewing the scenery and they got a camera on it. That’ll be fun, I have no doubt of it. It was just… random.
35. This is a Dynamite but it feels paced like a Rampage. I’m guessing they’re rushing to catch up for time because they let the Pillars go out there and riff off the cuff for longer than expected?
36. Randomly, on the FITE ad break AEW screen saver, some sound leaks in for a few seconds. That was weird. The theme isn’t on like it usually is.
37. We’re recapping the opening segment less than an hour into the show? Holy shit, they really are doing a mid-2010s RAW tribute episode, aren’t they?
38. Jade’s got her open title match and no matter who the opponent is, I’m sure people will complain about it. Oh, it’s someone who doesn’t even get an entrance, so I’m sure she has a great chance to be the one to end the streak.
39. Jade wins in about 90 seconds, so I’m glad they bothered to call it an open challenge. At least it got Jade on the show?
40. Ohai Renee and your sparkle, sparkle, sparkle outfit! You’re about to do an in-ring interview, so I wonder who’s gonna interrupt? Jade’s really anti-Canadian, so who’s gonna save the day? You don’t mess with Renee, she has to be in a backstage interview four seconds ago.
41. Taya Valkyrie and the opening of MLP screen come out to step up next. Why it wasn’t just her in the first place? I have no idea. The lackey decides to try to cause some problems, but Taya’s like “I got a Stolen Finisher and I’m gonna use it!”
42. Ricky is like “hey Juice, what have you done here to be relevant?” Great fucking question, Ricky!
43. I thought FITE was going to spare us from seeing Shazam and the Orange Cassidy feud hanging out with some old Windows Movie Maker cuts, but nope. Then the screen is black and we hear people talking. Then the logo comes back on. What is going on with the sound tonight? Now the sound is going in and out while we’re on the loading screen, and we can hear some of the fans’ conversations. Did the technology just get lost in a Spring Forward time vortex and the Langoliers haven’t eaten them up yet or something?
44. We see QTV come on the screen and the camera keeps zooming like they’re rebooting the Newsroom or something. We then see someone breaking in a car, so all the people who called the police when MJF bragged about his accident switcheroo are probably going insane on the lines right now.
45. Bonus HAM for Satnam Singh’s suit. It’s so pastel that Triple J haven’t even realized that he kicked Brodie’s ass on the other side of the mall earlier tonight.
46. The half-assed entrance graphics are almost as amazing as Orange Cassidy getting a fist-bump with the discount Shockmaster. OC switches out the title belts, so we’ve officially gone from the All-American title to the Upgrayedd championship, and for some reason Jeff Jarrett gets the first shot due to all the singles success he’s had so far since he showed up. The two D’s are for a double dose of his Slapnutz.
47. Logic of booking aside, if there’s anyone who can be an appropriate balance to Orange Cassidy’s lethargy, it’s the Carny Strutting Machine. Especially once JJ puts his hand into fake pockets for the soft kicks. Had we not had the opening segment we did tonight, he might’ve won the HAM for that, but alas…
48. Thank you FITE for helping me not have to see more Shazam Shazilling. I guess sports theatre betting was busy this week.
49. We’ve got some crowd brawling in a regular match, but sure, why not? The American channels are in picture-in-picture so we can get away with anything. OC is selling the knee, so I’m sure that’ll come into play later.
50. Everything else about this Triple J stable aside, whoever is doing their wardrobe deserves a promotion.
51. Jarrett starts threatening the Dapper Yapper with a mic because someone already went after Renee tonight, so might as well spread the heel chicanery across the board. Speaking of which, instead of going for the Figure Four, he goes for the Sharpshooter. And people say he doesn’t know what he’s doing…
52. It might not be the Figure Four, but we still end up getting the reversal switch, so it’s good to know that some things never change.
53. Amazing sign in the crowd: If JJ wins, we… sternly boo. That’s pretty harsh for Winnipeg. Sternly? Calm down there, Shoresy.
54. Bryce was still somehow aware that there might be shenanigans going on despite there being multiple people in the corner of one of the wrestlers. Also, in case you weren’t aware, the Shazam movie is coming out.
55. We had heel shenanigans and now we’ve got a ref bump and a guitar. The most popular referee is having none of this, and Orange Cassidy nearly wins with a Simon Miller Special. OC pulls the lethargic Eddie Guerrero by handing Satnam the guitar and then very slowly falling down. They brought all the HAM tonight, despite how weird this episode has been at points, it’s been ridiculously awesome.
56. Jay Lethal pulls the Bob Orton, and despite that being the second time there’s been a fake injury with accoutrement recently, the ref still fell for it. But the Stingray Golden Globe is no match for Sloth Style and it gets a 2 count. Then, ONE of the BFFs is like “oh hey, that guy’s my friend, maybe I should do something? K brb.” Orange Cassidy retains after an Orange Punch, and the reign of Orange Cassidy: Fighting Champion continues yet again.
57. The Acclaimed release their newest song/music video. This one isn’t a particular diss track against anyone, but is just like “hey, we’re also here tonight.” They’re called “organic homegrown” talents, which is perfect timing because the Outcasts are here and they’re very neon green, complete with a new theme. I’m just happy the women are getting more than one segment of the show for once.
58. Storytime with Ruby Soho, bay bay. The grass was apparently greener for a while until a couple of bitches showed up… several years before them? Sure. Metaphor, just go with it. “Neckbeard stinky twats” is a phrase that was used in the same show as “hokey bullshit” so we’re getting all the fun ones out there tonight. This is good booking though, I’m glad they’re leaning into crowd reactions instead of just pretending they’re not happening because it wasn’t what they were going for. I mean, other than that one time, it wasn’t a Ruby Soho problem, but she’s by far the strongest talker of the three, so it works.
59. Jamie Hayter’s name is her cue, and she and Britt head to the ring for a three-on-two fight. And someone told them it’s denim night! Unsurprisingly, attacking two against three didn’t work that well, but if only this group had pissed off a bunch of people lately…
60. We’ve got Riho, Skye, and Willow. That brings it up to five on one side, so I wonder if that means the heels have two more to gain to make the rumored blood and guts match work?
61. Triple triple threat main event coming up! The whole show was building up to this match after the Whose Pillar Is It Anyway opening segment, and that’s totally okay.
62. A 2.0 promo greets us to come back, and eventually their audio kicks in too. What the hell is going on there tonight? Then it comes on way too loud! They’re following up on the diss from the Acclaimed just in time for it to be too quiet, and then too loud again. But hey, the Bollywood Boyz are getting a televised match out of it, so yay!
63. Rey Fenix is gonna challenge Hobbs on Friday, so that’ll go well for him. I realized I typed Ray Renix earlier, good JBL I’m tired. I hope I haven’t used the wrong word by mistake a lot tonight. I said title instead of televised earlier too.
64. Champions come out first, but they don’t have the hometown advantage. The roof’s about to come down. Twice. But House of Black is just so awesome with their badass entrance that it’s totally okay. This match is gonna be something special, I’m feeling it.
65. The heels are getting the last entrance up, but I doubt they’ll be heels tonight. Huge Kenny chants, but Jericho is gonna rock star it himself, and he gets a sing-along.
66. The cheer for Jericho is deafening, and that’s despite the songy song going on. Jericho’s the Ocho again, and his parents are there singing along too. Thats so adorable. We can show parents without it being when their kids are being bludgeoned more often.
67. “Major props for the Winnipeg’s Children’s Choir tonight.” Even Excalibur is into it with that dynamite drop-in.
68. The match hasn’t even started and it gets a “holy shit” chant. With who is involved here, they’re gonna live up to it too.
69. While Brody is starting off with the JAS Boys, Malakai is jogging in place at the corner like he’s waiting for the walk signal. Jericho gets tagged in and there’s another massive pop.
70. They really love that longshot pan camera angle tonight, don’t they?
71. Omega blind-tags in, and we do the longshot pan again! We get the two home-towners facing off, but it’s about to be a commercial break, so the others break it up.
72. I heard Excalibur mention the Polish Hammer and my first thought was, “I didn’t know Ivan Putski was here tonight,” but then I remembered it’s also a move.
73. They’re all hanging out on the outside like they’re Brandon Cutler’s camera crew, and we finally get the Jericho/Omega stand-off. But then people try yet again to interrupt it. They end up temporarily teaming up so you know what that means! LONGSHOT PAN CAMERA ANGLE! But speed it up so we don’t even have time to take in the point of that shot, cool thx bai.
74. More picture-in-picture and I ain’t even mad, this is so much freaking fun. The crowd loves it, I love it, another longshot pan camera loves it, it is indeed awesome, Winnipeg. I agree.
75. Everyone’s just kinda down, which is a great time for the cameras to keep switching to be like “there’s some of the crowd. Now there’s some of the crowd. Oh look there’s more of the crowd there. That is, in fact, a crowd. They’re still selling, more crowd.”
76. There’s a Terminator beat, so it’s diving time. There’s also a copious amount of red in the ring. Nearly the same shade of red too.
77. What a great twist to this match that Jericho and Omega keep teaming up despite them being opponents in the match. It doesn’t feel forced at all, and it’s rather endearing.
78. Jericho counters the Meltzer Driver with a Codebreaker. Not as pretty as Buddy’s knee strike, but awesome nonetheless. And Sammy’s shooting star press is so, so pretty.
79. Jericho decides that he needs to take on the entire House of Black. He waits until Aubrey is distracted for the eight thousandth time this year to use Floyd, and a bat to the face doesn’t end matches any more than a stolen Golden Globe.
80. After the amazing energy and flow of the match, the end comes a bit anti-climactic where House of Black are all in the ring with Garcia and it just… ends. I guess they were sort-of heels by default here, but still.
81. Biff tries to tell the HOB to make like a tree and get outta here. Then the BCC and the Dark Order continue fighting and it spills out to the ring. Mox and the BCC go after Hangman, but who has their back? The Elite does, and the heels back down. That pop was worth the awkward ending of the match, and it goes off the air before anything more can happen. Well. Done.
82. This show felt a bit chaotic and weirdly-timed at points, and the sound mix was just awful at times. It was fun. Shabby fun, but a great deal of it.
LARGE HAM
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
3/3/23 – Jungle Boy
3/5/23 – MJF
3/8/23 – Anthony Bowens
3/10/23 – Riho
3/15/23 – MJF/Darby Allin/Jungle Boy/Sammy Guevara
Unlike last week’s barely HAMmy shows, this one gave me too many options. But nothing’s touching that opening segment, all four of them split it.
