IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #410
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Thoughts on Dynamite – March 1st, 2023
1. We open up, as most Dynamites do, with a big match to get the show started. Big Bill is challenging Orange Cassidy for the championship, which is not something I ever thought I’d be writing at any time, but sure, why not? There’s a considerable size difference, so I look forward to see how they play that up.
2. Orange Cassidy’s first tactic seems to be to annoy him by going in and out of the ring. He then rolls the whole way through the ring when Bill doesn’t go the whole way out. Then we see two HAMs come face-to-face when Stokely stares him down and OC takes his glasses. Give me all the fun wrestling, die mad about it.
3. I see a Justice for Barry Barricade sign. Someone’s getting an up tomorrow.
4. We’ve got a table already, that didn’t take long. Cassidy gets chokeslammed through it, which as I recall is the easiest way to win a tables match in a wrestling video game. At least it was the last time I played one, which is considerable.
5. Big Bill for the second match in a row continues to be sarcastically HAMmy with his facial expressions and over-the-top gestures. I wonder if he knows he can’t win the title by countout, I hope they remind us again.
6. Logically, he brings him back in the ring, just to throw him back out again. That’s a perfect time for the ringside HAMminess to explode though, because we’ve got a Danhausen! He gets out of the way of Bill and then yells “Big Bill is coming!” This guy makes the best out of every little thing he’s given.
7. Nice twist on the soft strikes where OC is faking exhaustion and trying to swing as he’s being held away. And now it’s time for the Masterlock Challenge 2023, and then OC slowly ducks out of a big boot. And then again. This is so much fun.
8. Bill cuts off a curse, which is a thing I just said, and Stokely decides to hit him right in the fuck with a cast instead. At some point Danhausen’s going to get to do something where he doesn’t immediately die afterward, I’m sure of it. This gets us to dive land, but everything keeps getting countered. Including Orange Cassidy doing an incredible reversal into a Stundog Millionaire. Holy shit, it probably just looked better because of how big Bill is, but it worked. This leads in to a flurry of moves, including three straight Orange punches, the last one of which being from the top rope. Does that make it an Orange Julius? If it doesn’t, it should. Orange Cassidy: Fighting Champion retains again.
9. After Dynamite went off the air, and a weird delay, Moxley had this to say. “Gah, I need to go yell in a stairwell!” Or something along those lines. The s-word gets beeped, so… that’s new. He’s really pissed that Hangman’s injury got him flowers and good wishes while as his return got him nothing. He’s so pissed he’s bleeding at us, as well as PUNCTUATING! FOR! EMPHASIS!
10. Vaporwave Galaxy and Kansas mean the Elite are coming out, but the lights go out. Uh oh, shit’s going down. They come back on and we see seven silhouettes. When we come back again, the House of Black have the title belts and the Elite are laid out. This gets a “holy shit!” chant, which the network doesn’t bleep out. Hypocrites. Didn’t they see RAW, silencing the audio during an explicit chant is a totally normal thing to do.
11. They were totally meant to have a match there, which is why Samoa Joe’s music hits while they’re still being carried away. Joe and that bright blue suit, fantastic look for him with the double belts. But thank you FITE, I don’t have to hear the sports gambling shills.
12. Cocky Angry Joe on commentary while the Face of the Revolution match starts. It’s Hobbs’ hometown, but in this company that doesn’t mean he’ll lose and get humiliated in the process, so that’s something. It’s also nice to see Eddie Kingston and Ortiz remember they had a feud going. I guess Julia Hart saw a squirrel and it led to the Elite, so they got distracted from corrupting Eddie. Shame, I was into it.
13. AR Fox hits a freaking gorgeous corkscrew brainbuster, I didn’t even know that was a thing. Big standoff between Hobbs and Takeshita, both of whom should be moving up the card this year. Or at least I’d like to see that happen. Don Callis watches on backstage, another thing that we saw for a while and are now reminded of again.
14. Andretti, eager to have as much neon as Sammy has red, does a sweet jumping corkscrew to the outside, and that’s when the high spots start a’coming. Commander gets the biggest one though, as he literally runs across the ropes to the other turnbuckle before springboarding off. I’ll be JBLdamned.
15. This night is pure chaos already, and I’m loving every second of it. We’ve got a tag casino royale coming up tonight too, this is quite the go-home show. Takeshita does a vault to the outside, but I think Commander was already down, so he essentially went knee-first. That couldn’t have felt good.
16. Hobbs puts AR Fox off the apron onto a bridged ladder, wow. No holding back to save it for the PPV, I love it. Andretti does a new age Shelton Benjamin spot, but gets put through the ladder with a Falcon Arrow which looked devastating. Commander one-ups his previous ropes run and does a shooting star press off the top rope. Wow. This is insane.
17. Takeshita does a Blue Thunder bomb on Commander off the bridged ladder and the crowd is absolutely on fire. Andretti again springboards with MITB vibes but Garcia tips the ladder to screw over Andretti and Takeshita. Cool, so glad they’re continuing this feud. The JASquad set Andretti up and Sammy goes to the top of a huge ladder on the outside. He’s actually high enough to match the height of the big gold ring. He’s about to lose all his rings after this dive though, as that landing would’ve made Jeff Hardy blush.
18. Garcia tries to Rhyno Guevara up to the top, but Takeshita gives some turnabout for fair play. He gets knocked off by the hometown crowd, who telegraphed the moment. The ladder’s broken though, so I don’t think he’ll be able to get it. No wait, the refs held it for him. He doesn’t quite have Jack Swagger problems but it takes a bit. He won in his hometown and it gets a massive pop, holy shit what a concept. It looks like they’re setting up Takeshita as a future opponent for him. Strangely enough, Hobbs has faced both Joe and Wardlow for that very title, but now the repackaged Hobbs with his new gimmick should have a better chance.
19. Hobbs starts heading toward Joe, but the headset wires shoot on him and keep him from getting out. Wardlow then comes out and starts throwing security around. You’d think they’d learn eventually. Hobbs gets his own level of HAM by sitting down with the ring and laughing “I got time.” That was freaking amazing, every second of it. I just hope everyone is okay.
20. Backstage, Danhausen insists that an injured OC and he take the Best Friends spot in the battle royale, though the other two BFFs look annoyed as hell. Okay then.
21. Jericho decided his outfit HAMs weren’t enough and he has fringe long enough to drag on the ground from the top of a ladder. The feed cuts away during Judas, so apparently they’ve taken Will Washington’s advice and gone to get hot dogs too.
22. Neither Jericho nor Avalon get their entrances in, and the FOTR ladder match contestants didn’t either, so this feels like it’s going at the pace of Rampage. Peter Avalon is getting a televised match though, so good for him. Everyone speaks so highly of him.
23. There won’t be any miracles tonight, which isn’t much of a surprise, but Avalon still got a good showing in before being cut off with the Codebreaker. Jericho decides that isn’t enough though and hits Avalon with Floyd, so he’s in extra douchebag mode tonight. Starks finally comes out to make the save while looking behind him the whole way down.
24. Jericho gets on the mic and is super mad that this storyline is still going, I mean that the crowd was cheering Starks so much. Predictably, another JAStown gang attack. It’s a finisher special, as Biff is sure to fix his hat. The crowd chants that his hat sucks, more or less. Jericho has a baseball bat but does the Judas Effect instead. Only then do the refs finally come out. After all, his (apparently only) friend was taken out earlier in the night by a giant ladder swanton.
25. Now, with considerably less fringe is Hangman, and he’s got a great Mr. Wrench jacket going on. Hangman basically tells Mox that he can’t take the sky from him, and he wants his spot at the top of the food chain. Well sir, I hope you’re ready to bleed a lot. It’s apparently a weekly requirement to have that spot.
26. Renee is the hardest working person on the show tonight, now she’s in the ring to talk to Christian with his definitely-not-Evanescence entrance. We’ve already had one promo not be interrupted tonight, can we get away with lightning striking twice?
27. The crowd has a lot of particularly vulgar chants tonight. Christian though is not a fan of so many Simon Miller Special finishes, and that is one spot where we agree. Christian is so good at being the justified heel by spinning everything rhetorically. Bonus HAM for Renee’s pants though, they’re fabulous.
28. Christian makes the challenge for a fight, not a wrestling match, so I wonder if this will bring everything full circle, back from that intense hardcore trios match he had back in Minneapolis in 2021. It is nice though to hear someone ending a sentence with “Jack” when the receiver’s name is actually Jack though.
29. The lights go out, but it’s not a House of Black moment, so let’s see where this goes. It’s Jungle Boy at the boneyard, digging holes and taking souls while having flashbacks of his hesitation. Then it’s the entire feud built over the time of the alliance, betrayal, and everything in between. There’s a stone with Christian’s name on it in the boneyard though.
30. This show continues to go 100 miles an hour. I don’t know if that video technically counts as an interruption, but we’ve got another backstage promo with Britt and Jamie. Even Jamie knows to expect shenanigans to be called, though they’re certainly no strangers to that game themselves.
31. I will never not feel nostalgic when I hear this theme. Matt Hardy is one of the few who gets both a match and an entrance tonight, but I don’t like his chances against Hook, Hook, Where’s the Hook. Never has bedhead been so intimidating.
32. Matt Hardy continues to give Hook the treatment of the crafty old veteran, and I think this is the most competitive match Hook has had yet. What a cool counter Hook has in the corner, I don’t even know how to describe it.
33. The cast was Bob Orton’d the whole time, who knew? The shot with the loaded cast by Stokely gets Hook a nearfall. You mean he was lying? Who knew? He was so sincere about it. Hook almost immediately reverses into the Redrum while Stokely sits in the corner like all work and no play makes Stokely a dull boy.
34. Before Excalibur can even finish a sentence, the House of Black get another spooky awesome promo. They’ve got those titles with them now and Julia even gets to close it out. I love those effects, just please don’t make them wrestle in a soda match. That’s all I ask.
35. Toni Storm is out next for her match against Riho in a kickass ring jacket. Because this show has no time for anything, her entrance also gets cut off.
36. We come back with Riho mid-entrance, who is always an absolute (no Ricky) delight. So glad to see her back again.
37. The hip attack looks even more devastating than usual on Riho, especially with it being to hit her to the outside rather than in the corner. Shenanigans ensue, unsurprisingly. I thought the lights went out yet again, but it was just the feed having a glitch. This leads to Britt and Jamie walking out, and though I did not expect those two to become such over faces, they’ve played into it well.
38. The commentators have brought up where Ruby Soho fits in all of this quite a few times. It’d be interesting to know, as they’ve hinted at a bunch of things without doing much to move it forward, so I’m guessing we’ll get some kind of answer on Sunday.
39. Riho starts coming back and hits a damn good hurricanrana in there. Toni has no time for… whatever the equivalent of the 619 is. But Riho still gets the cross body to the outside. Toni has really done well in this turn. I buy her being a devastating heel, and no one better in the division to sell that than a feisty but credible underdog like Riho.
40. The hip attack gets a kickout, but the attempt at the Cloverleaf gets Britt goes back to the old distraction well, which leaves another match to finish with the Simon Miller Special. Jamie and Saraya start going at it, and then Ruby Soho gets a big entrance. She levels Saraya, and then attacks Jamie. This seems to be a terrible move, as now she’s got two people mad at her. The refs are a lot quicker to the draw this time though and keep the three apart.
41. Backstage, the new BFFs Keith Lee and Dustin Rhodes deliver a message to the Mogul Affiliates. Lee does some punctuating for emphasis, but a lot lighter and held back than the one earlier. Spiderdust though, has never done anything subtle, and that’s perfectly fine for the contrast here.
42. Now we’ve got the Casino Battle Royale, which eases my surprise of hearing the Dark Order theme on Dynamite. It looks like the BCC has gone full heel here as they attack the Dark Order from behind. The BCC continue to be megadouches while the crowd chants for Johnny Hungee.
43. Coming out next is Rush and Vance, so the potatoes are about to be in full force more than they already were. Speaking of potatoes, Rush and Claudio hitting each other back and forth is the living definition of such.
44. Next we’ve got the Lucha Brothers, fully back from their Elite war, minus their angry dark elf. Penta misses a side kick on Rush by about three feet, unfortunate camera angle for that one. The crowd remains insanely loud, and between this and the ladder match, it’s almost a wonder how they’ll match this level of chaos on Sunday.
45. Next we’ve got Aussie Open, fresh off their amazing match with the Young Bucks on Friday. I’d be curious to see them fit in with the other three, though I’m not expecting it. If this ends with anything other than an FTR surprise return, I’ll be incredibly shocked. No eliminations yet, so a flurry has to be on the near horizon.
46. Dark Order is the first out, which is unfortunately not a shock. I don’t even know where they go from here. Something weird happens and they cut to the video screen for… nothing. Sounds like someone messed up their mic at the time too, so that was weird.
47. I can only think of ketchup and mustard with Penta’s outfit, I’m sorry but I can’t help it.
48. JUSt what we need though, more JAS. Fortunately though, it involves Matt Menard, so I’ll deal. Nearly nothing happens before the next countdown, a lot of corner offense, but Top Flight should shake that up a bit. After all, they are…
49. The Kingdom are out next, and the crowd may finally be getting a bit tired. Or, like I am, they’re waiting to explode for the (not so) surprise return everyone is expecting. Also the lack of eliminations might have something to do with it.
50. Nese and Woods come out of nowhere and go after… the Lucha Brothers? I guess they did make the face save a few weeks ago, but still. This felt sudden and random. They get eliminated soon after and the crowd is not happy about it.
51. Darius Martin does a sick counter to the Aussie Open’s attempted double finisher, but Dante and he get sent to the outside soon after. I didn’t expect them to go that quickly after the Young Bucks win a bit ago, but what can you do?
52. Danhausen and Orange Cassidy are out next, and they immediately get Cool Hand out from the ring apron. OC continues to sell the match from earlier, but they still eliminate Ang. In about 15 seconds, the countdown begins again as the Butcher and the Blade, apparently they are “the most dangerous tag team in AEW… in battle royals.”
53. Maria gets “whacked” as Tazz put it, but I didn’t see what happened. The Kingdom and Aussie Open all get eliminated in a matter of seconds. Dark order come back out to cause the distraction elimination for the BCC. I can safely say I did not expect Danhausen and Orange Cassidy to be the ones to eliminate Yuta and Danhausen. That leaves only Butcher and the Blade with Danhausen and Orange Cassidy.
54. These were so not the final two teams I was expecting. The Juniors Ass walk out to observe perhaps five percent of the total match. Danhausen eliminates the Butcher and the Blade at the same time. That thing I said earlier, Danhausen actually does a thing and doesn’t get annihilated immediately afterward. No FTR return though, that’s unfortunate.
55. Triple J and the Carny Gang attack immediately afterward but the Acclaimed make the save… eventually. Their video comes on about five seconds before their music hits. Senior Ass goes over to OC in the corner and bends down to say something, but it cuts away to a preview of the Iron Man match as nothing gets a chance to breathe tonight.
56. Danielson comes out to high-five Renee, who is again doing more work tonight, just as someone blows into their microphone. We start off with a reference to a 2014 post about MJF wanting to be a pro wrestler. It’s a promo in AEW, so it gets interrupted by MJF’s music being awfully loud for a second. Bryan Danielson interrupts to show he can do it better and goes into full promo mode, picking up where they left off. Last week it was all the things he did, why he hate me? Now it’s all the things he had, this why he hate me. This felt freaking weird.
57. Danielson concludes his statements by saying MJF deserved to have his fiancee leave him, and from what I know of that being a real situation, that was rough. He reasons it with MJF’s slogan about banging rats, so it’s not as if he hasn’t indicated his leniency with such things. He references leaving a place where he could’ve made infinite money to come to AEW, fight, and become world champion. This is some intense fire coming from AmDrag for a final hard sell. He drops an F-bomb to conclude it in the form of the old ROH chant for him. That was an interesting conclusion to a show that had no time for anything else until the final 15 minutes, but okay, I dig it.
58. This show was like a two hour Rampage, and they put the emphasis on the go-home for Revolution like nothing else, wow. The opening match was fun, the ladder match was insane, the tag team royale wasn’t quite what was expected, but I suppose we’ll wait and see what happens there. There were times the production felt stilted and glitchy, but things happen. Overall, it was a great hard sell for Revolution, which I personally cannot wait to see. It doesn’t feel overbooked in terms of quantity, which is a typical AEW PPV complaint, but when you only get 4 or 5 a year, it might be inevitable. But with an hour-long match as the main event, I guess you can’t really ask for people to be fully invested in that if there are a ridiculous amount of matches preceding it. Overall though, if people haven’t been thrilled with the build-up for Revolution, I feel like this was a good cure for those blues.
1/4/23 – The Gunns
1/11/23 – Daddy Magic
1/13/23 – Danhausen
1/18/23 – Sonjay Dutt
1/20/23 – Stokely Hathaway
1/25/23 – Tony Schiavone
1/27/23 – Danhausen
2/1/23 – Jade Cargill
2/3/23 – Ethan Page
2/8/23 – MJF
2/10/23 – STIIIIIIING
2/15/23 – Ruby Soho
2/17/23 – Dustin Rhodes
2/22/23 – Chris Jericho
2/24/23 – Matt Hardy
3/1/23 – Big Bill
I gotta give it to Big Bill as sort of a compensation for last week. He continued his ridiculous heelery with his facial expression and mocking taunts. Final show before Revolution will be on Friday and I’ll do my best to cover it. I’m definitely in for Revolution though, so I’ll see you in a few days regardless.