IN LAIMAN’S TERMS #461
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Thoughts on AEW: Dynamite – December 27th, 2023
This is a very pleasant distraction right now. There was an unexpected death in the family, this week of all weeks, and I at least have the energy and focus to write now. Thank you to those of you who have sent me emails, about this and with the random questions a few of you have asked. I always enjoy those.
1. It may be recency bias, but I think the Continental Classic has to be in the Top 3 of things AEW has done this year. Even with a match like Daniel Garcia’s on Saturday, what a pop his upset win got. And to that, who would’ve thought that Daddy Magic was the big damn hero of AEW Collision? The way he rushed in and covered Garcia in front of the House of Black was actually somewhat emotional after having listened to him during Garcia’s matches in the last month, not to mention with how much of a HAMmy schmuck he usually is.
2. We’re starting off with the triple threat of the gold division. Are there any other conclusions for the final other than Mox vs. Eddie? They’ve telegraphed Keith Lee getting involved with Swerve somehow, which is an interesting choice of timing. Could anyone else but Eddie win it?
3. Weird camera moment with it swerving around (Heh, cause it’s Swerve), just to focus on some person holding up their phone to film Swerve’s entrance? Okay, was that urgency really necessary?
4. Can’t help but think that the Devil is either the super obvious answer, or something so surprising that it will be a disappointment. Would it be okay if it’s Adam Cole and they’ve telegraphed the hell out of it? I’ll take paying off the predictable rather than pulling a Christian/Matt Hardy from back in the day.
5. It’s gone out into the crowd, and Jay White’s dream has always been to do a quarter Horsey ride in front of a K-Mart. K-Mart doesn’t exist anymore, but Mox still helped his dream come true, or at least the closest available at that possible moment. Just because it’s a metal barricade doesn’t mean the thought doesn’t count, especially this time of year. Probably just as comfortable too.
6. Is the triple threat being a no-DQ match their way to get some shenanigans involved when they’ve managed to avoid it the whole time? Or is there some kind of extra enforcement on the No-Interference thing? Which would make you wonder, at least in kayfabe, if they can do that for the tournament, why wouldn’t they do it for all the matches?
7. Swerve is so damn good, it’s not even fair. I think he’ll end up making Keith Lee the de-facto crowd heel regardless of their alleged status.
8. The rage backstage stays vaguely by the Cage. Or something. They said those words so many times there that I had to find some way for that to work.
9. We’ve got tables and chairs, and Switchblade brings the chair into the fold and cracks it across Mox’s knee like it owed him money.
10. The match quality for this tournament has been ridiculous, and this semi-final is keeping the tradition going. The crowd is invested, all three are playing their roles to perfection, and it’s a ton of fun.
11. It has been too long since we’ve seen a slap fight, and Mox and Swerve are nice enough to oblige. I don’t even have to watch on cable to see it this way.
12. Mox gets the win after Jay tosses Swerve away and tries to sneak in his finisher, but Mox flips it and wins with the Death Rider. Great match, unsurprised at the winner. I doubt we’re gonna see another BCC vs BCC final like not too long ago.
13. The piano music with the recap of Collision makes it feel like they’re setting up for someone’s retirement, and it’s really disconcerting.
14. “Eddie Kingston has never beaten me in his life.” Yep, Eddie’s definitely winning. It’s like on Saturday when they spent three minutes talking about a draw on commentary, which totally made it clear they were going to do one.
15. Swerve and Nana are backstage, and Tony is asking about their reaction. Swerve sounds angry, confused, and like he can’t put together coherent thoughts. But oh yeah, Keith Lee, right. Tony’s delivering contracts now, and that pisses Nana off. That entire thing was uncomfortably weird.
16. Renee is out front to interview Mariah May, so it’ll be interesting to see what she’s got to say other than being a Toni fangirl. Mariah fills in the unnecessary smalltalk that Minnesotans insist on no matter what. I’m amazed she gets more than one sentence out without getting interrupted. If they couldn’t let you know that this is All About Eve anymore, she says it’s “All About Mariah.”
17. Riho tries to come after Mariah, but she didn’t interrupt her mid-sentence so it doesn’t count. Toni makes the save, which fails dramatically, and Riho does a diving cross-body on both her and Luther. All right then.
18. I think Taz just called himself the Human Duplex Machine. Was he using his powers to flip houses this entire time?
19. Top Flight and Andretti are backstage, lamenting that they should’ve won, and they’re right. Interruption, and OC does that thing he’s been doing. Trent goes all meta, joking about them being five feet away. Then Action Andretti… shotguns and crushes a water bottle? Okay then.
20. Miro and Andrade also happening on Saturday. I only hope that CJ is feeling okay now.
21. Tony’s in the ring now. Gosh, if this doesn’t feel like a go-home show… He’s got 4 easels covered up with black cloths, so it must be Callis time. Oh right, they do exist on this show.
22. The crowd chants some pleasantries at him before Callis realizes someone is talking into a microphone and we can’t have that shit. Interruption mic swipe, bam.
23. White spinny circle of doom. Darn, it had been too long since we’d seen each other.
24. I only saw fragments of this, but Jericho and Guevara, part 87. Also Sting and Darby are back. Sorry, things froze up three times. All is forgiven pretty quickly?
25. Roderick Strong turned into the conspiracy version of Bobby Boucher’s mom there, because Max is the DEVIL!
26. Hey, you know what’d be cool right now? A wrestling match. Weird thought.
27. There we go! Eddie vs. Bryan, that we’re absolutely not setting up Eddie vs. Mox in the finals after Danielson being so antagonistic. Not at all.
28. Danielson gets a “he’s the bum” chant started, both because we haven’t realized that Eddie is the underdog yet, and because they’re recalling Chad the Shad yelling at Denny Gregory in 2008. Yes, I know there’s only about four people who get that joke, but I don’t care.
29. I kinda like how the BCC are either face or heel depending on the show, or even what segment within the show they’re in. Danielson, who was beaten bloody by Andrade in a cringy sympathetic moment, now is being a bully and a douchebag for the sake of the match. Except Yuta, he’s always a little shit.
30. Taz compares Danielson’s chest to corned beef, and now I may never eat breakfast again.
31. It’s a very distinct match from its counterpart, down to speed and vibe, so that’s a good thing, if nothing else.
32. I love Eddie Kingston, but I hate that spinning back fist no matter how many times he hits it. Oh wow, Eddie won, who saw that coming?
33. Spinny circle of doom, damn you!
34. Mox comes out to stare him down. He’s much less of a dick than Danielson was, apparently. Eventually they get the volume on the mic loud enough that I can actually hear him. Eddie is who he thought he was, and he let ’em off the hook!
35. Eddie is all the sudden like “you talk too much!” (You never shut up!)
36. And now I’m staring at the spinny circle again, what the actual fuck, XFinity?
37. We come back with Christian and company waiting on an interview while something blurs out the top right of the frame. They’re all waiting for ADAM and then hey, there he is. Pull-apart brawl time! It’s backstage instead of in the ring though, so that mixes it up a little.
38. This is the go-homiest of go-home shows. Statlander’s headed out next, and Stokely is doing a creepy stare. She’s facing dark Skye Blue.
39. Stokely knows someone who twisted his ankle in an Autozone and gets a check for five years. What are we even talking about right now?
40. Are MJF and Joe facing the Devil’s Masked Men later? I can’t tell.
41. Stat hits… I think it’s called the Chaos Theory? And it looked devastating as hell.
42. Skye Blue hits a damn nice Code Blue. Too bad it’s only for a two-count. She’s gotten so much better at that.
43. Ohai Julia Hart, you must’ve also heard that Stat hasn’t been pinned in forever!
44. Because of some witchy witchness, Skye hits an avalanche Code Blue and gets the win. Good for her.
45. Willow makes the save, and suddenly we’re at a much higher camera angle for some reason.
46. And there’s Abadon too, of course! And then we cut backstage to instantly make the day even better with Ruby Soho and the loudest, most awesome jacket I’ve ever seen. Saraya, who is desperate to stop love wherever it exists, says a bunch of stuff that I instantly forgot because there was an excited butcher knife. Where’d I go just now? What the actual pilgrim fuck is happening?
47. Five minutes remaining with a commercial break to go for the main event. There will be. NO. SHENANIGANS! HERE! TONIGHT-AHHHHH.
48. J-Rob announces the tag team title, and then everyone stands around awkwardly. Oh, they’re coming through the crowd. Better than coming out to the Callis brown note?
49. It’s the top of the hour, how much of an overrun did they get here? Maybe one of the 28 segments could’ve been cut?
50. Joe’s a no-show. For a minute, I thought he’d turned into Roddy with his yell. He got attacked in the back, but gee, we didn’t see him get attacked…
51. MJF has gotta wear the Baker Mayfield shoulder brace for the same injury he had in 2021. I have a feeling this is gonna go just as well for him as that season did.
52. Another minion cracks MJF with a pipe, and the other hits the Heat-Seeker. They win with the most obvious dirty pin in history, and now the blank avatars are the champions.
53. Four-on-one attack, but even a one-legged Angry Samoa Joe is terrifying. He helps Max up, and is totally not in on it. Whoa, you mean the guy who never actually got attacked was in on this thing the whole time? But angry Joe SMASH and it’s still cool.
54. What the hell was this show? It felt so all over the place, like they had to come up with half of it on the fly or something. The first match was brilliant, and… yeah, I don’t know. Admittedly my focus has been in other areas for the last week, so if I’m just not recognizing what a good go-home show this actually was, you have my apologies.
55. I will do my best to do a World’s End column. But in case I don’t… a brief rundown of the HAMMIES!
HAMS of the Year
Toni Storm, MJF/Adam Cole
HAMMIEST Moment of the Year
MJF and Adam Cole prepare for Australia by attacking someone in a kiddy pool with an inflatable crocodile
Surprise HAMMY Moment of the Year
Bryan Danielson going 2011 heel on Bob, the ring guy. Yes, only Minneapolis saw it, but it truly was that good.
Unintentional HAM of the Year
Renee any time she’s trying not to corpse while Toni Storm is talking