Colt Cabana and announces himself as special host. He introduces Joe Hendry. Colt says that he’s creating a new stipulation for the next match. He passes Hendry the mic. Hendry sings his announcement: he’s going to be singing on commentary. Colt says, “Let’s get the show started.”
Match: Ultimo Guerrero vs. Jonathan Gresham
Out first is Ultimo Guerrero. Hendry wasn’t joking about singing the commentary. Gresham comes out in an Octopus mask.
The match begins with a submission competition. Every time it looks like Guerrero had him, Gresham would reverse him. They get into a striking contest, but in the middle of it, Gresham hits a lowblow. Gresham applies a submission. Colt gets on the microphone and announces to the referee that Gresham hit a lowblow. Everyone just ignores it. Hendry sings that there’s a referee for a reason.
Gresham knife edge chops Guerrero, but it has no effect. He winds up and hits him again, but it effect again. He runs off the ropes and clotheslines him in the chest but Guerrero still doesn’t budge. He’s getting hyped up.
Guerrero climbs the turnbuckle, but Gresham hits a drop kick all the way up there. They battle on top. Guerrero gets the upperhand and hits the Guerrero Special, but can’t keep Gresham down.
They trade roll ups now, rolling all around the ring. Gresham knocks Guerrero down and climbs the turnbuckle. Guerrero attacks him and climbs up with him. Guerrero hits a super Guerrero Special and scores the pinfall.
Winner: Ultimo Guerrero
-Colt announces that the next match features two new comers: El Villainisto and Jefe Cobbo. Obvious Marty Scurll and Jeff Cobbo. Shh.
Loser Unmasks Match: Delirious and Mini-Delirious vs. Jefe Cobbo and El Villainisto
The Delirious team comes out first. Commentators act like they can’t tell which one is the mini version. Jeff Cobb comes out in his normal attire but with a mask. Marty comes out to Latin music as well as his normal theme song and shakes everyone’s hand. He’s announced as being from “Somewhere in Europe.” Jeff Cobb and Marty Scurll shake hands. Marty also shakes the referee’s hand over and over again to a pop from the crowd. He then asks for the Delirious team to shake his hand, but they won’t.
The bell rings and mini Delirious and Delirious sprint around the ring. Mini Delirious only makes it one lap before he runs out of breath. He signals to Delirious that he can’t continue running. The finally get in the ring when mini Delirious uses a chair to get up there.
Delirious gets Scurll in a wristlock. Scurll reverses it and jumps out of it to an applause. Scurll does the “lucha, lucha” taunt for the fans. Delirious hits a shoulder tackle but Scurll doesn’t budge. He does the signature Scurll flex taunt as the commentators pretend to guess who he is under the mask. Scurll demands that the “real heavyweight get in the ring,” point to mini Delirious. He tags him in.
Mini Delirious gets hyped up and runs around the ring. He runs off the rope and shoulder tackles Scurll, who flips backwards and quickly crawls to Cobb for help. He tags in Cobb who jumps over the top rope.
Cobb tries to shoulder tackle Mini Delirious but he doesn’t budge. He tries it again and mini Delirious still doesn’t budge. He takes down Cobb with a trip. Scurll comes in and just shoves mini Delirious down. He gets tagged in and does the “Lucha, Lucha” taunt again.
Scurll has mini Delirious in a wristlock and climbs the turnbuckle. He asks for Cobb’s help and forgets what he’s doing for a second and celebrates with the crowd. He remembers and hits a flying wristlock take over. Mini Delirious rolls outside the ring. Scurll goes for his super kick but goes too high and misses. Mini Delirious tags in Delirious now.
Cobb and Scurll signal for a suicide dive and both do the Lucha taunt now. As they’re just about to dive outside, both Delirious partners climb under the ring. Scurll and Cobb go under the ring to find them. When they come out, they’re wearing Delirious masks. All four men get in the ring and speak gibberish to each other. Delirious is trying to figure out which person is his tag team partner. He asks the crowd who all cheer for Scurll. He goes to offer his hand, but Scurll does the finger breaker. He then does it to mini Delirious. Mini Delirious starts to cry. Cobb goes over there to consul him.
Scurll takes off the Delirious mask to reveal that he was El Villainisto all along! Commentators call him despicable. Everyone in the ring acts shock. Scurll takes out both Delirious partners. He gets behind mini Delirious and signals for the chicken wing. Mini Delirious ducks it and hits a snap German Suplex. Cobb enters the ring and receives a snap German suplex as well.
Delirious enters the ring and bounces off every side of the ring and confuses Scurll. He points towards Mini Delirious. Mini Delirious puts Scurll on his shoulders like they’re going for the Doomsday Device. Cobb knocks Delirious off the turnbuckle. Scurll hits the 619 on Mini Delirious. Cobb hits a standing moonsault and scores the win.
Winners: Jefe Cobbo and El Villainisto
Mini Delirious unmasks and its Hornswoggle aka Swoggle. Delirious does not unmask. Colt says they’ll just never find out who Jefe Cobbo and El Villianisto really are.
Cheeseburger Themed Match: Kenny “Burger” King (w/Amy Rose), Flip “N Burgers” Gordon, and Dalton “White” Castle vs. Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger, and Triple Cheeseburger
Kenny King comes out with a crown on. Flip Gordon makes his way out. Ian on commentary reminds us that this is the first Villain we’ve seen all night. Dalton Castle comes out with a White Castle style shirt that has his name on it. The Bouncers come out with Cheeseburger. They’re announced as being from the grill. Brian Milonas has a cheeseburger hat. Rhett Titus is on commentary.
Dalton and Beer City Bruiser slowly go in for a handshake and the crowd pops when they do. Flip tags himself in. He goes to hit a German suplex on Beer City but can’t lift him. Beer City bumps him and Flip falls down. Flip hits some strikes to Beer City’s face. This angers Flip who hits the “beer” punches then bites Flip’s head. Kenny King runs in and also gets bit. Dalton is in and gets bit next. He does his catchphrase: I can’t bite, I ain’t got no teeth.
Flip tags in Kenny King. King asks for Cheeseburger, and Beer City tags him in. Cheeseburger is wearing a Cheeseburger hat in the ring. Cheeseburger uses his speed to avoid King, but King catches him and nails a powerslam. Cheeseburger quickly tags in Brian Milonas.
King runs against the ropes like he’s about to get momentum, but moves around Brian and tags in Dalton Castle instead. Fans chant “White Castle.” Castle enters the ring and flexes. Brian says he has beer muscles. Castle flexes again. Brian flexes back. Castle tells Brian he’s going to pick him up through the roof and drop him to Hades. He goes to lift him up and its impossible. Brian scoops him up and slams him.
Brian gets him in the corner and hits body shots. Brian whips him in the ropes but Castle comes back with dropkick. Castle tags in Flip. Flip nails Brian and Brian falls on top of Dalton. Dalton is smashed. King and Flip try to move Brian off but they can’t. Cheeseburger joins in now. Beer City gets some beer power and he helps move Brian off. Dalton gaps for air.
The Bouncers double team Flip. King interferes but gets slammed. Dalton enters and gets slammed as well. Beer City stacks them all up on top of each other. Brian hits a Senton onto all three men. Flip is in the corner recovering. Cheeseburger tries to whip the Bouncers into the corner but can’t budge them. Cheeseburger does it himself instead but Flip tosses him over the ropes. Flip tags in Dalton.
Dalton gets Brian to enter the ring. As the referee is trying to stop him, all three men from the other team attack Cheeseburger. Flip goes over and spits in the Bouncer’s face. While they try to enter, the referee stops them and the other team triple teams Cheeseburger again. This time the referee stops them. While they’re arguing with the referee, Cheeseburger flops his way over to Beer City and tags him in.
Beer City goes to the top turnbuckle. Flip kicks him to stop him, but Brian nails Flip. Beer City comes off with a frogsplash and nails it. He can’t get the pin. Beer City tags in Cheeseburger. They assist Cheeseburger in hitting a Canadian Destroyer. He goes for the pin but Flip gets the ropes. Flip tags in King. Cheeseburger tags in Beer City.
Beer City has the advantage, but Amy Rose climbs up and distracts Beer City. They try to attack Beer City while he’s distracted but fail. The Bouncers suplex all three men. A botched spot has Cheeseburger not able to jump over the top rope. The men on the outside casually roll him onto the stage thats next to the floor. Flip goes to the stage and tosses Cheeseburger off like a spear. Flip signals that he’s going to jump off the stage while the fans cheer it on. Flip runs and stops at the last minute. He flips off the fans and walks to the back. Fans boo.
Beer City does it instead and lands on almost everyone.
Back inside the ring, Dalton and Cheeseburger are battling. Beer City gets distracted and accidentally attacks Brian. While everyone is distracted from seeing that, Kenny King rolls up Cheeseburger and gets the win.
Winners: Dalton Castle, Kenny King, and Flip Gordon
-After the match, Kenny King says he’s deserves all the beer and steals The Bouncer’s cooler. Rhett Titus leaves commentary and retrieves the cooler. Kenny King runs off. Rhett Titus, The Bouncers, and Dalton Castle all have a beer. Cheeseburger pulls out cheeseburgers from the cooler for a pop. All men give a toast of honor. Colt Cabana grabs the mic and says he needs a cheeseburger too. Cheeseburger throws one at him and its not even close. He has someone else gently toss him one.
Colt announces that the Allure will face Sumi Sakai and Jenny Rose in a no DQ match.
No Disqualification Match: Sumi Sakai and Jenny Rose vs The Allure
The bell rings and the babyfaces immediately attack the heels. Sumi and Jenny send the Allure running into each other. The fans are loving this. They roll Mandy Leon into the ring. The babyfaces double team Mandy now. Mandy is able to fight back. Mandy pulls out a chain and starts choking Jenny. Mandy pushes her over the apron and holds on with the chain around her throat. He eventually allows her to drop to the outside.
The Allure set up Sumi Sakai on a chair and hit a double dropkick. Sumi Sakai attacks the Allure with a doll. She hits them both in the face with it. She places the doll in the middle of the ring and bows to it. Sumi places the chair in the middle of the ring. She nails Angelina with a brainbuster onto the chair, but only gets a 2 count out of it. Sumi climbs to the top and jumps off with a moonsault, but Angelina rolls out of the way and Sumi goes into the chair.
On the stage, Jenny spears Mandy.
Back in the ring, Sumi and Angelina play tug of war with the chair. Sumi lets go and the chair smacks Angelina in the face. Sumi reaches for the doll and goes to hit Angelina with it, but Angelina ducks and nails the Botox Injection for the win.
Winners: The Allure
-After the match, Angelina grabs a mic. She says, “Let me tell you something, Brother!” But before she can finish, we hear the scream of Maria Manic’s theme song. She storms out and goes straight to the ring. She takes the microphone and says, “At Final Battle, you’re dead, bitch.” Angelina hunkers over and leaves. Maria celebrates on the turnbuckle.
Partner Takes a Shot After a Kick-Out Match: Josh Woods (w/Silas Young) vs Mark Briscoe (w/Jay Briscoe)
Mark and Josh shake hands. Jay Briscoe and Silas Young get live mics to do commentary. Silas’s mic isn’t working at first.
Mark kicks out of a pin. Silas is supposed to take a shot. The ROH lower thirds say he has to take a shot, but for some reason Jay takes a shot instead. Another pin attempt and kickout. Silas takes a shot now. Their commentary is nearly inaudible.
Mark shoves Josh. Josh shoves him back. Mark strikes Josh now. Josh strikes back. They trade a few blows. Josh gets the upperhand and backs Mark into the corner. Mark flips over the ropes. Josh goes to attack but Mark flips over and rolls him up. Josh and Mark take turns rolling each other up. Silas and Jay take their shots now.
Josh and Mark tries pins now. The momentum of the match is extremely slow because of all the concentration on Silas and Jay. Josh Woods puts Mark in a chokehold. Jay tells the referee to do his job and release the choke hold. Mark fights back. Silas has a coughing fit because he choked on his shot.
Mark knocks down Josh Woods. Mark goes for Froggy Bow off the top rope, but Woods moves out of the way. Woods hits a German suplex into a pin. Mark barely kicks out. Silas is mad at the referee now. Jay and Silas get into a shove fight. They challenge each other to a fight and go inside the ring. Silas and Jay act incredibly drunk. Silas goes for a clothesline on Mark but trips and flies outside the ring. Jay attacks Woods but misses as well and Josh kicks him out of the ring. Mark takes advantage of the distract and takes Woods down.
Mark hits the Froggy Bow for the win.
Winner: Mark Briscoe
-After the match, Silas Young has to take another shot. He does. The crowd is dead for this whole match. Colt Cabana tells them to leave. Jay struggles to leave.
Colt reminds everyone to drive responsibly. He adds that Jay and Silas will have rides to their hotel room and won’t be driving.
Match: Rush and Dragon Lee vs Lifeblood (Tracy Williams, Mark Haskins)
Lifeblood is out first. Dragon Lee is out next to new theme music. Rush makes his entrance. Lifeblood offers their hand. Dragon Lee shakes them. Rush refuses and kicks their hands away.
Dragon Lee and Haskins start out. They trade offensive moves but neither man stay down. Both men miss strikes. Dragon Lee goes into the tranquilo pose. Haskins gets in his face and flips him off. Haskins tags in Tracy Williams. Lee tags in Rush.
Rush and Williams also trade offensive with neither man getting the upperhand, until Rush hits a powerful dropkick. Rush goes to do a suicide dive, but Haskins clotheslines him. Dragon Lee takes out Haskins. Lee goes for a suicide dive onto Williams, but Williams trips him. Lifeblood double team Lee now. Haskins applies a finger submission. Haskins attacks Lee’s arm now.
Haskins tags in Williams. Williams continues the attack on Lee. Williams gets him into the corner and tags in Haskins. They double team him in the corner. Haskins lifts him up, but Lee starts fighting back now. Haskins fights a kick, Lee ducks, then Haskins punches him. Lifeblood tries to double team Lee again, but this time Lee ducks and takes them out inside. Lee tags in Rush. Rush with the hot tag. He takes down both Lifeblood members. Lee and Rush hit a double dropkick on Williams.
Lifeblood roll outside the ring. Rush and Lee go for a suicide dive, but both stop and do the tranquilo pose. All four men brawl outside the ring now. Lee and Rush get the upperhand. They double team Williams in the ring now. Rush yells “Viva Mexico!” Fans give a mixed reaction. Williams fights back now and knocks Rush out of the ring. Williams takes it to Lee now. Lee knocks Williams into the corner hits the Dragon’s Breath, which is the Bull’s Horns. Lifeblood double team Lee now. They hit a double powerbomb and pin attempt. Rush breaks it up with a dropkick. Williams goes to the turnbuckle. Rush fights him up top. Williams hits a super DDT. He goes for a pin, but Lee flies off the turnbuckle with a frogsplash to break up the pin.
Lee and Haskins trade offensive moves now. Lee accidentally drops Haskins on his head during a brainbuster. All four men are recovering in the ring. Haskins kicks Dragon Lee. Haskins takes it to Rush now. Haskins is tossed over the top rope. Dragon Lee goes over the top rope and hits a hurricanrana to the outside of the ring.
Meanwhile, in the ring, Rush gets Williams in the corner and hits the Bull’s Horns for the win out of nowhere.
Winners: Rush and Dragon Lee
After the match, Rush and Dragon Lee celebrate with each other before leaving.
Colt enters the ring with Bobby Cruise. Colt questions if Bobby is having fun. He says he is. Shane Taylor interrupts. He has a mic. He questions why his match was changed without being told. Colt said the card is subject to change. Shane says regardless he should have been told first. He said he came to fight in Columbus, and challenges Colt to a match.
Colt accepts a 4-on-4 match with Shane’s entourage. Shane is confused. Colt says he could pick literally anyone and still win. Colt asks if the cameraman wants to wrestle. The cameraman, “Gator,” gets his own theme and video. Colt asks if Ian Riccaboni wants in on the match. Ian accepts to his own theme music as well. Colt says there’s no way this could go bad. Colt calls out Gary Juster who not only gets his own theme song and video, but also Goldberg style pyro.
4-on-4 Match: Colt Cabana, Gator the cameraman, Ian Riccaboni the commentator, and Gary Juster the Senior ROH employee vs. Shane Taylor and Entourage
Before the match can start, Brian Johnson’s music hits. Brian Johnson says he’s the mecca and he deserves more attention. Johnson said he’s the guy who should he headlining every show. He threatens Shane Taylor. He says he doesn’t care what team he’s on.
Colt says, “Okay, you can be on that team, and we’ll take Todd.” Todd the referee is now in the match. He gets his own theme song and video as well.
5-on-5 Match: Colt Cabana, Gator the cameraman, Ian Riccaboni the commentator, Gary Juster the senior ROH employee, and Todd the referee vs. Shane Taylor, Brian Johnson, and his entourage
Shane is in first, but Brian Johnson tags himself in. Colt and Brian lock up. Colt shoulder tackles him down. Colt taunts him by dancing. Brian Johnson asks for Shane Taylor to tag in, but Taylor and his entourage abandon the match and walk to the back.
Todd tells Colt to tag him in and says he thinks he can do this. Colt tags him in. Todd is psyching himself up. Brian Johnson looks bewildered. Todd untucks his shirt to a fan cheer. They lock up. Brian puts him in a headlock. Todd backs him into the ropes. Colt hits Brian from behind. Todd hits a leapfrog over Johnson and the crowd goes crazy for Todd. Todd tags in Colt. Colt holds Johnson still and Gary the senior ROH employee comes in and knife edge chops Johnson very weakly.
Colt tags in Ian Riccaboni now. Ian climbs to the top turnbuckle and nails a flying elbow drop. Colt tags back in and gets the pin. The fans are hyped up for Ian’s elbow drop.
Winners: Colt Cabana, Gator the cameraman, Ian Riccaboni the commentator, Gary Juster the senior ROH employee, and Todd the referee
-After the match, the babyfaces all raise their arms for the fans.
Match: Dan Maff vs. PCO
Out first is Dan Maff. PCO comes out to his new theme music from Jim Johnston. The “Tale of the tape” accidentally has Dan Maff as 205lbs, but he’s at least 305lbs.
Dan Maff throws his jacket in PCO’s face. They bump into each other but neither man goes down. PCO drops Maff through the ropes onto the floor. PCO goes for a suicide dive, but Maff rolls into the ring and hits a suicide dive of his own. Maff goes to celebrate, but PCO is already back up and in the ring. PCO hits a suicide dive now. PCO lifts Maff and they take turns hitting each other into the barricade.
Maff challenges him to run around the ring and collide. They do, and nothing happens. PCO reaches under the ring and grabs a cinderblock out. Maff reaches under and grabs one as well. They continue until eight blocks are brought in. They once again run around the ring and collide, nothing happens. They take turns throwing each other into the barricade again.
PCO starts slamming his own head into the barricade. Maff does it too. They start doing it together. PCO eventually shoves Maff into the barricade. He celebrates with the fans. Maff comes from behind and hits the Burning Hammer onto the floor. Maff rolls PCO into the ring. He slides a table into the ring and sets it up in the corner. PCO pops up out of nowhere and spears Maff through it. He goes for a pin but Maff kicks out.
PCO goes outside and pulls out another table and slides it into the ring. PCO takes a second table. Maff is playing possum in the ring. PCO gets the second table into the ring. PCO sets one chair into the corner. PCO sets up the second table. Maff spears PCO through it. Maff immediately picks up him and hits a DVD through the second table in the corner. Maff pins him and almost gets a three but PCO kicks out.
PCO and Maff battle in the middle of the ring. PCO somehow hits a Canadian Destroyer. PCO with a pin but its only 2. PCO drags him to the apron. He goes off the turnbuckle with a PCO-sault but Maff roles out of the way. PCO hits the apron and falls to the floor.
Maff starts setting up the cinderblocks in one corner and chairs in a pile in another corner. Maff turns around and PCO is standing behind him. Fans start chanting “he’s not human.” Maff asks him to wait. PCO waits. Maff goes outside the ring and grabs a bag of thumbtacks. He dumps them into the other corner. PCO says he’s ready to go crazy.
They trade punches in the middle of the ring. PCO chokeslams Maff onto the thumbtacks. They’re all over his back. PCO goes to attack but Maff back body drops PCO into the thumbtacks. Maff shoves thumbtacks into PCO’s mouth then superkicks him in the face. PCO spits the thumbtacks out. Maff lays PCO onto of the cinderblocks and climbs the turnbuckle. PCO pops up and grabs Maff by the throat. Maff fight it off and bites him. PCO tosses Maff off the turnbuckle and onto the cinderblocks. PCO goes for a pin but Maff still kicks out. PCO calls for the PCO-sault but Maff stops him. Maff lifts him up for the Burning Hammer and nails it on the cinderblocks. Maff gets a pin but PCO kicks out at 2.
Another “he’s not human” chant starts. Maff grabs a steel chair and strikes PCO in the back. PCO is still standing up. PCO rams a cinderblock into Maff’s chair which hits Maff’s face. PCO hits a PCO-sault for the win.
-Marty Scurll charges to the ring with a microphone. Commentators remind us that this is the first time we’ve seen Marty Scurll tonight. Marty says this is the man going into Final Battle. Marty says PCO’s career started 30-something years ago. Marty says PCO has given up his life and body for this business… and at Final Battle he gets the opportunity to do something he’s never done before in 30-years. That’s finally become ROH World Heavyweight champion. PCO celebrates with the audience on the turnbuckle.
Marty says there’s no one who deserves it more than PCO. He tells PCO that he truly is not human and is the next ROH World Heavyweight Champion.